Non-Conformity….When does it strike?

Today's thought

While washing the dishes the other night, I was going over a conversation I had previously with my husband and it made me wonder what it is that suddenly and/or silently hits us that we change our position on situations?

We were discussing a wedding that we have to attend, on his side of the family.  We were debating whether or not we should stay over night at a hotel because the venue is an hour and a half away from town.  Neither of us really wants to stay over because we both prefer our own bed and I especially wanted to relax and watch Sunday Football, one of my passions in life.  Summer’s end is the beginning of the long awaited NFL season to return after a seven month drought.

My husband wanted to have a few drinks at this wedding and I told him to make up his mind if we are staying over or not because there will be no drinking and driving.  He tried to coax me into driving home because I don’t drink but he never seems to understand the concept that I have bad night vision which hinders my ability to read highway signs, thus creating a huge amount of anxiety for me…..He pouts.  I tell him we will stay over but we will hit the road early so I can be back in time to get settled, get my proline tickets made and relax.  I proceeded to tell him that I am going for him because it doesn’t matter to me if we go or not.  He responded with, “Well, I don’t like going to your sister’s because  her dogs hang around the table when we eat.”  I said, “I know, but you go anyway, as I do, because that’s what you do when you are married.”

As I replayed the conversation back in my mind, I began to think back when we first were married.  It was a novelty then to go visit ‘family-in-law’.  It didn’t seem like a chore and it was something I usually looked forward to.  This made me wonder when did the tide change?  What happened and when did I stop caring to partake in these family functions?  I couldn’t pin an exact incident so it made me question, at what point in marriage do we begin to feel that we no longer share that appeal to participate in some family events? I wondered if it is because as we age, we seem to condense the number of people in our lives who are really important to us because life is really short. Time goes by so quickly and we cannot be everywhere and see everyone we really wish to spend time with so our time is very valuable and we become a little bit choosier where and when we spend it.
Just a thought.

DGKaye©2013

10 thoughts on “Non-Conformity….When does it strike?

  1. So funny. We could have had the same question, and I think that the answer is when we stopped trying to be adults and started feeling like we were. When we are younger it’s like playing house. You can ask yourself the same question… When did we stop enjoying playing house as a kid? It happens so fast… we don’t even notice. Maybe like playing Barbie. When our Real life Ken dolls start coming around, we lose interest in the plastic ones. Maybe after the honeymoon we don’t realize when the pretending starts to become real life and our plastic dreams don’t always compare to those fantasies we had when WE MADE our Ken dolls say and do what we wwanted them to! Lol.
    Great post. I GET the nite vision!

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    1. Omg girlfriend, you crack me up!!!! First, where did those days goes when we made the Ken dolls?????? Ignorance is truly bliss! Secondly, read again,…..noooooo, I did not say ‘we’ did the dishes, lololol.

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  2. You know…you got me thinking. I have never been great at family functions within my OWN family let alone the other side. Its all very nice and stuff, I just feel drained during and after: Its as if though you FEEL everyone should be relaxed and hey-ho – we’re a family…its’ just not like that somehow. Everyone has issues and everyone seems to be sussing each other out more than at a school dance! Now I KNOW it is probably not this way for a lot of people, and honestly both sides in our family are pretty cool people…I just feels cramped, as if everyone has got something on the tip of their tongue they are wanting to say to someone else but all that comes out is ‘HEEEY – HOW are you? You are looking well. How the kids doing at school?’
    You know – that thing called ‘small talk Ok maybe being the black sheep of the family doesn’t help! LOL!
    Great post – maybe we just get tired of the chatter and want to save our fuel for – as you said – the important things in life…oh dear – family is SUPPOSED to BE important :/ And they are…can’t it just be enough to know that we are all their for each other…if and when needed, without feeling like we have to partake in each others independent and DIFFERENT lives that happened when we all grew up and went our own ways?
    I would take a bullet for ANY member of my family – does that mean I have to enjoy socializing and chatting with them? I’m not sure really 😉
    Maybe being a little introverted has something to do with it, or maybe I just can’t get around all the B** shit that gets discussed and you sit thinking ‘Gees man – I could be sleeping now; painting that picture or blogging that post etc etc…’LOL!

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    1. Wow, you said it! You said more of what I wanted to write, yet I had to choose my words very carefully, on the off-shot that someone from family might read (but not likely). That is exactly how I feel. Yes, I am there if you need me but the old adage, “you can choose your friends and not your relatives” must have been invented for a reason! 🙂

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  3. I haven’t been married for 30 years now so I can’t talk from experience anymore. However, I wonder if the change in attitude / desire doesn’t come from having your own family and your own life and world around you.

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    1. Yes, I think that is part of it. We get wrapped up in our own lives and life is busy so I think when we start to prioritize what is most important and for me, I always feel like I am trying to catch up or stay abreast and there aren’t enough hours in a day to do things we really want to do. Thanks for your insight 🙂

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  4. GPS is a godsend at night when you can’t read street signs. I also never drink and drive because I can tell even one drink affects me. I just won’t.

    As we get older we are more and more content to stay home in our mutual company. We often feel trapped when going out, even asking for the bill at a restaurant early so we don’t feel held hostage. I do think age has something to do with this as does a fixed income. One would think mobile devices would take the edge off visits that aren’t all that exciting and new. We just don’t like to bother anymore.

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    1. Lol Jim@ GPS, we have one right in the car. I get anxiety when I’m not in control of ‘the knowing’, And yes, I believe age is a big factor; we do get comfortable as to what we want and don’t want. For me, everytime I’m pulled out of the house in this crucial month of trying to get my book ready, I get antsy. Thanks for the POV.

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