Recently I wrote a post about how I am inundated with publishing my latest book, and at the same time, selling my home. Along with keeping the house looking in a decluttered state and the ongoing cleaning, are the constant interruptions of my work because I have to keep leaving my home in order for people to view it sans owner. For those of you who have danced to this tune before, we all know how overwhelming this can all be, then let’s throw something else like death into the mix.
In the past week I have lost a dear acquaintance, a sister-in-law and a niece to cancer. Funerals abound. My own mother is living on days currently, and for those of you who have read my book, Conflicted Hearts, you can surely appreciate what I am dealing with on the guilt front. The day of reckoning is close for me. In this time of overwhelming emotions, I question, “What is going on in this world?” With the sorrow from those lost, I can’t help but feel we are living in a world of bullets, and each day we are all a statistic, dodging them, hoping our number in the lottery of life isn’t next.
In a world of hurry up, we live and try to stay safe and healthy while trying to accomplish our daily tasks in life, trying not to focus on all the turmoil around us. Then someone near and dear to us dies and the world stops. Everything that seemed so dire in those moments, become secondary. How do we keep up with all the sadness when at times it seems like it’s all coming at once?
In this world filled with uncertainty from Ebola to Isis, added to our personal struggles, I know I find myself having to take a step back from my corner and take a breath. Sometimes the gloom makes me feel as though we are all targets in some way. We do our best to stay safe and healthy, trying to fly under the radar, hoping that God may mark our doors with a “keep out” sign from grief and sickness. But in these moments, I’m feeling as though my cover has been lifted and I’m just as vulnerable as everyone else. How do we shake off these feelings that come at us?
DGKaye©2014
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Recently, I had the feeling that if I worked all day and into the night I could never catch up. That’s when I realized I have to simply STOP, the opposite impulse of what my mind commands. Pilates helps as does paring down the to-do list to the basics. I try to stay away from brooding over the dire news beyond my control like Isis and Ebola.
Recently, I took a forced break from my usual writing schedule as we worked on clearing out Mom’s house. I met my deadlines and tried to be satisfied with fewer social media connections.
I can’t pretend to have as demanding a schedule as you do right now, but know that I, along with your other readers wish you godspeed. Oh, and remember: Deep breaths!
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Oh thanks so much Marian, as always. It just feels like I’m not sure which way to turn first. I thought if I wrote about it, I may get some weight of my shoulders. 🙂 It just sometimes feels as though a clouded veil is hanging around and it’s daunting to climb my way out, but I will, I always do.
I also do pilates (when I get the chance these days) and I have been neglecting so much on other fronts, like promoting my new book which will be out tomorrow. Sheesh, it’s time consuming enough publishing and doing life, without thinking about the fact that perhaps I should let people know the book is coming, lol.
Thanks again for always stopping by and leaving words of wisdom! 🙂
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I relate so much to your words of feeling vulnerable, Debby. It seems like each time I’m on a “roll” with my writing, a shoe drops. Then the other one drops harder. I put everything on hold for months last year when a friend was stricken with cancer and died shortly after. I questioned whether my memoir was of any importance. Then, back on my writing roll and wham-I collapsed a couple of months ago, headed for the white light (everyone thought) and again, afterward, I’ve questioned, is this a sign? Do I have my priorities messed up? Is writing selfish? I almost get to the point of thinking something else is going to happen if I don’t quit! (And I only have so many shoes!)
I really sympathize with trying to sell your house (okay, under ANY circumstance!) and dealing with such sad losses and impending loss. And then, throw in something like promoting a book-that’s a lot. Just know that you can only do what you can do; in the big picture, it will all be okay.❤
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Thank you so much Mandy for your kind words. I won’t say it’s comforting to know that other writers all face adversity in their own rights, but it is encouraging to hear about other writer’s struggles sometimes to validate that life can sometimes get very hectic and with our profession it gets a little extra messy because we must use our imaginations and emotions for our writing and when we get overwhelmed it’s hard to keep the steering on course. Lol, if you ever read my newest book (out tomorrow!), you will learn all about my many shoes, perhaps I can lend you some! 🙂
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We both know what we’re talking about and that’s a relief to know SOMEBODY understands, Lol. SO fantastic you have another book out-I’ll be doing cartwheels if I ever get my first published! I’m reading “Conflicted Hearts” on Kindle now! Oh my, am I relating to that guilt! You do a terrific job in the telling. I save my Kindle reading for bedtime so it’s slow going since my eyes are shot by then, but I love reading a story by someone I “know”! and that I relate to. When I finish, I’ll post a review on Amazon 🙂 Thanks so much for the Tweet shares. Twitter is still something I’ve got to figure out how to use! If you have an author page on Face Book I’ll like that, too. My FB page is on my Twitter profile. (Was I supposed to be doing all this in my 60’s, haha.)
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Lol, you are funny! Better late than never they say! I’m touched you’re reading my book, and omg I do the same with reading. I do my kindle reading of books I choose when I go to bed. Sometimes I’m lucky and get an hour reading, other times, the old eyes just want to close. 🙂 And thanks so much for reviewing Mandy, you know how important those are to us writers. Oh, and I’m dashing over to FB now to find you, for some reason I thought I already had but consider it done! 🙂
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I deal withchronic pain (and have been for20years now) following an 11hour back surgery, and two years later, a six hour followup surgery, to try stabilize my scoliosis that was de-stabilized after a fall on the stairs at our home. I had a seven year old daughter to raise, as well as a husband and home to care for. I was forced to prioritize by my condition. There were family problems from both sides of the family. All that combined to cause me a LOT of stress and apparently during that I had a minor heart attack that was only recently discovered through a testing procedure that showed part of my heart muscle is dead (oh joy!). I stopped watching the news-too much sensationalism and negativity! My husband keeps up enough for the both of us anyway!
A lot of thinking reading, and praying brought me to view life as one big classroom where we are sent to learn and when our time is up, we leave to what I believe is our true home…that of the spirit world. When I lose someone (my own mom passed not too long ago), it is more an “I’ll see you later”, as opposed to a goodbye.
I believe, too, that where we go when we sleep is sort of illustrating the roles of ‘life’ and ‘death’ in our lives here on planet Earth.
Sorry this got so long, I hope in some small way, something helped a little. Hang in there, kiddo, I think you are doing amazingly well…from my perpestive at any rate! xoxo. =]
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Brandy, thank you so much for visiting my page. It was really lovely of you to come by! 🙂 And thank you for always being so open and sharing your own struggles, you have certainly overcome a lot of adversity I am learning about you since we connected this past year. I love your strength and you always have wise words, so yes, you certainly have boosted my temporary deflated state! Your perspective and views on many things are fascinating! 🙂 ❤
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Hang in there Debbie. Just keep writing.
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Thanks for the encouragement Adam! 🙂
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I certainly have felt all the emotions you conjure in this post…
I’ve asked myself similar questions…
So, since you mentioned God…
My answer to your last question is, “Pray like you’ve never prayed before…”.
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Lol, thank you Alex. And, I’m one step ahead of you. 🙂
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Hey Deb,
My heart goes out to ya! I totally can relate now! Seems as if I have been riding the same wave as you! As for the guilt and your mom… Your book is a book that you wrote with all your heart and soul. Not as an attack on anyone! Your story is your story and if there are people in it that contributed negatively, that is still part of the story! Don’t ever apologize or feel anything but triumph for sharing it! Your words help others not feel so alone! I think you did a great thing publishing it. You are brave and courageous and regardless of the timing, it was a story that needed to be told and you may never know the people it will help. Okaaay, climbing down off of my soap box now.
Love you buddy!
di
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Thank you my sweet friend for your daily dose of inspiration! And, I have no regrets about publishing the book, only that there was no resolution and that I am forced to own up to my decisions to walk away at this time of reckoning. I am actually half way through the sequel to that book. I left it alone for a few months because I couldn’t anticipate what would happen when the end came and thought I’d deal with those emotions for closure in the sequel. So happy to hear your smiling voice here. 🙂 xo
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Walking away is a very good thing! It is amazing, how you can add and even delete to things you thought were carved in stone and there are no staples or erase marks! LOL. I am on such a roll. I have two files. One of my ramblings and one of my book that is less of a rough draft. If you know what I mean. Eventually, I am going to ask you to read a few pages of the end and then send me to your editor! If you will?
xoxo
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I would be delighted! And happy to recommend! 🙂 (So psyched, just published my newest book, it will be live in a few hours!)
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Ahh can’t wait! Let me know!
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Let me know when you are considering and editor. 🙂
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Deb, Sorry to hear of the funerals, the latest turn for you in a life already so busy… Please know I am thinking of you and sending a big hug! Remember to write as it has such a powerful way of helping us figure ourselves out xxoo
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First of all, thank you sweet Christy! Second of all, you are absolutely right; writing has been my friend. Through all this turmoil it has given me so much more to write about in my other ongoing books I am writing. Thanks for your kind words. xo
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Easy for me to say because I am not in your shoes: all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and b.r.e.a.t.h.e. It won’t relieve the weight of the Rock of Gibraltar on your chest but know we are all pulling for you. ❤ ❤ ❤
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Thanks again for your support and encouragement! ❤
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❤ ❤ ❤
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