December’s Featured Blogger: Author D.G. Kaye Guest of Art by Rob Goldstein

I was recently interviewed by artist and blogger Rob Goldstein. Rob dug deep with his questions for me and I’m thrilled to share the interview here today.

 


December’s Featured Blogger is Author D.G. Kaye.

 

D.G. Kaye was born in Canada and lives in Toronto. She is an accomplished author and an active blogger on WordPress. 

In your bio, I hear a sense of determination and hope. How do you find hope?

I don’t find hope, I keep it tucked deeply inside. Hope is all we have when facing tragedy or adversity. In our darkest moments many of us, like myself, cling to that hope. But those who cannot focus on the light often get lost in the abyss of the darkness of the moment. I refuse to go to that place. I’m a firm believer that we manifest what we focus on to the universe. And what we focus on we attract. Staying focused on the negative and dark thoughts of an undesirable situation keeps us rooted in the fear instead of finding solutions to rise above the issues. I am a problem solver by nature. When life is dishing out curve balls I don’t cower and drown in fear, I look for the way out or the path I must take to overcome the adversity, focusing on the overcoming and the healing.

 

Did you write as a child, if so, what is the first thing you wrote?

Yes, I wrote as soon as I learned how to write my alphabet. I began writing love notes to my parents. I was hyper aware of my family dysfunction as far back as 3 years old. All I wanted was for my parents to love each other and show me affection. I believe, looking back on those years, that my fears to verbalize what I was feeling translated directly into writing to express my feelings and desires.

 

What was your favorite book as a child?

Sadly, I hate to admit it, but I have no recollection of any books in my home growing up. The fairy tales I learned were from teachers reading to us in school. I somehow always identified with Cinderella and her wicked step-mother as I grew to realize that I felt my mother had used me as her personal housekeeper and messenger from the age of 7 and on. My love for reading began once I entered junior high school when we were given books to read as part of curriculum in English classes.

 

Who are your inspirations as a writer and in life?

Well, going back to childhood, I would have to say Barbra Streisand became my idol at a very young age. Funny Girl, still one of my favorite movies, became a movie I identified with because Streisand’s character – Fanny Brice, reminded me so much of myself.

Brice was portrayed as an awkward girl trying to make it on the stage, beginning with her shows with the Ziegfeld Follies. She didn’t consider herself beautiful or elegant enough to fit in with the beautiful and sexy cast of dancers, so she used her sense of humor to win over the crowd, which eventually, pushed her to stardom. One line in particular, caught my attention, and that line stuck with me and became part of my character – “I want them to laugh with me, not at me.”

As for my writing, it wasn’t the classics that inspired me as they have many writers. Being that there weren’t any books around my home, I loved reading the newspaper when sentenced to spending weekends at my paternal grandparents’ home, and soon found myself addicted to reading columns on everyday life and problem solvers by column writers like Ann Landers, Dear Abby, and Erma Bombeck. Even as a child I was fascinated by life stories and emotions and eager to learn how to resolve issues. As I got older, I found myself connecting with the writing of Norah Ephron.

 

When did you decide to write about your relationship with your mother?

I think it was in my early teens when I began to resent my mother for the way she treated my father and ignored the emotional needs of her children when I began taking notes about her and writing letters to her about my feelings. I never, ever gave her one of those letters, but somehow it was cathartic for me to get my pent-up angst on to paper and out of my head. My life was an ongoing saga of dramatic and traumatic events with my mother, so I often documented in journals what I was feeling and my analysis of what provoked my mother to act as she did. I got the urge to write a book about my life with ‘mother’, but my fear of ever publishing a book while she was alive kept me from bothering to write one.

I suppose the urge to expel my thoughts and stories rose to a peak as my mother became less lucid and immobilized, empowering me with knowing she could no longer attack me or reprimand me, or even sue me, for that matter. So, in early 2013 I began sorting out pages from my journals and writing Conflicted Hearts – A Daughter’s Quest for Solace from Emotional Guilt.

Conflicted Hearts, D.G. Kaye

 

How did the decision change your life?

When I began writing that first book that’s all I thought I would write. But while I worked on the book I began learning about self-publishing at the same time, which led me to opening a blog and connecting with a whole community of writers and new friends who shared the same passion for writing. By the time I published my first book, I knew there was no turning back. I finally found I was doing what burned within me most of my life – writing.

 

In your introduction to Twenty Years: After “I Do”, you describe your husband as a soul mate. What does soul mate mean to you?

First, let me state that soul mate is typically said of a partner, but soul mate could also apply to a friend we are connected deeply with.

A soul mate is one we connect with on a spiritual level. When we are in tuned with someone who we share similar values in life with, understand their words and feelings without being spoken, and share a bond where there’s an intuitive knowing of their soul is my definition of soul mate. Please continue reading at Rob’s blog

 

Twenty Years

 

 

Source: December’s Featured Blogger: Author D.G. Kaye – Art by Rob Goldstein

27 thoughts on “December’s Featured Blogger: Author D.G. Kaye Guest of Art by Rob Goldstein

  1. It pained me when I first realized that not everyone’s mother or father had a good relationship with their offspring, having had such good ones with my own. It is natural, as a child, to need acceptance, encouragement and love, so I admire anyone who rises above an unhappy experience with either parent. It’s great to see that Debby faced her demons, rose above them and is now such a happy person. Hugs xx

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  2. I thought I knew everything ( ! ) about you, Debby, but apparently not. This line struck me: “I began to write love notes to my parents,” expressing a deep, deep desire for parental love that was not forthcoming, especially from your mother.

    Two other thoughts: I’m sorry you don’t remember books as a child even though your teachers introduced you to fairy tales.

    And, I agree with your identification with Barbara Streisand, also a woman with chutzpah!

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    1. Lol, I’m honored to be compared to the great Steisand! And on a good note, I more than made up for my lack of book reading as a child. Thanks for reading. 🙂 x

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  3. What a fabulous interview, Deb! I was particularly struck by your answer to the first question ‘how do you find hope?’ As an instinctive problem solver, that resonated with me big time – you put into words what I do, and what I teach to my sports students when things go amiss (as they invariably do, in sports, as in life), I just hadn’t articulated it quite as clearly as you, as being the alternative to going down that dark mental alley that leads nowhere; I’m always focussed on the imperative to be positive.

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  4. Wonderful interview Debby, not that I would expect any less from Rob as interviewer. In particular I love what you say about keeping hope within rather than “finding it”… and I admire you for writing about your mom as it must have been so difficult to start and keep doing so…

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  5. This post shows the true you, Debby, so open and honest. I’m pleased that the writing of your first book opened up for you what burned inside. We have all got to benefit from reading it and so many other works. Thank you for sharing your precious self with us.

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