Kindness, Tears and Loving Beyond – #Grief and Loss

Unexpected kindness is the small things, ordinary things someone kind may do in passing, like when someone sends us a card to let us know they’re thinking of us as a lovely gesture, often without them realizing how a simple gesture can mean so much and can bring a smile – or a tear.

 

I’ve received some lovely cards – both physical and ecards, as well as many messages, and it is comforting and humbling to know that people hold us in their thoughts. Yes, I do realize I keep saying ‘us’, as old habits die hard. I remember reading in quite a few books, how grievers tend to speak about their lost loved one in the present tense, as though they are still here. I am guilty of this as in my heart my beloved is still here with me. I don’t know that I shall ever use the past tense for my husband.

This journey of grief is certainly not for the faint-hearted. The ripples and waves, and sometimes tsunamis of grief roll through randomly and unexpectedly 24/7. Tears splash so easily – a thought, a memory, a condolence, a photo, loneliness, even opening the fridge door and catching a glimpse of his favorite foods will set off a new stream of waterworks. The smiles aren’t as plentiful as it literally hurts my heart to smile sometimes.

The tears are a constant release of pain that ooze out through the eyes, somewhat allowing the heart a tiny bit more of breathing room – until the pool refills itself, something that stuns me, the abundance of tears that never cease to replenish.

The only comfort for me in this time is being able to talk about my husband and all the good and funny things about him. But these talks only satisfy me if they are with someone who knew him well, because they could appreciate the moments with me. And then there is music, but most days I find songs too painful to listen to so I’ll resort to mindless TV.

It’s barely been six weeks since I laid my husband to rest in the double-decker grave I bought for us, yet, the pain in my heart feels like it’s been trodden over for years.

Every new day brings with it yesterday’s sorrow within. I miss my husband terribly and I can’t help but wonder if it will ever get easier. But one thing I know for sure, I will always love him from the core of my being, and not time or anyone can take that away from me.

I’ve been humming a song in the back of my mind lately. It’s a passionate song about loving someone forever, and it’s a beautiful Italian song that I always loved, only now, it’s taken on so much more meaning. Al Di La means ‘Next Life’ or ‘Above and Beyond’, I will love you beyond the beyond. This song was made famous from the 1962 movie – Roman Adventure starring Suzanne Pleshette and Troy Donahue.

 

Take a listen. And if you would like a direct translation of the lyrics, you can find them here.

 

 

©DGKaye2021

 

50 thoughts on “Kindness, Tears and Loving Beyond – #Grief and Loss

  1. Hi Debby, I think sharing your feelings here is a good thing. I hope it is helping you to cope and grow stronger. Hugs.

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    1. Thanks so much Robbie. Yes, it helps to get my thoughts out of my head on paper. I hope the strength part comes soon, cuz somedays, I feel like I’m running out of it. ❤

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  2. My dear girl, my heart breaks for you. Little things can make a big difference at times like this. The song is wonderful. I loved that movie from way back then. Sending much love to you. ❤❤

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  3. I am no grief expert by any means, but I think it’s very healthy for you to express your feelings in whatever way seems right to you. I find that putting my thoughts down on paper, whether they’re shared with others or not, provides comfort. I worry about those who keep everything inside and try to pretend that they’ve got everything under control. Losing a loved one is a life-altering event. I know you will never forget all of your good memories and times together.

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  4. Music always holds memories across the years and so many songs mark the special occasions in our lives, particularly when they are with someone we love. Six weeks is such a short space of time compared to over 21 years of love and memories…And you are among friends who care for you even if we are too far away to give you a much needed hug…Lovely song and film..♥♥

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  5. Your grace and gratitude shine through, my love and that is the gift you bring to others in these tempestuous seas you find yourself navigating. Music and songs bring memories and this one is beautiful. Your sharing and writing mean we can reach out to you and wrap you in all the love and support we can. I love you, my unicorn buddy. ❤ Xxx ❤

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    1. Thank you so much my lovely Jane. Seems these days I need a lot of wrapping of love and sorely lacking. I look forward to a day when I can breathe fully again without the weighted pain in my heart ❤ xoxo

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  6. Yes, Debby, your love is eternal, and you are reinforcing that fact through the memories you share. You mention the grave as double-decker, which describes the one planned for my husband and me.

    “Waves” is the best way to describe the onset of grief: from tsunami scale, as you describe, to the more gentle kind. Music is a poignant way to process grief. Thanks for sharing “Above and Beyond.” I hope you have a good day today, the best it can be as you journey, one step at a time, on this difficult path. ((( )))

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    1. Thank you so much Marian for your kind wishes and reminders. Music is definitely poignant, but also very painful to listen to many lyrics. 🙂 xx

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  7. what a beautiful song; I was reading the words while listening to the song. I can see how you find it so meaningful.

    It’s so nice to read how much love you have for your husband…

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    1. Aw Diana, I’m sorry. It is what it is, and somehow writing out my thoughts and feelings is a tiny relief. Thanks for your love and light, always welcome. ❤

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  8. We are taught when we are growing up that tears show weakness and we shouldn’t cry. But I have found that tears are such a wonderful form of release. When we hold in strong emotions, they can morph into sickness or disease. So, cry. Let it out. It’s okay. Virtual hugs from your sister in grief, Debby.

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    1. Aw thanks so much Jan for validating. You are so right, it must come out, it’s not healthy to suppress the tears, and I couldn’t anyway if I tried. Sistah! 🙂 xx

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  9. I can’t even imagine this level of pain, Deb. “ooze out through the eyes, somewhat allowing the heart a tiny bit more of breathing room “–that sounds real, believable, but it probably didn’t work. My thoughts continue to be with you.

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  10. Beautiful song and the good memories will always remain with you. Hopefully, the pain will ease up, very slowly, but it must be so difficult when you’ve found your special person. Finding comfort in the things you enjoyed with him and those you love is necessary. Thinking of you and sending you hugs. ♥

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  11. I think cards, calls, messages ARE to both of you, Debby. The spirit of your husband is still very much alive….and surrounding you. Right before I read your blog here a friend called to tell me “You’ve got to read this book!” Testimony of Light by Helen Greaves. Have you read it?

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  12. Dear Debby, you have brought so much joy to the lives of many of us bloggers and now I am happy to know that the many messages of people who love you are reaching you. Do not rush to get through this process but instead take it day to day and know you are surrounded by a blogosphere who appreciates you and is here for you xo

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    1. Oh Christy, thank you so much for your uplifting comment. And I wish I could rush through, but grief will let us know of all its changing ebbs and flows. Grief is not something we can just decide we’re not doing anymore, I wish it was so. But even with a wounded heart, the curiosity about the journey nags at me, having me read lots to try and understand and learn how to move forward. Thank you my sweet friend. ❤ xx

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  13. My darling Debbie
    I’m grateful to be able to be on this journey with you via this blog.
    Grieve and let it all out. I know it seems unthinkable right now but all will get better eventually.
    All in good time.
    Sending you oodles of love and big hugs

    C.xxx

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  14. Oh Deb, what a beautiful tribute to an amazing love. My heart aches for you as you travel down this painful, emotional pathway. You are a strong woman. I’m grateful you express your feelings through words, for they bring comfort to others who are or have endured this. I too, have always loved Rome Adventure with the beautiful Al Di la theme. It is the perfect song to express a forever love. (It plays a prominent role throughout my first novel and it’s sequels.) ❤

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    1. Hi Ellie. Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes I’m not sure where my strength comes. Yes it is cathartic to write about my feelings, and if they can help someone else, all the better. So glad you know well about Al Di La. ❤

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  15. Hi Debby! I think it is a positive thing to share your current journey on your blog – to release some of the feelings, experience, and coped up grief, but also to make us understand what you are going through. Every time I read your words, I try to put myself into your shoes. It is such a sad – and lonely, helpless, and devastating – ride. None of us will get it, unless we have been through it ourselves and I think those are the people whom you will connect most with. On the other hand, I know 50% of us will have to go through this at some point too and some of us have gone through losing other loved ones. Joining you on this road of grief helps us prepare for it ourselves. Stay strong, my friend!

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    1. Liesbet, thank you for your beautifully articulated comment. You obviously get it. Yes, nobody can know the depth of this kind of loss until they’ve lived it, and I hope that is far away for everyone. Thank you for understanding my need to express in bits, what I’m experiencing. And thanks for your uplifting and encouragement ❤

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