Today I’m sharing my recent feature spot I had over at Stevie Turner’s blog where I’m talking a bit about how my book – Twenty Years: After “I Do” came to be. Stevie Turner generously runs an author promotion series every Friday on her blog. Some weeks she offers ‘Click and Run’, where we’re invited to leave a link to a great review for one of our books, and this spotlight feature. Stevie invites authors to submit to be featured. Enjoy reading my post and if you’d like to be featured, follow her submission guidelines listed at the bottom of her post page.
Friday Spotlight – D.G Kaye
Hi all, today the spotlight is on D.G Kaye, a non-fiction author I feel I know very well even though I’ve never met her.
We’ve gone through a few similiar life experiences, and we have the same opinions on many subjects. Reading Debby’s bio below, I’ve often wished I could have been a reporter too, and it’s quite uncanny how much alike we are in so many ways!
I enjoyed reading Debby’s book ‘Twenty Years: After “I Do”, which contains many tips for a successful marriage based on the author’s own twenty year marriage to the love of her life, Gordon, who sadly passed away earlier this year.
Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.
D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, sharing the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.
When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
Why I write nonfiction
I’ve always been a ‘tell it the way it is’ kind of girl. In fact, I’m pretty sure I should have been a reporter. I’m a nonfiction/memoir writer and no matter how hard I try to get around that by dabbling into the odd fiction writing piece, it always seemed I was writing on factual incidents, so I decided why bother packing it as fiction, why not just own up to it and tell the truth. All my stories have lessons in them that others can take from them. And when a story isn’t about a serious topic, I’ll always try to inject humor whenever I can. Why? Because sometimes we all just need to look for the funny.
About the writing of this book:
Writing this book was a true labor of love. The book stemmed from little things that popped into my head a few years ago when my husband took ill. I was riding a roller coaster of emotions for much of the year with my husband’s health, and it got me thinking about how much had really changed through the years, as his aging was happening well ahead of mine.
I’m not suggesting that time isn’t catching up with me too, but what I mean is that my husband was two decades older than me, and when we first got married, I let that factor slide because there were so many good reasons to marry him. But it’s a learning curve when you have a ringside seat watching your spouse go through situations that become a bit more difficult as the body ages and sickness sometimes takes its toll.
It was an actual statement that my husband made one day that lit up my brain with the book idea. He made a comment out of the blue, “We’ve been together twenty years.” When you read the book, you will understand why that statement spurred the title of the book. And from there, well, it got me thinking about some of the day-to-day activities we do that tend to become altered as one ages, as well as some of the things about the future we don’t normally tend to think about when we’re younger, but become things we’re forced to think about and reckon with.
The basic formula I can share to keep the engines of a marriage running smoothly is to always remember compassion and kindness, listen with your heart, talk about your feelings, be a supportive partner, and don’t forget to include laughter in your life every day!
May/December memoirs. In this personal accounting, D.G. Kaye shares the insights and wisdom she has accrued through twenty years of keeping her marriage strong and thriving despite the everyday changes and challenges of aging. Kaye reveals how a little creative planning, acceptance, and unconditional love can create a bond no obstacle will break.
When I chose to marry Gordon, I didn’t live in a fantasy world, unconcerned about the future. I didn’t jump in recklessly, thinking life wouldn’t present problems down the road. I wasn’t delusional, thinking, I’ll worry about whatever happens when it happens or Nothing bad is ever going to happen to him. No, I took everything into consideration and thought logically about marrying Gordon, and knew in my heart that the bottom line was that I loved him for all he was and who he was and that love, providing it was reciprocated, would sustain me through whatever came our way.
When I talk about the sacrifices we make in life, I’m referring to sacrifices we make for our marriage, our children, or sometimes just for the sake of peace. But what are we sacrificing? Do we become heroes because we act selflessly by giving into or giving up something to someone, by sacrificing our own happiness for others? Do we sacrifice to appease, or do we sacrifice from the goodness of our hearts?
“Sacrifice” isn’t a simple word. Sacrifice in a marriage isn’t an accolade we should brag about but an act we perform voluntarily for the pure pleasure of giving up something we desire for the sake of someone else’s happiness or need. A healthy relationship involves a give and take from both parties, and if one of those parties isn’t reciprocating, he or she isn’t sacrificing. When we commit to an honest relationship, we realize that selflessness is a main ingredient and part of what strengthens the bond as our relationships develop. We accept that life consists of peaks and valleys, and we sometimes have to give up something with an open heart to accommodate our partners’ needs.
If we’re the selfish type who only take from a relationship what we want and flee when obstacles present themselves, there is no sacrifice, only selfishness. Sacrifice will always be part of a good and healthy relationship because that’s what we do when we love with our whole hearts: We give of ourselves with no complaints or expectations.
So where does the word “sacrifice” fit into my relationship? Am I supposed to say I sacrificed my midlife years because my husband is older now and we’re unable to do many of the same things we once did together in our earlier years? That’s not how a good marriage works. I didn’t sacrifice anything to be with Gordon. We’ve had a wonderful life together and still do. Sure, our age difference can sometimes present challenges, but what marriage doesn’t encounter challenges? Ours are just different. We care about each other and have always been at each other’s sides through the big moments and the small. We support each other’s desires, dreams, and ambitions. We make each other laugh and remember to tell one another “I love you” every day. Our views on certain issues will differ, and sometimes Gordon may not understand my writing life, but he’s proud of me and applauds my accomplishments—and he never complains.
If I’m lost in my work and the dinner hour has passed, he won’t complain but will help himself to a bowl of cereal. My husband is a good sport when it comes to my desires, and he’s always happy to see me happy. That’s how it’s been since the beginning of us, and that says a lot for why we’re still together today.
A good relationship always entails sacrifices. Maintaining a good relationship is like creating a recipe with all the nutritional ingredients and flavor, well simmered to ensure it’s tasteful and fulfilling, and part of that recipe is to be generous with hugs. Hugs are a loving expression of our emotions. Still, to this day, when Gordon makes me laugh with his boyish charm, I see the charisma that attracted me to him twenty years ago and can’t resist hugging him like I would a comforting teddy bear. He is my teddy bear, huggable, lovable, dependable, helpful, and caring. So really, what could I possibly have sacrificed to receive all the gifts I am given?
~ ~ ~
5.0 out of 5 stars A Memoir On Love and Marriage: Love Without Limits
Reviewed in the United States on August 20, 2019 by Lauren Miller
D.G Kaye beautifully chronicles twenty years of her marriage and along the way encapsulates the heart of unconditional love amid life’s challenges. What I loved so much was her honest retelling of those years, both good and challenging. I found myself nodding again and again while I read as she honed into what the fundamental requirements were to maintain a healthy relationship. Respect, laughter, intimacy and patience are the cornerstones of a solid foundation that can withstand the trials of daily living. This is, or should be required reading for anyone in a relationship whether married or in a partnership. The author touched on so many issues that impact all relationships. This novel is a keeper and one I will return to over and over again. I extend a heartfelt thank you to the author for her candor and the gift to all of us for this remarkable book.
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Source: Friday Spotlight – D.G Kaye | Stevie Turner
30 thoughts on “Friday Spotlight – D.G Kaye | Stevie Turner”
Thanks for sharing, Debby. x
Thanks for having me over Stevie ❤ xx
I have this on my TBR list and need to move it up.
Hugs to you Denise ❤
A lovely post on Stevie’s blog, Debby. I love this book and have it on my treasures bookshelf. Your honesty, wisdom and love shine through and there is much contained within to help and inspire. It is especially poignant now for you and those of us who love you. I love you. ❤ Thank you, Stevie, for hosting. Xxx
Thank you my Lovely ‘UB’. And I am honored to have this book of my heart on your ‘treasures’ bookshelf. Loads of love and hugs flowing to you. ❤ xoxo ❤
Wonderful spotlight and review, Debby! 🙂💕 Headed to Stevie’s blog post now
Thanks so much Harmony. Hope to see you featured at Stevie’s soon. ❤
This was the first book of yours I read, Debby, and I LOVED it. So well done. I think many, many of us have learned, nodded our heads, and enjoyed the wisdom that comes from these pages.
I am humbled and you are good for the soul Pam. Hugs xox
Great spotlight, especially now. Congratulations, Debby, and thanks to Stevie for being so supportive of fellow authors. Take care.
Thanks so much Olga. Yes, timely isn’t it? ❤ xx
I enjoyed reading the piece on Stevie’s blog, Debby. My father-in-law (since passed) married a much younger woman, so your story reminded me quite a bit of that. I’m a fan of memoirs, so I know I’ll get to this one down the road. I hope with each passing day, life is getting a little easier for you. You’ve been through an awful lot in a year.
Thank you for your kind words Pete and for your friendship. Honestly, I don’t know how I’d be getting through without friends. Friends are my family. ❤
Hi Debby, What a fabulous excerpt. I’m hoping 2022 will be a bit better for you – the trauma you’ve been through over the last couple of years has been unbelievable. Loving hugs, Toni x
Thank you so much for you kind wishes Toni. I can’t wait for a brand new year. ❤
I really enjoyed reading this book, Debby, as you know. I’m so pleased you and Gordon had twenty+ wonderful years together. His passing makes this book all the more special, I’m sure, though, that it will never ease his loss. Hugs to you. 💖
Thanks for your kind words Norah. And yes, this book is extra special to me. ❤
A wonderful post Debby and Stevie.. very much enjoyed..hugsx ♥
Thanks my Lovely Sal, and for all your sharing. ❤ xox
Lovely post and review, Stevie. I loved this book, Debby. Many parts resonated and what I love about your writing is your honesty, compassion, and humor. Like others have said, I hope the days get easier with each new sunrise. I read on Stevie’s post that you’ve been writing a lot too, so I hope that process has been helping. Hugs xo
Thank you so much Lauren for reading and your kind words. Oh yes, a writer always writes, right? Future book material no doubt, but no head capacity right now to be publishing. ❤
An especially poignant look at your book, Debby, now that Gordon is no longer with you. How wonderful that you found the love of your life, and generous of you to share the changes that couples go through with aging. Your age difference gave you a different perspective perhaps than most couples. And your loving heart shows. A beautiful book.
Thank you so much Diana. The book is my legacy now. ❤
“The basic formula I can share to keep the engines of a marriage running smoothly is to always remember compassion and kindness, listen with your heart, talk about your feelings, be a supportive partner, and don’t forget to include laughter in your life every day!”
such wonderful words to live by.
It must bring back good memories to be able to read this book now after your husband passed away. what w wonderful life the two of you had together…
Thanks Jim. I’m so grateful I wrote and published that book. As for reading it again – something I’ll do next year. Much too soon for me. 🙂
A great book indeed! Especially having met the other half. Congratulations on another fine review. 🙂
You are too kind my friend. 🙂
I’m so very happy that Gordon “gave” you those twenty year, Debby! ❤
Thanks so much for your kind words Liesbet ❤