Internet safety

What’s Up With #Scammers who Prey on #SocialMedia

Published on by dgkaye

As many of you know, I lost my husband just over a year ago. For me and my grief, it may as well be yesterday because the excrutiating pain of missing the love of your life doesn’t go away. I thought I’d just post this reminder because it’s truly astounding that predators lurk everywhere seeking out vulnerable people.

Since my husband’s passing, and much of it spent in Covid seclusion at the worst time of one’s life, I had turned to joining some online grief groups. I felt it may be a place I can be with like-minded people and those who’ve walked the walk, those who know how painful grief is, and that they may be places of comfortable harbor for me sometimes. But sadly, the amount of men who wangle their way into these groups hoping to seek out the vulnerable, seems to be ever-growing.

Personally speaking, these groups do not help me at all, yet, I continue to pop in for some words of solace. But because I consider myself a great Facebook ‘FBI’ profiler, I always click on the pages of those stalkers who continually message or leave messages in replies to my comments. Almost all of them seem to have lonely pages with barely a post, as though they specifically joined FB to lurk and lure.

I get many requests, compliments, and sweet nothings from plenty of lunatics on FB, but these grief pages top the charts with lurkers. These places are like a magnet for loveless losers to prey. How many times on the news are we warned about scammers, yet, so many still get caught in this web. It’s up to us all to do our due diligence and check out first, who we think we are friending and allowing into our personal circles. And I might add, the people who run these delicate group pages should also be more diligent when screening applicants who join these groups. It only takes me a moment to figure out many profiles are bogus, bots or that they have ill intentions. Why can’t a moderator do the same?

I’m a moderator in four different FB groups, and every time I get a request from someone who wants to join one of my groups, I take the time to visit the applicant’s page and schmooze around to see what they post, what they do, their ‘about’ page, and decide if they fit into my group. If all the prerequisites aren’t met, I don’t admit them.

Fakebook social media
Image by ijmaki from Pixabay

It’s not hard to figure out how these lurkers find us. They join groups with vulnerable people and try to befriend them with sweet words. If you’re like me, and have all your posts on your FB page, only visible to ‘friends only’ (and you should), this is your first barrier of defense. They cannot roam on your page or see personal posts, but they can still message you, and these messages predominantly go to FB spam messages and sit there until we delete or accept if we don’t reply to their scammy comments on a post we left comment on. I think I have hundreds in mine over the years, I don’t even look anymore, other than when someone approaches me on a group page and then checking my spam messages to find them there too.

When people start leaving you messages in comments to a statement you made in a group that have no relevance to the comment you made, be suspicious. When you poured your grieving heart out in a statement and get a reply from a guy telling you how beautiful you are and asking you to please accept his friendship so he can message you privately, that’s just wrong. And just don’t allow these types of lurkers into your private space.

I may be grieving. I may be sentimental. But I’m no dummy. As many writers spend most of their waking life on the internet mingling in social media, we know well about lurkers, losers, hackers and scammers. But for the many who are not internet savvy. Pay attention to how you allow people into your digital life.

©DGKaye2022

93 thoughts on “What’s Up With #Scammers who Prey on #SocialMedia”

  1. How awful for you to be targeted by these dreadful men who have no conscience, no morals and no sympathy for somebody newly widowed. There was no Internet around when my mother was first widowed, but she was still bothered by predatory men, mostly married ones. x

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    1. Right? Yes, those types are always around for other’s misfortunes to try and weasle their way in, whatever the motive. Internet has just made it easier for them. ❤

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  2. They get everywhere, Debs I belong to a few groups and they keep popping up I just ignore them and don’t respond but if they message me on FB/Instagram I block and report them …I agree social media ought to do more to weed them out as their profiles are so blatantly fake …nothing but parasites x

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  3. I spend half my time on Instagram deleting lonely hearts scammers. I have it right in my profile that I’m happily married, and that all lonely hearts scammers will be blocked. I also say, quite plainly, no DMs. Still, they follow and then send creepy DMs that start “Hello, beautiful.”

    The most obvious scammers are the badly-spelled posts by dudes claiming to be “military doctors.” I really laughed at the guy who said he was a “lieutenant general admiral surgeon in the US Navy.”

    I wish I were surprised that these cretins are going after widows and widowers, but I’m not. 😦

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    1. Hi Sharon. Thanks for dropping in and leaving your take on these losers of life. Too lazy – or cheap to join a dating site and think the women of the world await them. 🙂

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  4. Your thoughtful, wise words and experience are invaluable to all of us, Debby. There is a special place in hell for those people who take advantage of lonely and grieving folks. A good reminder and lesson for us all. I’m close to closing my Instagram account as I see tons of “men” following me–no pics on their posts, etc. Following me doesn’t matter as I don’t do much on IG anymore, but it’s creepy. I just block and delete. Stay safe and thank you again for the wise words!

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    1. Thank you Terri, and I’m glad you found my post useful. I sadly, haven’t visited my Insta page for probably 3 years now. I just can’t keep up everywhere, and trolling the trolls everywhere is a fulltime job. Someone else here left similar comment about Instagram. I’d rather be writing. ❤

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  5. Yes, Debby. As you all say, they’ve always been around, but it is so much easier now! I’ve found them in a meditation App as well, and I saw many women complain about them there. Good of you to warn those who might not be so used to social media. Stay safe.

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    1. Thank you Olga. And we know well about these predators, but they have multiplied and apparently FAKEBOOK allows people to make a page with nothing about them or even a post. They are so busy putting people like me in Fakebook jail for opinion, but the real animals roam. ❤

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  7. Unfortunately, there is a group of people who prey on those during their most vulnerable times. With awareness, people can protect themselves and connect to healthy others, who truly care. Thanks Debby for sharing your wisdom my friend, Many Blessings Lisa xoxo

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  10. Yes it’s so sad these predators stalk and frequent these places ready to pounce on the vulnerable who don’t always think straight.

    I used to be a moderator on a site years ago not FB, but one soon gets a feel and even on WP I’ve had to block a few whose comments I do not allow.

    Unfortunately we live in a world where we can no longer trust or take at face value, we have to use our intuition and become detectives as well..

    Sending love my friend. 💙⚘💙

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    1. You’ve said a mouthful my friend. So true. For those who enjoy social media they should learn the safety precautions about using it. Sadly, many don’t. Hugs to you Sue. ❤ xxx

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  11. That’s awful that some people are lurking around grief groups to take advantage of who they meet there 😦 I’m glad you’re not falling for any of it, Debby. Sending much love xx

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    1. Thanks so much Christy. I’m a big girl and been around so just wanting to make other people aware. So many cunning and heartless people. ❤

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  12. You can’t get much lower than trying to scam someone grieving the love of their life. I’m hopeless with FB but I’ve had quite a few comments and friend requests recently. Most of them are pretty obviously fake. There was one about ten days ago whose account showed a good looking man with an impressive job title whose page had cute pictures of puppies, cats and a bit of religious iconography – all it needed was a sweet grandmother in a rocking chair and he’d have ticked most of the boxes. My husband showed me how to do an image match on Google and this poor man’s picture came up under dozens of different names. I didn’t think to let FB know. I will now. xx

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  13. Sage advice, Deb. I hope it reaches those who need to hear it. A couple years ago I was getting up to 5 friend requests a week from men of questionable repute. As you said, their pages were practically empty. Some even adopted the ID of others. I blocked and reported them. This led me to change my relationship status to married. Since then, these requests have dwindled to nearly zero. I’ll be sharing this on all my SN pages ❤️

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    1. Thanks so much T. My relationship shows married for years and still does. Not much of a deterrent anymore. I just want to spread the awareness because so many people get taken in by these deceitful flatterers. Hugs ❤ xx

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  14. These dreadful people seem to be everyone, Debby – I’m sorry they’ve been targeting you, and they are also trying to target everyone. We all need to be so vigilant. hugs, Toni xx

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  16. Hi Debby, I get this too and I always delete the comments and block the commenter. It is disgusting that these people pray on the grieved and vulnerable. We have a very sad and messed up society in many ways.

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    1. No doubts you get them too Robbie. And you said it, messed up society in a messed up world missing compassion and decency. We must stay vigilant. ❤

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  17. Oh no! It’s imperative to be super cautious in this day and age. It’s so tiring to keep up sometimes 😦

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  18. A much-needed post, sadly. I hate that it’s when we’re most vulnerable, we’re most under attack and need to be most in our toes. It sucks.
    Growing older and a mind less sharp shows me how easy it is to forget with emails, for example, and I click the link instead of finding my account page independently. Then I realize and delete history, etc., and check my account. Sad that we live in a world we cannot trust even genuine emails or support/encouragement.
    It just seems to get harder keeping on top of all this scamming stuff.

    Thanks for sharing, Debby 💕🙂

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    1. So true Harmony. Email scams are a whole other animal, where so many get sucked in. Even the best of us who know better sometimes get caught in this web. It’s a sad thing living among distrust. Not hard to see how so many seniors get caught in that web. All we can do is keep spreading the awareness.
      Hugs to you Harmony. ❤ xx

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  19. .So sorry those creeps are infliltrating grief groups and glad you have the wit to recognise them. As you say, many won’t and it’s extra hard to think rationally when you’re so vulnerable. I find the worst on TikTok, although that could simply be that I’m more active there. ‘Hello beautiful’ is annoying when you’re in a secure place emotionally, must be hell when you’re not.

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    1. Hi Anne. Thanks for chiming in. This behavior happens on all social media, sadly. We are aware of such infiltrators, but for the many who are not, it can lead to harmful consequences. Awareness is key. ❤

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  20. You are so right. When I was diagnosed with glaucoma (which can lead to blindness–10-12% of the time), I searched for a group not to commiserate but to find out about the disease. Maybe that was the difference–I wasn’t trying to soften my grieving, rather answer questions.

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    1. Thanks for sharing that Jacqui. It seems these predators are in many groups, not even necessarily seeking out grievers, but any woman they think they may be able to snare attention from. ❤

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  21. Great advice, Debby. It’s sad that these scammers and lurkers prey on people and occasionally get away with ripping off people by stealing money or even setting up a false account under our name (I know it recently happened to Sally on Twitter).

    I get messages every day on Twitter from many ladies wanting to show me their ‘private’ photos. They obviously haven’t read my profile! It also happens on WordPress, but fortunately, most of those comments go straight to spam.

    I used to be in a few Facebook groups (before I left Facebook) and was always shocked by how the group owner approved certain people. Needless to say that I left those groups soon after.

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    1. Thanks Hugh. I admire the fact you left Fakebook, as many of us other writers are always teetering on. They are everywhere these predators. And as for WordPress spam, omg, I get about 60 a day in my spam – most of which are extreme porn! Sad there are no permanent filters directly through WP to detect such words in comments and auto delete them right away. The world is full of predators from so many directions it seems as the digital life slowly infiltrates human interaction. ❤

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      1. WordPress has a feature where you can add certain words to a ‘block list’ that will send any comments containing those words straight to your spam folder, Debby. And don’t forget that you can bulk delete everything in your spam folder with just one click. I don’t read any of the spam I get unless, on the rare occasion, the Gravatar contains a photo or image. 99% of spam messages don’t have a gravatar image. But you’re right; there is nothing where certain words can be deleted straight away. I don’t believe I’ve come across any social media sites where that happens.

        I have a post that may help, coming out soon about spam on WordPress.

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      2. Thanks Hugh. I look forward to your new spam post. And I always use bulk delete but it doesn’t take all in one click only 20 per click lol. It’s usually 3 clicks for me! 🙂

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      3. You need to go to the Classic view option of your spam folder on the dashboard of your blog. That’e where you can delete all spam in one simple click, Debby.

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    1. Thanks Ruth. I’ve been hearing so much about this going on with Instagram too. Not surprisingly, owned by Fakebook as well. It is daunting, but thankfully, I’m super aware of these predators, and sadly, many aren’t, so we can only keep spreading the word. ❤

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  23. Hi Debby – I can’t bear all the cruelty of predators, spammers – just so unfair, so challenging … and such a waste of so many people’s time sorting things out … I feel so much for you – thank goodness you understand and can cope with that threat … but the constant ‘attack’ on you when you are still adjusting to your loss. Take care and all the best – Hilary

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  24. Trolls are what I call them. I get friend requests from unknown people all the time. If we don’t have at least 10 common friends, I delete them. Lately, they’ve been leaving comments on my posts and that’s annoying. Thanks for sharing this. It’s a crazy world out there.

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    1. Thanks for adding to the post Jan. No doubts you get them. And yes, they are getting much more brazen leaving comments on our posts or on comments we leave on other posts! A sickness for sure. ❤

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  25. Many of these scammers are looking for a rich widow. Also beware of opening a file you don’t know because your computer could get hacked. Great advice, Debby. Thanks. ❤

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    1. So true Carol. Well, they’re wasting their time with me, lol. And no worries, I don’t open anything I don’t know the source from. ❤

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  26. That’s so awful and disgusting! I’m glad you know who you are up against, Debby. You’re smart and experienced when it comes to social media and scammers. And so much more! 🙂

    Every time I get a new friend request on Facebook, I check out the person’s profile page and if we have mutual friends. If I can’t originate where this person comes from, I decline the invite.

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  28. I can’t tell you how many military surgeons who love God and their children and can’t string together a coherent sentence in English have flooded my Instagram (owned by Facebook/Meta) follower list. I gave up trying to block them all. This post is making me reconsider that–maybe I need to go through my list and block the ones I haven’t gotten around to blocking yet.

    It absolutely makes me sick that these scammers prey on the most vulnerable among us. Grieving spouses? Have these scammers no shame or morals? Did they never learn how to treat other people? Honestly, my blood is boiling right now. It’s important to remember, too, that not all scammers are lonely heart losers. Some of them are state-sponsored (still losers, though) and that makes it even scarier. It seems like the FB bots, who spend a stupid amount of time trolling for things that aren’t offensive to literally anyone, could be taught to seek out and shut down these reprobates. Just my two cents.

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    1. Hi Amy. Thanks for adding to the conversation. Yes, it’s disgusting, about as disgusting as it is scamming seniors. I’ve heard the trolling on Insta is getting as bad or worse than fakebook. I have enough there that I haven’t even visited Insta in a few years. Yes, FB is busy trolling and banning innocent people for opinion but no control on the spam. Thanks for your two cents. 🙂
      Hugs xx

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  31. There’s no end to disgusting people out there. All part of the peril of social media. Sounds like you have the right (if annoying need) techniques to keep them at bay.

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  32. Chancing their disgusting mitts cos there are …alas… people who fall for it/ I remember knowing a blogger once who did and again–a very lonely person–who alas lost money. He was a guy and wan’t even sure if the person he’d been speaking to was alas a woman at the end of the day. Don’t know if you have seen the film , The Good Liar, but it is quite epic in terms of how the old woman character deals with the scammer.

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    1. Oh? Thanks for that recommend Shey, I think I may have seen it but worth checking again. Stunning how so many (and not even old) get taken in. Watch the Tinder Swindler and shake your head! xx

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  33. I agree with you, Debby. I’m surprised at how many requests for ‘friends’ I get from men, often in Nigeria, who have no posts. There are others too who, when I check their profile, either have no posts or nothing at all in common with me. I didn’t realise there was a spam bin in FB though. I’ll have to look for that. Thank you for the info. I’m so sorry you have all this added to your grief.

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