kindness quote D.G. Kaye
Appreciation,  Gratitude,  That's Life,  THOUGHTS

Breaking Down the Walls with One Random Act of Kindness

kindness plato

Sometimes when life is throwing you more than you feel you can handle, you have to find a way to compartmentalize your worries and woes to keep from being overwhelmed on a daily basis. Some people need a sounding board to spill their woes to, seeking words of comfort or perhaps solution to their problems. Many others, like myself, tend to put all worries in their own special boxes and deal with them one at a time by lifting off the lid and confronting issues singularly without trying to take in the whole picture at once when it seems walls are crumbling from all directions. This is a method I try to use to prevent myself from being riddled with anxiety when all is not right in my world and prevent me from putting too much focus on the mountain of shit I’m dealing with; a method I use to cope without having to burden others.

I’m a person who carries a load internally and never wishes to dump her crap on others, wallow in self pity, show weakness, and always looks to seek my own resolution. But make no mistake, this year has certainly been trying. It seems that once I think I’ve got one dilemma solved the next one presents itself. Barely a moment of breath between worry. And the point I want to make about this, is that no matter how strong we think we are, there’s always that little weak point within us, just ticking like a time bomb, that can set off an emotional release at an unexpected moment from the simplest of gestures. This is about a scenario which took place today with a phone conversation I had with my pharmacist.

Before I share the conversation I will share with you that these past few months have been grueling for me with family issues, financial issues, and most importantly on the list of worry, my husband’s health. I don’t share my daily gruel with anyone except my one sister. We have both been tested this year in our resilience to health scares and difficult times, for her financially and with health concerns with her children, and for me with my own concerns, and my added concerns for my sister. And as many of you may already know, I almost lost my husband this year and it’s been quite a journey getting him back to health. Recently his progress has been regressing, so there have been more frequent doctor visits, many more questions, and we will now be experimenting with a new IV therapy to be given twice a month in hospital to my husband. As I am an investigative person, I’ve been doing my homework diligently to comprehend what this therapy will entail, and what to expect from it. As we just found out about this new therapy yesterday at the doctor’s and I’m awaiting the hospital to call to schedule the first visit, I took it upon myself to call my pharmacist who is more knowledgeable of medications than a doctor is. In past years my husband and I have moved several times, but we’ve never changed pharmacies because they know us, they know our illnesses and are familiar with our frequent changes in prescriptions, and because of our rapport, they go beyond the call of duty when we need a favor.

Today when I called the pharmacy, I was thrilled that one of my favorite pharmacist’s answered the phone because she is always so kind and helpful and takes the time to look up things for me and share her opinions on my questions regarding potential risks and conflictions with medications, checks if our plan covers certain meds, and sometimes finds an alternative method of charging the cost for meds to be paid through other avenues. After our conversation today, and after I once thanked Rosie for her time to explain things to me, this is what she said to me, almost word for word:

“Mrs. Gies, I just wanted to tell you that you are not only beautiful on the outside, but so beautiful in your heart. I am not just saying this because you are a customer. I know what you have been going through with your husband, yet you always come in here greeting everyone with a beautiful smile on your face. You always call to make sure the new drugs are appropriate for your husband, second guessing a doctor’s prescription, curious to learn about potential side effects and what precautions you can take to ensure best efficacy from medications. You are a wonderful caregiver and I wish there were many more like you who would have the same concern and compassion for their loved ones. I hope your family recognizes this about you.”

That was it! That was the moment I broke down. Everything in my heart that I’d worked so hard to conceal just poured out of me in a meltdown of tears. After somewhat composing myself, I thanked Rosie for her own kindness. My husband was beside me while I was on the phone. He leaned over and gave me a big hug with tears in his eyes, told me how much he loves me, apologized for being a burden, and once again thanked me for taking such good care of him. That didn’t help to alleviate my moment of tears.

After I once again regained my composure, I reminded him, he is no burden, he is my husband and I will do whatever it takes to keep him well. I am a force to be reckoned with. I apologized for my moment of weakness and told him that what the pharmacist had said had spawned my emotional spill out, and how deeply it had touched my heart that a pharmacist had complimented me in recognition for the things I do instinctively which I never thought of as praiseworthy, rather just being who I am. Rosie had clearly targeted a point of overflowing emotion I had buried deep within, with her heartfelt comments, reminding that we are judged by our actions when we think nobody is watching. It was truly touching for me to find that someone was.

Follow Me on Social Media!

D.G. Kaye is a nonfiction/memoir writer, who writes from her own life experiences and self-medicates with a daily dose of humor.

59 Comments

  • http://www.salpa58.wordpress.com

    Hooray for Rosie. It is good to read such a wonderful warm post like this. I truly hope those tears you shed helped relieve some of the stress and now knowing what you are going through I will keep all of your family in my daily prayers. Bless you and Rosie.

  • Sue Dreamwalker

    Debby I wish I could reach over inside this screen and give you the biggest hug ever my friend.. Rosie told you the truth.. And you have a big heart dear dear Debby.. who is there for everyone here on WP as well..
    You know I know how often the most simple of gestures turn on our tears as our instinctive reactions even though we are giving and give of ourselves to others we seldom like to acknowledge praise..
    I know praise is something we both never had much of as child..
    So allow your tears to flow.. And your tears acted as release valve to let go of some of that built up tension you have been so good at hiding for so long..

    You are a remarkable lady,, I have told you that often.. Your hubby obviously thinks so..
    I send him and you my thoughts of healing energy.. Lots of Love to you dear Debby..
    You are Wonderful..
    Love Sue xxx <3

    • dgkaye

      Thank you Sue for making me cry again, lol. I am truly, truly humbled by the love and support I get from my online friends on a daily basis. It is people like you who keep me going sometimes when those dark clouds threaten to overshadow my peace of mind. I come here to a place of refuge sometimes to be in the world where it makes me happy to be, a place where only happiness and uplifting of others can be without the dark forces that sometimes follow me in life intruding on this private world of like minded people and kindness. I know your heart my friend, we talk about such things often. And as long as we keep talking and sharing good and positive things, we will not allow the darkness to take us over.
      I am humbled at your words, and I can feel the love through the airwaves! Thank you my friend for just being your wonderful self. Love and hugs back to you. xoxo<3

  • D. Wallace Peach

    A beautiful post about kindness, Debby. I’m so sorry that the year has been grueling and that health issues persist. I don’t know how you do it all and, yes, always with good cheer – it comes through loud and clear on your blog. I’m glad there are others who notice and are kind enough to say so. I hope you have lots of support in your local life. Sending lots of warm, healing light your way. <3

  • marianbeaman

    This post captured what I know of you to be true. You personify persistence and many other sterling qualities. The Plato quote is apt in these uncertain days. Best wishes to you — and to your husband.

  • Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

    Well there you go Debby… you did not just get a second opinion after Rosies thoughts about you but ten or twelve exactly the same. I am sorry that you are facing more treatment but the IV should help and in between treatments your husband will feel so much better. It has been a tough year but I hope you know that we are here all around the world when you need us.. love and hugs

    • dgkaye

      Have I told you lately Sally Cronin? I love you Sal. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends here, honestly sometimes I don’t know what I’d do without you all. But I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that. Thank you for being you. xoxoxo<3

      • Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

        I think our generation handle social media differently than the younger crowd.. they are all about the social bit… but I think we are the age group who had pen-friends sometimes continents away who valued that friendship and treated it as real.. I don’t see my sisters more than a couple of times a year but that does not lessen my love for them… we may never meet Debby but online here and also by email we have a relationship which is amazing. ♥

        • dgkaye

          Thank you for sharing that Sal, it’s very true that I know at least you and I come from the ‘letter writing’ generation. And we both know that the miles cannot separate a friendship. My bestie moved to the UK over 20 years ago now. We Skype once a month, and she used to come home here once or twice a year which made it bearable, but I haven’t seen here in almost 2 years now. But that hasn’t changed one ounce of our friendship. But Sal, oh yes, we are gonna meet! I’m trying very hard to be able to get to the Blogger Bash next June! And despite that, you got that right, our friendship is amazing and solid! xoxo<3

  • Tina Frisco

    Aw Deb, I’m sending you a big hug this very second . . . And here’s another one for hubby. . . You both needed that moment of crying and coming together. Bless you, Rosie, for enabling this. Crying is not a sign of weakness. If it were, I’d surely be dead, because I cry at the drop of hat. Crying is a release and often a sign of strength – a sign that we’re strong enough to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Tears are the bodies way of seeking release and the heart’s way of expressing profound emotion. Thank you for sharing a very personal experience. It will serve to help all of those who read it. I love you, Deb ❤

    • dgkaye

      Thanks for your voice of encouragement T, and for reminding that it is okay to let go once in awhile, no matter how hard we may sometimes fight to take everything in stride. Of course you could identify with Rosie, as it seems so many here have. Perhaps it was her random act of kindness I needed to let go of some of the weight. I just thought I had to share because I was so deeply moved that a mere business acquaintance could offer those words of kindness. I love you too T and I happily welcome your hug. xo <3

  • Terri Webster Schrandt

    It is so nice to be acknowledged for our work even if a labor of love. I’m glad you shared your heart, Debby, for your heart is a big one. Caregivers always remain strong, so I’m glad your pharmacist recognizes your efforts and made you cry! You needed to! <3

  • Annika Perry

    Debby, I have tears reading this post – it touches me to the core. I am so sorry your year has been so full of heartache, turmoil and trauma and I can empathise with you that to cope you’ve compartmentalised your life. Rosie, bless her, gave the words with love and care and I don’t see this as a crack for you, more as a way of healing, strengthening, sharing. I hope all goes well with the new medication and it can offer help to your husband. With warmest thoughts and hugs, Annika

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much for your heartfelt wishes Annika. I feel so blessed to have such wonderful, supportive friends here. I suppose it was just a few kind words from someone that cracked me, I was truly touched by her beautiful words. <3

  • elainemansfield

    Cheers for Rosy and others who tell caretakers (you!) when they’re doing things well. How lovely, Deb. Vic and I shared our sorrows when he was sick and neither of us pretended things were OK. I was a cheerful caregiver because I loved him. We wept together and sometimes fretted together, but we were together. Caregivers often run on empty and need those kind words. Thank you, Deb, for all you do.

    I got cheers regarding my mother-in-law’s care after she was hospitalized for a fall (she’s back home) this week. Few see what I do to keep her living in her own apartment rather than going to a nursing home, but a few social workers and nurses noticed. My blog this week is about this experience–with a touch of grumbling..

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much Elaine for your wisdom and encouragement. When I was writing this post, I remembered a post you wrote awhile back about caregivers being like silent workers that often go unnoticed, and that we tend to leave ourselves to last. I was truly touched by Rosie’s recognition which in turn opened up the flood gates which are normally kept under lock and key. It is uplifting every once in awhile when someone gives us recognition, not to blow our horn, but to remind us that what we do is appreciated. Like you say about your mother-in-law, nobody knows how much you do for her, but your readers do because you share so much of what you’ve gone through with her. I’m more than sure her health care team has had to recognize your efforts. And wow, I’m sorry to learn of her fall, that had to be awful at her ripe old age. That Virginia is certainly a tough bird, lol. And you’re a warrior woman! <3 I'm looking forward to your next post. :)

  • Ann Fields

    I am sending you so much love and light right now Deby and including you in my Thanksgiving prayers. Thank you for reminding me that it is okay to give into our emotions. That it is safe to do so and necessary. Especially for people like us who carry life’s challenges internally. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and may you find strength in knowing others are with you. You never carry the weight alone. We are linked to you!

    • dgkaye

      Oh Ann, thank you so much for your kind words. I feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends in these beautiful circles we work together in. Much of our lives is spent online, and knowing that there’s such support and encouragement is truly uplifting. I certainly do find strength knowing I am not alone. Thank you. <3

  • adeleulnais

    I believe that sometimes the universe, spirit, God………sends us a little push so that our emotional outflow gets to flow and clears our body so we can function better. You needed that release Debby and the woman was right. You are a beautiful person inside and out and I’m happy that we are friends. Please pass on my regards to your husband and my wishes that his recovery goes well. xx

  • Sherri

    Oh Deb, isn’t it amazing the power of words? I just read Tina’s excellent article over at Chris’s about the power of our thoughts and the way how we think and project those thoughts – negative or positive – has profound effects on not just ourselves, but those we live with and come into contact with. When someone like Rosie takes the time to say what she said to you, no wonder you cried. I understand exactly how you felt, as a carer for my Aspie daughter and her medical and mental health issues and the many worries that come along with that, and you know what my year has been like with my family. We do what we need to do and don’t count the cost to help our loved ones. Your beautiful smile and demeanour even when under so much stress and anxiety and worry for your dear husband – and I am so sorry for his ongoing health problems – spoke volumes to Rosie and the fact that she took the time to encourage you speaks volumes too. I am not surprised, knowing you as I have come to know you, the world needs more people like you Deb! When I was by Dad’s bedside in hospital, two prison guards sat at a table several feet away at the end of his bed. I didn’t even think what they must have thought as I sat with Dad for hours, holding his hand, speaking quietly to him, as he drifted into his final hours of sleep. That night, getting ready to leave their ‘post’ having been told by the prison Governor that Dad had been granted Compassionate Freedom, one of the guards came over and shook my hand and then gave me a hug, telling me he had known my dad when walking with him around the prison gardens during his short time of exercise, and how touched he was by the love I had for him. I was shocked, surprised, speechless. I’ll never forget that moment of kindness. Reading your beautiful post today has reminded me of that, just three months ago, and although tears are streaming down my face, my heart is gladdened and deeply moved and encouraged by your story’s message that we are not alone, and how very important true kindness really is. I love you my dear friend, God bless you and God bless your dear husband <3 <3 <3 xoxo

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much Sher for sharing your heart here and for your words of encouragement. I too am deeply moved by your comment and it moved me to tears too. You are so right, we are not alone, and it just goes to show how one random act of kindness can make such a huge impact. I wish the whole world would learn that and we’d all be better off. It’s no wonder we were drawn to one another, I said it before, we are kindred spirits my friend. Like attracts like. 🙂 Thanks for your uplifting words Sher, and for being such a shining example of kindness yourself. I am grateful for your friendship. I love you my friend. <3 <3 xoxo

  • Hugh's Views and News

    Hooray for Rosie. If only we had many, many more Rosie’s in the world, Debby. I don’t know what or who it is, but sometimes people like Rosie seem to be there for a very good reason. How often I’ve felt at a low and then somebody says something that makes me feel wanted and just so thankful that I know that I’m not alone.
    I’m sure George knows you are the best thing to have ever happened to him, Debby. I’ve never met you, but just through our comments and conversations here on our blogs and via email, I think George choose the very best when your two paths first crossed.
    Hugs to you both
    xx

    • dgkaye

      Oh, thanks so much Hugh for your kind words. They really touched me. I am most humbled by not only Rosie’s comment, but from the outpour of comments here from friends that leave their kind words and wishes here, validating my actions, which I don’t usually pay any mind to because I’m always so busy just doing what I do naturally. I do believe that just one random act of kindness can truly uplift us.
      Thanks again Hugh for your random act of kindness. And no doubt that is why others do the same for you.
      Hugs back from both us. xo<3

  • Ashley B. Davis

    This made me cry. Someone recognizes something in you that you didn’t even really notice, because it’s not affected; and I’m glad she took the time to tell you. I don’t even know you personally like a lot of these fine people do, but I can see your heart right here, on your blog. I will be thinking of you and your family. Stay strong, and just like I have to remind myself, some crying is okay. 😉

    • dgkaye

      Ash, that is very kind of you to drop by and leave your kindness here too. I’m sorry if I made you cry. 🙂 And yes, I suppose that we do all need to cry sometimes to release. I just wasn’t aware of how much I was carrying until a kind word pierced through the mountain. Thanks so much for your voice of encouragement. <3

  • Minimal Belle

    What a beautiful, touching post. Sending warm thoughts to you and your husband. I agree with an above blogger that the world needs more people like Rosie. And more like you, too!

  • Deborah Jay

    “I am a force to be reckoned with.”
    You’re darned right there – you keep it up, girl! If I was your husband I would be so grateful to have you fighting my corner.
    It’s been a difficult year for many of us, and you’ve had more than your fair share – what a wonderful affirmation from Rosie – I wish there were more like her too!
    And I also wished we lived close enough to meet up in person and offer support, but in the mean time, this cyber life is a great alternative when we don’t.
    Chin up, lady – look those health demons right in the eye and give ’em hell.

    • dgkaye

      Aw thanks so much Deb. I know I wrote this post to initially vent and share that sometimes in all the darkness a crack of light can lift us back up, because it was probably a release of what I needed. I’m so used to just keep going like the energizer bunny on auto pilot, and a tender moment caught up with me.
      I’m ever so grateful for my online friends like you, where we spend most of our waking hours with those who seem to know us best, no matter the miles that live between us. Thank you. <3 I don't surrender. . . Ever! :)

  • Holistic Wayfarer

    I’m touched, Deb. It takes one person who really sees us to free the child inside, the one who’s needed the hugs and assurances. You’ve been shouldering an awful lot and I’m glad your husband acknowledged that. You really ARE a beautiful soul. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself this year-end.

    Love,
    D.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: