Spiritual Awareness – Cutting Emotional Cords with #Archangels by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Next in my spiritual awareness series at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine is – Cutting Emotional Cords that bind us with the help of archangels.

Cutting Emotional Cords with Archangels by D.G. Kaye

Explore the spiritual side of our natures as D.G. Kaye shares her experiences and research into this element of our lives.

You can find Part Two of the Angel series: Fey – Angel Messages Part Two – Earth Angels and Lightworkers

Cutting Emotional Cords with Archangels

Welcome back to my Spiritual Awareness series. While we’re still on the topic about angels, today I’d like to share with you a method of how to remove internal negative energies, or energetic form of attachment, with the help of two of our highest Archangels, Michael and Raphael. We are all connected to higher source through vibrational energy, and we refer to ‘connected’ by way of etheric or psychic energy cords. But what are these invisible cords? And how can we eliminate them to help release a negative energy connection we prefer not to keep within us?

We can learn to practice the art of cutting these invisible cords. And to help with the releasing of these cords that sometimes drain us and sap our energy unknowingly, we look to Archangels Michael and Raphael. Michael is the highest in the order of all seven Archangels. He is recognized in Christianity, Judaism and in Islam. Raphael is regarded as the angel who possesses God’s healing powers.

The energy cords we’re most linked with are people in our close circles, and almost always, family. These same cords also connect us to profound events in our lives that remain in the back of our sub-conscience – some good, some bad. And it’s those unhealthy attachments we want to eliminate.

All the negativity we carry because of unhealthy cords that bind us should be cleared from within every once in awhile, just as we cleanse ourselves and our homes. If you find yourself continuously carrying bad feelings, harboring negative energies, reliving unpleasant events of unfavorable conditions, or taking in energies from someone close to you, allowing them to take up too much residence in your head leaving you feeling unsettled within, it’s probably time to begin cutting. . 

Please continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Spiritual Awareness – Fey – Cutting Emotional Cords with Archangels by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Writing as Therapy – Taking the Pain out of our Heads and on to Paper

Did you know that writing can be so very therapeutic? It’s not a myth. Take it from me who began writing at seven years old. Growing up in a dysfunctional family life with a heart filled with compassion and worry, I took to writing poems, notes, and journaling. I didn’t always show them to anyone, but I took my pain out of my head and put it on paper. It was a release.

Growing up with a narcissistic mother who mashed my father over and over until he finally died of a broken heart (underlying health issues exacerbated by his grief), my young empathic heart could feel his pain. He came to me since I was seven and poured his heart out to this broken little girl who was powerless to help him, but I was all he had to pour his heart out too. That was a huge responsibility for a little girl – a daughter to witness her father’s ongoing grief and not be able to do anything about it except summon up the bravery to approach my mother to beg her to take my father back, yet again. I received no compassion from my mother in doing so, only a slap across my face as she reminded me to mind my own business. It was my business! But my voice and hands were tied. This is about the time I learned to write out my feelings. I needed to be heard and release, if only to the universe.

Know that whatever you write is to release and doesn’t always have to be given to the person our words are directed at. It’s to get those jumbled thoughts and worries out of our heads and on to paper. Perhaps there will come a day you may want to give it to the person the words are directed to, maybe you might just burn it and vanish the thoughts away into the universe. Or just maybe, like me, you’ll journal enough through your life and end up writing books about all the things you once could never say out loud.  Either way, it’s cathartic. My small beginnings of writing on scraps of paper, eventually, made me a memoir writer. Whodathunk?

Speaking about grief, my latest podcast is live now. In this third episode, I’m talking about how when we lose a spouse, our identities change – along with everything else. I hope you will visit me on Youtube.

©DGKaye2022

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Spiritual Awareness – Angel Messages Part Two – Earth Angels and Lightworkers by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Today I’m sharing my second post in my angel series over at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine where I write for #Spiritual #Awareness. Are you familiar with Earth Angels and Lightworkers?

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Spiritual Awareness  – Angel Messages Part Two – Earth Angels and Lightworkers by D.G. Kaye

Explore the spiritual side of our natures as D.G. Kaye shares her experiences and research into this element of our lives.

You can find Part one of the Angel series: Spiritual Awareness – Fey – Angel Messages Part One

spiritual awareness

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Welcome back to my angel series in my Spiritual Awareness series here at Sally’s Smorgasbord. Today I’m going to distinguish the difference between heavenly and earth angels.

We are all spiritual beings of light, but not everyone is deemed a Lightworker or an Earth Angel.

Earth angels are born into the physical world to become beacons for humanity and the earth to help spread light, love, and peace. Earth angels are known as evolved spiritual beings and highly evolved souls who’ve spent time in higher spiritual dimensions of love and light. They vibrate with light and were summoned to earth to serve as lightworkers on earth. This does not mean that they are or were spiritual angels from another realm, only that they are highly evolved souls from past life experiences, born on earth to learn and share new life lessons to help others.

Angel studies tell us lightworkers originate from the 7th and 9th dimensions of angelics, incarnated into physical form with an appointed mission to awaken others with life lessons and by events to help share divine truth. Being an earth angel means to be called through the soul to help others by spreading messages of compassion and kindness to help make a difference on earth. You can also note that just because someone is an earth angel, doesn’t necessarily mean they are without faults of their own or that they grow actual angel wings, they are human. Earth angels still experience the same ups and downs in life as every other human.

Earth angels are helpers in the living world with a past history of helping and healing in a previous life, and their gifts of angelic energy are used to raise vibrations of humanity. Many earth angels who are aware of their gifts were chosen to spread goodness during this sweeping period of change and growth, and to help deflect negativity by sharing alternatives to hopelessness and indifference. Earth angels are here in this transitional time to assist the world of merging eras, and to help bring mother earth and humanity into a higher vibrational place of love and peace through loving energy.

Angel girl

If you can answer ‘yes’ to most of these questions below, you may well be an earth angel:

  • You are always willing to help others with ideas, solutions, and support
  • You are one who seeks to better situations
  • You often aren’t comfortable with asking for help for yourself
  • Your senses are always tuned into high vibrational energy
  • You have the ability to lift other people’s spirits
  • You always look for the good, even when it’s difficult to envision
  • You are gifted in the arts, writing or healing
  • You feel other people’s pain and are empathetic to those who suffer
  • You often attract needy people
  • You abhor confrontation
  • You sometimes struggle to remain grounded (angels don’t stand on their feet, they float)
  • You aren’t selfishly competitive and always wish others well in their endeavors
  • You are sensitive to energies
  • You often feel alienated from those who don’t understand you
  • You may feel overwhelmed in crowds because of too much energy emitted
  • You grew up feeling you could never relate to your immediate family, or that you were sent to an emotionally distant and dysfunctional family to teach them life lessons
  • People you’ve met briefly feel an openness to confide in you
  • You are a born teacher
  • You uplift others
  • You often feel like a lone wolf
  • Others often seek your guidance
  • You’ve had a difficult childhood
  • You abhor discord and can’t tolerate violence
  • You’re naturally intuitive

Please visit Sally’s blog to continue reading

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Spiritual Awareness – Fey – Angel Messages Part Two – Earth Angels and Lightworkers by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

©DGKaye2022

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Spiritual Awareness – How Do You Know If You Are An Empath – The Signs by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Today I’m sharing Part 4 in my Empath series over at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – How Do You Know If You Are An Empath – The Signs. My next series will be on the topic of angels.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Spiritual Awareness – How Do You Know If You Are An Empath – The Signs by D.G. Kaye

Explore the spiritual side of our natures as D.G. Kaye shares her experiences and research into this element of our lives.

You can find Part Three of the series: Empaths and Energy Sucking Vampires and Narcissists

spiritual awareness

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Welcome back to my spiritual empath series. This is the last part of the empath series. In the three other episodes, I’ve talked about empathic communications, how to shield from negative energies, and energy sucking vampires. In this part, I’m going to share tips to help you decide if you are indeed an empath.

First, I’d like to share the two different definitions between empathy and sympathy. These two words are often misconstrued.

Meanings defined by Dictionary.com

Sympathy –  Noun,

– the act or state of feeling sorrow or compassion for another

Empathy –  Noun,

– the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the emotions, thoughts, or attitudes of another

If you’ve been following this series, you have already gained some information about being an empath and all the good and bad that come along with being one. Often referred to as both – a blessing and a curse.

The word ‘empath’ is often thrown around loosely, and often misconstrued with other spiritual terms pertaining to psychic abilities. But plenty of empaths live among us, many you may know, and many you may never have guessed are empaths. You may detect from some friends or family who cannot watch a movie containing scenes of violence (like me), one in your circles who acts like a mother hen, always willing to help, or the one who is first to take care of a sick loved one. These are your typical empathic people who hold a great amount of compassion as they have the ability to feel other people’s pain and struggles as though it were their own. Besides the people empaths choose to help, they are extremely vulnerable to selfish, psychopathic, and narcissistic personalities who will attempt to drain them dry for as much giving and attention they can get.

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Below are some telling signs to help you find if you too are an empath:

  • You are very perceptive and highly in tune to the energy and vibes around and feel an inner knowing about something that just feels amiss . . .

Please visit Sally’s blog to discover the telling signs you may be an empath.

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Spiritual Awareness – How Do You Know If You Are An Empath – The Signs by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

©DGKaye2022

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Spiritual Awareness – How Do You Know If You Are An Empath – The Signs by D.G. KayeExplore the spiritual side of our natures as D.G. Kaye shares her experiences and research into this element of our lives.

xWelcome back to my spiritual empath series. This is the last part of the empath series. In the three other episodes, I’ve talked about empathic communications, how to shield from negative energies, and energy sucking vampires. In this part, I’m going to share tips to help you decide if you are indeed an empath.

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Spiritual Awareness – Empaths and Energy Sucking Vampires and Narcissists by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Welcome to my third part in my empath series at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine. In this post I’m explaining how to deal with people who drain our energy – also known as energy vampire suckers. Narcissists also fit into this category perfectly.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Spiritual Awareness – Empaths and Energy Sucking Vampires and Narcissists by D.G. Kaye

Explore the spiritual side of our natures as D.G. Kaye shares her experiences and research into this element of our lives.

You can find Part Two of the series: How Empaths Can Shield Negative Energies

spiritual awareness

Empaths and Energy Sucking Vampires and Narcissists

Welcome back to my part three in this series of Empaths and Energies. In the first two episodes, I spoke of empaths and how to shield negative energies. In this segment I am using the popular term used for those that drain our energies – Vampires.

It should be no big surprise that empaths attract both, energy sucking vampires and narcissists, who are often associated as being energy sucking vampires as well. As I spoke about before, empaths absorb the emotions of others, are sensitive to other’s energies, and often are like human lie detectors. As an empath myself, I often refer to myself as a ‘soul reader’.

A soul reader is a highly in-tuned empath who has the uncanny ability to read between the lines when people speak – or don’t speak. We can see the invisible mask. we can hear the words that are unspoken, we know what goodness or mal intentions are held secretly when we hear their words and even the words omitted.

Empaths often attract people with problems because of their sympathetic natures, but are also an open target for energy vampires and narcissists because of their open vulnerability to receive energies – good and bad. Empaths often hide their own problems and have an overwhelming want to try and solve the problems for others. Narcissists in particular, can spot this vulnerability. Weaker and troubled souls are often attracted to empaths because an empath’s personality gives off the energy that they are compassionate and open to receive. Narcissists especially love to gravitate to empaths because they see us as easy targets to manipulate because of our open to receive nature.

empath communication

Energy sucking vampires are often deeply wounded individuals who have been hurt in their current or past lives. They may have been beaten, demeaned, or bullied themselves and wish to project same onto others. They may have grown up in abusive families. They have somehow been unempowered somewhere in their lives, which can instill a sense of entitlement as a compensation for something they didn’t receive when they were younger, or worse, because of mental or physical abuse or neglect they experienced at some point in their lives, such as unresolved childhood pain. Often, these people cannot see the light so they create scenarios where they must put themselves in the spotlight to feel empowered and better about themselves.

Narcissists often adopt behaviors that will help them gain favor from people. They lack compassion, remorse and refuse to acknowledge or admit the errors of their ways. Sadly, positive psychology won’t heal a narcissist or an energy sucking vampire because these people would never admit their weaknesses. Empaths must learn how vampires operate and help themselves because vampires don’t change. An empath’s biggest struggle is to learn ‘no contact’ with such individuals. Many empaths have had a vampire parent. I most certainly can say I did. I grew up with a narcissistic, energy sucking vampire, known as my mother.

It took me over 50 years to learn how to deal with my own mother. It was painful to be around her, and even as a young child, I knew instinctively something wasn’t right with her.

I analyzed her for 50 years before I figured out why out of us four children, she sucked the most from me and preyed on my emotions and compassion – because she knew how vulnerable I was to emotions, knew she could manipulate me with guilt, and knew how much I feared her to stray from her stronghold. But I finally put it all together, and after years of literally feeling as though my insides were being torn out and twisted by my mother’s reign, I did the hardest thing I ever had to do, despite how sad I felt to abandon her. I walked away. I stopped lowering my vibrations to her level to continually appease her. Being addicted to rescuing others is dangerous to our health.

spiritual insight

So what can we do to help our empathic selves from becoming drained by these narcissists and energy sucking vampires?Please continue reading at Sally Blog for some helpful methods to deal with energy draining people.

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Spiritual Awareness – Empaths and Energy Sucking Vampires and Narcissists by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

©DGKaye2022

Sunday Book Review – They Call Me Mom by Pete Springer

Welcome to my Sunday Book Review. I was delighted to finally get to reading Pete Springer’s wonderful book on his memoirs of how he finally became a teacher, and his sharing about how he became a successful and nurturing teacher, offering a wealth of worthy advice that any teacher should be reading to help them strive to excellence.

Blurb:

Who Will You Inspire Today? Teachers face this challenge and responsibility each day, but in the process, the author discovers that his students can also have a profound influence on him. Pete Springer takes you on his memorable thirty-one-year journey in education as an elementary school teacher and offers the many valuable life and teaching lessons he learned along the way. Get ready to laugh out loud at some of the humorous and memorable experiences that all teachers face, feel inspired by the inherent goodness of children, and appreciate the importance of developing a sense of teamwork among the staff. Learn valuable tips for working with children, parents, fellow staff members, and administrators. This book is ideal for young teachers, but also a reminder to all educators of the importance and responsibility of being a role model. This book is a must-read for all new teachers and those teachers that need a reminder they are human!

Mr. Springer educates others in his easy-to-read, story-like, first-hand manuscript. You will laugh, cry, and get motivated to be the best educator you can. After reading this, I have a better outlook on relationships with my colleagues and am reminded to savor every moment. -Tami Beall (Principal, Pine Hill School)

My 5 Star Review:

I am going to start this review by saying that every teacher should read this book! The author begins this book by sharing his journey of becoming a teacher. That wasn’t his original plan as he tried to figure out through various other jobs, what he wanted to do in life. The universe certainly led him to the right place. This book reads like a memoir, and it surely is a recounting of Springer’s teaching, but also offers a wealth of lessons for educators and parents.

The author shares information about how to be a great teacher, with more than just knowing the curriculum. He describes the various things he did in his teaching years to not only educate his students, but to teach them about compassion for others, sharing, kindness, inclusiveness, as he goes the extra mile to grow their self-esteems, helping them to become worthy of themselves. As the author says himself, he played many more roles than just a teacher.

Springer gives praise when it is deserved to validate his student’s accomplishments and discipline when warranted in a fashion that didn’t criticize, nor embarrass a child, but with speaking gently so the child could learn the errors of their ways. He shared some of his own hurdles, pitfalls and accomplishments to give insight to his students so they could find a common ground and understand that even the teacher made mistakes. He found best methods of organization in classrooms after assessing his kids and grouping them where he deemed they’d fare best, and disciplined justifiably with understanding for the students, rewarding them for great accomplishments. Show and Tell in class was used for a student to demonstrate an accomplishment, while teaching others in the class something useful. These are the positives an adult can instill in a child to grow their pride moving forward in life. This teacher even spent special one-on-one time outside of a school project to form bonds.

Springer then goes into his interactions with parents because of the importance of them appreciating what they need to know about their child, including some of the more challenging discussions teachers may encounter with parents and how to handle those situations. Similarly, he shares the importance of interacting with both colleagues and the boss (the principal). He discusses good working relationships, sharing different teaching techniques, getting along, the importance of not gossiping, and sharing info without crossing privacy boundaries. He talks about discipline, how to discipline so the child learns their mistakes in a positive light. As he explains, if you only berate a child, all they would take from that is retreat, hurt, and wouldn’t learn to grow from their mistakes.

Springer offers excellent insights for all teachers to understand there is so much more to being a teacher than just teaching curriculum. He shares his own insights as to why he used certain methods and why they were effective.

Springer shares some personal stories of memorable moments, and students, how he rectified certain situations that every teacher will encounter, and his passion for teaching and its rewards. He covers a lot of ground, from the importance of laughter – embarrassing moments teaching health class, field trip shenanigans, even the sad topic of preparing with drills for lockdowns. He even covers the state of affairs currently with teacher shortages, supply room shortages, and how he went the extra mile bringing things in to give his students a great and enjoyable education.

Springer was so much more than just a teacher to his students. And it’s no surprise why some of them would call him ‘Mom’ by mistake, as they felt that comfortable with this remarkable teacher.

This book is not just for teachers. I think it’s an excellent understanding for every parent who have children in the school system. Often parents don’t know all of what goes on with their child in school. But teacher Pete had an excellent execution of keeping parents informed and engaging with them.

©DGKaye2022

Mercury Retrograde Begins – Again!

I have written about the planets and how Mercury Retrograde wreaks havoc in our lives before, particularly affecting communications, plans, relationships and more. It’s the time when Murphy’s Law kicks in – when anything that can go wrong, will go wrong as it emerges its ugly head and comes into effect. Well, welcome to this new cycle of trouble-making Mercury, which has arrived in full force.

Mercury comes to us approximately three to four times a year when it appears. It begins to appear as though it’s going backwards when orbiting the sun. It usually lasts for about three weeks, with a couple of add on days for good measure – three to four days before it begins, and the same after, known as the ‘shadow’ period. This year we are ‘gifted’ with four retrogrades – hang on to your hats! Well, it began yesterday and hasn’t wasted a moment of bestowing its gifts in my life already. You can read here about this retrograde and how it will affect you and your astrological sign. But whether or not it comes in your sign, just know, it really doesn’t spare anyone in some way or another. It officially begins today, but almost everyone I know has had a taste of it already this week.

Let me start with my awaking to a feeling of impending doom yesterday. I awoke with that feeling, turned on the TV and found the breaking news that the Queen was dying. I began writing a post that my insides were begging me to write about our beloved Queen, and within two hours later, she passed.

As I was having my own personal mourning period over the loss and talking to a friend on the phone, my internet and landline died too. I ran to my cell phone to try and call back the friend who I got disconnected from and found NO CELL SERVICE. Yes! It wasn’t the power, but AGAINNNNNNNNNNNNN Rogers network, which I only recently wrote about the huge communications outage with Rogers – Canada wide! I vowed to change over to Bell Media, and as procrastinating as I am, have not yet managed to get to that part. Well here was a good kick in the ass to remind me to GET RID OF ROGERS!

As though that weren’t enough, I’d yet to get a chance to call my bestie in England as I’d missed her call, and it came in just after the Queen passed. I then found another message I missed about a very good friend of mine and my husband’s being back in hospital again with his chronic breathing issues – courtesy of him catching Covid in early 2020, which has taken him to several hospital visits ever since. He suffers asthma and the Covid gave him many complications with it afterward. I then discovered another missed message from my friend I made in Mexico, Shelley, who I recently spent a week visiting her home about two hours east of where I live. Her and her husband had other friends over from Toronto this past Labor Day weekend and and were hit with their friends in their car by a suicidal drunk driver and almost killed.

I then proceeded to get dressed to get out and find some wifi again and in the process did my daily routine of stepping on the bathroom scale before I got dressed, and somehow managed to nick the corner of the scale on a wall while placing it back. And the scale died too. This retrograde looks like it’s going to be a doozy for me and some of the people in my life and it’s only officially day one.

One thing I’ve learned in life is to NEVER say, ‘What else can go wrong?’ Because I feel like that question invites an answer. So thanks for letting me vent. And please be careful and diligent during this VERY unpredictable phase. Consider yourselves warned.

If you are interested in learning more about how we are affected, this article below is quite succinct:

https://www.rd.com/article/mercury-in-retrograde/

Mercury Retrograde explained in simple terms:

©DGKaye2022

The Grief Diaries – From This Side of Grief – #Depression – A Silent Killer

I don’t wish to sound like a broken record sharing my moments of grief here, but besides the fact that writing about it somehow eases the weight of my grief, I know that there are plenty of us out there who are living it and may feel an ounce of comfort or kinship with these posts. And also, undoubtedly, everyone has lost a loved one, or ultimately, will, so my thoughts here may become beneficial to others somewhere down the road. This is why I’ll soon be starting my podcast on Grief – The Real Talk, for exactly these reasons.

But know this God honest truth – not five minutes of any day since the day my husband left me here, goes by that I’m not thinking of him or speaking to him. That man was woven into my soul, and not thinking of him would be like forgetting half of my body or forgetting to put on clothes. But today, I figured it was time to share more of my thoughts here in what I like to call my Grief Diaries series. In this series I’ve been discussing thoughts and/or moments that strike hard, baring my soul so to speak, but sharing not just because I need a place to vent, but sharing my realizations in hopes of spreading awareness.

Let me start by saying that this post might seem a little dark, but grief isn’t a sunny topic. And let me also state that this post isn’t me crying out for help, but more for recognition for the so many in this sometimes dark world who can’t summon their voice. Yes, I am one of grief’s victims, and I have been working diligently with books, videos, spirit and meditations since I lost my husband so that I can try and learn how to dig my own self out of the darkness that reigns because if I want to survive and find life again I must find the life boat back to the light. It’s a difficult thing to do one’s self, but I have spent my whole life since childhood ‘finding a way’ to get through adversity. I share my struggle on this journey, and I am not ashamed to admit it. But there are the so many out there who may not be able to search for or find their strength to want to go on, no matter what their traumatic issue is.

I’m a strong woman. I built myself up that way throughout my life. I’m strong-willed and minded, but I will tell you honestly, this grieving business is a Goliath of a beast. I know what it has taken from me and can tell you, it’s not difficult to see how the weaker sometimes can’t pull through. So I felt that besides letting off a little personal steam in this post, that once again, I wanted to spread the awareness to others and want to speak up for those who may have family going through some tough times who choose not to speak about their pain, so that family may clue in.

What sparked my wanting to share this post came from my scanning through a book of material I’ve written in draft to put into a book on my grief. I am suddenly getting inspired to read through just some of the material I’ve written as I witnessed my husband’s health decline to after his passing. For now they are in a Word doc temporarily titled – Conversations and Observations, and, Obituary. I currently have oodles of permanent titles on a page listed that I will have to work with once the book is put together and I find the most fitting title.

From this side of Grief:

I am a strong woman who has lived through some terrible shit in my life but nothing, I mean NOTHING is as painful as the grief I carry with me daily from the loss of my beloved husband.

It doesn’t matter that I could almost lift park benches from the strength I’ve acquired through difficulties in life, this enormous strangle hold that suffocates daily is an opponent bigger than life. And many days it can be emotionally crippling.

I often go to the dark side since losing my other half. And no, time doesn’t ease. When the grief monster and the bubble of sadness that comes along for the ride appear, I find myself in yet another duel. These duels become more and more trying and they don’t dissipate with time, despite everyone else in our circles forgetting we are in this grief for life and it can take a long time – or forever, to climb back into joyful living. Our grief never leaves. Even with however much time it may take for it to come to a slow simmer that resides within without constant bubbling over, mine never seems to leave, I am only still learning how to temporarily suppress it. So we are forced to find a way to continue on with our lives or merely just exist. I am choosing life, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy and that it some days doesn’t knock the actual wind out of my breathing sails.

The loneliness is overwhelming. I am naturally a tactile, social being, often dubbed a social butterfly. Nobody is physically here for me, and I’m not one to cry for help to burden others. But I can’t help but wonder, where are the people who used to be in my life? Why did family forget me after such a traumatic event that goes on daily? There I said it, and I’m going to leave that one alone – for now, because, honestly, the people I’m related to by blood give me enough fodder to write a book, erm, make that a tome.

semi colon heart

Some days I’m living on the precipice between living and existing. I am, me, myself and I. I was never that person who got depressed, but I can surely say I know what so many in this world struggle with as this visiting sadness that looms large over me has given me new understanding. I don’t want to call my sadness depression, more like PTSD. My mind too often drifts in a continuous cycle of visionary reminders of watching my husband die daily before my eyes. This is some tough shit to erase from the play list of home videos. It’s a repetitive cycle that is easily triggered by a memory, a random object in my home, or just plain looking at photos of my husband (which surround my home like a mausoleum because I need them to be all around me). I’ve thankfully, never been a depressed person despite some of the awful things that have happened in my life, and knowing depression does exist on my maternal side, I am grateful I didn’t inherit that dis-ease. I may get temporarily depressed, knowing that’s the wrong word I sometimes substitute for sadness, but I don’t allow myself to live in darkness and I fight back with all my might not to allow myself to let a sad day turn into many in a row. Perhaps I’m lucky that way? But there are plenty of people who live in deep depression and can manage to keep that under a cloak when around others. This can lead to dangerous outcomes.

I’m not that person who calls people to wa wa my troubles and moan. Instead, I am silent and solitary. My cries for help will come in subtle ways, maybe talking to a friend and almost begging them to come visit, invading that fine line with my silent cry for help so as not to sound desperate, when in fact there are days when I am.

People are busy. We don’t wish to act sucky so we stuff down our silent hell when all we are craving is some human connection, a hug, an ear for us to cast off our fears, fears that sometimes keep us in the dark and have us questioning ourselves on why are we still here. Why am I here where nobody has time when I could be with one who my heart aches for?

Often it’s the crushing, suffocating pain of having to tolerate our own existence that leads to the many suicides labeled as mental health issues. Funny how I see in my own life how nobody has the time for a cry for help, even when it is deafeningly silent. But they make time for the damned funerals.

Depression, like grief, is a silent thief that traps us at its will. It comes like a tornado sweeping over us, leaving us nothing to grab hold of in its wake, it can often be called a silent killer.

Us grievers, the sad, lonely, or depressed, don’t typically cry for help.  And for the some that do, they aren’t always heard. This is why so often these people commit suicide. They don’t feel they are being heard, loved or cared about. They’re misunderstood for craving attention when in fact, they are, and sometimes that attention  they didn’t receive could have been the very lifeline that saved them. Connection and companionship are a crucial need for a griever, especially one who lives alone. Those who don’t understand how depression can take hold of someone in their darkest moments should pay more attention to the signs, without judgement. We watch movies and news reels about people who feel there’s no help for them and choose to end their pain, all too often. And their loved ones sit in question. Asking themselves, why didn’t I see the signs? Because you don’t always see signs as many depressed are clever at masquerading their pain with smiles and jokes with their pretended happiness. But if you listen and learn not just to the words, but the silences in between, you can learn how to read between the lines and you just may hear.

I remind you all that if you have a person in your life suffering from a situation, to give them a thought once in awhile. If you noticed their silences, patterns, or dispositions have changed, check up on them. If you noticed they don’t show up like they used to or don’t call you, take that as a sign they are in retreat mode and could use a little company, even if they say they are fine – because they are not. If they are going through an ordeal in their life, pick up a phone and make a point to get together with them or just go visit them. Take it from me. I will never beg, and neither will many others. Please have compassion for someone in your life going through a difficult time. Most of the time, their silence is not a good thing. Take it from one who knows.

I wrote a post awhile ago about the symbolism of the semi-colon not just being a punctuation mark, but a survivor symbol – we are making it through, or have made it through, after a life-altering pause. Our story is not over because we choose to fight on.

Semi colon pause

©DGKaye 2022