Writing Your Life – #Epistolary Writing, Forever Love

Another month or so from now I plan on going back to working on my next book, a monumental task that I feel compelled to write about. I began writing this book about a year before my husband passed. I didn’t know then I was writing a book, but it turns out I was.

I began writing a conversational documentary on moments and conversations that would come up sporadically between me and my husband. I found some haunting, some humorous, but also, some that left me questioning. I kept adding to the conversations and thoughts almost nightly – late at nightly. I didn’t know why I felt compelled to write my questions and feelings about random things between us, I just did. I also didn’t know my husband was dying when I began writing these observations. Almost like a diary of poignant moments and thoughts. By the time my husband’s death was impending, I knew my reason for beginning these writings. I needed to talk about him, to him. I wanted to keep track of our poignant discussions. I needed to share his wit and wisdom. I needed to shine a light on a magnificent man and moments with him so that others could know him too. And most of all, although this is my life, this book will definitely be food for thought for those who will read it. My husband was funny, loving and wise – but mostly, remarkable.

The book I want to write is in a very rough draft of disarray of almost 100,000 words in dire need of revising. I honestly haven’t even began to look at the writing, I merely keep adding to the doc whenever an important memory pops up. I began with three different Word documents with these working titles – Observations and Conversations, Obituary, and Poetry. Not even looking at the pages yet as just thinking about, it gives me shivers to reread. I will have to print out the many pages and lay them on the floor as a mosaic, piecing things in order, to begin the rewriting, adding, substracting, and editing. I have many a working title listed, and hoping this will be my best book, and undeniably, the most difficult to write (with P.S. I Forgive You as a distant second as a heart-wrenching book to write) as I reread and rewrite, many times over. I also plan to write the book in epistolary writing style. See my featured article as guest writer at Wendy Van Camp’s blog, No Wasted Ink, on epistolary writing.

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Writing Our LIfe

When I began writing books, my husband was so proud of me. He used to ask me if I would write a book about him. I asked, what exactly would he like me to write about? I also told him I’m not a ghostwriter, I’m a memoir writer. We laughed. Well, I suppose the joke is on me because it appears that I am now that ghostwriter in the literal sense – writing about the life between me and my beautiful husband, now a ghostly spirit as I remain the one who holds the love for both of us – on this planet.

Below is an example of how I’d like to convey my stories in epistolary style. Using my husband’s asking me if I’d write a book about him as a sample of how I’d write it below:

You asked, “Cubby, will you write a book about me?” I chuckled and asked you, as my eyes caught that sweet boyish grin of yours, what exactly is it you want me to write about? As though there weren’t a thousand and one things I could write about you. You laughed and said you had lots of good and funny stories to share. And certainly you did. But I backed off, telling you I wasn’t a ghostwriter, and memoirs are personal stories belonging to the writer. Remember? I’m a memoir writer. But the universe gets the last laugh on that one. In my life, I never thought I’d ever be writing about grief stories. And especially -that all those stories would be featuring YOU.

Me, the person who would or could not ever for one moment, allow myself to even entertain the thought that I could possibly one day be left, living without you. I’d never let my brain entertain one second of a thought of a life without you, especially with my strong believe in manifestation about – you get what you focus on. And being without you was just something I would never let cross my mind. But here I am, writing about you, sharing both my joy and grief, and questions. So many questions.

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Below, you will find more in this article from Writer Mag on what epistolary writing is:

https://www.writermag.com/improve-your-writing/fiction/epistolary-novels/

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©DGKaye2023

Writing as Therapy – Taking the Pain out of our Heads and on to Paper

Did you know that writing can be so very therapeutic? It’s not a myth. Take it from me who began writing at seven years old. Growing up in a dysfunctional family life with a heart filled with compassion and worry, I took to writing poems, notes, and journaling. I didn’t always show them to anyone, but I took my pain out of my head and put it on paper. It was a release.

Growing up with a narcissistic mother who mashed my father over and over until he finally died of a broken heart (underlying health issues exacerbated by his grief), my young empathic heart could feel his pain. He came to me since I was seven and poured his heart out to this broken little girl who was powerless to help him, but I was all he had to pour his heart out too. That was a huge responsibility for a little girl – a daughter to witness her father’s ongoing grief and not be able to do anything about it except summon up the bravery to approach my mother to beg her to take my father back, yet again. I received no compassion from my mother in doing so, only a slap across my face as she reminded me to mind my own business. It was my business! But my voice and hands were tied. This is about the time I learned to write out my feelings. I needed to be heard and release, if only to the universe.

Know that whatever you write is to release and doesn’t always have to be given to the person our words are directed at. It’s to get those jumbled thoughts and worries out of our heads and on to paper. Perhaps there will come a day you may want to give it to the person the words are directed to, maybe you might just burn it and vanish the thoughts away into the universe. Or just maybe, like me, you’ll journal enough through your life and end up writing books about all the things you once could never say out loud.  Either way, it’s cathartic. My small beginnings of writing on scraps of paper, eventually, made me a memoir writer. Whodathunk?

Speaking about grief, my latest podcast is live now. In this third episode, I’m talking about how when we lose a spouse, our identities change – along with everything else. I hope you will visit me on Youtube.

©DGKaye2022

New Reviews for my books – Books by D.G, Kaye in Review #Memoir – #Christmas Book Fair

 

Today I’m sharing some new and recent reviews I came across for all of my books! I was excited to recently find four new reviews for my book Menowhat? A Memoir. It seems one doesn’t have to be going through the changes of madness to feel curious about this book. A friend who I’d given a few of my books too was thrilled to type up reviews in gratitude for the books. Not everyone is tech savvy to get a review up on Amazon or Goodreads so I was very appreciative.

 

Customer Reviews for:

 

I came across this gem of a review by Diana Peach on Amazon, and then shared again on her blog in her September Reads

xMeno – What?: Memorable Moments of Menopause by D. G. Kaye

I tried to read this book in bed before nodding off, but my husband made me go downstairs… apparently my laughter was keeping him up. As someone who’s gone through “The Change,” I found this book highly relatable and, at times, laugh out loud funny. Kaye recommends laughter as a way of dealing with this shocking stage of life, and her account of her own battle with menopause and post-menopausal changes demonstrates that conviction.

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Kaye gives an overview of the biological changes, reminds us that she isn’t a doctor, and clarifies that every woman will experience this misery in different ways. Besides offering plenty of opportunities for laughter, she provides suggestions for ways to manage our changing bodies. I especially related to her discussion of post-menopausal changes that begin with a stage called “What the Hell?”

xHer anecdotes are relatable… the covers on/covers off routine… opening the car window to let the snow blow in… “alligator” skin… sagging, spots, you name it, she covers the gamut and all with sardonic wit, disbelief, good sense, and a determination to fight back. This book is a memoir but one that doubles as a guide for women during their menopausal journeys. Highly recommended.

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A recent 5 Star review from Harmony Kent:

#BookReview: Meno-What? by D G Kaye @pokercubster #Menopause #womensissues

Hi everyone! Today, I have a book review for a favourite writer of mine, D G Kaye … an author many of us know and love >>> Harmony posted on her blog: 

 

My Review:

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

I have read this author before, and her humour in adversity shines through every time. This knack makes what could be a depressing read into an inspiring one, and Meno-What? doesn’t disappoint. At 66 Kindle pages, this is a quick yet informative read.

xI would say this is a must-read for all women going through or approaching a certain stage of life: the menopause. I might go so far as to say that their loved ones should read this too! … Although, when I made the same suggestion to dear hubby, I received a noncommittal grunt in reply, lols.

xThe author tells us that “major body trauma or surgery can ignite the process.” Tick!
And … “Those meno dragons can creep up on you like the night.” Tick! (Love that imagery.)
And … “If you can’t laugh, there’s no fun in existing!” Tick!

xSome comments show the massive differences between healthcare in the UK and that in the US. For instance, many of us over this side of the pond can’t imagine having our own dermatologist or gynae person to go to at need. Apart from this difference in health care provision, the book and its examples is highly relatable.

xAs an amputee, I’m experiencing a whole new level of fun living with a false leg during hot sweats. Just yesterday, after the supposedly-tight-and-skin-gripping liner slipped off my residual limb three times in half an hour, and took my prosthetic with it mid-step, I decided to give myself a break and had a wheelchair day. As the author advises, seeing the funny side sure does help!

xReading this book had me chortling away throughout, as well as nodding in recognition. Honestly, I wish I’d read this a few years ago! While each experience of menopause is individual, there are some common truths that hold for us all, and this book is a wonderful reminder that we’re not alone, as well as offering some general advice from a lay perspective. This treat of a memoir gets a solid five stars from me.

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MacTrish

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 19 October 2021

Verified Purchase
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xI made a new friend in my building and she’s a retired professional in higher education. She was so excited to learn I was an author and asked where she can buy my books. Of course, I gave her two. She was so kind, as she doesn’t fiddle much with computers, but she wrote three lovely reviews for three of my books, P.S. I Forgive You, Twenty Years: After “I Do”, and Conflicted Hearts:

 

P.S. I Forgive You - D.G. Kaye

 

Twenty Years

 

Conflicted Hearts Cover, D.G. Kaye

 

 

Review

 

book review

 

Words We Carry quote D.G. Kaye

 

 

 

Diana DeCaire

Reviewed in the United States on April 6, 2021

Verified Purchase
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Have Bags, Will Travel, D.G. Kaye

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marjorie mallon

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 21 February 2021

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I read this as part of #ireadcanadian., @ireadcanadian #nowmorethanever.

This is such a hoot, what a laugh!

xHave Bags Will Travel is such an entertaining read which gives you an insight into D G Kaye’s character, her shopping obsession, packing troubles, germaphobia, and brushes with airport security. Enjoy her recollections on the glamour and glitz, her love to travel and a nostalgic aspect to it all.

xHer friend Zan shares her shopaholic tendencies too. The two of them together… can you imagine? A red head, blonde explosion of zaniness! I love the part when they end up at Buckingham Palace and chat to a Beefeater, the royal guard and after which… it gets funnier by the moment.

xHave Bags Will Travel gives a historical account of how much easier it used to be to take overstuffed baggage through airports in the good old days. Now, it seems that D G Kaye will resort to anything to get her shopping home.

xZan and D G Kaye also travel to Paris and end up shopping for shoes!

xThere are manmade toboggan rides in Muskoka, Canada.

xTrips to Venezuela: Margarita Island and Caracas with cousin Eileen.

xLas Vegas, Then and Now – gambling/casinos, fond memories of the author’s love of the desert.

xHave Bags Will Travel is just what we need right now, a good giggle! There is also a section at the back of the book with Helpful Travel tips.

xA short, entertaining read. Highly recommended, especially for the shopoholics and travel enthusiasts in your life!

 

***

I am grateful for all those interested in my books and for those who’ve taken the time to read, enjoy, and took more time to write reviews.

xSo what’s next?  Well,  as many of you already know, this year hasn’t been kind to me, in fact, my nightmares with my husband’s declining health began last year, just as I finished revising my latest memoir – Fifteen First Times. I never even got it sent to the editor before I lost all focus on book writing. With my husband’s ongoing illness, and then losing him to cancer this spring, and dealing with everything that comes after that and the suffocating grief I continue to live with, let’s just say that publishing wasn’t anything I could deal with. When I finally get away out of this space this winter, I plan on refreshing myself with the book and forwarding to my editor and to begin the publishing process for that book next spring.

xSince my husband’s illness and consequently, his death, I’ve been writing a lot about grief and poignant moments in very rough draft, as thoughts come to mind. Suffice it to say, without ‘technically’ writing a book, I’m already over 20K words in rough thoughts without even preparing for a book. I will continue writing and eventually turn the devastating situation I’m living, into a book whereby both, those who have and who are walking this journey can connect with, as well as being insightful for those lucky enough not to have walked in the shoes yet, to share through my experiences, about what to expect.

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Happy Reading!

 

@DGKaye2021

 

 

Writer’s Tips October – #Memoir Writing, #Canva, #Scamalert, Createspace, Google, Blogging, and Free Promotion Offer

Welcome to October edition of Writer’s Tips. In today’s post I’m sharing a new author scam alert, Seven S’s of writing Memoir, problems for authors who didn’t move their books themselves to Amazon, a tutorial on how to add video to Canva, marketing with Google, reusable block making on the Gutenberg editor, and two invitations where you can promote your books.

 

 

First one is a brand new author Scam Alert. Anne R. Allen keeps us abreast the latest scams and book steals. Today she shares the danger of Facebook, and advice on choosing an Editor who won’t scam.

Warning to Writers: You Won’t See This New Publishing Scam Coming

 

 

Roz Morris from Nail Your Novel with The 7 S’s of Writing Memoir

http://www.nailyournovel.com/

 

Deborah Jay with an eye-opener for authors who didn’t move their books themselves from Createspace to Amazon

https://deborahjayauthor.com/2021/09/13/createspace-to-kdp-how-did-you-transfer-your-paperbacks/comment-page-1/#comment-43568

 

Natalie Ducey Smith has a new tutorial for us on How to Add Custom Video to Canva

https://natalieducey.com/2021/09/09/how-to-add-a-custom-audio-file-to-designs-in-canva/

 

 

Attention authors looking for FREE promotion – the great promoter, Sally Cronin is offering a new series at the Smorgasbord – Lucky Dip – check it out and get featured at the Smorgasbord

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2021/09/16/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-newseries-october-2021-lucky-dip-and-do-you-trust-me/comment-page-1/#comment-526477

 

 

Tech teacher and author Jacqui Murray shares how to outline and market your stories using Google

https://worddreams.wordpress.com/2021/09/15/authortoolboxbloghop-11/#comment-272613

 

Blogging guru and author, Hugh Roberts is showing us how to make a resuseable block in the Gutenberg editor

https://hughsviewsandnews.com/2021/09/13/how-to-create-and-use-a-reusable-block-for-your-book-on-wordpress/comment-page-1/?unapproved=123774&moderation-hash=8402a8fb0c350bb24986ed2a16fad2b6#comment-123774

 

Ingram Spark tells us why we should also publish with them separately, using publishdrive

https://publishdrive.com/ingram-sell-online-print-on-demand-books-2.html

 

Author Stevie Turner also generously offers authors and bloggers Free promotion on her blog on Fridays – share a post or share a book excerpt – check it out

https://steviet3.wordpress.com/2021/09/17/friday-spotlight-17th-september/

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Q & A with D.G. Kaye – Featuring Lauren Scott – #NewRelease – More than Coffee: Memories in Verse and Prose

Welcome to my Q & A for September. Today I’m thrilled to be featuring my friend and author, Lauren Scott and her beautiful new book – More than Coffee: Memories in Verse and Prose. Lauren writes beautiful poetry and short story memoirs. I’ve been following her blog for a few years now and as Lauren has recently released her newest book, she’s on blog tour now, so I thought I’d jump in on her booklaunch tour with doing a little Q & A here with her. Enjoy!

 

 

Lauren Scott

 

About Lauren:

 

Lauren has authored two collections of poetry: New Day, New Dreams (2013) and Finding a Balance (2015). In the last couple of years, she began exploring memories from her past, penning them into short memoirs. She lives in Northern California with her husband, Matthew, and their lovable canine, Copper; they have two adult children. Family has been an aspect of life she has always held dear. From her experiences over three decades: raising a family, grieving through loss, finding joy in the smallest things, and the many backpacking and camping adventures, her writing takes a magical path of its own.

 

The marvelous wild world that surrounds her: the smell of the woods, the sound of a babbling brook, and the chorus of birds never disappoint in providing inspiration. Recent backpacking trips with Matthew along the California coast and Sierra Nevada have stirred up thoughts to write about love, lost friendship, family, and the possibility that anything can happen. Hikes along the Paper Mill Creek remind her that life is fragile. From trout hatchlings to swallowtail butterflies, Lauren is marveled at how the world is interconnected and that every living thing matters. She is a poet, short memoir writer, and nature lover who hopes her readers will find a little nugget of delight, comfort, or understanding in her poetry and stories – some detail that resonates with them beyond her words.

 

 

 

Blurb:

 

From the early woes of childhood and teen years, this collection of stories and poems paints a picture of young dreams and fears. But as adulthood sets in, these dreams and fears change. More than Coffee touches on love and loss, nature and endurance, marriage and parenting. In these memories, humor diffuses fear and taking risks proves to be a powerful method in boosting self-confidence. Through it all, whether in the wilderness near a sparkling lake or in the comfort of home, there’s nothing like a good cup of coffee. A poignant and reflective collection of verse and prose that is best enjoyed sipping your favorite coffee roast.

 

 

Welcome

 

 

Let’s get into a little Q & A and get to know more about Lauren!

 

Where do your book ideas grow from?

 

Inspiration is derived from a simple walk around the neighborhood with my dog: flowers blooming in springtime, bees buzzing in the distance, clouds forming art in the sky, or a subtle touch of a breeze. Family is most important to me, so I write about the love of my life, my husband of 32 years, who I met in a comical manner. My parents who have since passed away have been the fodder for poetry and short memoirs – losing one parent is difficult enough, but both is beyond surreal. It’s like the family foundation slipped into a sink hole. I find inspiration from my son and daughter who have turned out to be compassionate, amazing adults, and how it took some getting used to when my husband and I became empty nesters.

 

I write about loss and grief – the importance of letting those tears flow – but also the necessity of occasionally giving freedom to your silly self. Camping and backpacking have played an integral part of our life, so living in the wilderness near a sparkling freshwater lake encourages a plethora of thoughts eager to be written. Hiking five miles further up the mountain to a lake filled with lily pads is like entering a fairyland inspiring a new level of ideas for my muse.

 

When work on my memoir began, my mind transported to the past: recalling formative childhood years, finding forever love, becoming a mother, and taking on challenges that I never would have attempted before. I strive to convey the value of slowing down and reveling in surrounding beauty, feeling gratitude, meeting a challenge head-on, and living in the here and now. We’re only gifted one ride around the sun, so why not make it the best possible ride?!

 

DG: Even your response here is beautiful prose Lauren. Yes, writing about truth in life is all about the moments we take in and how we interpret them. 🙂

 

 

What are your writing goals for this year?

 

I had set a writing goal to publish my memoir, More than Coffee: Memories in Verse and Prose which was released in early September. What a feeling of accomplishment, especially because my first two books were collections of poetry. More than Coffee speaks of memories from the past written in freeform poetry and in short memoirs. The process took longer than I anticipated, and I thought the editing would never end. Eventually, the point of confidence that every comma and verb was written correctly was finally achieved. I am thrilled to check that box off, but in the process, I was able to relive many wonderful moments from my childhood into my adulting. When loved ones have passed on, it is the gathering of fond memories that sustain us and bring them to life.

 

DG: I’m glad you accomplished what you set out to do Lauren. I know how life can get in the way of our good intentions. Writing memoir is certainly reliving the moments. 🙂

 

 

Would you like to share with us what upcoming projects and/or ideas for books you’re working on?

 

As I inched closer to the finish line with More than Coffee, the wheels in my mind started turning again, and I wondered what will come next? I have written more than a dozen new poems I would love to see in print, but those may have to wait. I recently pulled a children’s book idea from my archived computer files. This book or a possible series commenced over two decades ago. And then life happened, raising children took precedence, and that idea became complacent in the archives. I feel now is the right time to breathe some life into this project. However, I don’t know the first thing about writing a children’s book. For now, though, I’m enjoying the ride on Cloud 9 from the release of my new book and the positive feedback I’ve received, along with the generous support from wonderful blogging friends. Once this ride slows down, the children’s book research will begin, and I’ll see where it takes me.

 

DG: That sounds fantastic Lauren. I could definitely see you as a children’s writer. That will be a wonderful project to dive into no doubt!

 

 

Do you have any advice you can share for new writers?

 

My advice is to simply write! Don’t think too hard! Years ago, I allowed intimidation to prevent me from pursuing my writing passion – intimidation from not holding that BA or MFA in Creative Writing. However, several years ago, I attended English classes required for an associate degree at our local community college (baby steps to a bachelor’s degree), and I’m proud to say that I aced those classes. I loved the writing and the experience. But what halted me on that path to a two-year degree was the requirement to take other classes that might not interest me, then to spend time doing that homework. Instead, my son nudged me into starting a blog. I slowly began to share my writing, feeling a little timid in the beginning. At the same time, I followed many talented authors. Before I knew it, WordPress transformed into an online classroom. I learned about various formats of poetry. I read compelling fiction with authentic dialogue. I laughed and let the tears fall when reading memoirs. I delighted in immersing myself into charming children’s books.

 

Thus, I made another choice, pouring my heart and soul into writing for my blog, a wonderful platform to engage with other like-minded bloggers. Regardless of age, learning is infinite, as well as growing in one’s craft. Maybe I’ll step foot on a college campus again? Whether that happens or not, I’ll continue to read, letting myself be drawn into fantastic tales of fantasy, mystery, and romance. I’ll feel the myriad of emotions when reading beautiful poetry, gaining more knowledge along the journey. And when inspiration moves me, I will write. So, follow your writing passion regardless of credentials or age.

 

DG: I’d say that is the best advice for new writers afraid to take the plunge. Oh yes, it can be so intimidating when we first begin. But the blog gives us our own platform to experiment with our writing and a great audience to inspire us to keep writing. It’s all about community for us writers. 🙂

 

 

Books by Lauren Scott

 

Lauren Shares an Excerpt from her story – Ascent

 

When we reached the top and I looked down that sleek granite dome, I was amazed at what I had achieved. Never underestimate our abilities. On the other side of the dome, Shealor Lake was in full view. We gave our legs a short rest, drank some water, then headed downhill with the enticing pull of the lake’s beauty. As we neared the bottom, my emotions ran wild. I was relieved that we finally made it, but a sudden wave of grief washed over me. We removed our packs and sat on a log for a time-out. I was so overwhelmed that the tears found freedom. I didn’t fight them. I cried for the loss of Dad. I cried for having completed this hike that I didn’t think I was capable of. I would’ve backed out graciously had I known the details.

 

After a few minutes, I composed myself and looked to the lake. The water, a jeweled phenomenon. It sparkled, inviting us for a swim. While we set up our back-country camp, the orange-hot sun blazed down on us as if we had drastically turned up the thermostat, so the cool lake water soothed our sun-kissed skin. The fact that we were all alone in this canyon full of forest and smooth granite was beyond welcoming. The tranquility offered me the chance to reminisce about Dad and my parents together. The solitude afforded a perfect destination to grieve, think, remember, and cry. Mourning the loss of one parent was difficult enough but losing both felt surreal – a new stage of life had begun.

 

I hope you all enjoyed getting to know a bit about Lauren, her writing and her new book. Visit Lauren at her blog and at her Amazon author page to discover some of her other books.

 

Visit Lauren:

 

BLOG: https://baydreamerwrites.com/

AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE:  https://www.amazon.com/~/e/B08NCRH4MK

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Friday Spotlight – D.G Kaye | Stevie Turner

Today I’m sharing my recent feature spot I had over at Stevie Turner’s blog where I’m talking a bit about how my book – Twenty Years: After “I Do” came to be. Stevie Turner generously runs an author promotion series every Friday on her blog. Some weeks she offers ‘Click and Run’, where we’re invited to leave a link to a great review for one of our books, and this spotlight feature. Stevie invites authors to submit to be featured. Enjoy reading my post and if you’d like to be featured, follow her submission guidelines listed at the bottom of her post page.

 

 

Friday Spotlight – D.G Kaye

 

 

Hi all, today the spotlight is on D.G Kaye, a non-fiction author I feel I know very well even though I’ve never met her.

 

We’ve gone through a few similiar life experiences, and we have the same opinions on many subjects. Reading Debby’s bio below, I’ve often wished I could have been a reporter too, and it’s quite uncanny how much alike we are in so many ways!

 

I enjoyed reading Debby’s book ‘Twenty Years: After “I Do”, which contains many tips for a successful marriage based on the author’s own twenty year marriage to the love of her life, Gordon, who sadly passed away earlier this year.

 

 

Author, D.G. Kaye

 

 

Bio

 

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

 

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, sharing the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

 

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.

 

 

Why I write nonfiction

 

I’ve always been a ‘tell it the way it is’ kind of girl. In fact, I’m pretty sure I should have been a reporter. I’m a nonfiction/memoir writer and no matter how hard I try to get around that by dabbling into the odd fiction writing piece, it always seemed I was writing on factual incidents, so I decided why bother packing it as fiction, why not just own up to it and tell the truth. All my stories have lessons in them that others can take from them. And when a story isn’t about a serious topic, I’ll always try to inject humor whenever I can. Why? Because sometimes we all just need to look for the funny.

 

 

About the writing of this book:

 

 Writing this book was a true labor of love. The book stemmed from little things that popped into my head a few years ago when my husband took ill. I was riding a roller coaster of emotions for much of the year with my husband’s health, and it got me thinking about how much had really changed through the years, as his aging was happening well ahead of mine.

 

I’m not suggesting that time isn’t catching up with me too, but what I mean is that my husband was two decades older than me, and when we first got married, I let that factor slide because there were so many good reasons to marry him. But it’s a learning curve when you have a ringside seat watching your spouse go through situations that become a bit more difficult as the body ages and sickness sometimes takes its toll.

 

It was an actual statement that my husband made one day that lit up my brain with the book idea. He made a comment out of the blue, “We’ve been together twenty years.” When you read the book, you will understand why that statement spurred the title of the book. And from there, well, it got me thinking about some of the day-to-day activities we do that tend to become altered as one ages, as well as some of the things about the future we don’t normally tend to think about when we’re younger, but become things we’re forced to think about and reckon with.

 

The basic formula I can share to keep the engines of a marriage running smoothly is to always remember compassion and kindness, listen with your heart, talk about your feelings, be a supportive partner, and don’t forget to include laughter in your life every day!

 

 

 

 

Blurb:

 

May/December memoirs. In this personal accounting, D.G. Kaye shares the insights and wisdom she has accrued through twenty years of keeping her marriage strong and thriving despite the everyday changes and challenges of aging. Kaye reveals how a little creative planning, acceptance, and unconditional love can create a bond no obstacle will break.

 

 

Excerpt:

 

Sacrifice

 

When I chose to marry Gordon, I didn’t live in a fantasy world, unconcerned about the future. I didn’t jump in recklessly, thinking life wouldn’t present problems down the road. I wasn’t delusional, thinking, I’ll worry about whatever happens when it happens or Nothing bad is ever going to happen to him. No, I took everything into consideration and thought logically about marrying Gordon, and knew in my heart that the bottom line was that I loved him for all he was and who he was and that love, providing it was reciprocated, would sustain me through whatever came our way.

 

***

 

When I talk about the sacrifices we make in life, I’m referring to sacrifices we make for our marriage, our children, or sometimes just for the sake of peace. But what are we sacrificing? Do we become heroes because we act selflessly by giving into or giving up something to someone, by sacrificing our own happiness for others? Do we sacrifice to appease, or do we sacrifice from the goodness of our hearts?

 

“Sacrifice” isn’t a simple word. Sacrifice in a marriage isn’t an accolade we should brag about but an act we perform voluntarily for the pure pleasure of giving up something we desire for the sake of someone else’s happiness or need. A healthy relationship involves a give and take from both parties, and if one of those parties isn’t reciprocating, he or she isn’t sacrificing. When we commit to an honest relationship, we realize that selflessness is a main ingredient and part of what strengthens the bond as our relationships develop. We accept that life consists of peaks and valleys, and we sometimes have to give up something with an open heart to accommodate our partners’ needs.

 

If we’re the selfish type who only take from a relationship what we want and flee when obstacles present themselves, there is no sacrifice, only selfishness. Sacrifice will always be part of a good and healthy relationship because that’s what we do when we love with our whole hearts: We give of ourselves with no complaints or expectations.

 

So where does the word “sacrifice” fit into my relationship? Am I supposed to say I sacrificed my midlife years because my husband is older now and we’re unable to do many of the same things we once did together in our earlier years? That’s not how a good marriage works. I didn’t sacrifice anything to be with Gordon. We’ve had a wonderful life together and still do. Sure, our age difference can sometimes present challenges, but what marriage doesn’t encounter challenges? Ours are just different. We care about each other and have always been at each other’s sides through the big moments and the small. We support each other’s desires, dreams, and ambitions. We make each other laugh and remember to tell one another “I love you” every day. Our views on certain issues will differ, and sometimes Gordon may not understand my writing life, but he’s proud of me and applauds my accomplishments—and he never complains.

 

If I’m lost in my work and the dinner hour has passed, he won’t complain but will help himself to a bowl of cereal. My husband is a good sport when it comes to my desires, and he’s always happy to see me happy. That’s how it’s been since the beginning of us, and that says a lot for why we’re still together today.

 

A good relationship always entails sacrifices. Maintaining a good relationship is like creating a recipe with all the nutritional ingredients and flavor, well simmered to ensure it’s tasteful and fulfilling, and part of that recipe is to be generous with hugs. Hugs are a loving expression of our emotions. Still, to this day, when Gordon makes me laugh with his boyish charm, I see the charisma that attracted me to him twenty years ago and can’t resist hugging him like I would a comforting teddy bear. He is my teddy bear, huggable, lovable, dependable, helpful, and caring. So really, what could I possibly have sacrificed to receive all the gifts I am given?

 

~ ~ ~

 

Review

 

5.0 out of 5 stars A Memoir On Love and Marriage: Love Without Limits

Reviewed in the United States on August 20, 2019 by Lauren Miller

 

Verified Purchase

 

D.G Kaye beautifully chronicles twenty years of her marriage and along the way encapsulates the heart of unconditional love amid life’s challenges. What I loved so much was her honest retelling of those years, both good and challenging. I found myself nodding again and again while I read as she honed into what the fundamental requirements were to maintain a healthy relationship. Respect, laughter, intimacy and patience are the cornerstones of a solid foundation that can withstand the trials of daily living. This is, or should be required reading for anyone in a relationship whether married or in a partnership. The author touched on so many issues that impact all relationships. This novel is a keeper and one I will return to over and over again. I extend a heartfelt thank you to the author for her candor and the gift to all of us for this remarkable book.

 

Please visit Stevie’s blog for original post and find out how to be featured with your books.

Source: Friday Spotlight – D.G Kaye | Stevie Turner

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Writer’s Tips – Publishing Scams, Google Caveat, Writing the Blurb, #Scammers, Author Marketing

Welcome to September edition of Writer’s Tips. In this edition it’s chock full of goodies for authors. Author Marketing and a new series open for writers from Sally Cronin. Anne R. Allen keeps us up to date on scams against authors. Ruth Harris on writing the danged blurb. How to structure memoir using storyboard. Harmony Kent on writing in 2nd person, and a warning to check your Google extensions so you aren’t auto-opted in to their exploitive policy.

 

 

Sally Cronin with her Podcast on Marketing for Authors – Using social Media

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2021/08/26/smorgasbord-cafe-and-bookstore-podcasts-book-marketing-and-public-relations-twitter-and-linkedin-cons-of-marketing-online-by-sally-cronin/

 

 

Sally Cronin has opened a new author series #nonfiction – Share your story about someone who has influenced your life

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2021/08/29/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-new-series-nonfiction-guest-posts-who-has-influenced-you-the-most-in-your-life/

 

 

Anne R. Allen with an in-depth listing of Scams against Authors

Publishing Scammers are Proliferating like Tribbles: How to Stay Safe

 

 

Also from Anne R. Allen’s blog featuring Ruth Harris – Writing the danged Blurb

Some Unconventional Advice About How to Write the D*mn Blurb

 

 

Informative article on how Google’s Chrome extensions sneak us in without permissions

https://www.forbes.com/sites/zakdoffman/2021/08/28/stop-using-google-chrome-on-windows-10-android-and-apple-iphones-ipads-and-macs/?sh=7c1ed6d84a97

 

 

Harmony Kent with her segment at the Story Empire with Part 2 in her Point of View series – Writing in Second Person

https://storyempirecom.wordpress.com/2021/08/27/how-to-write-point-of-view-part-3-second-person/comment-page-1/#comment-150284

 

 

Learn to successfully structure your memoir, novel, or nonfiction book using a simple storyboard system

http://howtoplanwriteanddevelopabook.blogspot.com/2021/07/memoirs-primary-argument-making-sure.html

 

 

©DGKaye2021

 

 

 

#BookReview: P S I Forgive You: A Broken Legacy by D G Kaye @pokercubster | Welcome to Harmony Kent Online

I came across a new review for my book, P.S. I Forgive You, from the talented author Harmony Kent, found on her blog. I need not tell any other author here how uplifting it is to come by a lovely surprise when someone takes the time to read our work, write a review and share it on their own blog. A truly wonderful community we all are and once again, I’m stoked that my book touched another person.

 

#BookReview: P S I Forgive You: A Broken Legacy by D G Kaye @pokercubster

Hi everyone. Good news: my long awaited chest x-Ray shows my lungs are clear! Yay! 😁🎉. The issues seem to be down to an overactive immune system, which the new tablets are helping with, plus all the inhalers, lols. I appreciate all of your well wishes and support over these many months.

I owe an apology for not being around online much this last week or so. My first COVID vaccine has hit me hard and left me tired and with headaches. I’m well on the mend, though, and glad I’ve had the first dose.

Today, I have a book review for an author I’ve known and admired for a long time, Debby Kaye. Her honesty and bravery shine through in this book of non-fiction, and I feel it’s one everybody should read >>>

About the Book:

32492158. sy475 Confronted with resurfacing feelings of guilt, D.G. Kaye is tormented by her decision to remain estranged from her dying emotionally abusive mother after resolving to banish her years ago, an event she has shared in her book Conflicted Hearts.

In P.S. I Forgive You, Kaye takes us on a compelling heartfelt journey as she seeks to understand the roots of her mother’s narcissism, let go of past hurts, and find forgiveness for both her mother and herself.

After struggling for decades to break free, Kaye has severed the unhealthy ties that bound her to her dominating mother—but now Kaye battles new confliction, as the guilt she harbors over her decision only increases as the end of her mother’s life draws near.

Kaye once again struggles with her conscience and her feelings of being obligated to return to a painful past she thought she left behind.

 

My Review:

5 star rating

As soon as I saw what this book was about, I had to read it, and I am so pleased I did.

Because of the difficult subject matter, and my own history, I had to take a deep breath before I plunged in. Not only has this writer’s honesty and bravery helped me to understand my parents a little better, it has also shown me precisely what my sister has become. I’d missed that, and this explains so very much.

It is a sad fact of life that, all too often, the victim becomes the perpertrator, unless we have the insight and strength to do something about it. I have long joked that I’m the reverse ‘black sheep’ of my family, and it seems to me that Debby is too. For all our successes, and the miracle of growing into well-adjusted adults in spite of it all, we will never be accepted by a parent who demands that we live their lies, manipulations, and abuses. The same with any sibling who demands the same.

Some lines that resonated with me in particular:

‘A narcissistic mother doesn’t have to be in one’s presence. She can still demand and demean no matter how far away.’

and

‘It is my decision to banish my mother from my life and a resolution to find peace within myself with my decision.’

and

‘[…] if we’re lucky enough to realize the bad, we have the opportunity to steer ourselves in a better direction.’

For a while now, I have struggled to think of what I will do when one or the other of my parents dies. I’m not even sure they would let me know, at this stage. And reading this honest and brave account from D G Kaye has helped me immensely. It has also helped to explain the till-now inexplicable behaviour of my twin sister. She has grown up with emotional neglect, as did I, and has now become a narcissist. This book has helped me to identify why she lives and behaves the way she does.

From my own life, I know how hard it is to go against the grain to become your own person despite your upbringing. It takes work, day by day, to resist some of those unhealthy habits instilled in us as children and to trust our judgements and motives. It takes courage to not give in to the insidious lack of self-esteem with which such adults are often left. The author has overcome much, and I admire her deeply both for her acheivements and for putting her journey into words so that others of us can also be helped.

PS I Forgive You: A Broken Legacy gets a solid and resounding 5 stars from me. A difficult read, but a book everybody should read.

 

***

NOTE ON RATINGS: I consider a 3-star rating a positive review. Picky about which books I give 5 stars to, I reserve this highest rating for the stories I find stunning and which moved me.

5 STARS: IT WAS AMAZING! I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN! — Highly Recommended.
4 STARS: I WOULD PULL AN ALL-NIGHTER — Go read this book.
3 STARS: IT WAS GOOD! — An okay read. Didn’t love it. Didn’t hate it.
2 STARS: I MAY HAVE LIKED A FEW THINGS —Lacking in some areas: writing, characterisation, and/or problematic plot lines.
1 STAR: NOT MY CUP OF TEA —Lots of issues with this book.


I’d love to hear what you think of this review. Thanks for stopping by 🙂

 

Original Source: #BookReview: P S I Love You: A Broken Legacy by D G Kaye @pokercubster | Welcome to Harmony Kent Online

©DGKaye2021