Category: Memoir writing

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Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -2020- Pot Luck – #WritingHabits by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

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I found this in my archives, not even sure I reblogged it? But It’s always interesting to look back on plans, then a year later, look where things went – south? Looking at plans, did they come to fruition? And then of course, the dreaded burnout. And then eagle-eye Sally Cronin found it in my archives and shared it at her Smorgasbord Blogs from the Archives Series.

 

Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -2020- Pot Luck – #WritingHabits by D.G. Kaye

 

 

Welcome to the current series of Posts from Your Archives… and I will be picking two posts from the blogs of those participating from the first six months of 2020. If you don’t mind me rifling through your archives… just let me know in the comments or you can find out the full scope: Posts from Your Archives – Pot Luck – 2020

This is the first post by D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies and she shares her observations about her writing habits and how the have changed over the course of her previous six books. I am sure something we can all relate to. This was first posted in January 2020 and just before Debby took a book break.

 

Change in Writing Habits, Book Break the New Book

 

Today I’m talking about how I notice some of my writing habits have changed through the years. When I wrote my first 6 books, I was disciplined differently. I did my writing first thing in the morning right after breakfast – or the day would surely distract me. But as the order of life sometimes changes, so has my writing.

I could write a rough draft in 2-3 months of writing 5 days a week with anywhere from 100 to 2000 words in a session, depending on the inspiration – sometimes the well is empty. After writing time, I’d move to the computer. Writing all my drafts in longhand comes in handy when wanting to stay off the computer to avoid distraction. After checking out blog comments, posts and social media, and although writing for the day was done, I then spent time in between the daily grind of life, reading articles on learning the trade of self- publishing and homing in on the craft of writing.

It’s now well over a year since I put out a new book. Oh sure, I was working on one, but somehow my enthusiasm wasn’t there, and I stopped enjoying the writing. Then life happened – a lot, then came winter vacation escape, and finally, I realized that I just needed a year off from the disciplined mandate of writing a book.

In that time of not writing a book I was still writing. I write 2 monthly columns, blog articles, book reviews, run guest interviews and have been featured as a guest myself on many blogs, and have even ventured into writing poetry more seriously. There’s no shortage of writing in my life, I just wasn’t feeling inspired to write another book without a timeout from the burnout of publishing 6 books in 5 years. Each of those books took up a good 6-8 months of my life, and I realized how swiftly life is passing by, and decided I need to be living a bit more before committing to a new project. So, I learned to accept my welcomed book writing break and learned it was okay to not be writing a book for a while. The only pressure I had was self-imposed, so I finally admitted I don’t have to write a book every day for the rest of my life, and if I’ve lost the interest for a particular project, it’s okay to abandon it. Now that doesn’t mean that all the work I’d put in would go to the delete bin. All it meant that the started manuscript would live in rest in a folder until such time I may get inspired to go back to it.

In that time away from book writing, without the rules of my self-imposed discipline hanging over me, instructing myself to write first thing in the morning, I didn’t always only write in the morning anymore. And I noticed I was developing new writing habits – writing spontaneously as compared to writing by schedule.

In my old writing habits, if the morning had passed and I was into my daily activities, I was done writing till the next morning. If an idea sprouted to mind, I’d simply jot down a sentence with the idea in a notebook to keep for fodder for a future a topic to write about. But now, throughout this past year plus that I haven’t put out a new book, I have found that random ideas have taken up more of my immediate attention—going with the inspiration when it hits. Instead of just making a notation, which would have certainly had a different interpretation than the one I originally had in mind from the magic of the moment, instead of just jotting the thought down and left to meld into the many other fleeting ideas, I’ll immediately pick up a notebook and write what comes to mind about that topic, while it’s fresh in my mind, dropping whatever I’m doing in that moment to take advantage of the moment. Please head over to Sally’s to continue reading.

 

*Note, I think I originally wrote this post in early 2020. Intentions were good, but 2020 happened big time in my life, and still continues. The book was finished and self-edited then left aside again. As soon as I get some semblance of a publishing mojo, the book will be released. Stay tuned!

 

Source: Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -2020- Pot Luck – #WritingHabits by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye2021

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D.G. Kaye's books reviewed

Sunday Book Reviews: New Reviews for D.G. Kaye Books – Words We Carry

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Sunday Book Review today, I’m thrilled to be sharing some new reviews I’ve come across for my own books I’d like to share. As much as every new review is uplifting, I’m pretty bad at checking for them and was delighted to find a few. It’s always interesting to me to see how other’s see my stories and my writing, so I hope you enjoy these reviews too.

 

Available on Amazon

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Customer Review

Luv2read
5.0 out of 5 stars A gem of a book

Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2021

Verified Purchase
What starts with the author’s explanation of why she wrote the book: namely to share negative experiences and obstacles in which self-esteem issues and insecurities when faced and dealt with blossom to learning self-love; this is a remarkable revolutionary read. One I wish I would have read in my earlier teen years when I struggled with my own self-esteem issues. Self-perception baggage from wounded egos, what weighs us down, fester and damage the soul the author writes. So true. This is so well written that it’s not just an enlightening educational tool but a wonderful read from a woman not afraid to show her underbelly, huge heart, and she does it with much authenticity and talent. I resonated with so much of what she wrote in these enlightening pages, but what stands out the most is how I slid down the rabbit’s hole due to my desire to want to belong, to socially fit. I suppose all of us who relate to this unfolding have a personal story of our own. Mine was rooted in a family dynamic that made it difficult for me to have friends to my home and consequently I missed out on social bonding that helps develop a strong sense of self. It wasn’t until later in life, in high school and university, that I encountered warm satisfying friendships. By then the damage was done. I just wish I had this book in my earlier years to have helped my younger, more formative self. Thankfully, it’s never too late to unwind wounds and deepen self-love, which is another thing I found from this beautifully powerful read. In summation, let me say I am grateful I had this recommended to me by a friend, someone whose words I respect. This gem of a book did not disappoint. Highly recommend.
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Jane Sturgeon
5.0 out of 5 stars A lovingly written and insightful book for the words we carry about ourselves….

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 12 January 2021

Verified Purchase
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My review:

I read this as part of #ireadcanadian., @ireadcanadian #nowmorethanever.

This is such a hoot, what a laugh!

Have Bags Will Travel is such an entertaining read which gives you an insight into D G Kaye’s character, her shopping obsession, packing troubles, germaphobia, and brushes with airport security. Enjoy her recollections on the glamour and glitz, her love to travel and a nostalgic aspect to it all.

Her friend Zan shares her shopaholic tendencies too. The two of them together… can you imagine? A red head, blonde explosion of zaniness! I love the part when they end up at Buckingham Palace and chat to a Beefeater, the royal guard and after which… it gets funnier by the moment.

Have Bags Will Travel gives a historical account of how much easier it used to be to take overstuffed baggage through airports in the good old days. Now, it seems that D G Kaye will resort to anything to get her shopping home.

Zan and D G Kaye also travel to Paris and end up shopping for shoes!

There are manmade toboggan rides in Muskoka, Canada.

Trips to Venezuela: Margarita Island and Caracas with cousin Eileen.

Las Vegas, Then and Now – gambling/casinos, fond memories of the author’s love of the desert.

 

Have Bags Will Travel is just what we need right now, a good giggle! There is also a section at the back of the book with Helpful Travel tips.

A short, entertaining read. Highly recommended, especially for the shopoholics and travel enthusiasts in your life!

My rating: 5 stars

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Thank you gratitude

 

©DGKaye2021

 

 

Let's Have a Look - series

Let’s Have a Look – About #Writing – Writing Fiction vs. Nonfiction

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Welcome to my new series in this new year. I decided to call it – Let’s Have a Look. #LetsHaveALook

 

So what exactly will we be having a look at? How do I describe this? Random topics or incidence I come across in daily life – from reading or watching the news, to a blog I may have read that gives me pause, are things I’ll be looking at. A spontaneous thought if triggered about a why or that raises a question to myself – I’m going to bring discussion to the event or article here.

 

So, Let’s Have a Look!

 

Today’s post came about inspired by a reply from my author friend, #fantasy writer, Diana Peach, who mentioned in reply to my comment I’d left on her recent post, when she shared about how one of her characters in her WIP sometimes directs where the story leads.

I had commented that I have enough trouble writing nonfiction about real people – implying that I could only imagine all that is involved in the creating of characters and fantasy storylines and Diana responded with this:

 

“Part of me thinks it would be harder to write real people, Debby, because a non-fiction author is writing from a particular perspective as well as making interpretations about others, all the while trying to represent the truth. It’s easier to just make everything up! Lol. A post from you about how you navigate that would be really interesting.”

 

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Okay Diana, here’s the post!

Well yes, Diana brought up a good question in her reply, and prompted me to respond with a post about perspective and truth when writing nonfiction as opposed to creating fictional characters – whom often hold many real truths within their characters as well. Is it harder writing about real people? Let’s have a look.

Okay, I thought it would be fun to look at our differing perspectives on difficulty differences between writing in fiction or nonfiction. Diana claims it’s easier to write fiction (in gest?) because, she claims ‘it’s easier to make stuff up’. But in my opinion, I think writing in every specific genre brings its challenges.

As Diana claims, writing nonfiction entails finding the right perspective, while interpreting what we believe to be our truth. That’s what nonfiction writing is in essence, but there are other conditions to take in consideration as well:

  • The subject matter, and who will my story affect, regarding the ‘real’ characters in my stories?
  • By telling a truth that involves other people in the story, we have to be careful with descriptions and identities to avoid getting sued.
  • We don’t have the luxury to ‘alter’ a character in our story because that would be distorting the truth. So if that character has exhibited bad behavior, which is often a feature in our nonfiction/memoir stories, we have to take care how we present those people, leaving us having to be creatively truthful about exhibiting some of their most despicable behaviors.

 

I believe there are more barriers for nonfiction writers. Whether writing about characters or in an informative  self-help nonfiction book, the author must speak truth, and facts must be varifiable. Anything left unchecked or untruthful, will certainly create pushback on the author.

On the other hand, writing fiction allows for a lot more room for creativity, but it still must be a coherent telling and the actions and scenery must depict the setting. A good example of keeping the story flowing accurately is a story I remember reading about a long time ago, regarding the importance of continuity. I’d read that when the movie Ben Hur was being filmed, someone had caught a man wearing a wrist watch in one huge crowded scene – not a good look while wearing a toga. Well, it’s not hard to figure out nobody had watches back in those biblical times so this was a major faux pas. But it’s a good example of little incidental things that may go unchecked and can hinder a story from keeping real and true to the time period the story reflects.

So in summation, in reply to Diana’s comment where she expressed that it is easier to write fiction, I don’t exactly agree with that because to produce a good story, having all the elements tie in, writing engaging characters, and not to mention, worldbuilding, I should think it is an equally intense task writing for fiction writers too. Every genre requires research whether it’s fantasy, historical or literary fiction, or nonfiction. It’s a lot of work to write a book – any book, as all us authors here know. So as much as I appreciate Diana’s nod to nonfiction, I’m nodding right back at her.

 

What do you peeps have to say? Do you think writing in any one particular genre is more difficult than another?

 

Original post from Diana for reference https://mythsofthemirror.com/2021/01/19/when-characters-mutiny/comment-page-1/#comment-80280

 

©DGKaye2021

bitmo live laugh love

 

Q & A with D.G. Kaye

Q & A with D.G. Kaye, featuring Author Liesbet Collaert and ‘Plunge’

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Welcome to December Q & A. Today I’m excited to be featuring friend and new published author with her brand new book – Plunge: One Woman’s Pursuit of a Life Less Ordinary. Liesbet is literally ‘a world traveler’. She currently travels on land around the America’s with her husband and dog, but Liesbet has traveled for many years to many places, including a few years at ocean and seas on a boat(s). Can you only imagine the stories Liesbet has to tell?

Well I can because I’ve almost finished reading her book, and I’m just going to say that I love it, because I’ll be writing a review soon. So today we’re going to get some insights about Liesbet’s life of travel and how she managed to write and publish a book in her traveling life – often without internet.

 

Author Liesbet Collaert

 

About Liesbet:

Liesbet Collaert is a bilingual freelance writer, translator, editor, and photographer from Belgium who has been writing and traveling her entire life. Her work is published internationally in anthologies and magazines, including Cruising World, Blue Water Sailing, Ocean Navigator, Eldridge Tide and Pilot Book, Islands, Yachting World, Sailing Today, All At Sea, Caribbean Compass, and Zeilen. She also created walking tours for Marigot and Philipsburg in St. Martin.

The author has been interviewed about her alternative lifestyle by Multihull Sailor, Modern Day Nomads, Ocean Navigator, The Wayward Home, The Professional Hobo, and Grey Globetrotters among others. She contributed to extensive cruising surveys for All At Sea and Caribbean Compass and became an assistant-editor for Caribbean Compass in January 2019.

Liesbet loves animals, nature, and the promise of adventure. A nomad since 2003, she calls herself a world citizen and currently lives “on the road” in North America with her husband and rescue dog. Find her stories and photos at http://www.itsirie.com and http://www.roamingabout.com. Plunge is her first book.

 

Plunge

Get this book here on Amazon #NewRelease

 

Blurb:

Tropical waters turn tumultuous in this travel memoir, as a free-spirited woman jumps headfirst into a sailing adventure with a new man and his two dogs.

Join Liesbet as she faces a decision that sends her into a whirlwind of love, loss, and living in the moment. When she swaps life as she knows it for an uncertain future on a sailboat, she succumbs to seasickness and a growing desire to be alone.

Guided by impulsiveness and the joys of an alternative lifestyle, she must navigate personal storms, trouble with US immigration, adverse weather conditions, and doubts about her newfound love.

Does Liesbet find happiness? Will the dogs outlast the man? Or is this just another reality check on a dream to live at sea?

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Have you ever wondered how life could be if you had made different choices? If you didn’t marry early, commit to a large loan for the house, focus on your career, start a family?

Maybe you’re just curious about how a person thinking outside the box manages? A person without boundaries, striving to be flexible, happy, and free. What you are about to read is how one such person follows her dreams, no, her intuition, and how she survives her naivety, life altering twists, and a relationship in close quarters.

Plunge is a story of what happens when you go with the flow, when you have a bright idea – or thought you had one – and ride the waves of the unknown. Ready to hop aboard and delve in?

 

Let’s ‘ride the waves’ a bit now with Liesbet and get to know more details

 

 

When did you realize you wanted to be a writer?

I don’t think there was much of a realization, but more of an “easing into” writing for me. It came naturally. As a child in Belgium, I enjoyed writing, which was done in cursive, in the form of letters to friends and essays at school. In fourth grade, one of our daily assignments was to create a journal. Half of the page in this notebook was filled with words, the other half with a drawing that accompanied the text. This journaling task was my favorite part of the day and I picked up the writing portion again when I was a teenager. Ever since I was fourteen, I’ve written a daily diary!

As I traveled throughout my twenties, I stated: “One day I will write a book.” But who hasn’t said that at some point in their lives? I wrote weekly travel reports to family and friends, first by hand, then via group emails. After a year-long RV journey in Mexico and Central America, I actually started drafting my first book. But, three months after that trip, we dove into the next adventure, and those plans were shelved. No time! New experiences to document!

In 2007, when we changed gears from overland travel to sailing the world, I started blogging. For eight years, I kept up my http://www.itsirie.com blog about our cruising journey in the Caribbean and the Pacific. During that time, I published articles in magazines and I could finally call myself a writer!

I guess, at some point, I had aspirations to be become a travel writer, but I quickly realized this would take away pleasure from writing and from traveling. It’s hard work, there’s a deadline and a format, your travels have a purpose other than enrichment or excitement. In my opinion, both should be done independently to produce the best results and find the most enjoyment and focus.

D.G. – Love your story about slowly becoming a blossoming writer. And I agree with you, writing about travels is exciting and a great way to document your life, but travel writing specifically, is another ballgame altogether.

 

Where do your book ideas grow from?

So far, I’ve only written one book. Like my articles, blog posts, and diary entries, the writing grows from personal experiences. I lead a very full, exciting, and adventurous life, by choice, and have the urge to share a lot of it – from mishaps, to amazing encounters, to tips, thoughts, and opinions. My book, a travel memoir, is written differently, however. It’s enveloped in a personal style I love to incorporate and I believe my voice – in the present – differs from other narratives.

I have an infinite amount of story and book ideas, because we never sit still to digest any of it. And, that’s a problem… Writing and working from the road – or the water – is difficult, because the lifestyle itself is challenging and exhausting. So, the combination travel + write poses issues in my daily life. Which do I pick? Do I keep exploring or do I stop (temporarily) and turn those explorations in a book?

D.G. – The inspiration will come when it’s ready. For now, you are doing all the legwork by living the experiences you can store up and discover where it will lead you next.

 

Do you agree with the general consensus that writers are loners?

I’ve heard and noticed often that writers are introverts. Yet, there are exceptions. People like you and me, for example. We enjoy social contact, interactions, and being out and about. I’m not a total extrovert either (I don’t like to be overstimulated, overwhelmed, or part of a massive crowd), but have personality traits from both categories. I’m a toughie to put in any kind of box!

I LOVE to be on my own. It’s when I’m most productive and self-confident; a theme I touch upon in my travel memoir, Plunge. I strive when I am by myself and can schedule my entire day around my own needs. Or not plan at all, which is more likely. I cherish my me time and feel that’s when I am truly and totally free. Does that make me a loner? Let’s just say that a balance of hermit-life and small social gatherings would make me a happy camper.

D.G. – Touche my friend. Yes, we are very similar in these traits. I love being in social environments, but I treasure my alone and writing time just as much. Writing is a solitary sport for the most part, which I’m sure attributes to the assumption that all writers are introverts. We aren’t. 🙂

 

Do you believe in ‘writer’s block’? If so, how do you deal with it?

I do believe in “writer’s block” and that it happens when an author is either pressured to create or spending too much time staring at a screen. I have never suffered from it, but I think it is similar to your brain being tired of … language. English is not my native tongue and I sometimes get fed up with it – I’m proficient in it, so I think, dream, talk, write, … am constantly consumed by it – when my head explodes after days of being immersed in the language, say when I’m completing a book. The result is that I don’t find the right words when trying to explain something or sentences escape my mouth that sounded different in my mind. I think “writer’s block” is similar – where you’re stuck and frustrated by a lack of cohesiveness.

Why am I not familiar with “writer’s block?” Because of my lifestyle, it is impossible for me to sit at a desk (camper table) days on end. I have lots of distractions within our surroundings, daily errands, need to walk our dog, and living 24/7 in a 75sq foot space. I crave for more writing time! On top of that, as I mentioned before, I have heaps of ideas, some of which are jotted down somewhere on my computer. So, even if I get stuck with a piece of writing, my mind and files can always produce a fresh start on something else.

D.G – I wholeheartedly agree with you, especially your point about writer’s block occurring from pressure we put on ourselves, and deadlines.

 

What’s your opinion on self-publishing?

I’m glad I can answer that question now. Meaning, I have self-published a book!

Because Plunge is my first book, I wanted to do it “right.” In my mind, that meant going the traditional route. Despite knowing myself and how important it is for me – as a perfectionist (ha!) – to “control” everything, be able to make adjustments, and decide the smallest details. I went all the way to reach this goal/dream/illusion: finding a Big Five publisher. Double ha! And, you’ve guessed it… No such luck. An extensive book proposal that took two months to compose, 140 personalized agent inquiries, 25 niche publisher submissions, and a year later… I went the other route.

Self-publishing is MUCH more time-consuming, complicated, exhausting, and expensive than I ever thought. If someone goes through the hassle of learning tools, researching approaches, buying ISBN- numbers, hiring an editor and cover artist, diving into the ropes of Amazon and other distributors, and so on and so on, he/she better writes more than one book! I honestly feel that after a second
book, all this extra knowledge, determination, and time commitment just might be worth it.

Of course, also knowing me, I don’t have any regrets. I had to go through these steps, experiences, and learning curves to realize what my best route was. And, now I know: self-publishing gives an author the most flexibility and control and it’s faster! I’m sure I read that somewhere before plunging into it myself, but, hey, trial and error is how I roll.

D.G. – Lol, and I’m sure I too mentioned this to you a time or two. Great summation!

 

What inspired you to write Plunge?

After sailing, working, and living on a small catamaran for eight years and going through heaps of emotional and physical challenges, more than the average cruiser, I felt inspired to recreate an account of some of those experiences and thoughts. It was important to me to write this travel memoir in the present tense, to invite the reader along for the ride. As the title of my book indicates, I’m not much of a planner and take things as they come. In order to rightly pull the reader into that mindset, I needed to stick to the “here and now,” although I managed to incorporate foreshadowing and flashbacks. In Plunge, you are immersed in my lifestyle and mind – and what a rollercoaster journey it is!

D.G. – I can honestly say, yes I am emmersed! And after everything you’ve been through and explored, you most certainly should have been documenting and sharing with the world. I will also note, I love your voice and delivery in your book. You write in a similar style that I write my books in – engaging and conversational.

 

 

Excerpt from the prologue of Plunge

 

“We’re putting this boat up for sale the moment we arrive in French Polynesia, so those islands better be the highlight of the South Pacific!” Mark barks at me before scrambling towards the autopilot.

His expression reflects the grim circumstances around us. There is absolutely nothing we can do to change them. Our sailboat is bouncing and jerking and pitching, lunging left, right, up, down, forward, backward, and everything in between.

Holding on, I gasp and shout back, “You’re kidding! I’m not ready to sell the boat yet, after all we’ve been through to get here!”

He glares at me with non-negotiable fury. Blood gushes down his forehead.

I swallow hard as half-digested crackers threaten to escape. It’s difficult to care about him when he’s this angry.

His head hurts. My stomach churns. He’s ready to give up, now, forever – to quit this lifestyle I have come to love.

Our roller coaster ride plummets into the lowest of troughs, and I hover over the foaming crests of the infinite ocean. I’d rather vomit than let his attitude drag me deeper into this depression – and I do. I look up to catch my breath and watch the horizon dance relentlessly. Deep blue, lined with white, morphs into sky blue, curved above, then below me.

I barf again.

You have to be tough to cross oceans on a small boat. These days, it’s tough to be tough. That ever-important sense of freedom I strive for tastes salty and feels confined. In the name of love and adventure, I pull my weight as a sailor. Albeit with a pale face that matches the color of our sails. And that guy I’ve been with, through sickness and health, frustrations and despair, peace and madness, anger and passion? He increasingly makes me unhappy, crushing my dreams, belittling my choices. Maybe he should get off this boat when we finally make landfall.”

 

Review:

Jacqui Murray
VINE VOICE
5.0 out of 5 stars A memoir you won’t want to miss

Reviewed in the United States on November 24, 2020

Liesbet Collaert’s debut memoir, Plunge: One Woman’s Pursuit of a Life Less Ordinary, is one of those books I couldn’t wait to read. Who hasn’t wanted to be a wanderer, go wherever life led them, bravely face new adventures with courage and aplomb, make new friends in dozens of countries, and conquer crises as though it were easy. Me, I think ‘wandering’ is part of man’s DNA. There’s a reason we are the only species that inhabits every corner of the planet. The issue: Most of us think living requires settling down.

Liesbet didn’t–think it or do it.

She is that rare individual not afraid to explore any new country whether she speaks the language or not, no matter that she knows no one who lives there (because she’ll just make new friends). In Plunge!, we see just the sailing part of her nomadic life (in a sailboat and then a catamaran) and mostly in the Americas.

“We trust our lives and future to Irie [her catamaran]. She’s our home, our transportation, our safe haven, our irritation, our support, our biggest curse, and our greatest treasure.”

“We wake up with the sun, work in the morning, and snorkel, walk, or read in the afternoon. Then, we jump in the clear ocean to take a bath; we get wet, wash up with shampoo, and lower ourselves again to rinse off. We use our sun shower for a final freshwater rinse in the cockpit.”

“We rise early in frigid temperatures, take the wheel, test the autopilot, follow day marks and buoys, look at charts, check our depth, observe the chart plotter, and shiver non-stop. We pay attention to the route, take photos, get in line for bridge openings, and stick to a schedule of eight to ten hours on the go.”

Liesbet visits countless countries, discusses their immigration, their maritime laws, their culture of folks who sail fulltime. Liesbet and her friends are likable and interesting, the story unusual, and the settings authentic.

But as much as it is a travel story and an adventure, Plunge is a love story. Liesbet starts with a wonderful man and finds one even better but their shared life is not without problems. Of course there are problems! They live together on a small boat 24/7/365. They face issues on a daily basis most couples wouldn’t in a lifetime. They sail multiple oceans, enter numerous countries, even cross the Equator (where I found out there is little/no wind). If you don’t follow her blog, Roaming About, you’ll want to. There, I found out that she wrote this debut novel (did I say it is #1 in the Amazon category Sailing) on the road, often between Internet services.

To give a sense of the book, I wanted to quote some of my favorite lines. That list got long. I tried to shorten it which proved an exercise in futility:

“Freedom to do what I want, go where I please, and be myself, no matter what, has always been more important to me than security, comfort, routine, and keeping up appearances.”

“Most people follow a distinct path, set by social norms, dictated by society. I become antsy staying in a familiar area for months, following certain habits. It’s too restrictive.”

“…plans are written in sand at low tide.”

“…enjoy this plunge into my less than ordinary thirties.”

“Ever since I chose travel over stuff, at age 17, people have wondered whether I’m rich. I’m not. And I never will be.”

“Anything salty on a boat means trouble in the long run. It will always suck moisture from the air, acquiring a permanent state of dampness.”

See what I mean?

For anyone who’s wanted to take the road less traveled, who wondered what was in the other side of a hill, who is happy with any answer when they flip a coin, this book is for you. I read it because of my lifelong desire to do that. By the time I’d finished, I felt like I had.

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Well that was some review, author’s dream! Congrats to you Liesbet and welcome to authordom!
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Find Liesbet on Social Media:
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Amazon Author Page
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©DGKaye2020
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D.G. Kaye's books reviewed

Sunday Book Reviews – Featuring Book Reviews for D.G. Kaye Books

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Welcome to my Sunday Book Review. Once again I haven’t finished my latest read, but I am beaming times three today because first, Sally Cronin featured a review she’d written a few years ago for my book – Words We Carry, at her Smorgasbord Cafe.

What a treat to have my book reviewed and featured by Sally chosen from her archived series of reviews from the past. So I was thrilled to share that review with you here today and had already drafted the share scheduled to post today. But last night I was visiting blogs and came across Lauren at Baydreamerwrites’ blog and was  beaming out loud when I read a beautiful post featuring two more reviews for two other books of mine – Conflicted Hearts and Twenty Years: After “I Do”. I was so humbled and elated to learn Lauren had read and reviewed two of my books and then generously shared her reviews for my books on her blog.

So today, I’m a little ‘chuffed’ as my British friends would say, and a lot over the moon, sharing three reviews here today from Sally and Lauren.

 

All reviews are golden and the beauty is they’re evergreen ~DGKaye

 

Smorgasbord Posts from My Archives – Past Book Reviews – #Non-Fiction Words We Carry by D.G. Kaye

 

Welcome to the series where I will be sharing a selection of book reviews I have posted in the last few years. I would like to take the opportunity to showcase books that I have enjoyed and their authors and if you have not read the books, I hope it will encourage you to check them out.

Today I am sharing a review I posted in 2017 –  The Words We Carry by D.G. Kaye 

 

About Words We Carry

“I have been a great critic of myself for most of my life, and I was darned good at it, deflating my own ego without the help of anyone else.”

What do our shopping habits, high-heeled shoes, and big hair have to do with how we perceive ourselves? Do the slights we endured when we were young affect how we choose our relationships now?

D.G. takes us on a journey, unlocking the hurts of the past by identifying situations that hindered her own self-esteem. Her anecdotes and confessions demonstrate how the hurtful events in our lives linger and set the tone for how we value our own self-worth.
Words We Carry is a raw, personal accounting of how the author overcame the demons of low self-esteem with the determination to learn to love herself.

 

My review for Words We Carry 2017

Words We Carry is packed with the accumulated knowledge, wisdom, survival tips and strategies from someone who went through difficult and unhappy childhood and teen years.

I think it is fair to say that most of us are less than confident about our body shape, and that is particularly tough when you can no longer use the excuse of puppy fat, and your friends are heading out in slinky black dresses and high-heeled shoes.

Unfortunately, not all mothers are born with the nurturing gene and as soon as you become competition, there is an opportunity to reinforce your lack of self-esteem with carefully chosen and cutting words.  I would like to think that the experiences that D.G. Kaye describes were rare, but I am afraid that after counselling women on their health and weight for twenty years, the story is very familiar.

Those harmful words from those who are supposed to love us, are the ones we carry throughout our lifetime, unless we can find a way to dilute their power and replace them with affirmations of a much more positive nature.

D.G. Kaye describes her strategies to claim her own identity, build her self-esteem and evolve from the ugly duckling that she had been made to feel she was, into a swan. This involved a makeover in a number of departments, including wearing high heels at all times and over every terrain, and standing out from the crowd with her now signature titian hair colour. She also developed a healthy, outgoing personality and independence that led her to discover groups of people who accepted and embraced her as a friend.

In the second section of the book Kaye looks at the impact this early negative conditioning had on her relationships, including romances with older men whose different approach to dating and expectations provided a more secure environment. Unfortunately, having entered one serious and long-term relationship, echoes of the verbal abuse that she received as a child and teenager, threatened to undo all the hard work that she had accomplished. Thankfully she went on to find happiness and empowerment with someone who appreciates all that she has become.

Kaye looks at issues such as the difference between Alone vs. Lonely, Negativity and Self-Worth, Forming Healthier Relationships, and importantly Exposing our Personality Through the Internet. All the chapters provide commonsense strategies to overcome a lack of self-confidence, and I do think that women and men in their 50s and 60s, will definitely be able to draw parallels to Kaye’s own experiences.

Whilst I recommend this memoir/self-help book to men and women of my age, I also think that it should be read by all mothers whose daughters are heading into their teens and beyond. It might just remind them of how fragile their child is when about to face the outside world, and that there are enough external challenges to be overcome, without encountering them in the place they should feel safe.

It is also a book for young women who are struggling with weight issues and those who feel that they are not as attractive as their friends, or who feel that they are somehow going through something never experienced before.

There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. By reading this they might take strength in knowing that this is an age old problem, and that they can change the narrative and write their own story.

Read all the reviews and buy the book: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK

 

Visit Sally’s post and blog:

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2020/11/04/smorgasbord-posts-from-my-archives-past-book-reviews-non-fiction-words-we-carry-by-d-g-kaye/comment-page-1/#comment-406386

 

 

Book Reviews: Conflicted Hearts and Twenty Years After “I Do” by D.G. Kaye

 / BAYDREAMER

 

Books by D.G. Kaye Nonfiction

D.G. Kaye’s Author Page – http://www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7

 

I am excited to introduce you to D.G. Kaye today, or better known as Debby. I have followed Debby’s blog for several years now and it has been a joy to not only read her amazing, witty, and honest writing, but to also get to know her as a new friend who has a big heart. She has written many books, so I pulled two out of the hat: Conflicted Hearts first, then Twenty Years After “I Do.”

 

 

 

Blurb:

A Lifetime of guilt — What does it take to finally break free?

Somehow I believed it was my obligation to try to do the right thing by her because she had given birth to me.

Burdened with constant worry for her father and the guilt caused by her mother’s narcissism, D.G. Kaye had a short childhood. When she moved away from home at age eighteen, she began to grow into herself, overcoming her lack of guidance and her insecurities. Her life experiences became her teachers, and she learned from the mistakes and choices she made along the way, plagued by the guilt she carried for her mother.

Conflicted Hearts is a heartfelt journey of self-discovery and acceptance, an exploration of the quest for solace from emotional guilt.

 

My First 5-Star Review:

Conflicted Hearts is a compilation of personal essays from D.G. Kaye’s emotional experiences of growing up with her unloving and narcissistic mother. The author struggles with her obligation as a daughter, but also her responsibility to care for herself regarding her own healthy well-being. In each chapter as she opens yet another window giving us a glimpse into her extremely trying times, the emotions become palpable. Because I am a mother of two adult children whom I love to the moon and back, I often felt tears forming and my heart being tugged at in different directions. How a mother can abandon her own children is something I find difficult to understand. D.G. Kaye writes with emotion, vulnerability, and humor. She is not afraid to admit mistakes, but she will also gladly glow in triumph – moments when I felt like clapping, thrilled with the outcome and thrilled for her!

Unfortunately, she lost her childhood because of her mother’s constant absence in the household. Her mother would rather be out partying, seeking the attention of men by using her luminescent beauty, and by doting on her passion for gambling. With the author being the oldest of her siblings, she naturally slid into the role of “mother” which in turn, shaped her decision of possibly not wanting to have children in the future. Her parent’s relationship ran extremely hot and cold, but mostly hot when her mother kicked her father out repeatedly. She adored her father, so each time he left, fear crept into her very soul that she would never see him again.

The author writes with honesty and when she finds herself acknowledging enlightening realizations, she revels in her own personal growth. I read Conflicted Hearts not only as a memoir, but also as a compelling self-help book. And a difficult decision lies in waiting with each turn of the page exemplifying the author’s courage and strength. I am sure her struggles are felt by others so that her personal growth benefits those who live each day in similar circumstances.

This is the first book of D.G. Kaye’s that I have read and because her writing is natural, conversational, and engaging, I am excited to read more from her. This book definitely falls into the can’t put down category. If you enjoy reading memoirs and self-help books, I highly recommend Conflicted Hearts. You will find yourself on an emotional and inspirational wild ride that will both touch and tug at your heart. An excellent read!

 

 

Blurb:

May/December memoirs.

In this personal accounting, D.G. Kaye shares the insights and wisdom she has accrued through twenty years of keeping her marriage strong and thriving despite the everyday changes and challenges of aging. Kaye reveals how a little creative planning, acceptance, and unconditional love can create a bond no obstacle will break. Kaye’s stories are informative, inspiring, and a testament to love eclipsing all when two people understand, respect, and honor their vows. She adds that a daily sprinkling of laughter is a staple in nourishing a healthy marriage.

Twenty years began with a promise. As Kaye recounts what transpired within that time, she shows that true love has no limits, even when one spouse ages ahead of the other.

 

My Second 5-Star Review:

D.G. Kaye’s memoir, Twenty Years After “I Do” piqued my interest for a couple of reasons. First, I’ve been married for thirty-one years to a man who is not only my loving husband but who is my very best friend. I wanted to read what the author had to say on the subject, and she certainly inserted many pearls of wisdom of which I agreed with. Before I met my husband, I had dated a man twenty years older than me, so reading her perspective on the age difference grabbed my attention, as well. This was the second book that I have read from Debby, so I was already familiar with her beautiful, conversational writing.

Debby offers snippets of insight from her own experiences on how to keep a marriage happy and unbreakable. She adds how humor can lighten any heavy situation and intimately writes of how sex ultimately changes from dating to married life. Most importantly though, she conveys that love has no timeline. Couples should enjoy each moment together and unconditional love will carry them through the difficult times. I was moved by this lovely collection of stories from Debby’s marriage to Gordon, and how she met true love when she least expected. An enjoyable read and one I highly recommend!

I look forward to reading more books from Debby and I hope you will pay her blog a visit to learn more about this wonderful author and to sink into her inviting and conversational writing, as well.

Thanks for stopping by! Lauren 💓💓

 

Visit Lauren’s original post and blog:  Book Reviews: Conflicted Hearts and Twenty Years After “I Do” by D.G. Kaye | Baydreamer

 

©DGKaye2020

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Bitmo Sunday book review

Sunday Book Review – Pebbles to Poems by Frank Prem

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Welcome to my Sunday book review. Today I’m reviewing Pebbles to Poems by Frank Prem. This book is a beautiful little prequel to some of Frank’s various works. If you aren’t familiar with Frank’s interesting styles of poetry and story-telling, this book is a perfect way to taste his work.

 

 

Blurb:

Pebbles to Poems is a sample pack of Frank Prem’s free-verse poetry and storytelling published between 2018 and 2020. Extracts from six collections, ranging through memoir, and wildfire though to contemporary love poetry.

Small Town Kid – growing up in a rural Australian town during the 1960s and 70s.

Devil In The Wind – the stories of victims and survivors of the 2009 Black Saturday wildfires in Australia.

The New Asylum – an experience of public psychiatry in Australia, from childhood roaming the mental hospital grounds, through student psychiatric nursing and on to managing acute wards and patients.

A Love Poetry Trilogy:

Walk Away Silver Heart – derived from the Amy Lowell poem ‘Madonna of the Evening Flowers’.

A Kiss for the Worthy – derived from the Walt Whitman poem ‘Leaves of Grass’.

Rescue and Redemption – derived from the T. S. Eliot poem ‘The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock’.

This is poetry that is meant to be read on the page and aloud, as well. Poetry the way you always wished it could be written.

 

My 5 Star Review:

This book is a delicious sampling of extracts from some of the works of Frank Prem. The first collections are written in personal memoir style, poetic reflections of growing up in rural Australia in the 1960s and 70s from his book – Small Town Kid. Prem shares in his poetic anthology about his personal experiences with the 2009 wildfires in Australia in his book – Devil in the Wind. And more experience shared from his background in working in a mental asylum, and then as a nurse in the public mental health system, offering a taste of his poetic telling from his book, The New Asylum. These stories are exposés of life through the eyes and experience of  Prem and the public psychiatric system, spanning five decades as Prem shares some of the shenanigans that went on, giving us a glimpse of life in the public psychiatric system, written in the style we’ve come to know from Prem, with his free-verse poetry.

In the last part of this book, Prem revisits some of his beautiful poetry from his love trilogy and shares snippets from the three-book collection – Walk Away Silver Heart, Rescue and Redemption, and A Kiss for the Worthy, a personal collection of love poems with lines taken from various reknowned authors, converted into Prem’s own self tellings with his unique form of poetry.

If you enjoy personal poetry and memoir written in poetic style, you are sure to get hooked on Prem’s writing as he breathes new life into both, old styled and new poetry.

 

Below are links to three reviews I previously wrote for Frank’s Love Trilogy:

 

A Kiss for the Worthy – https://dgkayewriter.wordpress.com/sunday-book-review-a-kiss-for-the-worthy-by-frank-prem-poetry/

 

Rescue and Redemption – https://dgkayewriter.wordpress.com/sunday-book-review/

 

Walk Away Silver Heart – https://dgkayewriter.wordpress.com/sunday-book-review-walk-away-silver-heart-poetry-frank-prem/

 

©DGKaye2020

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Bitmo Sunday book review

Sunday Book Review: Something a Little Different-Reviews by Sally Cronin and MJ Mallon

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Welcome to Sunday Book Review. Although it’s me who usually reviews a book here on Sundays, once again, I haven’t finished one of the two almost 400 page books I’m reading so I’m going to share a couple of book reviews today by other authors for two of my own books – Twenty Years: After “I Do” and P.S. I Forgive you, plus reviews for Robbie and Michael Cheadle’s – Sir Chocolate and the Sugar Dough Bees, and Frank Prem’s – Small Town Kid. Thank you to Sally Cronin and to Marjorie Mallon for reading and reviewing and for sharing on your blogs 💕

 

First up are Sally Cronin’s reviews for both, P.S. I Forgive You and Sir Chocolate, followed by her review for Twenty Years and Small Town Kid, shared from Sally’s Smorgasbord Book Reviews.

 

Welcome to a new series where I will be sharing book reviews I have posted in the last few years. I would like to take the opportunity to showcase books that I have enjoyed and their authors and if you have not read the books, I hope it will encourage you to check them out.

 

 

P.S. I Forgive You - D.G. Kaye

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Blurb:

“I hurt for her. She wasn’t much of a mother, but she was still my mother.”

Confronted with resurfacing feelings of guilt, D.G. Kaye is tormented by her decision to remain estranged from her dying emotionally abusive mother after resolving to banish her years ago, an event she has shared in her book Conflicted Hearts. In P.S. I Forgive You, Kaye takes us on a compelling heartfelt journey as she seeks to understand the roots of her mother’s narcissism, let go of past hurts, and find forgiveness for both her mother and herself.

After struggling for decades to break free, Kaye has severed the unhealthy ties that bound her to her dominating mother—but now Kaye battles new confliction, as the guilt she harbors over her decision only increases as the end of her mother’s life draws near. Kaye once again struggles with her conscience and her feelings of being obligated to return to a painful past she thought she left behind.

 

By Sally Cronin

The first author today is D. G. Kaye and I was honoured to be asked to write the editorial review in 2016 for P.S. I Forgive You.

 

My Five star review for the book in 2016

It is challenging to write about emotional pain and to revisit events, times when you felt powerless. Not everyone is courageous enough to undertake such a task. D.G. Kaye bravely faces her childhood and her relationship with her mother, sharing this complex experience with us in her memoir P.S. I Forgive You: A Broken Legacy. Kaye writes from a place of maturity and strength, bringing hope to others who need to find forgiveness to heal.

The book will resonate with those who have experienced a childhood marred by a narcissistic parent with its long term repercussions on self-esteem and the ability to develop a trust in relationships.

It is also a testament to the strength of character of the author to distance herself from this harmful relationship and thrive on her own terms.

 

The next review was for  Sir Chocolate and the Sugar Dough Bees story and cookbook by Robbie and Michael Cheadle.

 

Get this book on Amazon

Blurb:

A greedy snail damages the flower fields and the fondant bees are in danger of starving. Join Sir Chocolate on an adventure to find the fruit drop fairies who have magic healing powers and discover how to make some of his favourite foods on the way.

 

My review for Sir Chocolate and the Sugar Dough Bees story and cookbook. 2017

This book will be a delightful read for a child, and their adult companions for that matter. A brightly coloured cast of characters, with Sir Chocolate himself created from one of the most favourite treats of all time.  Ten year old Michael Cheadle came up with the idea of this charasmatic character and also his lovely Lady Sweet. Robbie not only creates these characters from fondant icing, but composes the story in verse that takes us on this current adventure.

From a conservation perspective it is wonderful to see a children’s story that gently introduces the subject of creatures who are at risk, and whilst the villain of this piece is a greedy snail, there are parallels with our own encroachment into nature. However, the colourful fondant snail with long fangs is monster enough for this fairy story.  The other characters include sweet pink and apricot sugar mice, a cluster of endearing yellow and black sugar dough bees and very elegant fruit drop fairies.

In between the verses and illustrations are other gems in the form of recipes which are easy for both children (and some of us less proficient bakers) to make. Terrific Cheese Bread, Delightful Butter Biscuits, Jammy Scones, Rainbow Cupcakes, and one that will be made very shortly Bold Banana Bread.

This book may do little to reduce your waistline, but for children it will stimulate their imaginations and lead to some wonderful baking sessions with parents and grandparents.

Source and complete post: Originally posted on Sally’s Smorgasbord Invitation

 

 

If you are a frequent visitor to the blog you will have seen D.G. Kaye… Debby Gies here many times as a contributor, and supporter. It is no secret that we are friends. This however, does not influence my views on her books, and this applies to her memoir. Twenty Years: After “I Do” : Reflections on Love and Changes Through Aging.

Twenty Years After I Do - D.G. Kaye

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Blurb:

May/December memoirs.

In this personal accounting, D.G. Kaye shares the insights and wisdom she has accrued through twenty years of keeping her marriage strong and thriving despite the everyday changes and challenges of aging. Kaye reveals how a little creative planning, acceptance, and unconditional love can create a bond no obstacle will break. Kaye’s stories are informative, inspiring, and a testament to love eclipsing all when two people understand, respect, and honor their vows. She adds that a daily sprinkling of laughter is a staple in nourishing a healthy marriage.

Twenty years began with a promise. As Kaye recounts what transpired within that time, she shows that true love has no limits, even when one spouse ages ahead of the other.

 

My review for Twenty Years After “I Do”

The emphasis on partnership is present throughout D.G. Kaye’s story of her 20 year marriage to Gordon. Whilst it is clear, that theirs was a wonderful love affair from the beginning, she does not flinch from describing the various aspects of their relationship in a very forthright and honest way.

Their relationship is a May/September love affair that was put to the test from very shortly after their marriage. Despite the nearly 20 years age difference, it was Kaye who suffered a near fatal medical emergency, which brought home the fact, it is not necessarily the older partner, who will be the first to suffer ill health.

The book does highlight that in a relationship where there is a significant age difference, issues arise that might not for a couple the same age. Having children for example, or the dynamics in a relationship after retirement  and natural aging; reversing the traditional roles, as one becomes more dependent on the other.

D.G. Kaye allows us an intimate view into her marriage, encouraging us to look at our own relationships, appreciate how they have triumphed over challenges over the years, and to celebrate the love that endures.

I certainly recommend the book for those who are about to embark on a relationship, whatever the age difference. In this modern day and age, when the pressures on couples and families are ever present, it is very useful to be offered the experience and guidance from someone who has successfully navigated their way through those same obstacles.

 

Get this book on Amazon

 

Blurb:

Small Town Kid is the experience of regional life as a child, in an insular town during the late 1960s to the mid-1970s, remote from the more worldly places where life really happens, in a time before the internet and the online existence of social media.

It is a time when a small town boy can walk a mile to school and back every day, and hunt rabbits with his dog in the hours of freedom before sundown. He can hoard crackers for bonfire night and blow up the deputy school master’s mailbox in an act of joyous rebellion.

A time when a small town teenager will ride fourteen miles on a bicycle for his first experience of girls, and of love. A time when migrating from a foreign country to a small town means his family will always feel that they are strangers, while visitors to the town are treated like an invading host.

It is also the remembrance of tragedy for inexperienced friends driving on narrow country roads.

This collection of poems and stories shares the type of childhood that has mostly disappeared in contemporary times. Come and revisit it here, in the pages of a Small Town Kid.

 

My review for the collection

I have read many poetry collections over the years, but Small Town Kid is unusual and intriguingly different. It flows through the different ages of the author from a very small boy to fatherhood, sharing the highs and lows of childhood and the coming of age years.

You are invited in by ‘I can Hardly Wait to Show You‘… that sets the scene of this town where singing waters and scrubby creeks beckon and land supported sheep and gold prospectors tried their luck.

Having accepted that invitation you become a spectator as Oma rocks the cradle of the young child whilst his mother works and makes poppy cakes, and Opa comforts a crying toddler as he contemplates the labour that has gone into cultivating the land around them. We are introduced to other members of this extended family and share in their celebrations, including a wedding in the fire house. This background is important as it highlights the sense of disconnection felt by many immigrant families who settle in a new land and are torn between adapting and still holding on to their old traditions and customs.

We enjoy picnics, and a detailed description of the view from the inside of the outhouse, and its maintenance by the stoic Nightman, and the profitable recycling of newspapers to the butcher. We join in rabbit hunts, school days, drag races, anti-tourist activities, and miscalculations when dispatching rubbish. Easter and the annual fete offer entertainment as does a rather interesting firework distribution method. The teen years bring jostling for status and the discovery that girls have some interesting attributes.

We also share in the lives of members of the group that the author grew up with, including its tragedies. It serves to remind us that however idyllic it might seem to be part of a small town community, it cannot protect you from all of life’s dangers.

I enjoyed all the memories and felt engaged with the young Frank as he navigated through these years. It was brought to life by the storytelling and there was a smooth flow from one story to the next.  One of the many personal favourites is ‘Mcalpine’s Cherries’ which mirrored my experience with picking strawberries.

Overall a delightful read that will resonate with readers whose childhood and teen years were considerably simpler than today. I can highly recommend.

Source and complete post: Originally posted reviews at Sally’s Smorgasbord

 

Marjorie Mallon’s review for my book P.S. I Forgive You

This is a very personal account of the author’s experiences of coping and coming to terms with the emotions experienced after the death of a narcissistic mother. D. G Kaye’s mother is herself a product of the terrible parenting she experienced as a child. My own mother struggled with many heartbreaking problems as she grew up. She overcame these and was and continues to be a wonderfully caring mother. I have a deep, unbreakable bond with her which I also have with my daughters.

As I continued to read further into this memoir I kept on comparing our circumstances. How sad and damaging such an uncaring, selfish parent is to her children. How can a mother behave in such a way? P.S. I Forgive You is an important read for all of us. This memoir is about letting go, releasing the emotional turmoil which began in childhood.

It is a compelling read. It courageously deals with the extremes of family relationships. Relationships are complex and difficult, even in what I would deem to be ‘normal’ families. There are many who struggle to understand or relate to their son or daughter, sister, brother, wife or husband.

But this memoir takes those problems to a whole new level that no one should have to experience. After such a damaging upbringing, D. G. Kaye has suffered but has learnt to forgive. She lives a happy, fulfilled life. That is a wonderful testament to her strength of character and her can do attitude.

My recommendation: Read this. 5 stars. I’d highly recommend this memoir to us all whatever our circumstances. Also read the first book in the series: Conflicted Hearts.

 

P.S. I Forgive You

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Original Post and review: Book Review: P.S. I Forgive You: A Broken Legacy by D. G Kaye #Memoir #Family #Mother #Daughter – M J Mallon YA Author and Poet

 

©DGKaye2020

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Vision perception - Memoirs

Smorgasbord Cafe and Bookstore – Share an Extract from your Latest Book- #Memoir – Twenty Years After “I Do” by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

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Sally Cronin is running a popular series for her authors in her Smorgasbord Bookstore and Cafe. I was thrilled to be invited to share an extract from one of my books. I shared a sampling from my book Twenty Years: After “I Do”.

 

Twenty Years by D.G. Kaye

Get this book on Amazon!

 

 

Smorgasbord Cafe and Bookstore – Share an Extract from your Latest Book- #Memoir – Twenty Years After “I Do” by D.G. Kaye

 

 

About the book:

May/December memoirs.

In this personal accounting, D.G. Kaye shares the insights and wisdom she has accrued through twenty years of keeping her marriage strong and thriving despite the everyday changes and challenges of aging. Kaye reveals how a little creative planning, acceptance, and unconditional love can create a bond no obstacle will break. Kaye’s stories are informative, inspiring, and a testament to love eclipsing all when two people understand, respect, and honor their vows. She adds that a daily sprinkling of laughter is a staple in nourishing a healthy marriage.

Twenty years began with a promise. As Kaye recounts what transpired within that time, she shows that true love has no limits, even when one spouse ages ahead of the other.

 

 

An extract from the memoir.

In this chapter, I’m talking about the familiarity of moments in silence, when we grow to understand a loved one so well, often words aren’t necessary.

 

Knowing

 

In his quietest moments, I can hear him thinking. He’s always thinking.

There’s no silence in Gordon’s head. Even while watching TV, his mind is busy spinning. His thoughts may be focused on anything from the customer who’s coming in tomorrow to an item he’s remembered to remind me to pick up at the grocery store—or, often, he’s thinking about me, some old memory he’ll feel compelled to remind me about.

Often when speaking to him, I’ll notice his concentration focused on something other than me. He’ll claim he’s listening to what I’m saying, but his attention is on something else within. I call it attention-span lapsing, not quite ADD but more like brewing an idea while in the midst of a separate conversation. These little moments used to drive me crazy in the early stages of our relationship because I felt as though he wasn’t paying attention to our conversation, but he was. He always did. I hadn’t yet learned how his mind worked.

I’ve had plenty of years to study my husband and can read his thoughts just by a certain look on his face, a silence between us, or sometimes from the first word of a sentence when he speaks. Even the manner in which he’ll call out my name prompts me to know what he’ll ask me. When he calls me Cubby with a higher pitch and an emphasis on the y sound, I know he’s in a jovial mood and eager to share good news or something funny. When he calls me Cub, I know he’s going to ask me a question or has something pressing on his mind he wants to share. Deb is reserved for his pissed-off moments.

We’ve always been so in tune with each other, spoken words or not. Many times, I’ll walk into his man cave, and he’ll be watching TV, not even noticing I’m there as he focuses with eyes glued on whatever he’s watching. I’ll announce myself after standing to his left with one of my usual smart-ass comments, “Earth calling,” and he’ll turn after I startle him, chuckling because he knows the thought police is on to him.

Based on whatever may be currently going on in our lives, I have a reasonable idea about what he may be dwelling on in his moments of silence. I’ll remind him he’s home now and it’s time to turn off his brain and relax. He’ll smile with that familiar twinkle in his blue eyes and once again ask how I always seem to know what he’s thinking. I don’t know how I know. I just do. After spending so much time together, we grow an inherent understanding of the silent language interpreted by eye contact, a lack of it, body language, silence, temperament, or sometimes even by the bang or the silent closing of a door.

The thought police in me is always on duty, ready to dissect Gordon’s brain. It’s become second nature. In this past year since Gordon’s health suffered, I have noticed how much more he likes to remind me about some of our best times we’ve shared. Sometimes I know he’s trying to get a rise out of me with laughter. Other times I can’t help but feel he’s thinking about his mortality. I don’t dwell on it, nor do I let him know I know what he’s thinking about.

Nobody ever wants to think about the end of existence. But trust me, as we age, we all have many of those days when we feel the hands of time ticking by. Gordon’s brushes with death have somehow opened the curtains of a window he never previously cared to look out of, a window he never talked about—one we’ve never talked about. But I know that window revealed to him how close the end almost came for him in the past year, causing him many pauses for thought. He doesn’t say so, but I know.

Once in a while, when Gordon breaks a silent moment between us and says in mere passing, “We’ve been together twenty years,” I know where his brain goes. I never ask him to elaborate on where those thoughts come from, but I know when he’s in a reflective mood, when he feels the urge to relive tender moments, when he’s fearing his mortality. In those exact moments, I know.

 

One of the reviews for the book

L. Carmichael 5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Study in Married Life  Reviewed in the United States on February 3, 2020

Twenty Years: After “I Do” is an autobiographical non-fiction book about the author’s experience with marriage and relationships. I’ve previously read another of her autobiographies about her relationship with her mother, and it was such an emotionally charged and well-written book, I decided to keep reading more from her every few months until I caught up on all her works.

In this one, Debby tells us what happened almost twenty years ago when she debated whether to marry the man who is now her husband. Given he was twenty years older, she had a lot of decisions to consider when it came to how her life would change. At the core of this book, and her approach to life, is her commitment and honesty in all that she achieves. Debby knew… if she married him, she would have to accept all that came with it in the future. From there, she dives into key aspects of married life: emotions, sex life, personal time, separation of couple and individual, fighting, decision-making, and death. Lessons we all need to consider.

Debby’s writing style is simply fantastic. It’s easy to devour in a short sitting, but it always makes you feel like part of her life. She openly shares so much (the good, the bad, and the ugly) while holding back in all the appropriate areas to allow for proper balance, e.g. we learn about the impacts to her sex life when one partner is ill but she doesn’t go into the details. She tells us how she and her husband tackled the issues from a day-to-day perspective and moved on… because they loved one another (to the moon and back).

There is a refreshing honesty and truth in her words, and readers will quickly find themselves a path to compare their own lives to that of the author’s. What have I done well? What could I do better? What needs to change? Excellent questions to consider, but Debby doesn’t directly tell us to do this–her actions show us why this is at the core of a good marriage. I’m thrilled I had the chance to read this one today. Although I’ve only been with my partner for 8 years, it’s easy to track where things are and what we could do differently.

Debby bravely tells us her story, allowing us to interpret for ourselves what everything means, especially in this ever-changing world where people live longer and have access to more things but it’s harder to get them. I highly recommend this book to nearly anyone in a relationship, or those who want to know how to handle one when they are. Debby shares a few secrets, some hints, and a few suggestions to consider. It’s not just for newbies or long-term couples… there’s a bit of everything for how to co-exist and still be who you are. Great work!

 

Read the reviews and buy the memoir: Amazon US

And: Amazon UK

 

Originally Posted Source: Smorgasbord Cafe and Bookstore – Share an Extract from your Latest Book- #Memoir – Twenty Years After “I Do” by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye

 

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