Realms of Relationships with D.G. Kaye – Wrapping up the Year in #Covid – Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Realms of Relationships – Wrapping up the Year and Covid Lingering Effects

Welcome to my Realms of Relationships post finale for 2021. I hope you all have been enjoying my articles where I share some of own experiences about different types of relationships. Next year I’ll be back with my travel columns and later in the year I’ll be back with more relationship talk, and maybe even something new! Today I’m sharing this post here I originally wrote for my monthly column over at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine.

In this edition, I want to talk about relationships that have been altered or have taken on new awakenings through the global pandemic we’ve all been living through for almost two years now.

Once all the lockdowns began, life as everyone knew it changed. Suddenly, moms and dads are working at home, trying to get their jobs done as they had to adapt to helping school their kids digitally – a feat in itself for the technically challenged.

How we’re affected by the ages:

Many couples forced to spend more time together during lockdown discovered they loved and missed going to work to get out of the house to avoid 24/7 with a partner, while some other relationships were strengthened in that time as many re-discovered, reconnected, and re-evaluated their relationships. Some friendships were strengthened, while some others were let go of as realizations and evaluations of our lives took place when we were restricted from seeing anyone. So many were affected from quarantine conditions from unemployment adding financial strains, dealing with sick and dying loved ones, disrupted homelife, home schooling and growing mental illnesses because of forced conditions having created havoc in so many people’s lives. Many statistics have been cited about the increase of divorce enquiries and proceedings. I also must make mention of the many stranded at home stuck in abusive relationships with no escape.

Young children are equally affected at differing crucial stages of their learning, as well as hampered social skills while not being able to play or interact in person with others. Many young children and toddlers missing crucial interacting at nursery schools and play dates spending two of their earliest years either missing social interaction – where they learn to socialize by playing and learning together with other children, while others too young to realize the way they are growing up in their earliest years at home isn’t situation normal.

Middle-grade and teenaged kids were desperately missing social interaction. As they craved their usual activities with friends at a time of exploration of the world at their curious ages, suddenly having their ‘regular’ lives ripped out from them stuck at home with family in their new constricted lives, have had to find ways to adapt. How many suicides do we even imagine have occurred because of the mental disruption of their lives?

The elderly have had to endure not only extra lonely times with aching hearts as their loved ones ached with the worry for them, but many of the elderly who rely on the help and visits from others were devastatingly left out in the cold. The long, lonely hours of being alone became so much more profound for both the sick and the agile – those that require daily visits for care, and those denied the ability for visitations from loved ones. Yes, digital apps helped to connect some and not others, became the backup for visual virtual visits, but there is no substitute for a real human visit where we can look into someone’s eyes and feel the love, a touch, a hug, and human physical compassion, and this missing of human interaction left a gaping hole in the hearts of too many.

The sick who couldn’t get proper medical attention and consequently dying before their time – like my husband, who died BECAUSE of the Covid epidemic halting regular doctor visits and no way to get into a hospital unless there was an evident and immediate emergency. Those that actually feared going to a hospital for serious ailments because they were afraid they’d catch the Covid inside the hospital. The undiagnosed cancers, deeming treatment too late – LIKE my husband. The strokes and heart attacks people died from because they refused to go to hospitals during Covid. The delayed testing for the so many with yet to have diagnosis that did and will ultimately end these people’s lives earlier than would have pre-pandemic. And the list goes on and on.

I know what I write of is merely touching on the tip of the icebergs as so many in the world have suffered losses – loss of lives, sickness, and financial draining. These devastations in all our lives in some way or another have become the rude awakenings for us, and worse for many more.

Realizations. This pandemic gave us all a time for reflection and reckoning, a look around, and insight as to who’s caring about us? I know I’ve certainly had startling revelations myself after losing my husband seven months ago and discovering that my own family (save for two) doesn’t have the time of day for me, as well as discovering that my husband’s family were just that – my husband’s family. This rude awakening for me just brought me back to Maya Angelou’s famous quote: “When people show you who they are, believe them.”

What I’ve learned during this pandemic: Keep your circles small and tight. It’s all about the quality of the people in our lives, not the quantity. And friends are the family we choose.

If anyone here would like to share some of your own awakenings and discoveries you’ve had through these trying times, please feel free to share.

Let us all pray for a better year globally, the sick to heal, the virus to die, and peace, love, and brotherhood to return to mankind.

Below are links to just a few articles on how the pandemic has wreaked havoc on many relationships:

Covid – Divorce Rates

BBC – Spikes in Break ups and Divorces

This article was originally posted on Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

©DGKaye2021

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – October 2021 – No Contact – The Breaking Point | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

This month’s Realms of Relationships column is about going ‘No Contact’. Sometimes in life we’re faced with becoming stuck in unhealthy relationships and that can mean anything from enduring an abuser or narcissist, but it can also relate to any unhealthy relationship we allow with someone in our life who demeans us, belittles, demands of us, or shows no interest or compassion for us, yet remain a part of our lives.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – October 2021 – No Contact – The Breaking Point

 

No Contact – The Breaking Point

 

I write a lot here about difficult relationships, the challenges about them, the symptoms, and I share my experience and my resolutions about handling some of these conflicts. In this issue, I’m going to talk about the No Contact rule.

 

This method is usually a last resort to ending a relationship after several other remedies have been applied without success.

 

When we have struggled with people who hurt, ignore, or harm us, either mentally or physically, and there is no solution left for handling these people, other than continuing to put up with them or creating distance from them wherever we can, sometimes all we can do is go full-blown No Contact. Yes, you can read 100 books on psychology about these issues, but when we reach the last end of the rope where we can no longer endure a toxic relationship, this may become the only option we’re left with to seek peace.

 

So, what is no contact exactly?

 

No Contact means taking a firm stance to remove ourselves from another person’s life or situation. It can often be a difficult process, especially when feelings of guilt intervene, but this is sometimes necessary to bring back sanity and peace. And despite our decision to go through with the process, it can still be difficult. And sometimes, despite our decision to break free, we may still get swept back into that person’s drama. Friend or family, sometimes we just have to let go to save ourselves. No Contact means the relationship is over. This is a self-protective measure we should take when a relationship isn’t just not fulfilling us, but becomes bad for our mental health. It’s a measure that will often entail grieving the loss of that relationship despite our choosing to sever ties with that person.

 

time to leave

 

So what is the process for No Contact?

 

First, we should set our internal boundaries. Once we decide to go No Contact, we must stop filling our minds with the situation and playing the hurt hits over and over in our heads. If we’re at this point in a relationship, it’s time to stop thinking about them, the hurt, the words, the guilt and the pain they’ve caused us, and think about ourselves. When we’ve exhausted every avenue of trying to discuss and fix, and they either don’t see the problem or aren’t interested in repairing anything, it may be time to banish them. Going No Contact is not only a physical action, but a mental one too.

 

Going No Contact means: no phoning, no texting, no engagement on social media or otherwise, no talking, no partaking in events around them. It means staying strong when confronted by those we’ve walked away from and remembering the many reasons why we chose to delete that person from our lives. The object is to remove our presence from their life.

 

Like any loss in life, we may well go through some of the grieving stages, similar to how we do when we lose a loved one. During this process, we may experience mixed emotions such as: I’m a bad person for doing this, I don’t want to make bad blood, I don’t want people to be angry at me. I know this ritual through my own experience. I lived it when I finally had to use it with my mother. And since my husband’s passing, I’ve realized a lot about the people who’ve been a part of my life with ‘new eyes’. One thing I know from experience is that a deep loss of a loved one will forever change you.

 

What can help when we’re weighing the scales about a certain relationship is to write out our feelings. Make a list of the pros and cons of the relationship in question. Look at the good parts and the painful parts. If the painful parts far outweigh the good and you’ve already given the relationship many chances with the same outcome, it may be time to consider this method.

 

letting go

 

Toxic people are manipulative people. They have an inherent knack for knowing how to overpower others. It’s important not to allow these people to define us by manipulating us into feeling obligation or guilt when we attempt to distance ourselves mentally and physically from that person. Going No Contact is often akin to abstaining from a harmful substance like drugs or booze. And just like going through any detox program, we will undoubtedly go through some withdrawal symptoms after removing a person from our lives. And yes, second thoughts, guilt, and remembering some of the better times, may all pop into our heads during the cleansing, but the idea is to remain strong in our resolution for a greater good. In essence, creating No Contact is self-love and for self- preservation. . . Please continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord

 

Original Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – October 2021 – No Contact – The Breaking Point | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Smorgasbord Coffee Morning – Bring a Guest – Meet My Best Friend San by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

I was thrilled to be over at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord for her #Influencer – Coffee Morning, Bring a Friend series. In this post, I’m unmasking Zan (San) one of my oldest best friends, and our relationship that has survived the distance and decades.

 

Smorgasbord Coffee Morning – Bring a Guest – Meet My Best Friend San by D.G. Kaye

 

 

Today a story of friendship that has thrived despite distance and pandemics for over forty years Debby Gies brings her best friend Sanja to coffee.

 

Meet My Best Friend San by D.G. Kaye

 

Today I’d like to introduce you all to my best friend Sanja, a.k.a., Zan, who you may recognize her name from some of my books. Sanja, pronounced – like ‘S’ plus ‘on’, plus ‘yaw’. I call her San (sounding like sand without the ‘d’) and when I call her by her full name, I pronounce it as San Ja, as in ‘jaw’. You will learn later how we love to make up new words.

 

We’ve been friends since we were both nineteen years old. That’s a long time, but then again, never enough. I met San when I moved away from home and worked part time in the building I was living in at the Recreation Center. I was the receptionist and gatekeeper of law and order of the gym, and San was a part time lifeguard up at the pool. After a few shifts together and one very quiet day at the Center, I buzzed up to the pool to ask her a question, and we blabbed away most of our shift. That was the beginning of our lifelong friendship.

 

 

Me and San

This photo is us in our early twenties. Me with my blond hair streaked more blond and San with her natural hair color – until we changed our colors.

 

I should actually write a book about us and our shenanigans through the decades together, and most likely I will, but for now I’ll talk about how San became my ‘person’ in life through thick and thin, and how even an ocean that has separated us geographically for the last twenty-eight years never hindered our connection.

 

I grew up in a world of ‘colorful’ characters in my mother’s circles and with very conservative Orthodox Jews on my father’s side, despite my father never living his life as a conservative Jew. So that spectrum of my life was a total oxymoron when it came to family. I was a precocious, inquisitive, clever and street-wise child from a young age.

 

Because my mother was a social butterfly, barely home, we spent way too much time at our paternal grandparents’ growing up, a good ‘dump off’ spot for my mother. There was nothing Jewish about our family other than we were, and we went to synagogue with our dad and grandparents on all the high holidays out of respect for my dominating grandparents. Back at home we ate bacon and pork (although I personally no longer eat pork, as a choice, not religion) and my dad (when he was ever living with us), loved to order in Chinese Food or Pizza. I look back and it isn’t difficult to see how dysfunctional my family always was. And the funniest part was my, not even fully Jewish mother, who never had time to mother, had made it clear to me that I could only date Jewish guys. LMAO.

 

Okay, maybe I digressed here, but I had to set the setting to how my friend San turned my life into a 180.

 

Where I grew up, I only ever knew Jewish people. Exceptions were some of those ‘colorful’ characters I mentioned earlier in my mother’s gambling and racetrack circles. Heck, even my high school was 99 point something percent Jewish. After my tumultuous homelife and my parents’ many break ups, they finally divorced when I was sixteen. Two years later, my dad decided to sell our family home. My Aunty Sherry (my mother’s sister, and more my mother to me than my own mother), who happened to be a rental agent for a popular apartment complex mid-town in the city, hatched a plan with my father, to set me up on my own, to set me free from my mother’s rule, and allow me to experience life. My aunt got me a primo apartment and my dad paid my rent for two years until I could get myself sorted in what I wanted to do or be in life.

 

Enter San. There was an instant connection with us that first day we yacked for hours together at work. San, too, came from a somewhat dysfunctional family life, and that may have been the first thing we bonded over. Despite us being the same age (I’m actually 5 months older), I always look up to her like an older sister, sometimes even as a mother. I remember always feeling safe with her, safe to say anything, and protected. San was and is very nurturing and tactile, she’s warm and loving to everyone. When she enters a room, there’s a light that just puts her right in it. Despite the fact she’s physically beautiful, her heart and soul are equally beautiful, and she can often be the loudest one in the room. I warn, put us together and you will have a party. Until I met San, I’d grown up afraid of my mother, afraid to ask questions (I’d seek them out in other ways), zero talking about birds and bees, and the words “I love you” were not common practice anywhere in my life.

 

San introduced me to a whole new world of friends, and of living. And she taught me what unconditional love meant and taught me it was okay to tell people I loved them – something which felt most difficult to say all my life. She had/has many pet names for me and would often hug me and tell me she loved me. Oh, it felt so weird in the beginning, and of course, I felt so comfortable talking to her like I never had with anyone in my life until that point – not even my Aunty Sherry. I couldn’t tell my aunt my deepest feelings, for fear her allegiance to my mother would have her share anything noteworthy.

 

Friends

This photo was taken at one of girl get-togethers we do when Sanja comes home, about four years ago. This is my tribe. From left to right is me, Al, San, and my other bestie Anna, better known in my books as Bri.

 

San brought me into her world of close friends, who ultimately became my tribe of friends too. And as we grew and had various jobs, we’d both meet new people we’d introduce to each other, and our circle of friends grew. Only two people were Jewish in my wonderful new circle of multi-cultural friends, and I was loving and enjoying life. My first real best friend San is from the formerly known – Yugoslavia, now known as Croatia, and I fell in love with dating Italian men. I was introduced to a new world of diversity and I was never so happy.

 

I’d taken the opportunity to go back to university while my dad was helping me out and San was going to ‘beauty school’ to become an aesthetician. We remained working at the Rec Center a few more years, part time and Saturdays. And she made a damn fine aesthetician at that career, and magically, I had my own personal manicurist. San also taught me how to apply eye-shadow – PROPERLY. And she gave me the big thumbs down one time she caught me experimenting with BLUE eyeshadow. She still reminds me about that decades later. So, my best friend, sister/mother, social director, teacher of love was the pinnacle of my new life.

 

Through the years in our twenties, both San and I had active social lives, together, and in our own other various groups of friends. Her then fiancé and eventual first husband Jake lived in my building at the time with his parents while they were dating. Needless to say, San and Jake pretty much hung out at my place in our early years, as I was the one with my own place and they both still lived at home.

 

Our lives were full and exciting, and despite how busy our lives were, we were always together for everything that mattered. I had lost my father, both my grandparents and my Aunty Sherry in that first decade on my own, and besides always being by my side for life’s up and down’s, nursing me back to mental health on several occasions, San was always there to put me back together.

 

 

Best friends

This photo was taken in the late eighties, just before I turned into a redhead. We were at a party.

 

The years passed and nothing separated us, not even San’s first two marriages. Husbands knew I was an appendage to San, and we still remained besties and there for each other always. Until that fateful day when San was going through some hardship of her own, she serendipitously met her soon to be third husband, only, he was visiting Toronto on business, and he lived in the U.K. In a whirlwind love affair, and after only a few short months of serious dating – flying back and forth to the U.K., among other amazing trips Tray took San on to some exotic places in the world, San announced she’s selling her house and moving to the U.K. with Tray. If I didn’t know heartache yet, and I had had plenty by then, I knew what a broken heart felt like way back then, but the pain of feeling your losing your best friend, confidante, mother, sister, all rolled in one, was almost too much to bear. After almost fifteen years of being attached to my best friend, she was leaving me, or so I thought, because that’s how it felt. . . Please continue reading at Sally’s blog to find out how our friendship survived the miles.

 

 

Original Source: Smorgasbord Coffee Morning – Bring a Guest – Meet My Best Friend San by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – September 2021 – The Relationship with Ourselves -Self-Care | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Welcome to my September edition of Realms of Relationships at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine that I contribute to monthly. There are many kinds of relatioships, but often, we forget about the one with ourselves.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – September 2021 – The Relationship with Ourselves -Self-Care

 

 

Relationships with ourselves – Self-Care

 

Welcome to my Realms of Relationships column at Smorgasbord Blog Magazine. Today I want to talk about the most important relationship we can have, and that’s the one we have with ourselves. It’s often easy to overlook ourselves, especially when times are tense, fast, and frazzled with life’s daily grind. And if we have loved ones to care for on top of daily living, often, the last person being served is usually ourselves.

 

I’m a living testament of what self-neglect can leave behind as resulting damage. Often, we get so wrapped up in our lives and lose track of time – the time we let ourselves go. So yes, self-compassion and self-care are just as essential for us to live in good health – not just to survive.

 

Sometimes, some of the most nurturing people forget that taking care of others requires us to be in good health in order to care of someone else. But often in the middle of trauma, our focus often falls on the loved one we’re caring for – both young and old, without giving a second thought for our own well-being. I know this because I lived it.

 

 

Self Care

 

Self- care encompasses the daily things we do for ourselves to keep our health in check – hygiene, eating properly, taking meds and required vitamins, and getting in exercise and enough sleep. Most importantly, any ailments we feel coming on should be dealt with as soon as possible once we notice things aren’t running as smoothly with our bodies, and not left to fester until such time we decide to stop pushing aside things a doctor needs to have a look at. And then there is emotional health.

 

If we are living through a stressful time, not just our physical health needs tending to, but, we need an outlet to relieve some of the mental angst that can sometimes translate to more physical ailments. Trust me, it’s not a myth, stress and worry have the ability to do great damage within us. Just like a health regimen followed daily creates cumulative benefits that add up daily, not following one will most certainly chip away at all the goodness we’ve already accrued through time as we continue to neglect ourselves.

 

Taking care of ourselves is vital for us to function optimally, but especially when someone else is relying on us to take care of them. When chaos or trauma strike, it shouldn’t mean that we abandon what’s important for us to remain in good health, but so often we’ll sacrifice what’s good for us and put others before us. Here’s what we need to know about taking care of ourselves:

 

 

  • Make sure to get enough sleep – not getting enough sleep can initiate other health problems.
  • Make mealtime a routine at least twice a day if you can’t manage three squares. If you eat a good breakfast it can sustain you through the day in case you do happen to miss out on lunch. But even more important to eat a healthy dinner, especially if we’re missing that lunch.
  • Don’t stop taking important vitamins and supplements, especially if you’re deficient in them. Not eating properly during stressful times, then not taking supplementation, doubles the drain on our bodies leaving us without efficient fuel or nutrients.
  • Take a timeout and go for a walk, read a chapter, listen to music – whatever you enjoy for a mental health break from high stressed life. If you’re caring for someone 24/7, arrange for someone to come by and give you a break for some down time and time to get household essentials looked after, and maybe even to eke out some personal time.

 

You can take this Self Well-Being test here to see how you’re doing: Berkeley Wellbeing Survey

 

Take care of yourself

 

How I can attest to this advice? Because I became one of those self-neglecters.

 

During my husband’s illness when I was caring for him 24/7, the last thing on my mind was about what I needed. While my world was spiraling out of sense, I didn’t care about eating properly, sometimes not eating at all. I had no appetite. I’d sneak in a shower when my husband would sleep, or if one of his personal support workers were bathing him.

 

I was full of preliminary grief and anxiety, and I wasn’t hungry. . . Please continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord to learn the repercussions after we forget to take care of ourselves.

 

 

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – September 2021 – The Relationship with Ourselves -Self-Care | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – August 2021 – Soul Mates | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

My recent edition for my Realms of Relationships column over at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine is all about Soul Mates.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – August 2021 – Soul Mates

 

Welcome to my column – Realms of Relationships. In my last edition of Realms of Relationships I wrote about Kindred Spirits. In this edition, I’m writing about Soul Mates – how we recognize them, and the common bonds that connect us with them.

 

universal connection

 

What is a Soul Mate?

 

Let me begin by saying there are four main types of soul mates. You may read about several more, but the main ones I’ll touch on today are:

Healing Soul Mates: These are new friends who arrive with intent to provide us with life lessons that help to heal our memories. Healing soul mates appear in our lives through divine timing — the universe sends us these souls in the times we most need them to teach us a lesson we need to learn, comfort us in a time of need, and often to teach us a path forward. Most healing friendships exist only for as long as it takes to fulfil their purpose and help us align ourselves in clearer situations. This kind of friend usually shows up when we are facing repetitive patterns and trying to work through old issues with no resolution.

Karmic Soul Mates: Karmic soul mates could sometimes come as Past Life soul mates too. Our connection is deep and karmic, and often painful, as it aligns us with our ego struggles. The lesson is to experience the ego pain and learn to work through it to learn how to overcome ego difficulties.

Karmic soul mates sometimes have a twin-like connection. When intense emotions are evoked, each mate can actually feel what each other feels. Some of these souls have come back by reincarnation to relive and fix their own karma from a past life, to help break a negative, repetitive cycle. The struggle for many is to learn to disregard our ego, and a karmic soul is the perfect one to help teach us.

Past Life Soul Mates: These are the people we may have shared a past life with. We’ll experience a Déjà vu feeling with this person. This person will help to shape us into better humans. We’ll feel as though we’ve known that person forever, making the relationship feel easy and familiar. The connection is instant. We may feel we’ll be mates for a lifetime — no matter how much time has passed or how far apart we may be from them through distance. We learn to trust and believe in ourselves with this person’s guidance. This new soul friend will help us grow into the person we’re meant to be. These relationships are typically platonic, not about physical attraction, but as a protective, nourishing friendship.
This type of friendship can last a lifetime. This person may not be someone you will see every day, but you will stay connected through other means to sustain the relationship. They’ll always bring love and fun, no matter how much time has passed.

Twin Flames Soul Mates: Twin flames cooperate to overcome emotional and spiritual barriers. They could talk for hours without ever running out of things to say. They think in the same way, they’re on the same energy wavelength, they often finish each other’s sentences, and enjoy doing things as a pair.

When we meet our twin flame, we’ll feel a sense of oneness. Twin Flames usually aren’t in a romantic relationship. They are usually forever. Many Twin Flames feel as though each other is their other half. Often, words aren’t required to communicate, as they often know what each other will say or what they’re thinking.

 

soulmates

 

A soul mate brings lessons for us to learn. Some soul mates may disappear from our lives once they’ve delivered the lesson and, quite possibly, show up again at other times. Some other soul mates will remain in our lives if we are lucky enough to find one. Other soul mates recognize their soul mate instantly by experiencing a feeling of familiarity upon first meeting. The energy attracts. We recognize a soul mate when we feel we can bear our souls openly without judgements and be completely free with that person about who we are, inside and out. This is a mutual understanding between both souls. Again, a soul mate can definitely become our spouse, but friends can also be soul mates. There are romantic and platonic soul mates.

Some people think a soul mate is automatically our chosen relationship mate, but there are different types of soul mates. And not every couple marries their soul mate. Generally speaking, a soul mate is someone we mesh beautifully with in thinking, values, likes, etc. But for many, a soul mate is much more. For instance, if we have a close bond with someone, we often can feel or ‘know’ what they’re thinking, and sometimes even what they are up to without speaking, and commonly, easily finish each other’s sentences.

 

soul spirit

 

A soul connection with someone feels as though we connected on a same soul level. A soul mate is someone we feel a deep, natural affinity for, someone our soul recognizes and resonates with. There is typically a common bond bringing the two souls together. This can be in friendships or relationships of the heart. When we find this person, we just know. A special bond forms that leave us feeling we’ve known that person in another life, or that some common incident brought us both together. Sometimes soul mates come into our lives because we’ve made a pre-destined pact in a past life to be together in this life, in various capacities.

 

Does everyone have a Soul Mate?

 

There potentially are soul mates for everyone, but that doesn’t mean we will all get that gifted opportunity to meet a soul mate. . . continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord

 

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – August 2021 – Soul Mates | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – July 2021 – The #Universe Brings us Kindred Spirits

Today’s share is my article for the July issue of Realms of Relationships at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine. In this issue I’m discussing Kindred Spirits – who are they and how we attract them.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – July 2021 – The Universe Brings us Kindred Spirits

 

The Universe Brings us Kindred Spirits

Welcome to my new edition of Realms of Relationships. I’d first like to thank Sally again for keeping my spirit alive while I’ve been transitioning through both my journey of the loss of my husband, and a great big move I did in the midst of my grief – a story which deserves a post on its own, and there will surely be one coming on my blog.

As the title of this series implies, my articles are about the many realms involved in the relationships we have and encounter in life with the people already in our lives, and the people we meet. So today I’m going to discuss Kindred Spirits – what sort of people are they, and how and why they enter our lives?

The universe brings us what we need in a single moment whether or not we asked for it or focused our thoughts on something, The universe will orchestrate a meeting of happenstance with a person(s) we share a kindred spirit with. This works similar to how we  ‘meet people for reasons and seasons’. I have lived it many times, yet, it still never ceases to surprise me. I am always open to receive, and that is the key.

 

eye - all knowing

 

So what exactly defines ‘Kindred Spirits’?

 

“Kindred spirits are like-minded and like-souled people with whom an instant connection of love and understanding is mutually experienced.” Clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PH.D., tells MBG.

“The connection is inimitable and often defies verbal description.” 

 

This secret mission of the universe seems to work by the universe recognizing someone gels with us by connecting us with those we share a common experience with, and arranges this person to, coincidentally, show up into our lives randomly in a time of our need. We encounter new kindred spirits, magically, when our lives turn in a new direction and we serendipitously run into, or we’re introduced to someone helpful and/or compassionate, often at the precise time in our lives we are eager to welcome them.

Kindred spirits are typically those we attract to because we share common interests, values and/or views with them, and often, people who have shared same experiences as us. Kindred spirits typically resonate on the same soul frequency as we do. As we are all mostly made up of energy, it’s like our energy radars are flashing at the same frequency as a new kindred spirit passes our way. A kindred spirit isn’t necessarily always someone we already know, but someone new we meet and feel an instant comfort level and easily bond with on issues in common that connects us.

Often, we meet kindred spirits randomly. We can be out somewhere at an event, or even at the corner store, for that matter. A sudden conversation strikes up, and instantly we can recognize that kindred soul because their path or beliefs or experiences in life are similar to our own, making us feel automatically drawn to them, and vice versa. Kindred spirits are people who connect with our souls. There is a mutual understanding, and we are on the same wavelength with this kindred spirit. . . continue reading at the Smorgasbord

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – July 2021 – The Universe Brings us Kindred Spirits | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

Smorgasbord Public Relations for Authors – Part Two – Author Biographies -Tips and Translations by Sally Cronin

A quick hello as I surface from chaos and grieving status quo. I’m in the midst of packing, donating, and trying to sell stuff online that requires frequent attention – just what I don’t feel like doing. I’m moving in two weeks and trying to figure out the puzzle, deciding how to keep as much as will fit in the smaller unit, which isn’t really small, but compared to now, well, let’s just say it’s A LOT of stuff. I probably won’t have a Sunday review ready this week, but I’ll have a new edition of Writer’s Tips next week. In the meantime, I’m sharing Sally Cronin’s recent article in her new fabulous, Author Series, where she offers valuable PR tips on how to best present ourselves, from bios to pictures.

 

Smorgasbord Public Relations for Authors – Part Two – Author Biographies -Tips and Translations by Sally Cronin

 

 

The definition of Public Relations in business is “Public relations is a strategic communication process that builds mutually beneficial relationships between businesses and the public”

In the past my focus has been on book marketing, which did include how to reach potential readers with blogs, social media and as part of the writing community. Whilst this series will revisit those platforms along the way it is an opportunity to focus on some key areas of our public profiles that might influence the public to buy our books.

The focus this time is on you.. the author.

Last week I looked at the impact our Profile Photo – First contact with reader might have on potential readers.

This week it is the turn of the biography that we put on selling sites such as Amazon, Bookbub and Goodreads.

 

Author Biography – Tips and Translations

With approximately 150 authors across the Cafe and Bookstore and the Children’s Reading Room, I am in Amazon and Goodreads daily checking for new releases and reviews to share in the updates. In the current series of Meet the Authors I am also updating biographies to include and I am afraid that I have had to update quite a few myself with new books, or the numbers of books that have been written.

My suggestions today are not carved in stone, and how you write your biography is entirely your decision. The one area that is key and seems to be echoed around the writing sites is the fact that a biography that is overlong will be overlooked.

The biography is your advertisement that combined with your photograph is going to grab the attention of the potential reader who has landed on your author page.

Last week I shared the fact that there are 20,000 new ebooks uploaded each week on Amazon that are in direct competition with your books. Provided you have listed your books with the genre or sub-genre, when searching for books a reader will be offered a selection to choose from. Hopefully that will land them on your book page or your Amazon Author Page.

Having got them there.. and smiled at them from your author photograph they will look at the first line of your biography and with any luck will decide to read the rest.

However, they are not going to stay their long! Which is why the recommended length of an author biography is under 1000 characters (Amazon recommendation) or 300 words.

  • The primary aim of your biography is to establish your credentials as a writer and to give a quick resume of your work with a dash of personality that makes them think they might enjoy your books.
  • It is recommended to write the biography in the third person. I have played around with both first and third person and I have just revamped mine with the latter. (I am still playing around with it)
  • Not all of us have degrees in literature or are award winning or USA Today Bestselling authors. However, those that do should lead with that.
  • Failing academic credentials, then get creative on how to hook a reader into trusting you know what you are doing. One of the ways to do that is use third party endorsement by using snippets from your reviews.

For example you could select one of your top reviews for a book and start your biography.

James Smith is a writer whose readers consider ‘is a master storyteller who brings characters alive’

Samantha Johnson’s first novel Desperate Authors received five star reviews ‘Johnson’s creative world building left me breathless’

  • If you have awards for other books mention you have several including two or three stand out commendations.
  • Following this, and if you have more than one book, it it a good idea mention your most current book with a brief synopsis.
  • It is not necessary to list the titles of all the books you have written within the biography as the covers are featured on the page. However, after the main biography you can add further information on series of books for example, so that the reader has a better idea of which book to begin with.
  • Many of the sample biographies of best-selling authors that I have read over the last couple of weeks have been written with a certain amount of humour which made them stand out.
  • It is a good idea to put the link to your website with a note – For more information about the author and their work etc.

Amazon new look Author Central

 

Amazon have made it easier for you to share your biography, not only on other sites but in other languages.

Potential readership around the world.

The other key element to think about is your visibility on an international platform such as Amazon which sells our books on 17 sites (maybe more as growing fast) with a reach of approximately 58 countries. This means that you need to make sure your biography is on as many sites as possible. . . Please continue reading at Sally’s blog.

 

Have a look at the first part in this informative series by Sally – People Buy People First, Profile Photo

Sally Cronin Author

About Sally Cronin

I have been a storyteller most of my life (my mother called them fibs!). Poetry, song lyrics and short stories were left behind when work and life intruded, but that all changed in 1996.

My first book Size Matters was a health and weight loss book based on my own experiences of losing 70kilo. I have written another thirteen books since then on health and also fiction including three collections of short stories. My latest collection is Life is Like A Bowl of Cherries: Sometimes Bitter, Sometimes Sweet.

I am an Indie author and proud to be one. My greatest pleasure comes from those readers who enjoy my take on health, characters and twisted endings… and of course come back for more.

As a writer I know how important it is to have help in marketing books.. as important as my own promotion is, I believe it is important to support others. I offer a number of FREE promotional opportunities on my blog and linked to my social media. If you are an author who would like to be promoted to a new audience of dedicated readers, please contact me via my blog. All it will cost you is a few minutes of your time. Look forward to hearing from you.

 

Sally Cronin's Books

 

Original Source: Smorgasbord Public Relations for Authors – Part Two – Author Biographies -Tips and Translations by Sally Cronin | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye2021

 

D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – May 2021 – The #Grief Process | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Well it’s been a very long year for me, and my thanks to Sally Cronin for keeping my spirit alive while I’ve been living the very recent loss of my husband. Sally has been generous with her resharing of past articles while I’ve been mostly absent from blogland and not fulfilling my monthly contributions to her Smorgasbord Blog Magazine. So in staying with the current theme of my life this year, my recent article is about Grief and touching on what one can expect on this journey, through my experience.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – May 2021 – The #Grief Process

Hello to my wonderful Smorgasbord family.

I’d like to first say thank you to the so many of you who’ve been sending light, love and condolences with messages, emails, cards, and even some unexpected gifts. And a huge thank you to Sally for keeping my spirit alive here and beyond. Undoubtedly, I have a lifetime of stories to write about, and I’m not here today to write specifically about the 180 my life took not even two whole months ago, when my husband seemed to be getting sicker by the day and a palliative doctor came into the hospital room to talk to me about his ongoing care, before we’d even had confirmed results back from an oncologist. This was the beginning of the end.

 

Grief

 

But today’s article isn’t about all that what went down with my husband’s end of his life, but more geared toward the topic about what this series represents – Realms of Relationships, not just about relationships, but also about situations and emotions that we endure and or encounter in life in relationships, and how they affect us and how we deal with them.

So, for today, I’d like to share a bit about what I’m learning about how this grief process works, and since I’m currently living the nightmare, who better than me to share with you my experiences, straight from this proverbial horse’s mouth. And always remember, everybody’s own grief is unique, but one thing is for certain, there are definitely the same steps and stages involved in the grief process, and possibly a bit overly cliché sounding, but it is the old standard – the five stages of grief – Denial · Anger · Bargaining · Depression · Acceptance, which are, and will be components of the journey, no matter how one grieves. Yup, they’re real. There are variations for sure, which I’ll get into later. But suffice it to say, there are no shortcuts with grief.

 

despair

 

Books on grief are typically not our first ‘go to’ genre. Let’s face it, how many people want to read about end of life? But ahh, how many who’ve lived through a heart wrenching loss wish they had someone to help them understand the inner torment grief brings to the table, wishing they knew more about what to expect?

As I grew myself up by reading self-help books about growing self-esteem, reading true stories and situations about people and how they handled their hardships, it paid off helping me to learn what I needed to better myself. In the same circumstance, wanting to reach out and look for some way of relief from the grieving process, books and gatherings with people who’ve walked in the shoes, really can help too.

Now I’m not saying reading books about grieving will help us get out of our grief, but they can do several other things such as, allow us to feel with another who has walked in the same devastating shoes of unbearable grief; it’s almost like a feeling of camaraderie, like when we shake our heads as we read something that resonates, as if to affirm every single emotion and stage we’re going through as we read. It’s a natural instinct for us to want to connect with others who are familiar with all the new emotions we will go through.

Truly, I believe that only someone who has lived the journey can write these kinds of books, and you can be sure, somewhere down the road, I’ll be writing one of my own – one day, when the stinging rawness of my unacceptance at willing to face all the music I keep locked up in a compartment in my head so that at present, I can function and get on with the grueling things that demand attending to during my hours of grief, like, arranging funerals, Covid restrictions, two religions dilemma, and fulfilling my husband’s wishes, all in the same moments while my very own hell in my heart resides within. I will write a book.

I’ve read books all my life to try to better myself and learn, so naturally, and despite the fact that I haven’t been able to read for pleasure at present, a single page of any book since my husband began deteriorating, Only after he passed I had a hunger to devour books that could make me feel I wasn’t alone. I felt compelled to read a few books about grieving. I needed to know how people got through it all. I needed to learn about all the other goodies (sarcasm) I had to look forward to.

 

 

I was immediately drawn to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s work as a psychologist and her own experience with grief, and her work with people who’ve had near death experiences and came back to tell, which I’ve recently read – On Life After Death. . . .Please continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord.

 

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – May 2021 – The #Grief Process | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye2021