#MeToo – The Right to be Heard on Sexual Abuse




The #MeToo movement is loud and clear and making a difference. How many centuries and decades had to pass before women who fought for their power and finally began to own their right to speak out against sexual harassment and abuse became heard?


We know the history of women’s rights so that question is basically redundant. But in the past almost two years, women have begun to stand up for their rights and speak out loud about crimes against their person and human rights.

Where did such brevity stem from? Without getting into politics, which I follow very closely, both in my own country Canada, and the U.S., I would have to say that women began to take a stand by speaking out louder and protesting first after the Bill Cosby molestings and increased when the new administration took over in the White House inspiring women all over the world to join in with their protests and stories. Many politicians and Hollywood names have been called out and have and are facing the repercussions for current and past bad behavior.

We’ve seen famous household names been named and charged for their crimes. So why has it taken so long for this movement to rise? Because every haystack has its breaking point – the point where just one more straw on the pile finally topples over and spills. This inspired women to come together and speak their truths – some hidden for decades, some still fresh. One voice alone couldn’t be heard, drowned out by naysayers and persecution for telling their truth. But strength in numbers has given women the voice of many to speak out and be heard. One spark of truth became an inferno, and this inferno became the catalyst for women to take back their power – a power they’ve always held under wraps, keeping their stories silent in fear of retaliation, more abuse, losing their jobs and fear of being called out as liars from their abusers, and often, the law.

It took strength in numbers to be heard. When several victims stepped forward with their stories, many calling out a common abuser, the world began to listen. Maybe it was the Bill Cosby victims then the Harvey Weinstein victims, well known politicians and other Hollywood names and the various members of the Whitehouse – not excluding the president, who were systematically called out by multiple women, inspiring women to unite to start make those people accountable for their actions. The big voices and big names allowed the less famous individuals who’ve been abused  feel safe in telling their stories and taking a stand. Cracking open one seed grew a forest of trees, giving women the nerve to join together and take back their power.

Whatever event it took to start this movement, it was a long time coming and an inevitable coming. One brave victim enabled others to freely shed their shame when they knew they were no longer alone. They knew their lone experience of shame and abuse could be spoken aloud and finally be heard without being chastised and hushed through means of blackmail and threats.

What inspired me to add to the conversation is the current controversy going on with the White House desperately trying to confirm a new Supreme Court judge who is accused of holding a lot of bias toward women’s rights, instilling for many American women, petrified that rights given to them that took decades to acquire may be overturned if this judge were to be seated on the Supreme Court. As if this event wasn’t big enough in itself, a former female classmate of this nominated judge has come forward accusing this judge of sexually attacking her when they were back in high school, and subsequently, other allegations have followed. The controversy grows as the republican’s agenda is to rush through his confirmation before the midterms and their insistence that these women’s claims coming forward doesn’t warrant an FBI investigation before appointing this judge for a lifetime seat on the bench.

I won’t elaborate on the politics behind this decision to ‘hurry up’ the judge’s confirmation. But similar controversy occurred in the early 90’s with the Anita Hill case against Justice Clarence Thomas—- during his own confirmation hearings, and Hill’s testimony of her allegations about the then judge, fell on deaf ears and created a sham of a hearing, ultimately allowing his confirmation to go through despite the allegations. And now with these new allegations from Professor Christine Blasey Ford et al against the behavior of nominee Judge Brett Kavanaugh said to have occurred over 30 years ago appears to be questionable by the senate because republicans aren’t interested in investigating the matter further by calling in witnesses or the FBI to investigate their claims, not giving Dr. Ford a fair hearing to plead her case. After all, the event allegedly happened some 30 years ago so why come forward now?

That question brings me to my point about #MeToo. It doesn’t matter how long ago a person has been violated! It has taken some women a lifetime of silence and others, decades of carrying their shame, knowing they could not speak out because of the repercussions they feared even more so for some than when they were attacked. Time doesn’t make those memories go away, and time passed does not exonerate the abusers! There is no time limit on how long it takes a woman to muster the courage to speak out. There is no time limit for violators to be let off the hook. Only with the advent of the #MeToo movement have women been made to feel safe and heard calling out their abusers. Many of these stories of abuse and violation are old. They have rested dormant in the psyches of these victims. No time limits can be put on those events to deem them irrelevant or expired. When a woman, or any human being for that matter, is stepping up with their hurt and humiliation they are entitled to be heard! No person, no judge, no president should be exempt from being punished for their crimes.

   #WhyIDidntReport  this is a powerful hashtag trending on Twitter -There are now thousands of women who have gained the courage to speak out against sexual abuse and rape thanks to first, the #MeToo Movement and now a newer kind of movement has begun with women feeling the need to speak out after years of hiding their shame. It’s disheartening to learn just how many women have been raped and sexually attacked and abused. Why are they speaking now? Because they finally found a place where it’s safe among thousands of other women to speak out what some have buried for decades. They are finally being heard and taken seriously and just maybe, some of these abusive men will think a little harder before harassing or abusing another woman because the world is now listening.

It’s no different for a woman to speak out no matter how much time has passed since her abuse, just as many men are coming out recently with accusations of priests molesting them in Catholic churches. It’s never too late for anyone to speak out against such violations on their person. And it’s nobody’s right to tell a victim it’s too late, it didn’t happen or they asked for it. NO means NO!

Just Sayin’ – I’m Every Size – What size are you?

What Size Am I?

Just Sayin'



How many women are confused about what size we actually are when trying to buy clothes? I know I sure am.


[bctt tweet=”How many women are confused about what size we actually are when trying to buy clothes? ” username=”pokercubster”]


If I go back in decades to the years when I worked in the fashion and clothing industry, I can remember when clothing was made mostly of natural fabrics as well as some in polyester. Spandex was mostly reserved for articles such as leotards and dancewear. Regular sizing began at size 2 (although often not an option) and size 0 was unheard of. Seriously, what is size 0? It denotes to me a non-existent body. If someone is a size zero wouldn’t that make them invisible?


Back in the day, sizing was pretty much universal and if the pants didn’t fit, we went up a size until that zipper zipped or that button fastened. And with the nowadays addition of spandex and it’s relatives, elastin, lycra et al, sizing has become more geared toward an individual brand as opposed to universally across the board. Sizing has also become more generous in cut compared to past decades and due to the often added spandex, there seems to be a somewhat psychological tactic used to make women feel better about themselves.


The size 6-8 I wear nowadays would certainly never have zipped up around my ample hips back in the days of the 80s. I wore a consistent size 8 in those days and I weighed 125 pounds! Fast forwarding to the added 10 pounds that found me through the decades, I have to wonder how I am wearing size 6-8, my same size  and sometimes smaller than I wore decades ago?


Okay, thank you to the garment industry for trying to make me feel as though I’m still sporting my same girlish figure from days of old, but the mirror doesn’t lie. And along side with these now Spandex added materials to put our esteems and waistlines at ease, there is still sizing at the other side of the spectrum too. Many brands that size their clothing as small, medium large, etc., I find that I sometimes will find an XL small! If I currently wear a size 6-8 and XL is tight, what are all those gals wearing size 10 and bigger supposed to think?


Don’t get me wrong here, I’m grateful that Spandex is now a major ingredient in many garments, especially comforting after suffering through the the dredges of menopause, comforting to know I can indulge once in awhile and my pants will allow me breathing room, but a size small still shouldn’t be able to stretch to an XL and an XL should still be able to fit a curvier girl of size 16 which is often not the case.


Online Shopping Woes


If you’re anything like me, ordering clothes online can be daunting. Eventually when I become familiar with a brand I can gauge what size I’ll need to order. But heaven help me if I dare to venture into trying a new brand and after paying shipping charges to receive my purchase and discovering the item doesn’t fit thus having to return it, paying shipping again can become quite costly.


I’m often asked by people who know me, how I can buy clothing online with the wide variance in sizing differences. How do I know what size I am? This indicates to me that there must be many of us in the same camp. How many women worldwide are intimidated to order clothing online fearing the size charts if applicable aren’t accurate, thus causing returns and eating shipping charges both ways.


Occasionally I will come across a garment I may be interested in purchasing which may be a brand I’m not familiar with. If I love it enough I may take a chance on ordering it, in hopes that it will actually fit me when I receive it. Here are a few things I look for before hitting that ‘buy’ button:


  • Reviews – I always look at reviews to see what other buyers have to say about the product, particularly the ones who share their size and height and reveal their actual size and share how the size they ordered fit them.
  • Reading the description of the item I’m contemplating buying is important. Pay attention to the material content, the length of a pant, the rise in a pant to find if that pant won’t sit too high up on your waist or too low on the hips.
  • Look for keywords like: Low rise, mid rise, high rise and ‘rise’ which is a good clue as to where those pants will sit. If you have acquired muffin-top over the years like me, I like a pant that has at least a 9 inch rise.
  • If I don’t find enough info in the garment description to make me feel confident in the purchase I visit some other retailer’s sites selling the same garment to see if I can garner more info and/or more reviews.
  • If I still can’t seem to get enough information to make me feel confident about my purchase and the site offers a fair return policy, I’ll sometimes order 2 of the item each in a different size so I can see which will fit me better then send one back.


With that said:


Here’s a thought for clothing manufacturers, and particularly retailers: if you want to cash in on the amount of women who are hesitant to buy online, the women who don’t have the time or desire to physically come into your stores, perhaps you might consider making accurate size charts to display beside a product.  Just showing sizes available doesn’t give us enough information and your ‘generic’ size charts are not helpful. It would be more helpful if the garment being advertised had specific measurements listed with the photo, ie: garment measures: bust , waist, hips, as opposed to a generic size chart showing measurements of sizes the garment will fit. This would enable us to better gauge how the item will fit us according to our own measurements.


Merely stating small = 4-6, medium = 8-10, large = 12-14 when in fact that ‘large’ may barely fit that size small woman, doesn’t cut it. So hey manufacturers of womens garments, why not get your measuring act together and make your sizing accurate. And hey retailers, how about giving us more product detailed information? Maybe more women would venture into the online shopping market if they had more confidence to purchase. And while you’re at it manufacturers, how about going back to the days of universal sizing?

Just sayin’.


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