Customer Reviews
From the United States
I found this lovely review at Mark Bierman’s blog below.
If there was ever a story that gives a perfect example of peeling away the protective layers in which many of us enshroud ourselves, you’ve just found it.
D.G. courageously shares her story of being raised by an emotionally, and often physically, distant mother and the damaging consequences. I think most of us read stories to connect with the characters, and I found myself highly engaged with the younger D.G., as she tries to navigate through the emotional turmoil of her mother’s rejection; no child should ever have to go through that.
In spite of her mother’s alienation, D.G. does find strong supporters, within her family and in romantic partners. The reader cannot help but feel relief and joy every time these people turn up in her life.
I grew to admire D.G.’s resilience, kind heart, and appreciated her brutal honesty. The pages are choc full of valuable life lessons.
Life is rarely fair, but there are bright spots that we can soak up, and D.G. is certainly one who has learned to do just that. No one is spared from disappointment and varying degrees of trauma. We all need to find our ‘people’ who will support us.
I recommend this book to anyone with a pulse.
I’m giving this book, FOUR STARS!
Reviewed in the United States on October 11, 2020
Customer Review
Reviewed in the United States on February 2, 2020
Lucinda Clarke‘s review
Customer Review
4 June 2019
A new review by Kevin Cooper
https://authorkevincooper.com/2019/03/31/conflicted-hearts/#comment-152
As the author’s life story unfolds, one can see that not having a mother’s love can create a need to be loved at any cost. And, this is what happened to the author. She found herself in relationships that were unhealthy. Over the course of many years, the author realized she needed to value herself and not be a pawn in someone else’s life to be belittled, demeaned, and unloved. The author, of this heartfelt memoir, exposes what it is like to grow up in a very dysfunctional home life. D.G. Kaye writes with authenticity, insight, and emotional pain, that touched me deeply.
I must write about how much I enjoyed D. G Kaye’s memoir ‘Conflicted Hearts’. The troublesome relationship that the author has with her mother mirrors episodes in my own life, and I can empathise regarding feelings that ensue from the author wanting to stay away from the negativity of her mother’s narcissistic ways and try to carry on with her own life, but at the same time suffering an overwhelming guilt at staying away for long periods of time.
D.G Kaye is a strong-minded woman and a fearless lone traveller, who is always trying to please her mother. However, I have found, as the author has, that some people just cannot be pleased no matter what is done to help them. Sometimes it’s a case of standing back, taking a deep breath, and either walking away or growing a thick skin.
I admire the author’s courage in writing this memoir. Being an only child I was never brave enough to walk away and so I had to grow the thick skin, but it was only in my mother’s last years that we actually became closer. Through major illness and stress D.G Kaye tried to do what was best for her mother and herself, and I applaud her for it. But at the end of the day it is only by actually living true to ourselves that we can really be happy.
I was hooked. Perhaps I identify with aspects of the life story, perhaps it is a purely engaging tale, vividly painted and expertly told.
This is the first book I have read by this author, it will not be the last.
A wonderful review from Marsha Ingrao on linkis A+ Conflicted Hearts
Conflicted Hearts by D.G. Kaye reads like a personal conversation between two best friends. The level of intimacy shared by the author is second to none of any self-help book I’ve read to date; and I’ve read many.
I refer to Kaye’s memoir as a self-help book because it reflects timeless struggles we all share and reveals the author’s many attempts at dealing with them – some successful, some not.
Kaye draws us into a world of deep and conflicting emotions, where she struggles to find balance and a semblance of inner peace. Her mother – demanding and narcissistic – thought only of herself and disregarded the needs of her family, especially those of her children and husband. This propelled the author, the eldest of her three siblings, to step up to the plate and act the parent. In so doing – coupled with also attempting to meet the needs of her mother and father – she forfeited her childhood. As an adult, it took many years for her to reconcile her own needs with those of her mother.
The candor and intimacy shared by the author often brought me to tears, as I reflected on the similarities in my own life. I had read a few chapters when I had to put the book down due to illness. When I picked it up again a few weeks later, I became so engrossed that I read straight through to the end.
For me, the mark of a good book is one that pulls us out of our rote way of life and immerses us in another world, broadens our imagination, heightens our level of awareness, or deepens our life experience. A book that does two or more of these is exceptional. Conflicted Hearts is one such book. It left me emotionally stirred in a very positive way.
Any book that moves me to reflection is a book I will always carry in my heart. Thank you, D.G. Kaye, for this timeless gift …
https://litworldinterviews.com/2017/03/25/stevie-turners-review-of-d-g-kayes-memoir-conflicted-hearts/comment-page-1/#comment-10186
5 out of 5 stars!
I must write about how much I enjoyed D. G Kaye’s memoir ‘Conflicted Hearts’. The troublesome relationship that the author has with her mother mirrors episodes in my own life, and I can empathise regarding feelings that ensue from the author wanting to stay away from the negativity of her mother’s narcissistic ways and try to carry on with her own life, but at the same time suffering an overwhelming guilt at staying away for long periods of time.
D.G Kaye is a strong-minded woman and a fearless lone traveller, who is always trying to please her mother. However, I have found, as the author has, that some people just cannot be pleased no matter what is done to help them. Sometimes it’s a case of standing back, taking a deep breath, and either walking away or growing a thick skin.
By R. Wolfe on 8 April 2017
I was hooked. Perhaps I identify with aspects of the life story, perhaps it is a purely engaging tale, vividly painted and expertly told.
This is the first book I have read by this author, it will not be the last.
CONFLICTED HEARTS: A Daughter’s Quest for Solace from Emotional Guilt by D.G. Kaye
By Dorothy Sanders http://www.agingabundantly.com/2016/08/17/memoirs-abuse/
A girl’s relationship with her mother lasts a lifetime, but it is often not until we reach midlife that the complexity of a difficult connection comes into focus. What we come to believe about ourselves as adults through our interactions with our mother’s as children, is often not an accurate reflection of who we really are. This conflict, this inner disparity, either drives us toward disintegration or the truth.
D.G. Kaye took on this battle. In her book, Conflicted Hearts, she shares her story as she struggles to come to terms with her challenging and complex relationship with a mother she both loved and despised. It is a journey that all of us can relate to in one way or another. Kaye writes with honesty, candor, humor and courage as she peels back the layers and gains understanding and perspective. In the end we not only learn about the author, we learn about ourselves and may even come to see our own mother/daughter relationship a more clearly.
Sit down with a cup of coffee or tea, and enjoy this journey into one woman’s world. When you put down the book, you will feel as though you’ve gained a friend.
4STARS
5 Stars Engrossing read
Conflicted Hearts is a story of an amazing woman who had to endured hardships throughout her life beginning with a heartless mother. As a young child she learned how to survive and make her way without her mother’s love.
This author poured out her heart in a cathartic way in order to deal with telling her story. She has faced adversity, serious illness both herself and her husband’s and somehow came out stronger.
Reading this book has been an eye opener for me. We all have to deal with our own demons and disappointments in life but it is how we handle them and come out on top, stronger and more resilient. I would highly recommend this book!
5 Stars
Conflicted Hearts by D. G. Kaye – D. Peach –Myths of the Mirror
D. G. Kaye writes a compelling narrative about her narcissistic mother who whirled through Kaye’s childhood life like a tornado, prone to rages, self-absorbed, and unreliable as a parent. Her father was in and out of the household, his relationship with his wife volatile, and Kaye remembers dreading his next departure and worrying that he might not return at the end of each day.
It wasn’t until she turned 18 and left home that she was able to begin looking back at her life, evaluating the dynamics of her relationship with her mother, and making choices for her own well-being.
Conflicted Hearts doesn’t read as a story as much as it does a reflection on Kaye’s life and emotional growth. For those who grew up in emotionally chaotic households, the dynamics of blame and guilt will sound familiar. The constant worry, the burden of responsibility for siblings, and the desperate need to keep the peace will ring bells.
Kaye’s writing is candid with bits of humor and some light moments of joy in her journey of growth. The message of the book speaks to the strength of a positive attitude and outlook, and the role of forgiveness in moving forward. If you love memoirs and reflections on personal growth, this book will hit the mark.
5 Stars – Engaging, Emotional Read
This book is part women’s fiction, part memoir. It chronicles the highlights (and lowlights) of a daughter’s life as she moves from co-dependence to freedom; from duty and obligation to choice; from emotional insecurity to a healthy emotional base; from fractured to wholeness.
If you think back to a sporting event you’ve attended, you may recall sitting on the sidelines cheering, booing, shaking a fist or clapping. If you’re in touch with that experience, then you’ll understand when I say that Conflicted Hearts is that type of read.
You’ll become a fan of Kaye, while sitting on the sidelines, reading her life story. You’ll cheer for her when she makes “good” decisions and boo when she makes “bad” ones. You’ll clap for her when she learns a tough lesson and frown when she cycles through the same issue. You will sigh, displeased when she reaches for familiar, but harmful behavior and rejoice when she demands to be treated as worthy.
One can’t help but become a fan of Kaye because she allows us full access to her experiences, her mind and her emotions. She withholds nothing, which was not only brave of her but also wise. It is her honesty, wisdom and courage that drew me in from page one and kept me invested until the end.
I found this a highly enjoyable read, very insightful, touching and well written with a satisfying ending. I don’t need any other reasons to recommend this book but I will say that I admire the cover. It artistically depicts the content and title. Truly a work of art from cover to cover and in between.
D. G. Kaye writes a compelling narrative about her narcissistic mother who whirled through Kaye’s childhood life like a tornado, prone to rages, self-absorbed, and unreliable as a parent. Her father was in and out of the household, his relationship with his wife volatile, and Kaye remembers dreading his next departure and worrying that he might not return at the end of each day.
It wasn’t until she turned 18 and left home that she was able to begin looking back at her life, evaluating the dynamics of her relationship with her mother, and making choices for her own well-being.
Conflicted Hearts doesn’t read as a story as much as it does a reflection on Kaye’s life and emotional growth. For those who grew up in emotionally chaotic households, the dynamics of blame and guilt will sound familiar. The constant worry, the burden of responsibility for siblings, and the desperate need to keep the peace will ring bells.
Kaye’s writing is candid with bits of humor and some light moments of joy in her journey of growth. The message of the book speaks to the strength of a positive attitude and outlook, and the role of forgiveness in moving forward.
If you love memoirs and reflections on personal growth, this book will hit the mark.
The preview for the book reads: A lifetime of guilt — What does it take to finally break free?And that’s exactly what this story is. A young woman’s guilt over parents who couldn’t love her, a childhood that included none of the nurturing events so critical to children, and mistakes made by the child–because she was a child–which she believed caused her parents to be distant and uncaring. Add to this horrible mix heartbreak, abuse, an incurable immune-deficiency disease, and almost losing the love of her life.– thank God children are resilient. You will want to hug this child and tell her it’s just not her fault.
Told with DG Kaye’s typical honesty and openness, and a writing style that draws readers right into the emotion. Plan to give this book to anyone suffering from childhood issues that simply aren’t their fault and they can’t fix.
Review: Conflicted Hearts by DG Kaye
24FridayJun 2016
Posted Uncategorized
inToday I have something very special: “Conflicted Hearts – A Daughter’s Quest for Solace from Emotional Guilt!
Conflicted Heart is an emotional and amazing read. It is a few years old and a sequel is in the making but that doesn’t make it any less of a worthy read. We’ve heard about motherlove and the best they can do. Now let’s hear from someone who tells what happens when it doesn’t work so well.
The author writes with raw honesty about her tough childhood and her personal journey. Cruelty and abuse don’t have to be physical. This little girl became a victim of her parent’s war with each other.
It isn’t all doom and gloom, though. The author writes with humour at times and there are also some happy memories included, all of which have helped the writer to evolve as a person and draw a line under her past. Accepting hard truths and moving on is hard and I am impressed how thoughtful and balanced this memoir is.
There is warmth, humour and much entertainment to be had as well. The author had an interesting childhood and career and a beautiful writing style. Honest and refreshing, despite the difficult subject. A great achievement.
5 Stars – https://kcbooksandmusic.wordpress.com/2016/06/15/conflicted-hearts/
REVIEW: Get on the rollercoaster and ride with Debbie as she shares her experiences in life. From dealing with her parent’s tumultuous relationship as a child with its many break-ups, separations, and house moves, to becoming a pawn in her mother’s endless games that robbed her of her childhood.
What really grabbed me was how her childhood experiences influenced her decisions as a blooming adult and the relationships she had while consistently grappling with her mother’s narcissism.
There are moments that will completely captivate you. One of those moments for me was her adventure in Greece, another, the first real love and heartbreak… I could go on, but I don’t want to give away too much.
As if being caught in the throes of narcissism isn’t enough, multiple health issues, and an abusive cohabitation take their toll as well.
The entire work is presented perfectly, and with such honestly… I believed every word and often reflected upon the courage of the writer. It’s excellent… Five Stars!
5 Stars –
Wow, what a memoir. I’m not sure what I should praise more: the honesty about the writer’s tough journey, or the way she drew the right and rather inspirational conclusions from it for her life.
You will feel for the little girl who becomes a ‘pawn in her parents chess game’, victim of emotional cruelty and exposed to forces she, as child, has no way of fighting.
You will feel joy over the few happy patches, redeeming moments and helpers, such as aunty Shelly, and you will root for her as she grows up and manages to learn from her mistakes, understand her past and present and build a future for herself.
Mothers are also just human beings, many good and some not so good at all. I applaud Kaye for acknowledging that her mother wasn’t one of the good ones, accepting this hard truth and moving on with her life.
That said, the book is incredibly reflective and balanced. This is not a book built on hate or revenge but on wisdom and maturity.
The author has led a very interesting life and has much to say that will resonate with readers open to grow as people. There is also observational humour and warmth, which make this a book hard to put down and one very hard to forget.
Simply wonderful and refreshingly realistic.
“Imagine feeling frustrated and powerless in a situation you’re desperate to resolve. When you’re a child, that angst multiplies immensely because you are only that–a child. You have no power to speak out about what you’re feeling, and neither are you permitted to ask questions that might soothe your inner turmoil, because the cause of your dilemmas are adult matters that apparently shouldn’t concern you.” ~ D.G. Kaye, Conflicted Hearts
My Thoughts:
At the beginning of Chapter 8 of Conflicted Hearts , the same chapter from which the above quote is taken, D.G. Kaye writes the following:
“We are the products of our parents. How can they teach us what they didn’t know?”
Likely, these words resonate with more than one reader with parents from the same generation as Kaye’s.
The author’s fluid writing style and storyteller’s voice gives the reader a sense of sitting down over a steaming cup of coffee or tea with a friend. The friend begins to tell you what life was like for her as a child. You sit in disbelief, wondering how this positive, strong, loving woman lived through the parenting received at the mind and hands of her mother.
Yet, our author and friend lives with a guilt burdening her for far too long. This is the skin she wants to shed–the skin of her guilt feelings. It appears to this reader nothing has been D.G. Kaye’s fault with respect to her mother and her mother’s behavior. The guilt is just another layer applied like frosting on a cake. Only this isn’t frosting. It isn’t sweet, and it leaves an acid taste in your mouth.
D.G. Kaye is not ashamed nor abashed about telling her story and sharing it with those willing to read. Her truthful memories will unfasten for others the doors to walk through to the other side of life. Life filled with love, happiness, and respect.
Thank you to the author for the gift of her words.
My Recommendation:
I highly recommend this book for anyone who lived through an emotionally and verbally abusive childhood, one like D.G. Kaye’s. Remember, you are not the one at fault, and reading Kaye’s memoir will help you understand that.
Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for a fair and honest review. Opinions expressed are my own.
A MUST-READ BOOK!, August 21, 2014
5.0 out of 5 stars “Conflicted Hearts”, a memoir by D.G. Kaye July 10, 2014
Entralling and emotional – a ‘can’t put downer’
I decided to read this particular memoir after meeting the author online, chatting on our respective blogs and by email. The other draw was that it promised some insight into a narcissistic personality (the author’s mother), and I’ve always been fascinated by the psychology of personality disorders – a pretty useful trait for me as an author, as it gives me lots of scope for developing my characters.
So with this in mind, I opened up Conflicted Hearts and was instantly drawn into the tale. All too often, we quote Mark Twain’s idiom, ‘truth is stranger than fiction’, and here that indeed holds true. I was enthralled by the story of this woman who was only truly interested in herself, and in being admired by others, and the toll this took on her husband and children. The total inability to recognise that anything about her way of life was wrong, or to acknowledge the lifelong negative influence it would have on her offspring, was staggering, all the more so considering that this was not fiction.
This memoir is, of course, told from the perspective of one of those children, and chronicles the author’s journey from her difficult childhood through the relative emancipation of leaving home and exploring her own life, to the later responsibilities of the mature adult.
Kaye’s writing style is fluid and exceedingly readable, expressing the story in a series of vignettes of her life, sometimes emotionally raw and at other times charming and funny. I’d like to thank her for her honesty, and for sharing what has clearly been a difficult journey with such an outlook of hope and positivity, albeit at times somewhat strained.
Memoirs? If they are as absorbing and enlightening as this one, I may read a few more.
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Reading D.G. Kaye’ s book was a very touching and captivating experience. The author develops a personal memoir buoyed up by a sort of introspective narrative journey. While opening past doors which lead to childhood, the book lights up several aspects involved with the fact of growing up. Then we get to know more about further episodes, which are linked to adolescence to that attempt to explain what means to become an adult, being able to handle love and to take responsabilities for our own acts. I enjoyed the progression in the book as life is being retold as a lively biography, almost like the script of a movie. The relationships are deeply analised and we can get a thorough approach to the author’s life. The book flows smoothly and, as a reader, I felt deeply identified with the main character, who is no more than the author herself. I truly recommend “Conflicted Hearts”. The book might be raw, joyful, naughty, sad… Versatile, multiple and unexpected… Just like life is.
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book January 6, 2014
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I loved the book from the starting until the final sentence. I think the book deserves more than 5 starts. I loved it so much that it was hard to leave it until next time I was going to read it. Although her life was difficult, she had happy moments with good people that came in her life; her aunt Sherry, best friends and her husband. I was feeling happy when I read the great moments and sad when I read the sad moments. Although she had many tough moments in her life, she knew how to go on and show the others how strong she is and that she can overcome any obstacle. A book that’s worth reading !
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read, can’t put it down, waiting for the next one kind of book! December 31, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Conflicted Hearts is one of those books that you can’t put down. I felt as if I’d walked through the author’s front door and was allowed to follow her around her life! It was such easy reading! I was on vacation when I downloaded it on my Kindle and truly expected to read it throughout the trip. But I could not put it down! I’d finished it in two nights! For a first book this author should have publishers clamouring at her door for more! I know I will be watching for her next book!
5.0 out of 5 stars A life lived, May 4, 2014
By
K. Springs – See all my reviews
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This review is from: Conflicted Hearts: A Daughter’s Quest for Solace from Emotional Guilt (Kindle Edition)
This is a remarkable memoir of a daughter’s battle to be free of a domineering, toxic mother. A young girl, D. G. Kaye was too young to realize how her mother liked to use people, even her children, to get what she wanted. D. G. Kaye’s mother became pregnant with her daughter to force D. G. Kaye’s father to marry her. This was a hard burden to bare, as her paternal grandparents could never see past the taint this left on their oldest grandchild. Once she came of age, D. G. moved out to gain her own life, but her mother’s manipulative nature seemed to follow her. For someone who had a loving family life, reading about how a mother can do such things to her children seems unimaginiable. This is a book about a woman’s remarkable battle through guilt and a emotionally toxic environment that nearly claimed her life. As much as any fictitious or historic warrior, this D. G. Kaye has fought—and perhaps still fights—the good fight, has persevered and even thrived.
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for anyone allowing guilt from another rule their lives!!, May 2, 2014
By
Christina M Brownlee – See all my reviews
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This review is from: Conflicted Hearts: A Daughter’s Quest for Solace from Emotional Guilt (Kindle Edition)
Reading this book truly felt like sitting with a friend over coffee, only better because unlike traditional conversations where you cannot know the other’s thoughts, by reading them they become far more personal. In the beginning, it is made clear what a strong, compassionate, and loving person the author is. From the onset, one is pulled into a quickly paced narrative written in such a manner so as to draw one in to see, feel, and experience the vicissitudes of what is the mother/daughter relationship. To actually feel the guilt and anguish that one so close can evoke in another. Each struggle shows Kaye building strength to face the next trial, which again adds to her compassion and admirable empathy…her love for and desire to help all she comes in contact with. Kaye writes in a way that the reader cannot help but feel a multitude of perspectives – observer, friend, confidant, and simultaneously a fellow champion throughout her trials and triumphs…her disappointments, her fighting for and achieving her dreams. We get to experience first-hand all these events, good or bad, that shaped her inherent character. We, too, become the friends with whom she shares her life, learned from and experienced adventures with. I truly believe this is a poignant truth in so many relationships today, especially the most pivotal of parent/child. Those words, actions, teachings, are what shape us early in life and ultimately affect us for the rest of our lives. Kaye writes so inspirationally about overcoming so very much with grace, style, and love. This book is about triumph, of letting go and embracing life for all the gifts we are continually blessed with. ~
5.0 out of 5 stars A very easy read!, February 23, 2014
By
Susan Romano – See all my reviews
This review is from: Conflicted Hearts: A daughter’s quest for solace from emotional guilt (Paperback)
I would recommend this book to anyone who has ever had a mother 🙂 Whether we get along or we don’t, there is always the sense that we haven’t quite done enough to help or to make up for the separation that happened at birth. D.G. Kaye had to deal with mother guilt big time and has shown us how to break away from our collective conflicted heart. Kudos to her!
ultimately affect us for the rest of our lives.
5.0 out of 5 stars D.G Kaye speaks from the heart and offers comfort from her painful experiences…, March 10, 2014
By
Alana (Perth) – See all my reviews
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This review is from: Conflicted Hearts: A Daughter’s Quest for Solace from Emotional Guilt (Kindle Edition)
You can’t fail to love this author. She speaks from her heart and reveals her painful history. This is a brave book and I can tell it wasn’t easy to write such a book. Anyone who has ever had the misfortune to have a toxic family member will find comfort in this book. D.G Kaye has done a wonderful job here. Looking forward to more of her work. Highly recommended.
Kaye shows us in “Conflicted Hearts” what it’s like when you catch the tail end of a rainbow—and …,October 26, 2014
Just ‘bought’ (for free) your new book, Conflicted Hearts. I’m excited to read it!
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Oh thanks so much Jacqui. 🙂
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Congratulations on such publishing such a wonderful and important work. I look forward to reading it and sharing my thoughts.
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Thank you so much Ann for visiting here and leaving your lovely comment.:)
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Wow. You are the queen of reviews. Congrats, Debby. These are wonderful. I saw mine in there too!
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And wow Diana, thanks for your interest at taking a peek at my review page. ❤
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