Yes or No?
D.G. Kaye,  Just sayin',  Memoir Bytes,  That's Life,  THOUGHTS,  Travel reports

I Don’t Always Wear My Wedding Ring, Do You?

I love wearing rings. In fact, whenever I go out it’s common practice for me to be wearing four at a time – two on each of my ring fingers and two on my index fingers. But when at home I don’t wear any.

 

When I go on vacation, I still always wear my signature four rings when out painting the town, albeit, the only diamond I travel with is my wedding ring along with my silver jewelry, but I’d never worn rings out to the pool or beach – that includes my wedding ring.

My husband  is never short of compliments. He always compliments me on how I look or on something I’m wearing, often adding, “I’ve never seen that before.” Seen may denote he may never have noticed me wearing it, or even noticed the latest deliveries as I hastily bring up packages from the mailbox before he gets there so I can avoid being grilled, “What’s in the box?” Lol. But never had he asked me where my wedding ring was while at a pool. That was until our last winter vacation.

After almost twenty years of marriage, we were lying in our lounge chairs at the pool one day when the revelation came over him that I wasn’t wearing my wedding ring. It was like after over 100 vacations together that he only noticed I had no rings on. I remarked to him that I was amazed that he’d only waited till then to ask me where my wedding ring is.

I’ve always had a thing for wearing nothing but earrings and my ankle bracelet (besides my swimming attire) when it comes to sunning and swimming. My first reason is because I don’t like ‘tan lines’ on my fingers, and secondly, I don’t like suntan lotion getting inside the crevices of my rings and dulling the stones every time I apply. I’ve adhered to this practice ever since I can remember back and honestly, I’d never thought anything of it.

Hubby didn’t lecture me, it appeared he asked out of curiosity, but made sure to proclaim that he NEVER takes his wedding ring off. “Okay, I get it,” I replied. I didn’t wish for him to continue harping on the conversation and felt if he felt slighted in some way I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so for the rest of the vacation I wore my wedding ring everywhere, including to the pool.

I have to admit, it felt weird having a ring on my hand in the hot sun and in the water as I found myself always double-checking to make sure the ring was still on. I still didn’t like the idea of lotion re-applying with my ring on and was paranoid of taking it off while doing so in case I’d forget to put it back on, so I’d pop it in my mouth every time I applied lotion, knowing I wouldn’t forget it was in my mouth!

As it turned out, since I began wearing the ring all the time, I didn’t have to worry about tan lines on my finger because it was always covered. Once back up to our condo and taking off my jewelry, I got to used to the ring tan line serving as a good indicator of how nicely my tan was coming along. Hubby was happy too. He no longer felt threatened that his wife was showing as ‘available’.

 

I’d be interested to find out who here never takes off their wedding rings when out in public and why, from both – male and female perspective.

 

 

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D.G. Kaye is a nonfiction/memoir writer, who writes from her own life experiences and self-medicates with a daily dose of humor.

54 Comments

  • Norah Colvin

    Looks like I’m the first to make a confession here. I never wear my wedding ring any more and I am still with my hub after 45 years. The first reason I don’t is that it irritates my skin. I get a nasty rash after a day or two which takes ages to clear up. This started at the same time as other changes to my skin about eight years ago. The second reason is that I don’t really want to draw attention to my sun damaged hands. And the third reason is that I never think of it any more. I love seeing jewellery on other women but I’ve never been into a lot of it myself. I’ve never thought about it as a message of availability, but maybe that explains a few things. 🙂

    • dgkaye

      Thanks for sharing your story Norah. I totally hear where you’re coming from, and certainly you are entitled to do what makes you most comfortable. Personally, I never judge people whether they wear their rings or not, merely curious as to why or why not. I know many men who hate wearing rings. I was actually quite surprised when we married and my husband (being his second marriage, and never wore one in his first) was eager to wear a ring. He too never, ever took it off, even through many hospital stints. Only when he got very ill and lost a lot of weight, he had to switch hands and wear his ring on his right hand, which his fingers are bigger on, lol, so the ring won’t slip off. Also, because he’s much older than me, he comes from a different school of values. But he’s kept up with my quirks nicely through the years, lol. 🙂 xx

  • Joy Lennick

    We all have our little foibles, Debby…My simple, partly patterned platinum wedding ring has never been off my finger in sixty-six years…(whoops – except for one cancer operation.) Engagement ring had an adventure once when the main diamond fell out, but believe it or not, I found it lodged behind the foot of a chest of drawers! I was always frightened of losing them…and also had to have the engagement ring ‘reinforced’ as it wore thin. Keep them safe, Debs. Hugs xx

    • dgkaye

      Thanks for sharing your take Joy. I can’t help but wonder, what about those days when our hands or fingers swell, you don’t take them off? To me that’s like claustrophobia for my fingers, lol. I commend you. I am used to wearing my one wedding ring to the water now, but the engagement ring, I haven’t worn in eons. The rock and setting were always too big to wear on the same hand with my wedding ring, and because I like to change rings around on my right hand, that ring is safely sleeping in a safe now, lol. Maybe time to bring it out! 🙂 xxx

  • Janet Gogerty

    I never take off my wedding, engagement or eternity rings, but I have to add they are not priceless in money terms. I have only swapped my wedding and engagement rings over to the other hand for my carpal tunnel operation. My long suffering rings have endured decades of gardening, housework, sea water, pool water and hand lotion, but I guess you could say they are a part of me and have worn better than my hands. The opposite applies to Cyberspouse as he lost the cygnet ring I gave him about a week after we got engaged and decided two days after we got married that the chunky wedding ring was too uncomfortable! About once every five years I bring the subject up again…
    My mother had very swollen hands when expecting my brother and was most embarassed that she had to take off her wedding ring.

    • dgkaye

      Hi Janet. Thanks for adding to the conversation. So you are a die-hard when it comes to keeping on the sacred rings, that’s admirable. It sounds like your husband is like many men who don’t like wearing rings, even wedding rings. I commend you on wearing your rings all the time. I could never even sleep with rings on. 🙂

  • Marian Beaman

    Your wedding ring story was very entertaining, Debby. A husband who notices – wow!

    I always wear my wedding rings unless I’m in the neighborhood pool, sanitized with salt, not chlorine. Long ago, I lost my engagement diamond, so I’m chary of pulling off rings for any reason. At my age, I don’t worry about being a guy magnet, so ON or OFF, it probably wouldn’t make a difference – lol!

    • dgkaye

      Lol Marian, we may not think we’re guy magnets, but it was interesting for me to find that my husband was actually concerned about no ring, lol. I sometimes forget that he is a generation ahead of me! Different values I suppose. 🙂

    • dgkaye

      That makes perfect sense Stevie. Me, I just prefer it off totally while at the beach so I don’t have to take it on and off for my dips in the water, but somehow I got used to it. But yes, I subconsciously remember to keep doing spot checks to make sure it’s still on now, lol 🙂 x

  • lisa thomson

    Oh, that’s so cute that your hubby notices the little details about you 🙂 I typically wear my ring daily, no matter what or where I am. I am of the thought that if I start removing my ring, I may lose it. I do take it off at night sometimes and when I’m mixing hamburger meat 😛 (the only time I remove it in the kitchen). I also find in the summer heat, my fingers swell a bit so I may skip the ring for a week or two.

    I’m also loathe to get lotion on my ring but then I figure if I take a dip after, it will wash out.

    Although I love rings, it feels good to remove them. Fingers free… haha. Fun topic, Deb.

    • dgkaye

      Lol thanks Lis. Yes, who wants their prongs full of raw hamburger meat, lol. Well, that was my logic – instead of having to take it off and heaven forbid forgetting to put back while applying lotion, I just feel my ring is better off in a safe when sunning. But now, I’ve learned to not take it off, slop it up with lotion. and as you said, it will rinse off in the pool. 🙂

  • Jim Webster

    When we got married my wife to be asked me if I wanted a wedding ring. I said ‘no’ because too many men have lost fingers due to rings getting caught when working with machine tools or similar equipment

  • Jacqui Murray

    I enjoyed reading this. I used to remove my wedding ring when it would be lose (lost weight or something) but I never do anymore. I’m afraid I’ll misplace it! And I like the tan line though I am probably not outside enough to get one.

  • Marje

    I always take mine off before I go to bed at night but other than that I keep my rings on. Occasionally I have gone out without it on by mistake. My hubby lost his shortly after we were married. He was always fiddling with it and I reckon he just didn’t like wearing it though he has never admitted this. It doesn’t bother me. We’ve been married a long time and his not wearing his ring hasn’t made a difference!

  • Amy M Reade

    This is such an interesting post! I wear my wedding ring all the time, but I only wear my engagement ring if I’m going out or not doing much of anything in the house. If I’m using rubber gloves for doing dishes, gardening, showering, etc., I don’t wear it. I’m afraid of it snagging on something or losing the diamond.

    • dgkaye

      Thanks for sharing Amy. I haven’t worn my engagement ring in so long! That’s because it’s too big lol and never fit on the same hand with my wedding ring, lol. Over the years have accumulated many rings and with only one ring finger left. Choices! lol 🙂

  • sally cronin

    I tend to wear all the time and I do have a tan line.. for about 10 years I could not get it off my finger .. and I had to have it cut off once when I was bitten by wasp on that hand. I have had to have it altered since losing weight but it seems to be fairly secure.

    I didn’t have an engagement ring but David bought me a beautiful three stone opal ring about 20 years ago which I love.. but the stones are so soft I lost two and had to have them replaced.. and they have now been fixed in with jewellers glue..

    I think it is lovely that G noticed.. ♥

    • dgkaye

      Hi Sal. Thanks for adding to the conversation. I didn’t even mention the part about swollen fingers, lol. Often in the morning I wake up with swollen fingers – definitely wouldn’t want to be wearing a ring then. And I know what you mean about opals. I have a ring of my mother’s with a fiery Australian opal that fell out yearsssssss ago at a party while on the dance floor. I couldn’t believe I found before someone stomped on it. As it was, it was a pear shaped 3 carat and a tiny piece of the the pointed end broke off, but I had it re-pronged and nobody would know the difference, but still haven’t worn in decades. I think the case with opals is that they can’t be pronged in tight enough because they can crack so easily. Glad yours is back in action, lol. Hugs <3 xx

  • John Maberry

    What an interesting topic! I’m sure it’s assumed by many that a married person without the ring is advertising availability or at least hiding their status as “taken.” Clearly there are lots of other reasons. In my case, it used to seldom be off my finger. I used to take it off when doing lots of manual work that caused the fingers to swell. I did have to have it cut off on one occasion (the ring, not the finger) when I snagged it on something and the finger got VERY swollen. The ring has never looked quite the same since after being joined back together.

    Recently, since I lost all that weight (by intention), the ring is loose enough to cause concerns about falling off. That includes while being in a pool or even while sleeping–it would be a big hassle retrieving it from behind the headboard. So then I forget to put it back on in the morning or after the pool or shower. I feel some angst about that–don’t want someone to think unkindly of me. 🙂

    So one of these days I’ll have to get it resized. For awhile, I tried putting on these flexible doodads to keep the ring secure but found them too annoying.

    • dgkaye

      Thanks for sharing a male perspective here John. Many people seem to be steered by way of stigma – if you’re married you wear it. But I posed the question here because the thought came to mind while I was once again cleaning my ring, lol. I notice many men don’t wear their ring and often I thought to ask why but felt it none of my business. Some men just don’t like wearing rings, period. The swollen factor is often a reason for not wearing, and of course there will always be those who wish to reveal themselves as available when they’re not. 🙂

  • Colleen

    LOL! You two crack me up. After 34+ years of marriage, Ron and I don’t wear our rings at home… only if we go out somewhere. I’m not a sunbather (too fair skinned) but even then, I wouldn’t wear my ring or rings. Besides, I know who my man is! LOL! I have a lotus tattoo with his name under it, and he has a tattoo with my name on it. I figured we’re BRANDED for life. LOL! 😀 <3

  • Robbie Cheadle

    This is such a sweet story, Debby. It is lovely that your hubby noticed and you obliged him. I used to wear my rings intermittently when I was first married. We had a home invasion when Michael was 4 and my rings were stolen [I had to get them out of their storage for the thug, I wasn’t even wearing them]. I have never worn the replacements. Terence has never said a word about it.

    • dgkaye

      Wow Robbie, how awful! You were robbed while home???? How scary was that!! That is sad your wedding rings were stolen. And I can understand why you prefer not wearing them, especially that you’re always baking and that wouldn’t go well with rings on your fingers. 🙂

  • Jacquie Biggar

    I haven’t taken my band off since the day DH put it on my finger. For our twenty-fifth anniversary he bought me a white gold engagement ring I’d been drooling over at the jewelers. It’s a Canadian diamond with the Polar Bear mine stamp- it even came with a birth certificate!
    I treasure my rings and would be lost without them.

    • dgkaye

      Thanks for sharing Jacquie. What a beautiful story about your new ‘Canadian’ ring. And wow, never taken off your ring, now that’s commendable!!! 🙂

  • Jeri

    I wore mine all the time when I was married, though I did take it off when I went to bed. When I was waiting tables in the Everglades, two women sort of snickered at my engagement ring and said how I could upgrade someday. Diamonds are so not my thing!

    • dgkaye

      Thanks for jumping in Jeri. Ya, I could never sleep with rings on, I find it claustrophobic, lol. And my gawd, how ignorant for a stranger to comment that to you. 🙂

  • John Rieber

    A fun question to ask! I have NEVER taken my ring off, not once in 20 years….I move it around a bit, but never completely off…my wife, however, does for various reasons – an adventurous activity that could damage it, like river rafting – or sometimes after hiking for hours they can feel a bit tight…either way, the physical message it sends is nothing compared to what it stands for, on or off…

    • dgkaye

      Thank you John for popping by and sharing your perspective. Sounds like your wife has found the perfect balance, and you as a good husband are alright with her decisions. 🙂

  • Sue Dreamwalker

    Hi Debby, I can understand your reasoning, especially if jewellery has stones in them. I do wear my wedding band, in fact I tried to take it off only recently as I had obviously got something under it that irritated the skin, and had to apply some cream to ease the irritation.. But it took me forever to prize it off lol.. That is how long Ive not taken it off.. My fingers I think have expanded a ring size since I got married.. 🙂

    Sending much love your way… <3

    • dgkaye

      Lol, thanks for sharing Sue. No doubt if you’ve never taken it off your fingers have grown or swelled up. That’s why I can’t sleep with my rings – morning swelling, I’d be pulling them off. This way I choose when they go on, lol. 🙂 Sending love back to you 🙂 <3 xxx

  • Balroop Singh

    Ha ha…isn’t it flattering that just not wearing a wedding ring raises questions? I wore mine religiously till I wore my other jewellery. Then also the first thing I would do after reaching home was removing all the ornaments! I seem to have grown out of it now. My dearest hubby has never bothered, as he himself doesn’t like to wear rings.
    First time I didn’t wear my wedding ring was when I gave bath to my first grand child and then I didn’t want to wear it lest it would brush against her soft skin. Now my grandson says after a hug…Nana, your bracelet hurt me! 🙂

  • Sherri Matthews

    Firstly, I’m glad you clarified that you wore your swimming attire along with your ankle bracelet and earrings, Deb lol:D Seriously though, I know just what you mean about lotion dulling the stones, but I have to admit I never take my wedding ring off. Everything else at night, except that. Very interesting how we all have our different ways, isn’t it? And you cracked me up about the parcel deliveries…just the same here 😉 What a wonderful hubby you have…I had to learn how to take compliments from mine, which, like yours, he isn’t short on. Thanks for the fun chat, my friend! 🙂 <3 🙂 xoxo

    • dgkaye

      Lol Sher, so not surprised you have the same problem with packages LOL. Aren’t we blessed to have such complacent hubbies when it comes to our weaknesses. 🙂 From replies here, it sounds like my bad without wearing rings, lol. But I’ve gotten used to wearing the one wedding ring now, swimming or not. I still don’t wear it while at home. 🙂 <3 xxx

  • Hilary

    Hi Debby – can I pass! N/A.

    I left my jewellery at home one time I went out to swim with some friends – came back to find it all stolen – just such is life sometimes … I brood upon it occasionally – but not much one can do – as the police said in South Africa that I was lucky that was all that happened …

    Happy Canada Day today = cheers Hilary

  • Vashti Quiroz-Vega

    When I was fifteen years old my favorite uncle and godfather gifted me my first pair of diamond earrings. To say I was ecstatic with my diamond earrings was an understatement. I wore them all the time and everywhere, I even wore them to sleep. My uncle died a year later and those earrings came to mean so much more to me. One day while at the beach I checked my ears and one of the studs was gone. I cried for days. It hurt so badly to lose a gift from my uncle. I swore that day that I would never wear jewelry to the beach or pool.
    Nowadays, I have lots of jewelry and each piece has a significance for me. Either my husband bought it for me on a special occasion or it was an inheritance from my maternal grandma or gift from one of my parents or something I bought for myself to represent some sort of achievement. I don’t wear jewelry every day, not even my wedding ring. As a matter of fact, I only wear my wedding ring and other jewelry when I go out with my husband, friends or get together with family. I never wear it at home or to the market, farm, beach, pool, park . . .
    I used to have two wedding rings one was the ring he put on my finger when we got married and the other was a simple white gold band to wear at work. We had to replace that “work” wedding band so many times because I had to put on and take off gloves all day, take off my ring to wash my hands a twenty times a day (working in the medical field) I would lose the rings all the time until one day I said no more and I stopped wearing a wedding ring to work. The bottom line is that I know that I’m a married woman and my husband knows he’s a married man whether we wear our rings or not. My husband enjoys wearing his ring, his job is different from mine, so he doesn’t have a problem with it but he doesn’t wear it to the beach, pool or any place where he’d be sweating in fear of losing his ring. It’s nice when we both wear our rings out but it isn’t a necessity. <3 xo

    • dgkaye

      Vashti, I loved your sharing here. It sounds like we both thing on the same lines about our jewelry, only I do wear it whenever I’m out along with my 3 other standard rings. I admit though, through the years and many visits to duty-free islands, lol, I gathered quite a collection, which sadly, most of it stays locked in safe and safety deposit box, lol. I laugh at my old social butterfly days when choosing a piece to wear was essential with every outfit I wore, lol. Now, I’m too lazy most of the time to go to the safe and wear the same rings. But earrings – always earrings! And I’m sad to hear about your earring you lost from your uncle. That was a tough life lesson but you learned to not wear your jewelry to the beach. <3 xx

  • Christoph Fischer

    I never take mine off. I got protective gloves for the gym.
    Admittedly, I got an injury playing football a few week’s back and my wedding ring finger got bruised and swoll. Had I taken the ring off healing might have been faster, as the ring didn’t help with the swelling. But I’m still pleased I kept it on. Going without the ring for two weeks or so would have seriously upset me. 😉

    • dgkaye

      Omg Christoph. You were taking a huge chance with a swollen finger! You are lucky it didn’t start cutting into you and had to have it cut off! Now that’s what I call dedication LOL 🙂 xxx

  • Michelle James

    I wear my wedding ring a lot less than I used to. Since Hubby retired, he doesn’t like me to have it on when cleaning or gardening. I never wear it in the pool because the treated water can damage the gold. Wearing it in the ocean is out of the question. If it slid off my finger, I would never find it. Nowadays, I basically wear it when I leave the house or when we are entertaining.

  • Cathy Tubb

    I have beautiful rings that I love wearing although I don’t always wear them at home or on holiday. My husband has never worn a wedding ring because of his job. He always says, “Wearing a ring doesn’t make me married.” And he’s right. True that the ring is a symbol of the commitment but it’s just a symbol. The truth of the commitment better lie much deeper than the ring or you’ve got a problem.

  • Liesbet

    Great conversation topic, Debby! We never wear our wedding rings. For the first four years of our marriage, we didn’t even have rings, vows, or a party, since our wedding was unplanned and unprepared. When we finally had a party with friends and family (in St, Martin), I wanted rings as well. We opted for cheap, stainless steel ones, since we lived on a sailboat.

    Mark immediately said he was not going to wear it and never did (or maybe one day on an anniversary when I asked him to), I might have worn it for a few days, but then decided to store it for practical reasons – none of the same reasons as yours, as we never sunbathe or sit at pools. 🙂

    The main reason I won’t wear mine is because I’m worried I would lose it. Especially on the boat. It could get caught when doing boat projects or when swimming in the ocean to shower every day, it could easily slide off and disappear into the depths. Now, I forget I have a wedding ring and rarely actually know where I keep it. That being said, I do like wearing it on occasion, just like other jewelry. I never thought that not wearing a ring means you’re available! I don’t pay attention to those things. 🙂

    • dgkaye

      Hi Liesbet. Thanks for sharing your take. With your traveling lifestyle, I totally get what you mean. Your wedding party in St. Martin must have been a blast! And at least, you have the ring as a keepsake. 🙂 x

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