Let's Have a Look - series
Caregiving,  Coronavirus,  Cycle of life,  D.G. Kaye,  Health and wellness,  Observations,  Opinion

Let’s Have A Look – Our Medical System During Covid #Health and #Wellness

I thought it was time to write another episode of #LetsHaveALook because I need a good venting about the current status of our medical system and compassion – here in my city of Toronto, Ontario, and god only knows what’s going on in the rest of Canada. Based on the shenanigan Covid policies of our current hospital system, I must dance through hoops to get things done regarding my husband’s health. I’ve learned about some appalling policies put in place at the hospital, both while hubby was in hospital, and now in the follow up procedures.

As I’ve mentioned in past posts about my husband’s illness and his recent two-week stay in hospital, I learned about all the strict policies in our hospitals currently in place right now. Since before Christmas our city has been in complete lockdown. Now lockdown has become a word of no significance to me anymore, because, Covid or no Covid, I am locked down at home now caring for my husband 24/7.

I’ve promised to share the documented journey here on my blog in a series of posts. And until I get the complete diagnosis, I won’t be sharing that journey yet. But in the interm, I feel I need to share my thoughts on one incident in particular that sparks a flame under my ass, and that is a severe lack of compassion in a ‘certain’ department. That department would be Oncology. Yes, you read that right. The most scariest department one would have to contend with, and their policy.

Before I get ahead of the cart with the horse here, allow me to elaborate on a few mountains I’ve had to climb thus far just to be able to visit my husband in hospital.

I found out in a cruel way that visiting patients is limited to TWICE a week only, each for only two hours. That’s it! Well, anyone who knows me, knows that isn’t going to happen. And it didn’t.

At first my hub was left in emergency for two days because of a bed shortage, and while in emerge (what we call it in Canada), there were NO visitors allowed. So for those two days I was blessed to have my team of Dr. B and his secretary Lisa to get me through the hurdles and keep me in updated communication. As soon as I signed out after my second visit, a nasty admin at the nurse’s station informed me that my second visit was my last one til next week. I emailed Lisa with my complaint that this cannot stand. I cannot leave a sick weak, scared man alone for days without me. I just can’t! Lisa and Dr. B took my cries for mercy to the higher echelons of policy-making, and gratefully and miraculously I was granted daily visitation rights for two hours daily. I took those two hours to bathe and change my husband’s clothes, because I saw how overwhelming the system had become and the nurses have zero time to give a little compassion, conversation or anything else but the basics – meds and bloodwork. Yes, the hospital that I’ve always touted as one of the best of care, the nurses have spread themselves much too thin at this point.

I walked those corridors daily and saw so many seniors alone in their rooms, no visitors, no comforting attention, and it broke my heart because I know I couldn’t live that out with my husband who is reliant on me. Dr. B. promised he’d call me daily to update on the MANY tests my husband endured. I’d email Lisa nightly to let her know what time my visiting appointment was for the next day, and asked her to let Dr. B know when I’d be there so I wouldn’t miss his consults. When he was in surgery and couldn’t meet up with me, he’d call me at the end of the day. This is what compassion is about.

My cell phone is and was on 24/7. Most nights hubby would call me in a tizzy or disorientation mode of confusion and wake me at any hours of the night because he was scared or needed assistance. I’d console him then hang up and call the nurse’s station and ask to please send in a nurse to help him. Then I’d lie wide awake staring at the ceiling, praying he’d be alright and not be scared.

Now, the above was just a sampling of my world in those two weeks. After one test leading to another and my hub becoming a human pincushion, Dr. B called me mid-last week to report on what he could of the final biopsy results that had partially come in.

It began with my husband’s ascites – fluid buildup daily, requiring weekly paracentesis, blaming his liver disease – cirrhosis of the liver for the build up and Dr. B circumventing hospital policy that states NO BOOKING IN PATIENTS FOR ANYTHING. He informed me I need to get hub into hospital and the only way to do so was to get him to emerge and when they learned how sick he is, he would be admitted.

The hospital stay involved bloodwork taken from hubby’s battered and bruised arms three times daily to check his levels as his meds were evaluated and adjusted, and then an ultra-sound/liverscan to see what’s going on there. Well, ultra sound led to other Xrays, two CT scans, and finally, a biopsy. Each test produced questionable evidence leading to the next. The reason some of the tests weren’t exactly clear was because of the fluid in his belly – despite my poor hub having three drainings while in hospital before some of the procedures, hoping to enable clearer views.

P.S., biopsy results showed a mass on his liver. There were a lot of technical words and more I can’t get into yet, and as Dr. B stated, he could only read what was found so far and apparently, ‘staining’ markers were not complete and he told me he had referred husband’s case now to ONCOLOGY. I do not need to elaborate on how that word and news has affected me. Dr. B assured me oncology doc would get in touch with me soon.

Gratefully, but not really grateful, the secretary of the referred doctor called me the next day. This was when the next act of cruelty was presented to me.

The secretary called to give my husband an appointment to meet and discuss findings – operative word – husband. I questioned her. Certainly, I was coming with him? Nope. I was told, “Unfortunately, during the strict lockdown, doctor will only have one person in his office” and that I COULD WAIT IN THE WAITING ROOM!

I DON’T THINK SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried to remain calm and use ‘honey’ instead of the actual venom I felt rising within. I told her that my husband is very ill, weak, scared and old. I am his voice and his caregiver and that he doesn’t absorb information easily. Again, I reiterated, that sending him on his own was NOT going to happen. She said she’d talk to the doc and call me back. She did, and nothing changed. So I sent off an email to Lisa to inform her about this policy and how cruel that is, and I will not do that. Lisa emailed me back that night and agreed with me on the sorrowful lack of compassion, and let me know she’d sent a new referral to a different oncologist.

The next day I get a call from the different doc’s secretary. She noted that she’d seen a prior referral to another doctor, and the note Lisa attached to the the new referral, stating that patient’s wife must accompany. But then she apologized and told me, it doesn’t matter which doctor you have in oncology, the procedures are the same. I lost it.

I told her I’ve spent two weeks visiting my husband and seen many nurses and doctors, one on one through that time, and asked her how on earth oncology can be so uncompassionate? I asked her why the doctor couldn’t take us into a ‘bigger’ room so he wouldn’t catch our cooties. I told her there was no way I am sending my husband into this stranger doctor to be given devastating news on his own. NO WAY! She went back to the original doctor to speak with him about my concerns and called me back. She informed me the doctor said I could wait in the waiting room and he would call my cellphone and let me listen in on speaker phone! JUST NO!

In my tattered and tizzied state, I asked her where the compassion is for the scared people going through nightmares in these predicaments. I also asked her why every other doctor is giving us telehealth calls, phone calls, and some even doing Zoom calls, surely we deserve that option than to scare what’s left of a person’s dignity to death before they even know what they’re in for. Again, she said she’d call me back and speak with the doc.

She called back a few minutes later, letting me know the doctor has agreed to speak with us both at home on speaker phone. Charming not, but I at least won the war.

Now I ask, WHERE THE HELL IS THE COMPASSION? I went through hoops and ladders to get as much as I did. Who else has this fight in them when they are faced with these dreaded circumstances? How many can push like I did? How many succumb to living in fear and uncertainty? Not this girl, as long as I’m able to I will fight for compassionate rights of the elderly. I am truly astounded at the heartlessness of this policy!

The Covid has not only turned all our lives and our personal worlds upside down, but despite the pandemic, people continue to get sick  and die in numbers much larger than from the Covid. My stomach turns at the amount of people with dire illness who don’t have a Dr. B or a  Lisa, or even an advocate who is tenacious and adamant to fight for rights against stringent policies. And I can’t help but wonder how many doctors themselves who have sick loved ones, wouldn’t fight tooth and nail themselves to ease the fear of their own loved ones in similar predicament.

Humanity? Humility, dignity. I really do believe that hospitals need to be able to make exceptions without having to go to the end’s of earth and sanity to do so. And oncology needs to find their compassion again. Put on a Hazmat suit, get a bigger room to chat in, heck, use the danged food courts that have been shut down, but just stop the madness! The people that have to go to oncology, DON’T WANT TO BE THERE in the first place. So please, bring back compassion!

The road is proving more difficult as the days pass. My time is no longer my own as I wade through this new role. I’ve been my husband’s caregiver for a few years now off and on while he’s been able to do most things on his own, but he can no longer get out of a chair by himself. With the help of our Ministry of Health system, he now has an occupational therapist, we’ll soon be getting in a physiotherapist, and this past week or so he’s been home, I’ve managed to have delivered all the seniorizing, safety items needed to assist him and around our home.

We will have our call next week with the oncologist, and I’ve currently got some phone numbers to call to get some homecare to stay with hub a few hours once or twice a week so I can run errands and get basics – like food. When difficult times come, it’s been interesting to actually see who shows up to the plate. Not many.

I am ever grateful for the friends I have who call, message and email me to check up on me and keep me uplifted, especially in the those moments when I could use a word of encouragement. I wish you all lived closer to me, but I am grateful to have you in my life. It’s not difficult to see how mental health can be eroded when our plates runneth over and there’s nobody else around. And the damned Covid restricted insanity to add to the mix.

 

Friends and family

Credit to Judy Hoskins of Pixaby

 

It’s so often friends who are more the family than blood relations, as is definitely the case for me. Maybe that’s because we get to choose our friends and not our families.

 

©DGKaye2021

Note: This posting went live March 9th morning, later that evening, my husband was rushed back to hospital. If you don’t see me around the usual haunts, it’s because I’ve laced back up my warrior boots and doing God’s work again.

 

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D.G. Kaye is a nonfiction/memoir writer, who writes from her own life experiences and self-medicates with a daily dose of humor.

94 Comments

  • Bee Halton

    I went through cancer treatment last year in Covid Britain and did all including the operation on my own so I fully understand what you are going through. However, doctors and nurses were very kind under very difficult circumstances and most appointments besides treatment were over the phone which worked well for me. Sending you love and light and I keep you in my prayers! 🙋‍♀️🐝🕯🌈

    • dgkaye

      I know of your journey Bee. You are a warrior woman too my friend. I’m so glad you had all the treatments you needed along with the good care. We have amazing hospitals here, but the Covid has sorely put a huge dent in the system. Thanks for keeping the light on for us over here too. <3

  • James Borden

    wow.

    I am so sorry you and your husband are going through this. It would make things so much easier if people would just show a little kindness and compassion. Your husband is lucky to have you as his advocate, and I admire your persistence. I hope I can be the same way if it ever became necessary. You are a good role model.

    You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers…

  • Hilary Melton-Butcher

    Dear Debby – I so feel for you … and I’m so pleased I’m free of worry in that regard … I just feel for anyone who’s coping with the Covid rules and regulations – let alone catching the disease – My heart is for you … wishing you the best possible … just breathe and be at ease – with thoughts – Hilary

  • Marje

    We are living through the most horrendous times Debby. And it is so sad that you can’t be with your hubby holding his hand and giving him your support when he needs it most. I also had to go to the hospital on my own for my breast cancer screening. My mum had to go on her own when she had a bad head injury after a fall. It makes you feel so useless and unable to help. It’s the worst case scenario and the stress is unbelievable. You and George are in my thoughts. Much love Marje x

  • Jackie Phillips

    I feel you, Debby! You know most of my story with me taking care of my husband until his death, so I know pretty well what you are going through. I would fight like you did if my husband was still alive. Hell, I did fight sometimes! The man was frail, he was hard of hearing even with hearing aids and he didn’t ask questions as I did. So I fought for him, I visited him in hospital, I talked to dozens of doctors and nurses. So yeah, you keep fighting the good fight, girl!

    Sending you strength!

    • dgkaye

      Thank you my friend. Yes, we’ve had discussions before on the topic. And you certainly had your fill, despite your fight being just before the Covid hit us all. Thanks for your visit here Jack <3

  • Diane McGyver

    Oh, my gosh. I’d be just like you. Angry. Infuriated. Forcing the policies out of the way to do what was right. I fully stand beside you to take on this horrible system.

    There is already a growing mound of evidence that the government’s response to this virus has killed more and destroyed more lives and made more people suffer than if they had done nothing. Nothing! Suicide is up, depression and homeless are up. What this means for the future of mental illness is horrible.

    People are suffering alone, dying alone and losing everything they have for a virus with only a 0.05% kill rate.

    Horrible Story: Three days ago, I was a told that a lady in her 80s was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was booked for treatment, given the virus test and was found negative. When the cancer treatment was to begin, she miraculously tested positive to this virus test that has a 60% error rate. She was refused treatment because the virus comprimises her immune system. She was given three to four months to live. Where is the logic in that?

    This made me so angry I wanted to kick something. I’m sick of the government scare tactics. I don’t care about the virus. It’s a flu, and it will be around forever, just like the regular flu. Until everyone tosses their mask and refuses to live by these communist rules, we will continue to sink into this uncompassionate bleak future.

    Don’t give up. Don’t back down. Keep doing what you’re doing, and I hope others join you. My thoughts are with you.

    • dgkaye

      Hi Di, thanks so much for your kudos, and for your sad share. Good, let’s talk about it and keep talking. Yes there are so many devasted by stupid policies in our country – and way worse here in Ontario. Our Premiere is a hack! We’ve been in hard lockdown so long, yet our city STILL comes up with 100s of cases daily. How? Because the border protocols are a bloody joke! Let anyone in with a Nexus pass or ‘essential workers’ driving over border because they’re essential with no test. All while we abandon the living while others come and go, bring in more Covid. I’m sick of it already, and heaven help those like my husband who get terminally ill during this horrendous time. <3

      • Diane McGyver

        In five years, we’re going to look back at this time and see just how insane the policies were, how everything the government did only made things worse. There are days when I believe if nothing, absolutely nothing was done in response to this virus that things would have been better and fewer people would have died and fewer would have suffered.

  • Darlene Foster

    What a nightmare, Debby. COVID has made difficult times even more difficult. My heart goes out to you and your dear husband. He’s lucky to have a strong and persistent woman by his side. Sending hugs. xo

    • Terri Webster Schrandt

      Oh Deb, I’m so sorry to read about these medical travails and trials you and your hubby must deal with. Covid is beyond ridiculous and here I thought the shut downs in California were bad. Covid is a virus, you get it, you don’t, or you get vaccinated. Cancer is, well, cancer. I’m sorry the oncology department is so limited. My hubby lost his mom to old age while living in assisted living these past few years. When staff called to tell us her end was near, she was allowed visitors on a limited basis but we got to say goodbye. This was true compassion at work. I wish peace for you and rest and healing for your husband, Deb. Prayers for you. 🙏❤

      • dgkaye

        Thanks so much Terri for dropping by with your heartfelt words and prayers. Much appreciated as I seem to be in the same predicament again, as my hubby was rushed back to hospital again last night and I’ve still not allowed to visit til he gets in a room. I just imagine his terror as my Team Baron is working hard behind the scenes once again to rip off the red tape and let me the hell in. xx

  • Jan Sikes

    My dear, Debby, I am SO sorry that you and your husband are having to go through such a severe health issue amidst the COVID craziness. I have no words. Hang in there! I am sending light and love to you both!

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much Jan. I am taking in your love and light as I’m currently in round 2 of the battle of Covid restricted hospitals as hubby is back in again. Keep the light burning please <3

  • Marian Beaman

    I won’t deny that the year has been trying, but because of our warmer climate, we weren’t “bitten” as hard with restrictions as many others, my guess.

    When the vaccine rolled out, our governor was on top of things and had a methodical plan for distribution, which I hear/see is not happening in other parts of the USA. Our mayor is the best and is careful that underserved communities have as much access as the more affuence areas of the city.!

    However, things are not all rosy. The husband of one of my dear friends caught COVID, was hovering between life and death in the ICU. Now he is home, but his kidneys have shut down and he will be on dialysis, unless he gets a kidney transplant, which is problematic because of his age.

    I have compassion for all sufferers, and know that you and your hubby remain on my prayer card! ((( )))

    • dgkaye

      Thank so much Marian, and for sharing some of your own experience. This Covid is responsible for so many more lives lost that just those from Covid – because of Covid. It’s a cruel time to be sick. <3

  • Toni Pike

    Hi Debby, This is just terrible to read. What an ordeal you have both been through, it is terrifying to hear and you have every right to be absolutely furious about all this. Your hubby is so lucky to have you by his side. Sending you loving hugs – try to look after yourself and get plenty of rest. Toni x

  • sally cronin

    I am glad that you have used your blog to share the events over the last few months and weeks Debby.. It needs airing in public and the more people vent their anger over the treatment of the elderly the better.

    Being elderly seems to have become a criminal offence with talks of triaging patients for treatment because of age in some hospitals and countries. These men and women who have worked hard all their lives, paid into the system with taxes and social insurance payments deserve a different level of respect all together.

    Particularly as many have not gone out and got the disease by not wearing masks, socialising with too many people and not cocooning (as they call it here).. They have been given the disease by those who visit them not the other way around.

    You are doing the absolute right thing to challenge the system to get the best outcome for G… I know how wearing that is and how unsupported you feel by the system in general. Thank goodness for Dr B and Lisa.

    As always behind and beside you even if at a distance.. ♥♥

    • dgkaye

      Thank you again Sal, as you know well of my journey. And as you know, I’m once again fighting the system after being rushed back to hospital late last night. Team Baron is working diligently to coordinate things for me and I’m awaiting to go see him as soon as they lift the tape for me today. <3 xox

  • Stevie Turner

    So sorry to hear of your husband’s diagnosis and what you are both going through. We have the ‘no visitors’ policy in our hospital at the moment too, and most of our doctors are only doing telephone clinics. You are doing a great job as your husband’s advocate – he is lucky to have you. x

    • dgkaye

      Thank you Stevie. And if that’s not enough, he was rushed back in again last night. I need to breathe as I take on this next battle. <3

  • Norah Colvin

    Such a difficult situation, Debby. Covid does make things more complicated. I feel for you and your husband. It is bad enough going through things like this at the best of times (though they would definitely make things not the best of times) but Covid regulations make it nearly impossible. Your husband is lucky to have a warrior angel at his side. Everyone needs such a warrior angel too. Take care of you both.

  • Adele Marie Park

    Oh, sis, my heart goes out to you. You are a brave and wonderful warrior woman but as you say not all have the same spark. Driven down by the illness of their loved one they often just wait in the shadows, unsure and devastated. What a bloody world, covid, wars, mankind’s cruel nature, you are right we need to find the light and hang on. I wish we lived closer, dang the covid restrictions we would be straight in there to help you and hubby. At least I’d be able to give you a hug, even if I was masked and gloved the emotions would come through. WE love you sis, sending healing and prayers for you and your wonderful hubby, who has been a brave warrior himself through all of this. <3

  • Mary Smith

    I’m so sorry to read of the horrendous hurdles put in your way and the total lack of compassion. If compassion can’t be found amongst the medical professions, where can it be found. Thank goodness for Dr B.
    I’m pulling on my kick ass boots to come and join you in battle!

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much my warrior woman friend! Seems once again, I’m stringing up my boots. Hubby was rushed back to hospital again last night, he couldn’t breathe, so the circuit of busting through the red tape is in motion once again. The world could use more compassion for sure, especially with the medical community. It’s 230 pm here and I’m watching the clock waiting to hear that I have permission to see him. So cruel! <3

  • Alex Craigie

    Your husband is so lucky to have you as his advocate, Debby. Most people I know would crumble under the intransigence of the institution. They wouldn’t let a child attend an oncology appointment on his/her own but your husband, confused, scared and distressed by his illness needs someone there to understand and interpret the situation. I know plenty of young, intelligent people who leave a consultation only able to remember the first thing that was said to them before the brain was diverted to make sense of it. You must be terrified by the oncology connection but try not to focus on what might be a mistake – I know, impossible to do. I’m angry and distressed on your behalf. I’m also amazed that you’re still seflessly supporting the rest of us at the same time with your usual good humour. Smile, though your heart is aching… Sending you my love. <3

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much Trish for your comforting words. Admittedly, I am wearing very thin. My husband was rushed back to hospital again last night, and I’m in the midst of fighting the red tape again along with Dr. B and Lisa who have given me so much of their time – a rare breed left with compassion. I still come around blogtown because it’s been my sanity and I don’t typically share my troubles, but I’m pretty sure I won’t be around too much these coming days. I’m a one man show it seems and all my dearest friends here live so far away that I’m beginning to feel like the patient who’s been left on their own to fend. Thanks for your support. <3 xx

  • Michael

    I am feeling so sorry, about your experiences, Debby! You are – as Sally wrote – a “Warrior Woman”. 😉
    But at the same time you have a lot of patience. I also feel sorry for all the healthcare workers.
    Politically too much has been neglected here, all over the world. Yesterday I read about Mental Health First Aid for the first time, on a British company website. Completely unknown here in Germany, until today I heard it for the first time in relation to a German company. Oh, now we’re taking care of the mental health of working people, in Germany. For the first time? I don’t quite understand. We have a pandemic that is not over yet. People disappear in hospitals, relatives are not allowed to visit them, and they are also under psychological stress. How do you help these people? I wish your husband a speedy recovery, and you continue to have great stamina, Debby! Take good care of yourself! Best regards, Michael

    • dgkaye

      Thanks so much for popping by Michael. You are 100% right! And the mental health awareness seems to be taking the forefront everywhere now – finally! It’s talked about a lot in Canada as suicide rates are up and people dying without family members. It’s a horrible time in the world to be sick. I am a warrior woman who is wearing quite thin my friend, as my husband was rushed back again last night to hospital. <3

  • Carol Taylor

    I am so very sorry to hear this Debby luckily for George, unlike many others he has you fighting in his corner…Always here if you need a friendly ear on What’s App..Take care Hugs xx

  • Annika Perry

    Dear Debby, My heart goes out to you and your husband. In the midst of a medical emergency and severe illness, Covid is making everything impossible. But surely compassion does not have to be so eroded? I am glad you have some support from the doctor and Lisa but my friend, you sound beside yourself and no wonder. One feels so helpless. I had no idea restrictions were this tight in Cananda – heartbreaking for patients and family alike. Thinking of you so much, take care. hugs winging their way to you xx ❤️

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much Annika for your kind words. Yes, compassion seems to have fallen to the wayside while many more thousands die of other illnesses and Covid restrictions couldn’t be any worse if it were Ebola! Once again, my husband has been rushed to hospital late last night. My magical team is busy fighting the red tape for me again to let me the hell in! <3

  • Jacqui Murray

    My heart goes out to you, Deb. This would be devastating under normal medical conditions and that’s not what you’re faced with. You are strong–you will both get through this.

  • Diana Peach

    Oh, Debby. This sounds so stressful and hard. As I’ve mentioned many times that your husband is so lucky to have you. I wish/hope that you are finding supports too and taking good care of yourself. I understand (with my parents) how things can turn on a dime and you have to put yourself on the back burner while dealing with one emergency after another. And none of what I went through compares to the challenges you face. My heart is with you. Hugs.

    • dgkaye

      Thank you my friend, so appreciated. As you said – turn on a dime. Well, he was rushed back to hospital again last night and I’m still waiting to get in! Dr. B is working his magic and I hope to get to see him in a few hours. <3

  • Balroop Singh

    Hi Deb, I am sorry you are going through such traumatic experience but you are doing well, fighting the system and raising your voice against lack of sensitivity and compassion. A caregiver has to be with the patient, I can sense your frustration and agony. Wishing you more strength dear friend, you are a wonderful wife. Sending you good wishes and hugs.

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much for your kindness and compassion Balroop. It seems I’m on round two again as hubby was rushed to hospital again last night. Keep the light burning. Thank you <3

  • Charles L Jackson

    Hi Debbie,
    I’m sorry to hear about your horrible episodes dealing with the health system. I’m not sure here in Florida, the system is any better. You read it all the time about patients with Covid or other serious medical issues left alone. If they are lucky, they will get a nurse to hold their hand and see their family via video chat. This pandemic has ravished the whole world and nothing is normal. From the receiving side, I’m sure it feels like the medical community has lost its compassion. But if we put ourselves in their shoes and witness what they are going through, with the limited resources and beds, we begin to understand some of the rules and limitations they have to enforce.
    Please understand, I’m not criticizing. If I was in your place, I’m not sure I could be as tolerant. But as one of your friends, please continue to vent your frustrations in any means that helps you persevere. You are doing the right thing, by releasing your frustrations and anger. Finally, please know you are in my prayers.
    HUGS
    Chuck Jackson

  • Roberta Eaton Cheadle

    I am so sorry to read all of this, Debby. Life is hard enough, especially when someone is ill, without all this added anxiety. I hope that things get better for you both.

  • William Price King

    Know that my very best thoughts go out to you and your husband, Debby. It’s sad that we’ve gotten to the point where compassion has become a rarity where it’s needed the most. Take care, and here’s hoping for the best.

    William Price King

  • Sue Coletta

    Oh, Debby, I am so, so sorry for your pain, your frustration, and your heartbreak. Sending prayers and positive, healing vibes to you and your hubby. {{{hugs}}}

  • judith barrow

    This all sounds utterly horrrendous, Debby. The stress sounds almost unbearable. Do, please look out for yourself as well. To fight for your husband, you do need to be well and strong in yourself. Sending strong encouraging vibes across the water. Thinking of you. xxx

  • Ellie Marrandette

    That’s outrageous!!! Proud of you lady! Stand your ground. (I am grateful we live in Florida where we have wonderful conservative leadership with common sense regarding our medical system. Wish you were here. <3

  • Lisa Hutchison

    Did this goes through? My apologies if this is a duplicate.

    Dear Debby,

    I know our healthcare systems are different in the US and Canada, what is the same is everyone is stretched beyond their humanly means.

    Even before COVID, it was so important to have someone speak up for the patient, as you have done for your husband. Now this is needed more than ever. My heart, like yours goes out to those who are alone and suffering. Thanks for sharing your experience. You and your husband will continue to be on my prayer list. Take care of you, as you take care of your husband.

    Many Blessings
    Lisa xoxo

  • Liesbet

    Oh Debby! This is all such devastating, frustrating, and horrible news! I’m so sorry you had to go – and are still going – through it all. Your husband is lucky to have a warrior wife like you. I know you will keep fighting for compassion, respect, and good care. Good for you. Many people, like you said, give up. They don’t have the energy to try and change things, or they think it wouldn’t get them anywhere. I’m like you. I would try whatever I can to be with a sick husband or loved family member if being restrained by Covid or other disasters. I do hope hub is back home now, as my comment comes very late after your original posting. Sending you love and hugs! Xx

    • dgkaye

      Thank you my friend. Yes, I just brought hubby home for me to take care of him. The hospital has arranged doctors and nurses to come. It’s all so overwhelming at this point. Thanks for keeping us in your light. <3 xxx

  • Deborah Jay

    OMG I SO wish I lived close enough to help out <3
    Hospital rules are so varied, and like so many COVID policies, rarely follow any kind of logic, but it is beyond the pale when they refuse to allow a person's carer to go with them into any appointment, let alone this type 🙁
    A friend's elderly mother died last year, and her care towards the end was far less than optimal because she, like many other elderly people (it's how my own mother was) don't want to 'make a fuss', and/or don't actually understand what they are being asked. It continually amazes me how experienced doctors don't see this. In the end the poor lady died in pain and alone because COVID restrictions during the first lockdown forbade any visiting at all in London hospitals.

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