#MeToo
#MeToo,  Authors Against Domestic Violence,  D.G. Kaye,  Great information,  Self Esteem,  Sexual Abuse,  THOUGHTS,  women woes,  Women's empowerment,  Women's Movement

#MeToo – The Right to be Heard on Sexual Abuse

#MeToo

 

 

The #MeToo movement is loud and clear and making a difference. How many centuries and decades had to pass before women who fought for their power and finally began to own their right to speak out against sexual harassment and abuse became heard?

 

We know the history of women’s rights so that question is basically redundant. But in the past almost two years, women have begun to stand up for their rights and speak out loud about crimes against their person and human rights.

Where did such brevity stem from? Without getting into politics, which I follow very closely, both in my own country Canada, and the U.S., I would have to say that women began to take a stand by speaking out louder and protesting first after the Bill Cosby molestings and increased when the new administration took over in the White House inspiring women all over the world to join in with their protests and stories. Many politicians and Hollywood names have been called out and have and are facing the repercussions for current and past bad behavior.

We’ve seen famous household names been named and charged for their crimes. So why has it taken so long for this movement to rise? Because every haystack has its breaking point – the point where just one more straw on the pile finally topples over and spills. This inspired women to come together and speak their truths – some hidden for decades, some still fresh. One voice alone couldn’t be heard, drowned out by naysayers and persecution for telling their truth. But strength in numbers has given women the voice of many to speak out and be heard. One spark of truth became an inferno, and this inferno became the catalyst for women to take back their power – a power they’ve always held under wraps, keeping their stories silent in fear of retaliation, more abuse, losing their jobs and fear of being called out as liars from their abusers, and often, the law.

It took strength in numbers to be heard. When several victims stepped forward with their stories, many calling out a common abuser, the world began to listen. Maybe it was the Bill Cosby victims then the Harvey Weinstein victims, well known politicians and other Hollywood names and the various members of the Whitehouse – not excluding the president, who were systematically called out by multiple women, inspiring women to unite to start make those people accountable for their actions. The big voices and big names allowed the less famous individuals who’ve been abused  feel safe in telling their stories and taking a stand. Cracking open one seed grew a forest of trees, giving women the nerve to join together and take back their power.

Whatever event it took to start this movement, it was a long time coming and an inevitable coming. One brave victim enabled others to freely shed their shame when they knew they were no longer alone. They knew their lone experience of shame and abuse could be spoken aloud and finally be heard without being chastised and hushed through means of blackmail and threats.

What inspired me to add to the conversation is the current controversy going on with the White House desperately trying to confirm a new Supreme Court judge who is accused of holding a lot of bias toward women’s rights, instilling for many American women, petrified that rights given to them that took decades to acquire may be overturned if this judge were to be seated on the Supreme Court. As if this event wasn’t big enough in itself, a former female classmate of this nominated judge has come forward accusing this judge of sexually attacking her when they were back in high school, and subsequently, other allegations have followed. The controversy grows as the republican’s agenda is to rush through his confirmation before the midterms and their insistence that these women’s claims coming forward doesn’t warrant an FBI investigation before appointing this judge for a lifetime seat on the bench.

I won’t elaborate on the politics behind this decision to ‘hurry up’ the judge’s confirmation. But similar controversy occurred in the early 90’s with the Anita Hill case against Justice Clarence Thomas—- during his own confirmation hearings, and Hill’s testimony of her allegations about the then judge, fell on deaf ears and created a sham of a hearing, ultimately allowing his confirmation to go through despite the allegations. And now with these new allegations from Professor Christine Blasey Ford et al against the behavior of nominee Judge Brett Kavanaugh said to have occurred over 30 years ago appears to be questionable by the senate because republicans aren’t interested in investigating the matter further by calling in witnesses or the FBI to investigate their claims, not giving Dr. Ford a fair hearing to plead her case. After all, the event allegedly happened some 30 years ago so why come forward now?

That question brings me to my point about #MeToo. It doesn’t matter how long ago a person has been violated! It has taken some women a lifetime of silence and others, decades of carrying their shame, knowing they could not speak out because of the repercussions they feared even more so for some than when they were attacked. Time doesn’t make those memories go away, and time passed does not exonerate the abusers! There is no time limit on how long it takes a woman to muster the courage to speak out. There is no time limit for violators to be let off the hook. Only with the advent of the #MeToo movement have women been made to feel safe and heard calling out their abusers. Many of these stories of abuse and violation are old. They have rested dormant in the psyches of these victims. No time limits can be put on those events to deem them irrelevant or expired. When a woman, or any human being for that matter, is stepping up with their hurt and humiliation they are entitled to be heard! No person, no judge, no president should be exempt from being punished for their crimes.

   #WhyIDidntReport  this is a powerful hashtag trending on Twitter -There are now thousands of women who have gained the courage to speak out against sexual abuse and rape thanks to first, the #MeToo Movement and now a newer kind of movement has begun with women feeling the need to speak out after years of hiding their shame. It’s disheartening to learn just how many women have been raped and sexually attacked and abused. Why are they speaking now? Because they finally found a place where it’s safe among thousands of other women to speak out what some have buried for decades. They are finally being heard and taken seriously and just maybe, some of these abusive men will think a little harder before harassing or abusing another woman because the world is now listening.

It’s no different for a woman to speak out no matter how much time has passed since her abuse, just as many men are coming out recently with accusations of priests molesting them in Catholic churches. It’s never too late for anyone to speak out against such violations on their person. And it’s nobody’s right to tell a victim it’s too late, it didn’t happen or they asked for it. NO means NO!

Follow Me on Social Media!
Name: D.G. Kaye job Title: Author Business: DGKayewriter.com Image: https://dgkayewriter.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Add-headin.png Facebook Url: Facebook Twitter Url: Twitter Instagram Url: Instagram LinkedIn Url: LinkedIn Pinterest Url: Pinterest Google+ Url: Google+

D.G. Kaye is a nonfiction/memoir writer, who writes from her own life experiences and self-medicates with a daily dose of humor.

58 Comments

  • Hilary

    Hi Debby – strong words rightly presented … I just wish everyone could be fair and not take sides … these women and men deserve to be heard, and protestations shouldn’t just be accepted. It’s time we had equality on the side of women and if we can’t do it in this so-called third world … what is happening in the poorer areas. Good for you – cheers Hilary

  • John Maberry

    You are right on point here, Deb. Times are changing in America. It took a very long time for women to get the right to vote–now they are are getting elected to office, in greater and greater numbers. African Americans were brought here against their will as slaves, then were lynched when free for trivial offenses–and they still have problems in mainstream America. Powerful men by themselves (with the complicity of even some women) have gotten away with victimizing women for millennia. Now, finally in 21st century America the victims have gathered strength in numbers and a voice through social media to challenge those offenders. It won’t be easy to change society. It won’t be easy for many to come forward. But they must be heard and offenders must face the consequences.

    • dgkaye

      Thank you John. I know you and I have had plenty of conversations on these issues. Yes, it’s a definite calling for a woman’s work to clean up the country! You would be astounded to see how many women are speaking out #WhyIDidntReport, including myself. <3

  • D. Wallace Peach

    Thanks for speaking out about this, Debby. It makes my head explode. I actually think these Republican men who spew these idiotic and vile statements know the truth about abuse and the trauma and the huge challenges to reporting. I think they just don’t care, and that’s even worse. They are too disgusting for words.

    • dgkaye

      Amen Diana. Yes, it’s time to speak out the truth. And as some of my other friends and I discuss, we’re running out of words of disgust! They don’t care how many accuse Kavanaugh, McEvil has made up their minds they’re voting, the hearing will be a sham. What a mess. Next week I’ll share my own experience. <3

  • Carol Taylor

    I think it is now time to get these vile abusers out in the open and dealt with properly and within the law…I also think there are many cases of abuse around the world which should also be dealt with and whether you are hiding behind religion, politics, wealth, power or just plain evil it is time it was stopped…

    • dgkaye

      Amen to that Carol. I replied to Olga and Robbie’s comment with similar statements. This s the era where women are uniting everywhere to be heard. Strength in numbers is giving women the courage to stand up. This protest must not end! <3

  • robbiesinspiration

    A very well thought out and informative article, Debby. I know very few women who have not either been sexually harassed themselves or suffered at the hands of their husband’s poor sexual behaviour and affairs with other women. To my mind, the deceit and breach of trust that goes with an affair is as bad as the other.

    • dgkaye

      Thanks for sharing Robbie. It is truly frightening how many women, globally, are sexually abused. There is no difference if a woman is attacked by a stranger or in her own home by her own husband – this isn’t acceptable on any level. The time has come to speak out! <3

    • dgkaye

      Thanks for adding to the conversation Olga. What an outrage what your courts deem as qualifications for rape! Unbelievable! Physical aggression was not used in a rape? What the hell do they call rape? The time has come around the world for women to step up and be heard everywhere! <3

  • Damyanti

    It has taken some women a lifetime of silence and others, decades of carrying their shame, knowing they could not speak out because of the repercussions they feared even more so for some than when they were attacked. Time doesn’t make those memories go away, and time passed does not exonerate the abusers!

    So true. I think there should be no such thing as a statute of limitations—some crimes should be punished no matter how much time has passed.

  • Stevie Turner

    What a great post, Debby. It makes me so angry when women are just treated as sex objects. Luckily I have never been assaulted, but I know some women who have been. Will share this on Twitter and Pinterest.

  • Pamela S. Wight

    Well-written and well-said, Debby. Ah, so many years/decades/centuries women have tried to pull out from under the thumb of aggressive/power-hungry men. Are we finally finding our own power in our voice? In our rejection of aggression and abuse? God, I hope so.

  • Jacqui Murray

    I love the changes for women thanks to our recent empowerment. I do appreciate that Trump has placed women in powerful positions-Press Secretary, UN Ambassador. So I have a lot to agree with on this post. I’ll push back on Kavanaugh. Here in America (I say that because a presumption of innocence isn’t true in many parts of the world), a person is innocent until proven guilty (I think this is true in Canada, too–but correct me if I’m wrong). Kavanaugh denies the allegations and there are serious holes in her evidence that give pause to many women. It really isn’t a question of when it happened, rather the proof. I’m waiting for more information.

  • Jacqui Murray

    On a personal note, Deb–I have to tell you how hard it is for me to go against the opinion of every other commenter as well as the loudest voices in public opinion. I’m just not that brave person. It would cause me so much less stress to simply nod or remain silent. But, I’ve come to realize that if I am quiet, the ‘other opinion’ shared by about half the country won’t get out. I take nothing away from your comment and all the others. Just giving a different side.

    • dgkaye

      I can understand that Jacqui. But as one of ‘those’ women myself who is also a victim of #WhyIDontReport, I’m sure you can understand my stand too.

  • Colleen Chesebro

    Excellent discussion. We should ALL be allowed to tell what happened to us. HOW interesting that women who support trump don’t seem to support the freedom of other women who are speaking out against the evil that was done to them. Instead, they feel the need to support the other side. Now, who’s making it political? You know how I feel about all of this Sis. I stand with the women and not Kavanaugh.

  • Aquileana

    Excellent post and thanks for raising awareness on this issue, dear Debbie… no means no 🤲 that’s right… and sexual abuse is not always necessarily something extreme. I am sure most of us have been through awkward situations when we feel we have to go with the flow … so as to speak… in a consensual relationship… but then feel bad about it. Being able to decline and feeling respected is an important thing.
    Much love to you 😘

    • dgkaye

      You are absolutely right Aqui! Women should not have to be made to feel that away. Enough, and now we can speak out and know we aren’t alone. Love and hugs to you sweetie. <3

  • Sue Dreamwalker

    The pyramid is not broken from the top down Debby, but by the foundations it was laid..
    It is People Power that is now joining in unity to stand up for justice and what is right.. And to give women back their dignity that for centuries have been defiled in one form or another..

    The Feminine Energies are working their way into this male dominance period of time that is now crumbling and losing face within many organisations.

    Compassion is rising, and people are losing their fear of standing up for themselves.
    When we lose our fear, and we step out and dare speak out, a ripple effect is created..
    This is one such instance..

    May there be many more as those who see they hold the Power within their own hands to create a better brighter future for this world.. If only they Believe ..
    It is their courage, Like the Suffragettes who were the pioneers who braved the world of men to get women the rights to vote. They are Brave to come forward no matter what time has elapsed, because NOW is the right time for them to do so..

    Great article Debby, So loved your post, and yes Abuse in the Catholic churches has been going on for centuries.. But as the Fear of such establishments diminishes, So are the brave souls now coming out to share their terrible ordeals that need to be brought into the Light.. So that it NEVER happens to others..

    • dgkaye

      Amen to all you said Sue. I am using my voice on social media to advocate for what’s right and just. We must all unite and speak up for truth and justice. Enough is enough already! <3 <3 Hugs my dear friend with the voice of reason. xxxxx

  • Balroop Singh

    Kudos to you Deb for highlighting this global issue! Men have always assumed that assaulting women in all forms is their right. NO longer so but these power holding leaders think they can still get away with it. I have read a lot of tweets saying why I didn’t report but they seem to be falling on deaf ears. I have just one question for those who have doubts: Why would a woman lie about sexual assault?

    • dgkaye

      Thanks for joining in the conversation Balroop. You are bang on, why on earth would a woman want to humiliate herself if it weren’t true? I also don’t believe it’s falling on deaf ears. Just look what the voices of women have done to get Senator Flake’s attention yesterday and urge a more thorough investigation in Dr. Ford’s allegations. There is undoubtedly strength in united voices my friend. And that is why I join in with mine. We must be heard! <3

  • Elaine Mansfield

    Excellent. An addition: many men have been charged (more to come, I’m sure) and some found guilty, but of the rich powerful men, only Bill Cosby was given a prison sentence. I am not excusing his horrible behavior, but he has dark skin and was jailed when Caucasian men get off. We have a long way to go in the US to have equal treatment for men and women and for people of any color. I hope we’re waking up. Thanks for weighing in on a difficult topic. The privileged dudes in power have to be voted out and somehow we have to protect our elections. I’m not sure that’s been done most places. I’m grateful to have paper ballots (that are then scanned into computers) in NY State, so it’s harder to change election results by hacking computers. Sigh…

    • dgkaye

      Thanks so much for adding to the conversation Elaine. Yes, it’s definitely time for the tides to change. There is still so much work to be done but we start with first steps so the wheels are in motion!
      And I sure as heck hope paper ballots will be available for all states. That’s my only fear – meddling with ballots. We need to #VoteBlue and take back the house and senate so they can tie his hands and be the babysitters until 2020! 🙂

  • Norah Colvin

    Well said, Debby. Many women didn’t/don’t come forward because they feel shame. Society tells women that it’s their fault. Boys will be boys and men can’t help themselves. I actually read a very good post in explanation written by a man the other night. If I can remember who it was, I’ll send you a link. I think social media makes it much easier for people to band together with others from around the world. It is social media that has allowed these movements to occur. Prior to that, it was lone voices, stifled, muffled, and not heard. I must admit though, that I sometimes wonder of the truth in all the allegations and hope, for the sake of those who have truly been wronged, that there are none wrongfully calling out innocent men. I hope there are some innocent men in the world. Sometimes it seems all are being unfairly tarnished with the same brush.

    • dgkaye

      I hear you Norah. Statistic say 1 in 4 women have been sexually assaulted. Look around. Some come forward to release their shame, some to accuse, and I’m sure there’s a wannabe in every bunch, but the fact remains, for decades (centuries) men have felt the right to dominate and hold the power in many households too. Many men are also standing up with and for the women. This is all positive change. <3

  • Deborah Jay

    Great piece, Deb. It’s amazing how some in office still feel they can get away with the ‘old boys network’ style of appointment, even these days with such big changes in society already accomplished. At least victims now have the courage of numbers and less likelihood of reprisal, to push this necessary change through to its ultimate conclusion.
    If only women across the world had the same chance, but I guess it has to start somewhere.

  • Tina Frisco

    Excellent post, Deb. Republicans know that ‘No means No,’ but they’re blinded by greed and their own selfish interests. The Virgin Mary herself could accuse Kavanaugh of sexual assault, and they’d still push for his confirmation. The only solution is to vote them out. Thanks so much for sharing your poignant insights, my friend ❤️

  • Liesbet

    Well said, Debby. This is a fantastic blog post, strong in words and beliefs (and I couldn’t agree more) – and extremely well-written! It’s sad to realize that probably every woman in the world has experienced some kind of abuse whether it’s verbally, physically, or with whistles! And, back in the day, nobody probably thought twice about that. No more… Men shouldn’t get away with their power games and macho behavior.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: