How many times as writers do we read famous quotes by writers and empowering people from various fields? Many I should think. But do we as writers ever think about our own words being quoted by others? I know I never thought about that because usually famous quotes are from famous people.
Well I can tell you I’m far from famous, but last week it was brought to my attention by one of my lovely friends, Jane Sturgeon that she had read an article on children raised by a narcissistic parent and the first line in the article was a quote from my book – Conflicted Hearts. I was both shocked and over the moon with pride when I went over to psychotherapist – Dr. Perry’s blog and saw it with my own eyes. In fact, much of what he covered in the article I lived through with my narcissistic mother and described in my book. It makes me wonder if he read my book?
By Dr. Perry, PhD
“Somehow I believed it was my obligation to try and do the right thing by her because she had given birth to me.” ~D.G. Kaye
It is an understatement to state that parenting is difficult. It is perhaps the only job a person can get that is full-time and for life without having all the requisite skills and qualifications. The responsibility is great. One must equip a child with all the necessary tools they will need in adulthood to forge their own lives. It is a self-less relationship that most parents take great pride in. From the moment their child is born, the child becomes the focal point of the family unit. While this is a non-issue to most couples, what happens when one of the parents lacks empathy and is unable to see the importance in anyone else’s feelings or interests?
Perhaps you were raised by a self-proclaimed or widely admired super parent. Admired by all of the community, to the outside world, your parent had it all. On paper, everyone saw a doting parent, a successful career, marriage and with positive community involvement in church or school activities. But, reflecting on our childhood we realize that behind closed doors the reality was a lot harsher and lonelier than the public image portrayed. As we get older and start to form a life of our own we begin to see our parents more as real humans and not the superheroes of our childhood. This is quite normal and healthy. Stripped of the cape of perfection that kept us in an unequal relationship, we can then begin to form a healthy adult relationship with our parents.
But what happens if once the heroic cape is removed, we notice that our parental figure has nothing to offer us. They are basically an egocentric person who is essentially empty, fearful and manipulative. We take notice that they purposely use control and manipulation to keep us engaged in an unhealthy relationship. Our parents should want us to leave the nest and soar and not to live in their shadows. But, the NPD parent does not want his child to live an independent life. They see their children as an extension of themselves to use as they wish.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a spectrum disorder which means it exists on a continuum. . . continue reading.