I’ve Been Quoted! -The Impact of Narcissistic Parents | MakeItUltra™

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How many times as writers do we read famous quotes by writers and empowering people from various fields? Many I should think. But do we as writers ever think about our own words being quoted by others? I know I never thought about that because usually famous quotes are from famous people.

 

Well I can tell you I’m far from famous, but last week it was brought to my attention by one of my lovely friends, Jane Sturgeon that she had read an article on children raised by a narcissistic parent and the first line in the article was a quote from my book – Conflicted Hearts. I was both shocked and over the moon with pride when I went over to psychotherapist – Dr. Perry’s blog and saw it with my own eyes. In fact, much of what he covered in the article I lived through with my narcissistic mother and described in my book. It makes me wonder if he read my book?

 

The Impact of Narcissistic Parents

By Dr. Perry, PhD


“Somehow I believed it was my obligation to try and do the right thing by her because she had given birth to me.” ~D.G. Kaye

It is an understatement to state that parenting is difficult. It is perhaps the only job a person can get that is full-time and for life without having all the requisite skills and qualifications. The responsibility is great. One must equip a child with all the necessary tools they will need in adulthood to forge their own lives. It is a self-less relationship that most parents take great pride in. From the moment their child is born, the child becomes the focal point of the family unit. While this is a non-issue to most couples, what happens when one of the parents lacks empathy and is unable to see the importance in anyone else’s feelings or interests?

Perhaps you were raised by a self-proclaimed or widely admired super parent. Admired by all of the community, to the outside world, your parent had it all. On paper, everyone saw a doting parent, a successful career, marriage and with positive community involvement in church or school activities. But, reflecting on our childhood we realize that behind closed doors the reality was a lot harsher and lonelier than the public image portrayed. As we get older and start to form a life of our own we begin to see our parents more as real humans and not the superheroes of our childhood. This is quite normal and healthy. Stripped of the cape of perfection that kept us in an unequal relationship, we can then begin to form a healthy adult relationship with our parents.

But what happens if once the heroic cape is removed, we notice that our parental figure has nothing to offer us. They are basically an egocentric person who is essentially empty, fearful and manipulative. We take notice that they purposely use control and manipulation to keep us engaged in an unhealthy relationship. Our parents should want us to leave the nest and soar and not to live in their shadows. But, the NPD parent does not want his child to live an independent life. They see their children as an extension of themselves to use as they wish.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a spectrum disorder which means it exists on a continuum. . . continue reading.

 

Source: The Impact of Narcissistic Parents | MakeItUltra™

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48 Comments

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  1. I remember my mother crying “How could you do this to me?” when I first left home. However, I gently reminded her that she had once left home herself and now it was my turn. Happily it transpired that we got on much better once we lived apart.

    1. That happens a lot. I’m glad you got along so well while living apart. I got along with my mother by being separated with no contact. At least you maintained a good relationship with your mother. 🙂

  2. Debby, Wow!! Congratulations … that must feel amazing and a bit odd! You have arrived!! I wouldn’t at all be surprised if he’s read you book … look out for further quotes from it. Obligation is a tough master … to follow and to step back from.

    1. True words Annika. And thank you so much. I was wondering the same, has he read my book? Wow right? Well, I’m following his blog now so if anything else sneaks up I’ll be notified. 🙂 x

  3. OKAYYYY! 😄 That is something to make not just your day but at least your week. LOL. Congrats.

    1. Thank you so much my friend! 🙂

  4. <3 always and it's a fitting testimony to the way you write my lovely. xXx <3

    1. Thank you again my lovely friend for alerting me to this and for your always inspiring comments. Big, huge, unicorn hugs! <3 xoxo

  5. Congrats, Deb! That is amazing and so validating! Quoting sources in articles brings that important legitimacy to them!

    1. I thought so too Ter, but when it’s me, I find it hard to believe that much, lol 🙂

  6. Hi Debby – how very interesting to read – and amazing Jane picked up the quote. One does wonder … but now you’ll be reading his blog, you can keep an eye open.

    The realisation our parents are our parents and have given life to us … then we all have different roles ahead of us. Your quote is so apposite … no wonder he appears to have used it. Congratulations – cheers Hilary

    1. Thanks so much Hilary. I think much of my life has been lived against the grain. 🙂

  7. He probably did read your book, Debby! Congratulations! A professional doctor quoted you! That definitely validates your book in the subject of Narcissism and you as the author (Not that you needed the validation). That’s so cool! I’m happy for you, my friend! 😀 <3 xx

    1. Wow, thanks so much for your uplifting comment Vashti. What a great feeling! 🙂 <3

  8. “Somehow I believed it was my obligation to try and do the right thing by her because she had given birth to me.” ~D.G. Kaye

    Oh Yes. That sums it up.

    1. Thanks Rob. You would know too. 🙂

  9. That is lovely, Deb. That makes you a SME (Subject Matter Expert) on this topic. I’m impressed.

    1. Wow, thanks for that Jacqui! 🙂

  10. This is really neat! <3

    1. Thanks so much Carol. Truly an awesome feeling. 😉 <3

  11. This is so cool, Debby! I saw this at…hmm…Colleen’s blog, maybe? I’ve hopped over to see the article and, just wow. There you are. Congratulations, my friend.

    (I hope this comment appears…)

    1. Thanks so much Sarah! Yes, comment received! And yes, Colleen is a great friend and a Sister of the Fey, she shared the news before I even did, lol. Talk about great friends! This was certainly a huge surprise and so validating! We never know who reads our words! 🙂 <3

  12. Major congrats, Debby! I was raised by narcissistic parents too. I was conditioned to be an audience and dole out narcissistic supply. It took me over 50 years to figure out why I drew so many narcissists into my life. Amazing how freeing it was to finally see it.

    1. Hi Anne! Thanks so much for dropping by and sharing a bit of your own experience. Ironically, it took me the same fifty years! But at least we both climbed the hurdle. So freeing! 🙂

  13. What a thrill, Deb. So much of your work merits quoting. I’d love to see your name and quotes plastered all over the Internet! Kudos, girlfriend ❤️

    1. Wow, thanks so much T for your grand optimism! I feel so honored. 🙂 <3

  14. Awesome!
    I would guess he read your book, are you planning to comment on his post? You might find out that way…

    1. Thanks Deb! Actually, I did comment on his post a week ago and it hasn’t been posted. I noticed the last comments posted were a month ago. Not sure he even acknowledges comments. 🙁

  15. I feel like doing a little happy dance for you, Debby. Yay! That is so awesome! A sure sign of having an impact. I think this qualifies as famous. 🙂

    1. Lol Diana, you sure know how to make someone’s day! Thank you my friend. Far from famous, but knowing my words are flowing through the universe is so gratifying. <3

  16. I saw this Debby. Congratulations, a wonderful vindication for your book.

    1. Thank you Robbie. And I noticed you left a comment on Dr. Perry’s blog. I’ve left 2 there now and have yet to be posted or replied to, that’s when I saw yours there. Strange. 🙂

  17. Congrats! That’s very exciting and makes me happy for you 🙂

    1. Oh thanks so much Jeri. Your comment makes me happy too. 🙂 x

  18. I am so thrilled Debby and I am sure he read your book.. It is wonderful that your words were used to begin his assessment of the Impact of narcissistic parents this way.
    And I was nodding my head along with what is both of your dissection on the subject..
    Congratulations Debby.. I am really so Happy for you.. <3

    1. Thank you so much Sue. I am elated, and wondering if he did read the book. His list was very similar to my experiences. 🙂 <3 Just thrilled to be mentioned. <3 xoxo

      1. Just saw your reply comment on my blog visit Debby, seems since all the alterations on WP I no longer get your replies in my notifications, So do not think i am ignoring you.. Its happening on many other blogs I leave comments on too.. Sigh.. And I bet you were thrilled.. who wouldn’t be.. Just lovely to see your work forever expanding.. 🙂
        Love and Hugs and have a lovely day xx

        1. Thank you for your support and praise Sue. I was thrilled beyond words to find my quote attached to such a succinct article. And no worries Sue, thanks for the heads up, I know WP has been having many glitches since this new GDPR mess came into effect. I know you always find me eventually. <3 <3 xxxx

  19. How wonderful. Not that I am surprised with your expertise in the subject and in writing. Huge hugs!

    1. Thank you so much for your generous words Christoph <3

  20. Wonderful news DG!!! A Pulitzer won’t be far behind now! You’ve always been an inspiration to others and what a compliment to be recognized publicly for your writing. Blessings back, <3

    1. Awwwww, thank you so much for your uplifting words Ellie. <3 xx

  21. OMG! Not only were you quoted, the article was fabulous. It was critically important, too. I am so proud for you, Debby. 🙂

    1. Thank you soooo much Jennie. I’m humbled. 🙂 xx

  22. How wonderfully deserving, Debby. Why shouldn’t you be quoted? You are the expert. You lived it after all. Did you get the impression he’d read your book? I assume he would have. Nice to be quoted either way.

    1. Thanks for the kudos Norah. I thought perhaps he may have at least read part of it, but most comments think he may have. I left a comment on his post, thanking him, but no reply. 🙂

  23. That’s incredibly, Debby! Having someone quote you!!! That must be right up there with, or actually even better than, receiving five star reviews. What an honor. I”m glad one of your friends picked it up, so you would be aware of it. Congratulations. And, I’m sure he read your book. How else would he have found the quote? 🙂

    1. Thank you so much Liesbet for the kudos. I’m not sure if he read my book, but then again I’d love to know how he came across it. 🙂

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