D.G. Kaye on Relationships
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Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – Know when it’s time to go – When giving becomes one-sided by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Today I’m featuring my article written for my monthly column over at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord – Realms of Relationships. In this issue. I’m discussing Friendships – how to keep them alive and well. and learning when it’s time to go.

 

Relationships – Know when it’s time to go –

When giving becomes one-sided

 

Welcome back to The Realms of Relationships. In this edition, I’m going to talk more about friendships. I talked about keeping friendships healthy in my last column. In this post, I’ll share some of the flags that indicate when friends may be taking advantage of us.

Friendships are special to us because they are the people we choose to let into the most personal and intimate part of our lives, the people we trust most. But sometimes in our lifetime of relationships and friendships we may realize that a certain friendship becomes all give and no get back. Today we’re going to take a look at some of the signs that tell us that a friendship we may have with someone is not as fulfilling as it once may have been, how to attempt to repair, and how to decide if it’s time to sever ties.

 

relationships hands meeting

 

Friends are those we permit into our personal spaces and hold dear to us. Friends are the ones we share common bonds with, share our world, our homes and often our hearts with. Friends are ones we can rely on for uplifting, favors, companionship, and the ones who have our backs. Do something to betray any of these bonds, it puts a dent into a friendship, and if we let misgivings escalate without confronting our friend about issues bothering us, or better yet, if we have confronted a friend over an issue and they tend to blow it off or ignore our concerns, consider petty, it may be time to re-evaluate that friendship.

As with everything that works smooth in life, there is balance. We take the good with the bad in stride and go about life. Sometimes there are obstacles we learn to work around, sometimes the obstacles must be confronted in order to resolve issues to restore an even balance. If the balance of a friendship begins to teeter, yet one party of the friendship doesn’t see it, someone must alert that person that more effort must be put into that relationship or it’s going to fizzle out. When one party is doing all the giving and supporting and there’s nothing in return – giving back, this is not a friendship. Make sure you’re not doing all the giving and being sucked into an energy vampire sucking relationship.

As a lover and not a fighter, I require peace in all my relationships. I’m a passionate person who cares about all people. I’m also a great communicator, which I learned to become as I’ve spent most of my life observing people and their behavior. If I detect an imbalance or a missing ingredient within a close friendship, I’m going to bring it up for discussion so we can get to the root of a problem to find resolution to continue on with the friendship, hopefully, strengthening the bond once the imbalance is corrected. But what if the other party doesn’t see our side or perhaps thinks we’re making too much out of something insignificant? Or, what if that person is completely blind to a troublesome situation and what if we become tired of rehashing the same issues that never seem to change? Are we just supposed to sit back and live with the lumpy situation, continuing to make excuses to pardon that friend from their faults, or can we keep making excuses to not be available for them? That becomes our decision. But for me, I learned a few relationships ago, when you become a doormat, it may be time to leave. . . please continue reading at Sally’s blog

 

Original Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – Know when it’s time to go – When giving becomes one-sided by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

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D.G. Kaye is a nonfiction/memoir writer, who writes from her own life experiences and self-medicates with a daily dose of humor.

16 Comments

    • dgkaye

      My pleasure Sal. Duh me, it should have been posted 2 weeks ago – buried under the rumble of too many drafts in my dashboard LOL <3 xx

  • Sue Dreamwalker

    “As with everything that works smooth in life, there is balance. We take the good with the bad in stride and go about life. Sometimes there are obstacles we learn to work around, sometimes the obstacles must be confronted in order to resolve issues to restore an even balance”……

    So true your words Debby… Indeed any relationship takes work.. And those saying they do not have ups and downs would not be speaking the truth.. I have been married since 1975… And we have had our share of ups and downs.. Harsh words and coming to points where either one of us could have thrown in the towel..

    But we talk through things, So yes communication… We try not to go to bed without at least laughing at ourselves.. The laughs come easier when you get older lol… As we see the trivia of many things we may have once thought serious.. 🙂

    Relationships are based on friendship.. And some times a good friend has to tell it like it is, and its not always easy hearing you are not all you think you are… 🙂 But its balance…
    Working your way through together your problems, give and take and looking in the mirror…. 😉

    Great post Debby… Missed my time here…
    Sending LOVE your way dear friend…

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much Sue for adding to the conversation with your wise words. You know how it all works! Most poignant of your comment is ‘seeing the trivia’ in hindsight and realizing how small they were in the real scheme of things. And of course, find the humor, communicating our ‘true’ feelings go a longgggggggggggg way in solidifying our relationships. Thanks for dropping by my Lovely. Just remain keeping safe my friend. Love and hugs back to you across the pond. <3 xoxoxo

  • Balroop Singh

    Wise words Deb! I have always kicked the “energy vampires” (love the phrase) out of my life, without caring for the loss I may have suffered in relationships – that includes colleagues who claim to be friends and relatives who pretend to care. Often my sixth sense warns me about such people and I try to keep my distance.

    • dgkaye

      You are well disciplined with this for sure Balroop. I always worry about their feelings, which has always been my problem. It took too long for me to act in some situations, but I learned, and hopefully others can learn too. 🙂 x

  • Liesbet

    Great post, Debby. I left a comment on Sally’s blog as well. I’d like to think that I could easily cut ties with friends who drain me, but, like you, I want to help people whenever possible and enjoy being a listening ear, offering suggestions. Luckily, we rarely find ourselves in situations where I get roped in or taken advantage of, as we hit the road soon after meeting new people. 🙂

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