My book! My poor book is in a sorry state of a compilation of pages of handwritten stories with assorted temporary chapter headings labeled by slapped on post-it-notes.
I’ve been writing this book for the past year, and by far, it’s been the most challenging of all my books to write. With all that life has been dishing out to me in the past year, my 2 months away this winter, and health issues upon my return, I feel my book calling out to me, yet I have other pressing issues to contend with until I can go back and give it the attention it so desperately needs.
I’ve been so busy trying to keep up with reading blogs, and putting out blogs on events of my life, writing tips and reviews for some great books I’ve read, but I’ve neglected to talk about the subject of my next book.
Lately I tend to forget I’m a writer, but merely a person on auto pilot just doing the daily grind and the minimal appearances on my own blog and social media to try and keep things together until I can focus full time on my writing again.
I’m writing a sequel to my memoir, Conflicted Hearts. This is a book I knew I’d be writing one day, after my mother passed away. I left Conflicted Hearts open for much that wasn’t said because I felt held back about going deeper into issues in fear about my mother reading it. It took a lot of guts on my part to publish a book about my life ruled by a narcissistic mother who was still living.
I remember having the book ready to publish and sitting on it for a good month of worry about publishing it. If it weren’t for the urging of my siblings to get it out, I may not have summoned the courage to do so.
I knew I also had to experience my innermost feelings I’d go through after my mother’s passing to be able to write my truth, and assess and analyze what made my mother behave as she did. I wanted to interview family members, find an understanding, not only to share my story, but hopefully to help make sense of things for others who have lived with a narcissist parent.
I don’t write to condemn, nor avenge, but merely to find an understanding.
There are plenty of books and websites that deal specifically with narcissists, and because I read so much about it, I never felt compelled to talk about it more on my blog. Oh sure, I’ve been thinking about running some articles about narcissistic mothers, and being that I’m a victim of one of those mothers and write books about, I probably should be writing more about it here. But what spurred this thought in me was an article I came across on Emma’s Blog, Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.
Before I began reading the post, I found the images posted before the article on that blog captivating, particularly the last one which reminded me that many narcissistic parents become parents for their own self-serving reasons. If you read Conflicted Hearts, you’ll find that my mother had fully intended to get pregnant out of wedlock in order to snag my father into marrying her. And so I was born.
When I read the post, it hit home with me word for word. I had lived it all; every single trait related in that post, I had lived, except for just one: my mother didn’t demean me by calling me ugly or stupid – I attribute that to the fact that she never had the time of day for me, so name calling was insignificant.
There were plenty of significant points in the post I nodded my head in agreement with as I took in every word. Some that resonated with me significantly were:
- They pit one child against the other.
- When we are little we must do what we have to for survival purposes.
- One of the reasons for the narcissistic
mother’s horrendous cruelties besides her own self hatred is that she is
exceedingly jealous of her daughter.
- And then there are daughters that do it all on their own.
They leave home, find a job, work hard, find ways to educate themselves
and become independent.
Below, you will read an intro to that post. Please click on ‘continue reading’ for the rest of the article.
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers–You Are Not Alone
“When you are the daughter of a narcissistic mother you feel like you
are screaming underwater and drowning at the same time.
Many daughters don’t realize for years the truth about this woman who projects hatred on to you daily. If you are scapegoated among the siblings, your childhood is exceedingly harsh. You are at the mercy of a sadistic, cold
mother. On the outside there are acquaintances and friends of hers that
think she is the best human being on the face of the earth. She is so
devoted to her children despite her outside career. She works constantly
on this external image to make sure that everyone knows how wonderful
she is. . .” Continue Reading
Source: Narcissistic Mothers – Emmagc75’s Blog Original content from Linda Martinez-Lewi PH.D http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/you-scream-narcissist-accuses-you-of-losing-control/
Are you a victim of a narcissistic parent?