Q and A with D.G. Kaye – Featuring Author Stevie Turner – Promote Your Book

Welcome to the second of my new interview series, this week featuring women’s fiction author Stevie Turner. Stevie has a vast selection of books to her credit, and I’m happy to share that I’ve read a few of them and look forward to reading many more awaiting me on my Kindle. So today we’re going to get to know a little more about Stevie and her writing.

 

Author Stevie Turner

 

About Stevie Turner:

Stevie Turner grew up in the East End of London and was fortunate enough to attend an excellent primary school which encouraged creative writing. After winning an inter-schools’ writing contest, Stevie began to keep a diary and often added little stories and poems to it as the years went by. However, she did not take up writing seriously until 2013. By this time her two sons had left home and she had more time to herself.

Stevie has now written 11 novels, 6 novellas, 1 memoir, and 18 short stories, winning a New Apple Book Award in 2014 and a Readers’ Favorite Gold Award in 2015 for her third novel ‘A House Without Windows’. You can find details of all her books on her website http://www.stevie-turner-author.co.uk

Stevie still lives in the same picturesque Suffolk village that she and husband Sam moved to in 1991 with their two boys. One of her short stories, ‘Lifting the Black Dog’, was published in ‘1000 Words or Less Flash Fiction Collection’ (2016). She has also written an article ‘Look on the Bright Side of Life’ which was included in the 2016 book ‘They Say I’m Doing Well’ which are articles about mental illness, proceeds of which go to the charity MIND.  Her screenplay ‘For the Sake of a Child’ won a silver award in the Spring 2017 Depth of Field International Film Festival, and her novel ‘A House Without Windows’ gained interest in 2017 from an independent film production company based in New York.

Let’s get down to some Q and A with Stevie:

 

Do you agree with the consensus that writers are loners?
Absolutely. I was definitely not born to be part of a team, lol! We write sitting on our
own, and that suits me just fine. My mother, who constantly needed people to talk
to, could never understand why I was such an unsociable child. She would talk to me
non-stop and I had to listen. She would also take me out shopping and I’d ask to be
allowed to wait outside so that the shop keepers couldn’t talk to me. Oh dear,
perhaps I’d be referred to a shrink these days…
As I grew, nothing changed. An only child, I’ve always had no problem with being
alone and have only ever cultivated a few friends throughout my lifetime. These
friends I still have, and we meet up from time to time. I don’t really enjoy being in a
noisy room with a lot of people. I’m quite happy being with my husband or sitting at
my computer tapping away. At work I sit on my own quite a lot of the time, and this
is through choice. I could sit with another woman if I wanted to, but she talks
constantly and it irritates me. Oh dear, perhaps I really do need to see a shrink…
DG Lol Stevie, I don’t think that constitutes needing a shrink. Perhaps it’s just your independent nature, and being an only child. There are many writers who are content in their solitude. Me, I need total silence when I’m creating, but when I’m not, I adore the social interaction – which I’m sure you already knew, lol.
If you had the chance to re-do your childhood or teen years to enhance
your future in writing, what would you have done differently?
I had the urge to write in early childhood, and won an inter-schools’ writing
competition aged 11. I wrote a lot of poetry as a teenager, and always received top
marks in English for my essays. When I was 17 my mother told me that ‘people like
me’ do not go to University, and so I never went. If I could do it all over again, I’d go
to University and get an English degree and then try to gain employment as a
journalist to hone my creative writing skills. I would have therefore learned much
about writing when I finally started to create novels (it has taken me at least 6 years
to grasp the basics in my late fifties and early sixties), and hopefully I would have
made the kind of contacts necessary for advancement.
DG – Um, once again we are so eerily similar!
What’s your opinion on self-publishing?
When I first started writing novels in 2013 I was after the literary agent and the big
publishing deal, especially after a London agency kept me on tenterhooks for a
whole week whilst debating whether or not to represent me with ‘The Porn Detective’
(later re-written on said agent’s advice, and re-published as ‘Mind Games’). They
didn’t in the end, and so I sent it off to what seemed like every agent in the world.
Many said the same thing; re-write it. I re-wrote it and sent it off again to every agent
in the world, but hey…
After about 3 years of trying unsuccessfully to find an agent, it dawned on me that
self-publishing actually wasn’t too bad at all. I had control over the content and
covers of my books, and could market them how I wanted to. There were also no
deadlines to work to, as I hate working to deadlines.
Another 3 years went by and I learned that I should have bought my own ISBNs in
the first place so that I could publish a book on any site I wanted to and not just
Amazon. I now sell more books via Ingram Spark than I do on Amazon, and this is
good, because Ingram get the books into actual bookstores and libraries.
Okay, an agent can submit your book to all those wonderfully just-out-of-reach
genuine book competitions that aren’t just there to grab your money like the majority of Indie contests are. They can get your book printed with one of the big 5
publishers, but they cannot, I repeat cannot, guarantee that your book is going to sell
thousands or even hundreds of copies. Some Indie books sell more copies than
traditionally published ones. It’s all gravy baby, as my son would say. Until the big
deal comes my way, I’m happy to self-publish!
DG – As you already know, I’m totally on board with everything you just said! My gawd, even 2013 is the same year I published my own first book.

Would you like to share with us what upcoming projects and/or ideas for
books that you’re working on?

I worked for a year as an examinations administrator in a college that catered for 16
– 19 years olds back in 1999. I was glad of the experience, as I learned much from
the time spent there, and not all of it was good. When I wrote a letter of complaint to
my local newspaper about something I found out there, they would not print it. I did nothing else about what I found. I’m now working on ‘Examining Kitchen Cupboards’, a fictional suspense story where protagonist Jill Hayes works as an examinations administrator in a college for 16 – 19 years olds. When she writes a letter to her local newspaper (which they would not print) about something she hasfound out, things start to take a downward turn for her…

 

DG – Wow, now that sounds like it will be an intriguing read! And you get to say what they would not publish for you back then too!

 

If you could have any of your books made into a movie, which one would
you choose and why?

I was contacted last year by a lady from the development department of a New York
media production company regarding my novel ‘A House Without Windows’. She
had read the book and was eager to present it to the director for his opinion. After
some consideration the director told me the market wasn’t right for the kind of film
they would have to make, as the main female character would need to be portrayed
as a victim, and apparently that’s not PC anymore.
However I’m getting many positive remarks about my paranormal short story ‘Finding
David’. I’d love to see what a film producer would make of it, and how they would go
about doing the ghostly special effects. Here’s the latest review and the first few
paragraphs for you:

 

5 star review by ‘Tigerman55’ https://www.amazon.co.uk/Finding-David-Paranormal-Short-
Story-ebook/product-reviews/B07RLZF1JW
24 August 2019
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase

I found this book so interesting I had a job to put it down until I reached the end of the story. It is a fact that clairvoyants have been known to assist the police in their inquiries. All in all a great read.

 

DG – You can read my review for Finding David HERE

 

 

SHORT EXCERPT FROM ‘FINDING DAVID’ BY STEVIE TURNER

She risked a sneaky peep around the curtain; every seat in Croydon’s grandly
named Athaneum was taken. Desperate for a miracle, rows of overweight middle
aged women waited impatiently. A cacophony of chatter filled the air. Women
laughed nervously or threw a few words to the odd unsmiling husband sitting in stolid
disbelief with arms crossed as if to ward off evil spirits.

The usual high-pitched buzz of anticipation echoed off the walls. Rae
Cordelle patted her black bobbed hair into place, stepped back into the wings, and
took a deep breath.

“There’s a good crowd tonight.”

Medicine Horse, six foot seven inches of calm serenity in loincloth and full
Apache feathered headdress, emitted a comforting presence as he stood in quiet
contemplation by her side.

“I am here to guide you, as always.”

Rae gave a nod of approval.

“Many thanks. May God be with us tonight.”

Peter Jones, Spiritualist Preacher, raised a water jug towards her in salutation
as he slipped through the curtain. All at once Rae heard silence from the discordant
hell of many raised voices.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have a remarkable and gifted clairvoyant medium
here with us tonight. I want you to give a big hand to … Rae Cordelle!”
The stagehand pulled back the curtains. Rae, already desperate for the
soothing balm of water, walked towards the table to polite applause as the preacher
ceased his theatrical posturing and sat down beside her.

“Thank you Peter.” She filled a glass and took a refreshing sip. “It’s lovely to
be here.”

Arms folded and his features inscrutable, Medicine Horse stood sentinel at the
back of the hall. Rae felt the burning stares of at least two hundred pairs of eyes.
“Has anybody seen me work before?”

A couple of hands shot up while a gabble of deceased spirits jostled for first
position in a queue behind Medicine Horse.

“Well, for the others here that haven’t attended a demonstration of
clairvoyance before, don’t worry. If you see anything scary I’ll be the first one out of
the door, ahead of you all!”

Rae felt the tense atmosphere lighten a fraction, as a titter erupted amongst
the cauliflower heads and bald pates. She took another sip of water, and carried on.
“And if your relative was a miserable old bugger in this world, you can bet your
bottom dollar he’ll be just as miserable in the next!”

 

Thank you so much for visiting here today Stevie. It’s always a treat for me to learn more about my writing friends and acquaintances. I look forward to reading your newest book – Examining Kitchen Cupboards!

 

Stevie Turner Books

 

You can find Stevie and her books below with all her social links:

 

Amazon.uk: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stevie-Turner/e/B00AV7YOTU/

Website: http://www.stevie-turner-author.co.uk

Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Stevie-Turner/e/B00AV7YOTU/

Amazon Author Page (worldwide): http://bookShow.me/B00AV7YOTU

YouTube: https://goo.gl/E8OHai

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7172051.Stevie_Turner

Twitter: https://twitter.com/StevieTurner6

Pinterest: https://uk.pinterest.com/stevieturner988/

WordPress Blog: https://steviet3.wordpress.com/

Audible: http://goo.gl/sz1cXS

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/profile/preview?vpa=pub&locale=en_US

Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/105747643789021738179/posts/p/pub

BookSprout: https://booksproutapp.com/author/875/stevie-turner

 

Note: Please forgive the weird spacing and lack of white space between paragraphs on this post. As my blog was recently, finally, upgraded (meaning you readers shouldn’t have to wait so long to load my posts), I am facing new glitches. Thanks for putting up with. 🙂

 

Copyright
© D.G. Kaye and DGKayewriter.com, 2014 – 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to D.G. Kaye

 

 

 

 

December’s Featured Blogger: Author D.G. Kaye Guest of Art by Rob Goldstein

I was recently interviewed by artist and blogger Rob Goldstein. Rob dug deep with his questions for me and I’m thrilled to share the interview here today.

 


December’s Featured Blogger is Author D.G. Kaye.

 

D.G. Kaye was born in Canada and lives in Toronto. She is an accomplished author and an active blogger on WordPress. 

In your bio, I hear a sense of determination and hope. How do you find hope?

I don’t find hope, I keep it tucked deeply inside. Hope is all we have when facing tragedy or adversity. In our darkest moments many of us, like myself, cling to that hope. But those who cannot focus on the light often get lost in the abyss of the darkness of the moment. I refuse to go to that place. I’m a firm believer that we manifest what we focus on to the universe. And what we focus on we attract. Staying focused on the negative and dark thoughts of an undesirable situation keeps us rooted in the fear instead of finding solutions to rise above the issues. I am a problem solver by nature. When life is dishing out curve balls I don’t cower and drown in fear, I look for the way out or the path I must take to overcome the adversity, focusing on the overcoming and the healing.

 

Did you write as a child, if so, what is the first thing you wrote?

Yes, I wrote as soon as I learned how to write my alphabet. I began writing love notes to my parents. I was hyper aware of my family dysfunction as far back as 3 years old. All I wanted was for my parents to love each other and show me affection. I believe, looking back on those years, that my fears to verbalize what I was feeling translated directly into writing to express my feelings and desires.

 

What was your favorite book as a child?

Sadly, I hate to admit it, but I have no recollection of any books in my home growing up. The fairy tales I learned were from teachers reading to us in school. I somehow always identified with Cinderella and her wicked step-mother as I grew to realize that I felt my mother had used me as her personal housekeeper and messenger from the age of 7 and on. My love for reading began once I entered junior high school when we were given books to read as part of curriculum in English classes.

 

Who are your inspirations as a writer and in life?

Well, going back to childhood, I would have to say Barbra Streisand became my idol at a very young age. Funny Girl, still one of my favorite movies, became a movie I identified with because Streisand’s character – Fanny Brice, reminded me so much of myself.

Brice was portrayed as an awkward girl trying to make it on the stage, beginning with her shows with the Ziegfeld Follies. She didn’t consider herself beautiful or elegant enough to fit in with the beautiful and sexy cast of dancers, so she used her sense of humor to win over the crowd, which eventually, pushed her to stardom. One line in particular, caught my attention, and that line stuck with me and became part of my character – “I want them to laugh with me, not at me.”

As for my writing, it wasn’t the classics that inspired me as they have many writers. Being that there weren’t any books around my home, I loved reading the newspaper when sentenced to spending weekends at my paternal grandparents’ home, and soon found myself addicted to reading columns on everyday life and problem solvers by column writers like Ann Landers, Dear Abby, and Erma Bombeck. Even as a child I was fascinated by life stories and emotions and eager to learn how to resolve issues. As I got older, I found myself connecting with the writing of Norah Ephron.

 

When did you decide to write about your relationship with your mother?

I think it was in my early teens when I began to resent my mother for the way she treated my father and ignored the emotional needs of her children when I began taking notes about her and writing letters to her about my feelings. I never, ever gave her one of those letters, but somehow it was cathartic for me to get my pent-up angst on to paper and out of my head. My life was an ongoing saga of dramatic and traumatic events with my mother, so I often documented in journals what I was feeling and my analysis of what provoked my mother to act as she did. I got the urge to write a book about my life with ‘mother’, but my fear of ever publishing a book while she was alive kept me from bothering to write one.

I suppose the urge to expel my thoughts and stories rose to a peak as my mother became less lucid and immobilized, empowering me with knowing she could no longer attack me or reprimand me, or even sue me, for that matter. So, in early 2013 I began sorting out pages from my journals and writing Conflicted Hearts – A Daughter’s Quest for Solace from Emotional Guilt.

Conflicted Hearts, D.G. Kaye

 

How did the decision change your life?

When I began writing that first book that’s all I thought I would write. But while I worked on the book I began learning about self-publishing at the same time, which led me to opening a blog and connecting with a whole community of writers and new friends who shared the same passion for writing. By the time I published my first book, I knew there was no turning back. I finally found I was doing what burned within me most of my life – writing.

 

In your introduction to Twenty Years: After “I Do”, you describe your husband as a soul mate. What does soul mate mean to you?

First, let me state that soul mate is typically said of a partner, but soul mate could also apply to a friend we are connected deeply with.

A soul mate is one we connect with on a spiritual level. When we are in tuned with someone who we share similar values in life with, understand their words and feelings without being spoken, and share a bond where there’s an intuitive knowing of their soul is my definition of soul mate. Please continue reading at Rob’s blog

 

Twenty Years

 

 

Source: December’s Featured Blogger: Author D.G. Kaye – Art by Rob Goldstein

#Blogshare – Colleen Chesebro Interviews Sally Cronin

Blog sharing

 

Fantastic interview at Conversations with Colleen Chesebro featuring Sally Cronin. Always fun learning more tidbits about our blogging friends!

 

Conversations with ColleenThe December Edition

 

CONVERSATIONS WITH COLLEEN: MEET AUTHOR, SALLY CRONIN

 

Hello everyone! This week I’m happy to bring you an author we all know and love, Sally Cronin.

Sally is a fixture in our blogging community who supports authors in every stage of the game. Her blog, Smorgasbord Blog Magazine, is a blog magazine for lovers of health, food, books, music, humor, and life in general.

 

I have been a storyteller most of my life (my mother called them fibs!). Poetry, song lyrics and short stories were left behind when work and life intruded, but that all changed in 1996. My first book Size Matters was a health and weight loss book based on my own experiences of losing 70kilo. I have written another ten books since then on health and also fiction including three collections of short stories. I am an indie author and proud to be one. My greatest pleasure comes from those readers who enjoy my take on health, characters and twisted endings… and of course come back for more.

REVIEWS are so very important for an author and I am very grateful for the feedback that my books receive. If you have purchased or been gifted one of my books I would love to hear what you think about it.

As a writer I know how important it is to have help in marketing books.. as important as my own promotion is, I believe it is important to support others. I offer a number of FREE promotional opportunities on my blog and linked to my social media. If you are an author who would like to be promoted to a new audience of dedicated readers, please contact me via my blog. All it will cost you is a few minutes of your time. Look forward to hearing from you.

 

Thank you so much, Colleen, for inviting me over to visit… particularly at this special time of the year.

 

I love visiting with you, Sally. I’m thrilled you’re here. I’ve been meaning to ask you… What’s the most difficult thing about writing characters from the opposite sex?

 

When writing about the opposite sex I believe the most difficult thing is getting emotional interactions right. Men are just as emotional as women but usually show it in a different way. Not all men are emotionally demonstrative, telling you they love you all the time and wanting to hug every five minutes. They tend to show you how much they love you by actions rather than words. It is useful to remember that telling a man you have a problem prompts him into immediate action to solve the issue.

When two women get together, they talk out the problem and come up with a solution that usually does not require calling out the National Guard or dismantling half the kitchen. If you get my drift? This does require some careful thought about how your lead characters are going to react.

 

However, it is fun to create that spark between two people or to create a male character that is not stereotypical and who approaches both females and other males in a unique way.

 

That’s fabulous advice. You know, I think you’re a prolific writer. So, what does the word ‘retirement’ mean to you? Do you think writers ever retire?

 

I think that women never retire anyway. And these days even men approach it very differently than even 10 years ago. Our middle age has spread (not middle age spread) between 50 and 70 now and our attitudes are different.

There is still work to be done, whether it is taking care of the three main investments in life such as our body, the roof over our heads or the next generation. With the cost of elderly care, and in a lot of cases the quality of care offered, staying in our own homes, as healthy as possible, is a full-time job in itself. At least you can put off the day you have to leave as long as possible and have sufficient equity in both body and home, to end up somewhere that offers us a chance to end our lives still being stimulated and well fed!

 

I’ve had the pleasure of reading a few of your books, and have loved each of them. Which of your books would you want to be adapted for the silver screen?

 

I am hoping you mean one of mine… as I would love to see Just an Odd Job Girl made into a film. I am biased of course, but because most of the stories about the jobs are based on my own experiences, it would be great to see on the big screen. It is not a bestseller by any means, but it has romance, humour and seems to touch people. Who knows?  What it needs is for me to get off my backside and finish the screenplay that I have started. Please continue reading at Colleen’s blog.

 

 

Guest Author with a New Book – Lynette Davis – Even Rain is Just Water – Memoir

New book feature

 

Today I’m delighted to feature fellow memoir writer and friend, Lynette Davis here with her debut book, her memoir, Even Rain is Just Water – A Memoir of redemption, rejection and revelation.  I endorsed Lynette’s book and I can tell you that it is a heart-wrenching read. Lynette’s story about growing up with an emotionally abusive mother and her unfaltering will to survive will grip a reader from start to finish with her beautifully told story of emotional abuse. It will have the reader waiting, waiting to learn when the author has had enough, showing her strength and endurance and applauding her for remaining sane and using her pain to better herself in life instead of becoming just another statistic of abuse.

 

Lynette runs 2 blogs  –  The Broken Vessel where she shares stories and articles about people with experiences living with a narcissist and other emotionally traumatic stories and Memoir Notes  where you will find articles about writing, self publishing and more.

Lynette Davis

 

About Lynette:

 

Lynette Davis is an educator, author and survivor. Her memoir Even Rain Is Just Water draws attention to narcissism’s mounting prevalence, as she joins the growing number of people speaking out about the ill effects of such relationships. One of the hallmarks of narcissism is lack of empathy which occasions emotional abuse.

Davis received her B.A. in English from California Baptist University and has facilitated writing workshops in the Inland Empire, California. She also studied Rhetoric and Composition for two years at California State University San Bernardino. In addition, her short narrative, “The Fatal Blow,” is featured in the anthology I am Subject: Women Awakening: Discovering Our Personal Truths Fall 2014, a collection of stories featuring women  re-claiming their lives in life-altering moments.

Davis currently lives in Southern California with her family. Even Rain Is Just Water is her first book.

 

Even Rain is Just Water

Get this book on Amazon!

Blurb:

“Even at three, I knew Ne-Ne and I had different mamas. Ne-Ne’s mama loved and cherished her. My mama despised and rejected me. Ne-Ne left a sweet taste in her mama’s mouth. I left a bitter taste in my mama’s mouth–even though our mamas were the same person.”

 

Even Rain Is Just Water tells how a young girl comes to terms with her dysfunctional upbringing, first in Florida during the Civil Rights Era and later in Southern California. Lyn and her younger sister are initially raised among their wealthy paternal grandparents. But one day, their mother packs them into the car and moves to Southern California.

 

This is the beginning of a difficult nomadic childhood for Lyn who does not have her mother’s love and has been separated from her father’s loving extended family. She goes from living in a protective enclave to utter loneliness and boredom in physically and emotionally empty living spaces and begins to internalize her mother’s negative feelings of her. That is what Lyn fights to overcome, although it is clear she doesn’t fully accept her mother’s opinion of her, as fact.

 

Lyn’s main goal is to escape her oppressive and non-supportive home environment. When she runs away to live with a former neighbor, it sets the stage for her eventual liberation from her mother.

 

But many years later when Lyn finds herself homeless with three children in tow, she’s forced to deal with the demons of her childhood–being unwanted, unloved and rejected. As she embarks on a search for a place to call home, her sole desire is to give her children what she lacked growing up–a sense of belonging and security. But it takes a hospital scare and a lifetime of emotional pain to propel Lyn out of the shadows of guilt and shame and into the light of faith and forgiveness.

 

A poignant narrative of rejection, revelation and redemption, Even Rain Is Just Water doesn’t just show how childhood trauma transcends into adulthood, it offers hope to adult survivors.

 

 

I met Lynette when she searched me out as a memoir writer who also endured emotional abuse and neglect by my own mother. Lynette contacted me to ask if I’d beta read her memoir in its earlier stages. After learning what her book was about I didn’t hesitate to agree to offer my opinions. The subject matter was stunning and I read through it in 2 days because I couldn’t pry myself away from reading it. We’ve been friends ever since. Then a few months ago, Lynette contacted me asking if I was willing to write an editorial for her book. I was thrilled that she thought of me to do so and even more humbled to have my few words imprinted in her book. This was my editorial:

 

My Editorial for Lynette’s book:

 

“A remarkable and heart-wrenching accounting of Davis’ undeniable courage and tolerance for suffering a lifetime of conflict, adversity, and emotional abuse by her mother’s refusal to love her own daughter. Davis’ relentless efforts to forgive, and her unfaltering hope to form a bond with her undeserving mother are chronicled in this riveting and heartbreaking read. I commend Lynette Davis for not only her courage to endure an emotionally torturous life with a mother who didn’t deserve one ounce of Davis’ compassion, but to have the fortitude to write this book.”

D.G. Kaye, author of P.S. I Forgive You: A Broken Legacy            

 

Thank you for being here today Lynette, and for sharing your journey of survival with us. I know there are unfortunately, many of us who’ve lived through emotional abuse and I’m sure even those who were lucky enough not to, are interested in our stories because we can show them that there is always hope and a way to rise above. Your story is a testament to surviving and thriving despite where we may begin. I know your book will be a great success.

 

Lynette, I read your book and as a fellow memoir writer who also endured an emotionally absent mother, I can appreciate that although our issues of struggles are similar, no two people’s journeys are the same. Can you please share with us, despite your fragile and broken self-esteem, how you managed to put yourself back together after years of suffering horrendous emotional abuse by your mother?

 

Debby, once I realized that I could not change anyone but myself, that no matter what I did, I would always be a scapegoat to my mother, I made the difficult decision to go no-contact. Difficult because going no-contact generally involves the entire family. Even with everything that I had experienced with my mother, it was still difficult. But the process of no-contact is how I was able to put myself and begin the healing process which led to me writing the book.

 

I know you’ve worked on this book for a few years now. You also told me you were apprehensive about publishing this book because of family finding out about it. What was the turning point that made you decide to go forth and publish?

 

My turning point was after I’d written the first draft of my memoir and I ran across a blog post about narcissistic mothers and a book entitled Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karol McBride. By that time, I knew a little about narcissism (having been married to a narcissist), but I was so deep into denial that I couldn’t put my hands around the idea that my mother was like one of my ex-husbands. But when I went back through my memoir, a few weeks later, I could see that their personalities were the same. What made me consider and ultimately decide to move forward with publishing my memoir for the general public is realizing that I was not alone, that there were other daughters like myself.

 

You carried such an enormous emotional load since childhood while growing up in the civil rights era. Do you think the prejudice of the times added to your woes?

 

In hindsight, I don’t believe it had much impact on my personal woes. Although I do believe there is a correlation between racism and narcissism, racism I believe, is narcissism on a much larger scale. I don’t believe the prejudices of the Civil Rights Era added to my woes because we lived separate (segregated) as blacks did during that era. Firstly, I did not see how whites lived, in that they were not visible to me, at least not on a daily basis. Secondly, emotionally, I was too occupied, trying to cope, with my mother.

 

You tolerated so much hurt and neglect, yet bit your tongue stoically throughout being lashed out at by your mother, especially as you grew up and had children to protect and nowhere else to turn to at times besides your mother. What gave you strength and kept you sane?

 

I’m not sure if it was strength or simply training. My mother had thoroughly convinced me that she had a right to treat me however she wanted, that I didn’t have any rights, whatsoever–about anything. On the other hand, I often removed myself by daydreaming. Now that I look back, I believe that God had his hand on me.

 

In your story, you demonstrate how your mother treated your sister better than she did you. Besides neglect you received from your mother, how did you feel about the difference in the way she treated your sister? And did you harbor anger or jealousy towards your sister?

 

The difference my mother made between my sister and I was daily. So it was always front and center. As a teenager, I definitely dealt with anger and jealousy issues. And I began to perceive my mother and sister as one unit. It was as though my sister began where my mother ended. At some point. And I always felt that she should have done more, as a sister. However, in writing my memoir, I could see that my sister was trying to cope with an emotionally absent mother as well.

 

Do you have a relationship at all now with your sister? If so, how do you open your heart to her after she never defended you growing up?

 

No I do not have a relationship with my sister. However, after writing my book, I did open my heart to her because I realized I wasn’t the only one affected by our dysfunctional household. But I realized we’re on totally different planes.

 

Is your mother still living? If so, does she know you published the book?

 

Yes, my mother is still living. She’s almost eighty years old. And I don’t know if she knows that I published a book.

 

Have you found forgiveness for your mother’s wrongdoings?

 

Yes. However, it took decades for me to arrive at forgiveness. Once I realized that I survived my experience for a reason. Being able to see my experience as a spiritual battle, I gained a different perspective on my mother.

 

Can you please tell us a little about what inspired you to write Even Rain is Just Water? And please share an excerpt here for my readers.

 

The idea to write my story came to me when my first grandchild was about a year old. I wanted him (and my children) to know my story, and why I’d made some of the choices I made in life.
On a personal level, I was inspired to tell my story to facilitate my healing. Then I felt compelled to develop and publish my story when I realized there were countless other daughters with stories similar to mine.

 

Excerpt

 

 

Prologue

 

Riverside, California, 1996

 

I imagine I look like mother goose walking with her baby ducklings as my three children trail me, one behind the other. The convenience store is a good ten blocks away. It seems more like twenty. Although it’s only a few minutes before seven o’clock, we’ve been up since day break. And the morning sun is beaming down on us like it’s the middle of August, instead of the first week of June. My children must understand the gravity of our situation because they’re as quiet as three mice as we trek to the convenience store. This is not our normal routine. Twenty-four hours ago, I couldn’t have imagined the events of last night, or that I would be walking down the main boulevard with my three children this morning. For the umpteenth time in the last fifteen minutes, I check my beeper. No pages.

 

Although I’m dressed for walking—a pair of just-above-the-knee gray biker shorts and a tee-shirt which is what I slept in last night, and a pair of tennis shoes with no socks, I feel weird like I’m half naked. I didn’t even bother to comb my hair this morning. Luckily, I’m sporting a short Halle Berry look, and the slightly disheveled look is in. I wonder what my children think about all the drama of last night as I marvel at their resilience. Despite everything our family has been through these last couple of months, they’ve never complained. My daughter, the youngest of the trio, is doing a good job keeping up with her brothers and me. I thank God, they’re such good troopers. We’re used to walking from time to time when my Jeep Cherokee acts up. Right now, it’s parked in front of mom’s house where it’s been all week. As we walk down the boulevard, I contemplate my situation. I’ve run out of options. What am I going to do?

 

We get to the convenience store. And I dial my grandmother’s telephone number from the phone booth, just outside. It’s almost seven thirty now, so it’s close to ten-thirty in Florida where she lives. I hear the phone ringing loudly through the phone lines and envision my grandmother, a pert seventy-nine-year-old who still drives herself wherever she wants to go, making her way to the phone. I let the phone ring awhile, to give Mother—that’s what her children and grandchildren call her, time to get to the phone—and me time to get my emotions in check. I’m still reeling from the events of last night. I need to tell someone what happened, to help me process it.

 

After six or seven rings, my grandmother picks up the telephone.

 

“Hello,” she says, in a sweet southern drawl.

 

“Hey, Mother. How you doing?”

 

“I’m doing fine. How you?” she asks, raising her voice higher when she says you.

 

“Mother, you’re not going to believe this.”

 

“What? What happened?”

 

Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us Lynette. I wish you much success with the book, and I know it will definitely be an eye-opener for many.

 

                

THE OWL LADY PRESENTS GUEST AUTHOR: DEBBY GIES | theowlladyblog

Festitsite Live Laugh Love graphic

Thank you to Viv Drewa, a.k.a. The Owl Lady, for inviting me as featured guest author on her blog today.

 

THE OWL LADY PRESENTS GUEST AUTHOR: DEBBY GIES

D.G. Kaye AuthorDebby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self medicate with a daily dose of humor. CONTINUE READING

Source: The Owl Lady Presents: Guest Author Debby Gies