Free Verse Poetry – Even Though – #Grief and Loss

Some days the darkness is just too overwhelming, like no time has passed. Like a knife weilding deep into my soul, it doesn’t take much to send me right back there, to the worst day of my life. Grief is a ride I can’t seem to step off of, even the strongest of swimmers may drown. It ebbs and flows daily. Some days the tide is low, but many others, like today, a tsunami takes me over. It is only my writing to or about him that keeps myself from spontaneously combusting from excruciating grief.

Beloved Puppy

Even Though

Even though it’s been seventeen long months

Since you were taken,

Seventeens of thousands of tears I’ve shed

And continue to do so without much provocation.

I merely envision your beautiful face

And the heavens open and disperse through my eyes.

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Even though the burning and dire need to hug you is relentless

With insatiable desire to be held by you,

If I could just pull you into me,

Just one more time,

Maybe it would suffice.

I doubt it though,

Because I know I’d never let you go.

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Even though you’ve been gone for what feels an eternity,

The searing, pulsating pain still jackhammers my heart

With the same depths it did the moment I let go of your hand on your last breath.

It doesn’t ease.

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Even though I want to smile when thinking of you

The embedded visions that remain on autoplay

Keep overpowering our priceless memories.

The vision of leaning over and resting my head on your heart as

I couldn’t believe you existed then you didn’t.

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Even though I function on autopilot to get things done

The moments I take a pause to focus on you,

I fall apart all over again.

Seems I must cheat myself out of thinking about you every moment,

By suppressing with mundane life.

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Even though I’m struggling to choose life,

It somehow doesn’t feel like much of one –

More like just existing.

I don’t speak of this to anyone –

Not that there are too many anyones left,

In my immediate life.

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Even though you said it yourself and warned me,

The rude awakening of finding so few by my side

At the most harrowing time of my life,

It still shocks me, just adding to my numbness.

My circle of friends often kept me

From going to the darkside,

Or off the deep end,

But like sharks, darkness circles within.

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Even though I chose to live,

I’m only half of who I was.

The biggest love of my life is gone,

And with you went my heart taking with it all the love.

The thrills are gone as nothing excites.

Your empty half of the bed remains,

Now as a monument to our love and your existence.

The visions of watching you fade away there – never go away.

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Even though our bed is somehow a lifeline to me,

A sanctuary where we shared almost 26 years together,

Loving, listening, laughing, cuddling,

Waking one another gently from frightening nightmares,

The emptiness envelops my heart and soul, every time I climb in.

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Even though you’re not here now to shake me gently and whisper,

“Cubby, Cubby wake up,” to remove me from my dark dreams,

Often my days are just as dark.

I don’t have you to rescue me anymore.

I never knew where I was in those dreams

Or why I’d scream for help in those episodes.

I guess I never will now,

Unless you can rescue me

From where you are.

When my fears in that darkness

Go from nightmares into real life.

©DGKaye2022

Sunday Book Review – A Specialist at the Recycled Heart – #speculative #poetry by Frank Prem

My Sunday Book Review today is for some wonderful speculative poetry by Frank Prem – A Specialist at the Recycled Heart.

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Blurb:

A Specialist at The Recycled Heart is free verse poetry and storytelling focused on the Speculative Fiction (SF) genre. The genre of What If . . . writing that encompasses fantasy and Sci fi and other forms within its warm embrace.

. What is the sound of the wind – of a sigh – on Mars?

. What does an abandoned artificial life form – an AI – contemplate in a lonely existence in far outer space. Why was it made, if only to be abandoned.

. Is it possible to go fishing to catch a passing thought?

.These and other all-too-big ideas are explored in the pages of A Specialist at The Recycled Heart.

Poetry written the way you always wished it would be.

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My 5 Star Review:

“The book is an interesting combination of science fiction and poignant real life issues. At places you are drifting in space, playing with the stars and planets while in other places you are lost in a jungle, trying to find your way home.”

Prem is known for his free verse poetry and switches things up by using sci-fi-like and fantasy style speculative fiction as well as taking real life issues and incorporating them into poetic prose, often leaving the reader to ride along with their own imagination.

The author writes in short words of free verse poetry, but his words open up our imaginations as we form our own interpretations of his stories. An example of his sci-fi prose he speaks of Red Mars and what he imagines it’s like there with succinct descriptions. The First Dog speaks of how the first dog accompanies an astronaught to the moon. My favorite was – a specialist (at the recycled heart), taking possession ‘of dreams, wishes and hopes, old loves and old lives that had been used up, broken’, ‘all of it to end up in emotional dumps’, as the author states he was called back to take these things and put them into the machinery of the re-imaginer he invented to melt down these emotions ‘to a fraction of itself’ then inject it and shape into an ornament as a keepsake – minus the aching and distress so that life can go on leaving tears behind, recycling broken hearts. How wonderful would it be to put our sadness into the re-imaginer?

Prem always delights with unexpected stories. He goes deep in his imagination and creates scenarios with his prose that give us pause, first wondering his intent, then having us interpret for ourselves.

©DGKaye 2022