The Haze

despair

As we watched you sleep, far in distance, in another sphere,our own thoughts took us somewhere to a place in our hearts where we held you dear.

I cannot help but wonder where your thoughts went in your silent slumber, and if you weren’t fully aware when you came back for sporadic moments.

Perhaps you were caught in the realm  between two worlds. Your body ached to go to that world of comfort, yet your soul reminded you to check in with the living whom surrounded you.

Were you waiting for the proverbial phrase, “It’s okay to let you go?” Were we the selfish in withholding those words in last efforts to cling on to your every breath?

I was weak and found I could not utter those words, although silently, I prayed for your release.

What were you thinking? What did you wish to say when I watched your dire efforts on occasion to speak, while in concentrated efforts I struggled to decipher your words?

Dad held your hand in your final moments, surrounded by the family who loves you. You waited, fighting for each breath so everyone could be there to send you off with love.

Sleep in peace little girl and leave your worries behind, for we shall take care for you as you journey toward heaven.

*******************

The journey was long as we watched you suffer. The first day of spring came, and with it came more snow and frigid temperatures.

The next day came and after so long, the sun shone through your window. The winds had calmed and so had your pain. Only hours later you were taken in the still of the calm and with our tears.

Yesterday we laid you to rest. Once again the sun shined bright and although still cold, the air was calm.

We left you at your final resting place and as the priest read us words of solace, the wind picked up in a furious cycle and a swirling blizzard suddenly blew from the sky, bringing with it a rapid drop in temperature.

We were already numb with grief, yet that chilling snowstorm had us all shivering to the bone. I turned to Dad and said, “That was our girl going out in a flurry, the same way she had lived her life.”

We drove off in the limo and within a half hour, the sky had cleared, the winds had passed, the snow no longer shed its sadness and the sun reappeared.

 

 

DGKaye ©2014

For My Daughter

angel baby

Fly like a butterfly my sweet Susie Q. I pray that God took you by the hand and took you with him to the world of peace, love and no more pain.

You were my step-daughter and my friend. You were your father’s daughter. You were a daughter, a sister, a mother and a friend. You never questioned, angered or cried.

You lived everyday with optimism and a busy social calendar. You loved your children fiercely and you were daddy’s girl.

You never left my door or hung up a phone without saying ‘I love you’, every time we said good-bye.

Thank you for always calling me your ‘sparkly’ step-mother even though we were barely two years apart.

I will always remember you Sue for being the first one to accept me into your family. You were so happy for your father and you and I grew an instant bond.

Sue and me

I will always remember your beautiful smile, your love to laugh and I will miss our long private talks and your presence in my life. I love you Susie Q. May God Bless You. xoxoxoxoxo