Guest Post – #Life – I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now! by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Reblog

Sally Cronin has been running a wonderful series – I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now, at her Smorgasbord Blog Magazine. There have been some fantastic entries by several writers and bloggers that many of us here know. I urge you to check out a few

.

I am sure like me, there have been times when you have wondered what difference might have been made to your life, if your younger self had been gifted with the experience and knowledge you have accumulated over the years.

I invited several friends from the writing community to share their thoughts on this subject which I am sure you will enjoy as much as I did.

Today my friend and fellow collaborator here on Smorgasbord, D.G. Kaye (Debby Gies) shares her thoughts on the prompt.

I Wish I Knew Then by Debby Gies

Thank you, Sally for inviting me here today to share my thoughts on, I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now. This was an interesting question because of course, hindsight is always 20/20.

I’ve lived my life learning from life – life lessons. These are experiences in life that we could never imagine until we’ve lived through them, that’s why they’re called life lessons. This makes it somewhat like a trick question because if we didn’t experience something yet, we’d have never been able to learn from it, so hence, that’s my answer, it’s really not possible to know then what we know now, but wish, yes. We didn’t know any better or different then that nothing is stagnant, the world is always changing. We followed in the direction that life led us, we experienced and then we learned.

Don’t we all wish that in some of our most glorious times in our heydays, that we knew then that those days could quite possibly become some of the best years of our lives? Did we take those days for granted? Did we think that the good times would always continue to roll unknowing the times would change and quite possibly there may be leaner years? I know that I just took it for granted that the good things would remain and continue to get better. I wish I knew that our accumulated abundance in life was never anything to take for granted, that nothing is permanent, and that we should always keep alert and protective over everything we’d worked hard to attain.

But I suppose back then, as we live in the now and endure new struggles, we didn’t consider that those days of past would become the very days we often long for in the now as this world becomes more difficult to exist in.

I wish I knew, what feels like not so long ago, that I was living in my glory days without struggles of today – not much to worry about, giving not much concern to the coming years, which ultimately became leaner and less. Less tolerance, less love, less acceptance, less understanding, less brotherly love and that it could possibly become more difficult to live with the lesser of these things taken for granted back then as we under-estimated change in the world, thinking life would get even better with progress instead of going backwards.

I wish I knew then that my thinking that the harder we worked and saved for our retirement years would undoubtedly add fruit to our baskets if we saved and invested smart like the generation before us, was no guarantee and offered a false sense of security.

I wish I knew then as we thought we were prepared with our future plans and our false sense of security that the ‘powers that be’ would be making the rich get richer, and big corporations and greed would become as powerful as governments while diminishing the middle class’s ability to stay afloat ( let alone those who already lived back then, and still, in poverty levels) and could possibly threaten our financial futures, and that flying high in the gravy days by no means was any guarantee for tomorrow’s riches.

But as I watch the world change and devolve in so many ways, I can look back on the errors of my ways and I’ve learned to adjust my sails and go with the wind and not against it while keeping my eyes wide open, so I don’t have to say in the future again – I wish I knew then. But, no doubts, I may quite possibly be fooled again and have to repeat those same words – I Wish I Knew Then.

Please continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Guest Post – #Life – I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now! by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

©DGKaye2022

Realms of Relationships with D.G. Kaye – Wrapping up the Year in #Covid – Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Realms of Relationships – Wrapping up the Year and Covid Lingering Effects

Welcome to my Realms of Relationships post finale for 2021. I hope you all have been enjoying my articles where I share some of own experiences about different types of relationships. Next year I’ll be back with my travel columns and later in the year I’ll be back with more relationship talk, and maybe even something new! Today I’m sharing this post here I originally wrote for my monthly column over at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine.

In this edition, I want to talk about relationships that have been altered or have taken on new awakenings through the global pandemic we’ve all been living through for almost two years now.

Once all the lockdowns began, life as everyone knew it changed. Suddenly, moms and dads are working at home, trying to get their jobs done as they had to adapt to helping school their kids digitally – a feat in itself for the technically challenged.

How we’re affected by the ages:

Many couples forced to spend more time together during lockdown discovered they loved and missed going to work to get out of the house to avoid 24/7 with a partner, while some other relationships were strengthened in that time as many re-discovered, reconnected, and re-evaluated their relationships. Some friendships were strengthened, while some others were let go of as realizations and evaluations of our lives took place when we were restricted from seeing anyone. So many were affected from quarantine conditions from unemployment adding financial strains, dealing with sick and dying loved ones, disrupted homelife, home schooling and growing mental illnesses because of forced conditions having created havoc in so many people’s lives. Many statistics have been cited about the increase of divorce enquiries and proceedings. I also must make mention of the many stranded at home stuck in abusive relationships with no escape.

Young children are equally affected at differing crucial stages of their learning, as well as hampered social skills while not being able to play or interact in person with others. Many young children and toddlers missing crucial interacting at nursery schools and play dates spending two of their earliest years either missing social interaction – where they learn to socialize by playing and learning together with other children, while others too young to realize the way they are growing up in their earliest years at home isn’t situation normal.

Middle-grade and teenaged kids were desperately missing social interaction. As they craved their usual activities with friends at a time of exploration of the world at their curious ages, suddenly having their ‘regular’ lives ripped out from them stuck at home with family in their new constricted lives, have had to find ways to adapt. How many suicides do we even imagine have occurred because of the mental disruption of their lives?

The elderly have had to endure not only extra lonely times with aching hearts as their loved ones ached with the worry for them, but many of the elderly who rely on the help and visits from others were devastatingly left out in the cold. The long, lonely hours of being alone became so much more profound for both the sick and the agile – those that require daily visits for care, and those denied the ability for visitations from loved ones. Yes, digital apps helped to connect some and not others, became the backup for visual virtual visits, but there is no substitute for a real human visit where we can look into someone’s eyes and feel the love, a touch, a hug, and human physical compassion, and this missing of human interaction left a gaping hole in the hearts of too many.

The sick who couldn’t get proper medical attention and consequently dying before their time – like my husband, who died BECAUSE of the Covid epidemic halting regular doctor visits and no way to get into a hospital unless there was an evident and immediate emergency. Those that actually feared going to a hospital for serious ailments because they were afraid they’d catch the Covid inside the hospital. The undiagnosed cancers, deeming treatment too late – LIKE my husband. The strokes and heart attacks people died from because they refused to go to hospitals during Covid. The delayed testing for the so many with yet to have diagnosis that did and will ultimately end these people’s lives earlier than would have pre-pandemic. And the list goes on and on.

I know what I write of is merely touching on the tip of the icebergs as so many in the world have suffered losses – loss of lives, sickness, and financial draining. These devastations in all our lives in some way or another have become the rude awakenings for us, and worse for many more.

Realizations. This pandemic gave us all a time for reflection and reckoning, a look around, and insight as to who’s caring about us? I know I’ve certainly had startling revelations myself after losing my husband seven months ago and discovering that my own family (save for two) doesn’t have the time of day for me, as well as discovering that my husband’s family were just that – my husband’s family. This rude awakening for me just brought me back to Maya Angelou’s famous quote: “When people show you who they are, believe them.”

What I’ve learned during this pandemic: Keep your circles small and tight. It’s all about the quality of the people in our lives, not the quantity. And friends are the family we choose.

If anyone here would like to share some of your own awakenings and discoveries you’ve had through these trying times, please feel free to share.

Let us all pray for a better year globally, the sick to heal, the virus to die, and peace, love, and brotherhood to return to mankind.

Below are links to just a few articles on how the pandemic has wreaked havoc on many relationships:

Covid – Divorce Rates

BBC – Spikes in Break ups and Divorces

This article was originally posted on Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

©DGKaye2021

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – October 2021 – No Contact – The Breaking Point | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

This month’s Realms of Relationships column is about going ‘No Contact’. Sometimes in life we’re faced with becoming stuck in unhealthy relationships and that can mean anything from enduring an abuser or narcissist, but it can also relate to any unhealthy relationship we allow with someone in our life who demeans us, belittles, demands of us, or shows no interest or compassion for us, yet remain a part of our lives.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – October 2021 – No Contact – The Breaking Point

 

No Contact – The Breaking Point

 

I write a lot here about difficult relationships, the challenges about them, the symptoms, and I share my experience and my resolutions about handling some of these conflicts. In this issue, I’m going to talk about the No Contact rule.

 

This method is usually a last resort to ending a relationship after several other remedies have been applied without success.

 

When we have struggled with people who hurt, ignore, or harm us, either mentally or physically, and there is no solution left for handling these people, other than continuing to put up with them or creating distance from them wherever we can, sometimes all we can do is go full-blown No Contact. Yes, you can read 100 books on psychology about these issues, but when we reach the last end of the rope where we can no longer endure a toxic relationship, this may become the only option we’re left with to seek peace.

 

So, what is no contact exactly?

 

No Contact means taking a firm stance to remove ourselves from another person’s life or situation. It can often be a difficult process, especially when feelings of guilt intervene, but this is sometimes necessary to bring back sanity and peace. And despite our decision to go through with the process, it can still be difficult. And sometimes, despite our decision to break free, we may still get swept back into that person’s drama. Friend or family, sometimes we just have to let go to save ourselves. No Contact means the relationship is over. This is a self-protective measure we should take when a relationship isn’t just not fulfilling us, but becomes bad for our mental health. It’s a measure that will often entail grieving the loss of that relationship despite our choosing to sever ties with that person.

 

time to leave

 

So what is the process for No Contact?

 

First, we should set our internal boundaries. Once we decide to go No Contact, we must stop filling our minds with the situation and playing the hurt hits over and over in our heads. If we’re at this point in a relationship, it’s time to stop thinking about them, the hurt, the words, the guilt and the pain they’ve caused us, and think about ourselves. When we’ve exhausted every avenue of trying to discuss and fix, and they either don’t see the problem or aren’t interested in repairing anything, it may be time to banish them. Going No Contact is not only a physical action, but a mental one too.

 

Going No Contact means: no phoning, no texting, no engagement on social media or otherwise, no talking, no partaking in events around them. It means staying strong when confronted by those we’ve walked away from and remembering the many reasons why we chose to delete that person from our lives. The object is to remove our presence from their life.

 

Like any loss in life, we may well go through some of the grieving stages, similar to how we do when we lose a loved one. During this process, we may experience mixed emotions such as: I’m a bad person for doing this, I don’t want to make bad blood, I don’t want people to be angry at me. I know this ritual through my own experience. I lived it when I finally had to use it with my mother. And since my husband’s passing, I’ve realized a lot about the people who’ve been a part of my life with ‘new eyes’. One thing I know from experience is that a deep loss of a loved one will forever change you.

 

What can help when we’re weighing the scales about a certain relationship is to write out our feelings. Make a list of the pros and cons of the relationship in question. Look at the good parts and the painful parts. If the painful parts far outweigh the good and you’ve already given the relationship many chances with the same outcome, it may be time to consider this method.

 

letting go

 

Toxic people are manipulative people. They have an inherent knack for knowing how to overpower others. It’s important not to allow these people to define us by manipulating us into feeling obligation or guilt when we attempt to distance ourselves mentally and physically from that person. Going No Contact is often akin to abstaining from a harmful substance like drugs or booze. And just like going through any detox program, we will undoubtedly go through some withdrawal symptoms after removing a person from our lives. And yes, second thoughts, guilt, and remembering some of the better times, may all pop into our heads during the cleansing, but the idea is to remain strong in our resolution for a greater good. In essence, creating No Contact is self-love and for self- preservation. . . Please continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord

 

Original Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – October 2021 – No Contact – The Breaking Point | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – September 2021 – The Relationship with Ourselves -Self-Care | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Welcome to my September edition of Realms of Relationships at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine that I contribute to monthly. There are many kinds of relatioships, but often, we forget about the one with ourselves.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – September 2021 – The Relationship with Ourselves -Self-Care

 

 

Relationships with ourselves – Self-Care

 

Welcome to my Realms of Relationships column at Smorgasbord Blog Magazine. Today I want to talk about the most important relationship we can have, and that’s the one we have with ourselves. It’s often easy to overlook ourselves, especially when times are tense, fast, and frazzled with life’s daily grind. And if we have loved ones to care for on top of daily living, often, the last person being served is usually ourselves.

 

I’m a living testament of what self-neglect can leave behind as resulting damage. Often, we get so wrapped up in our lives and lose track of time – the time we let ourselves go. So yes, self-compassion and self-care are just as essential for us to live in good health – not just to survive.

 

Sometimes, some of the most nurturing people forget that taking care of others requires us to be in good health in order to care of someone else. But often in the middle of trauma, our focus often falls on the loved one we’re caring for – both young and old, without giving a second thought for our own well-being. I know this because I lived it.

 

 

Self Care

 

Self- care encompasses the daily things we do for ourselves to keep our health in check – hygiene, eating properly, taking meds and required vitamins, and getting in exercise and enough sleep. Most importantly, any ailments we feel coming on should be dealt with as soon as possible once we notice things aren’t running as smoothly with our bodies, and not left to fester until such time we decide to stop pushing aside things a doctor needs to have a look at. And then there is emotional health.

 

If we are living through a stressful time, not just our physical health needs tending to, but, we need an outlet to relieve some of the mental angst that can sometimes translate to more physical ailments. Trust me, it’s not a myth, stress and worry have the ability to do great damage within us. Just like a health regimen followed daily creates cumulative benefits that add up daily, not following one will most certainly chip away at all the goodness we’ve already accrued through time as we continue to neglect ourselves.

 

Taking care of ourselves is vital for us to function optimally, but especially when someone else is relying on us to take care of them. When chaos or trauma strike, it shouldn’t mean that we abandon what’s important for us to remain in good health, but so often we’ll sacrifice what’s good for us and put others before us. Here’s what we need to know about taking care of ourselves:

 

 

  • Make sure to get enough sleep – not getting enough sleep can initiate other health problems.
  • Make mealtime a routine at least twice a day if you can’t manage three squares. If you eat a good breakfast it can sustain you through the day in case you do happen to miss out on lunch. But even more important to eat a healthy dinner, especially if we’re missing that lunch.
  • Don’t stop taking important vitamins and supplements, especially if you’re deficient in them. Not eating properly during stressful times, then not taking supplementation, doubles the drain on our bodies leaving us without efficient fuel or nutrients.
  • Take a timeout and go for a walk, read a chapter, listen to music – whatever you enjoy for a mental health break from high stressed life. If you’re caring for someone 24/7, arrange for someone to come by and give you a break for some down time and time to get household essentials looked after, and maybe even to eke out some personal time.

 

You can take this Self Well-Being test here to see how you’re doing: Berkeley Wellbeing Survey

 

Take care of yourself

 

How I can attest to this advice? Because I became one of those self-neglecters.

 

During my husband’s illness when I was caring for him 24/7, the last thing on my mind was about what I needed. While my world was spiraling out of sense, I didn’t care about eating properly, sometimes not eating at all. I had no appetite. I’d sneak in a shower when my husband would sleep, or if one of his personal support workers were bathing him.

 

I was full of preliminary grief and anxiety, and I wasn’t hungry. . . Please continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord to learn the repercussions after we forget to take care of ourselves.

 

 

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – September 2021 – The Relationship with Ourselves -Self-Care | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – August 2021 – Soul Mates | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

My recent edition for my Realms of Relationships column over at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine is all about Soul Mates.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – August 2021 – Soul Mates

 

Welcome to my column – Realms of Relationships. In my last edition of Realms of Relationships I wrote about Kindred Spirits. In this edition, I’m writing about Soul Mates – how we recognize them, and the common bonds that connect us with them.

 

universal connection

 

What is a Soul Mate?

 

Let me begin by saying there are four main types of soul mates. You may read about several more, but the main ones I’ll touch on today are:

Healing Soul Mates: These are new friends who arrive with intent to provide us with life lessons that help to heal our memories. Healing soul mates appear in our lives through divine timing — the universe sends us these souls in the times we most need them to teach us a lesson we need to learn, comfort us in a time of need, and often to teach us a path forward. Most healing friendships exist only for as long as it takes to fulfil their purpose and help us align ourselves in clearer situations. This kind of friend usually shows up when we are facing repetitive patterns and trying to work through old issues with no resolution.

Karmic Soul Mates: Karmic soul mates could sometimes come as Past Life soul mates too. Our connection is deep and karmic, and often painful, as it aligns us with our ego struggles. The lesson is to experience the ego pain and learn to work through it to learn how to overcome ego difficulties.

Karmic soul mates sometimes have a twin-like connection. When intense emotions are evoked, each mate can actually feel what each other feels. Some of these souls have come back by reincarnation to relive and fix their own karma from a past life, to help break a negative, repetitive cycle. The struggle for many is to learn to disregard our ego, and a karmic soul is the perfect one to help teach us.

Past Life Soul Mates: These are the people we may have shared a past life with. We’ll experience a Déjà vu feeling with this person. This person will help to shape us into better humans. We’ll feel as though we’ve known that person forever, making the relationship feel easy and familiar. The connection is instant. We may feel we’ll be mates for a lifetime — no matter how much time has passed or how far apart we may be from them through distance. We learn to trust and believe in ourselves with this person’s guidance. This new soul friend will help us grow into the person we’re meant to be. These relationships are typically platonic, not about physical attraction, but as a protective, nourishing friendship.
This type of friendship can last a lifetime. This person may not be someone you will see every day, but you will stay connected through other means to sustain the relationship. They’ll always bring love and fun, no matter how much time has passed.

Twin Flames Soul Mates: Twin flames cooperate to overcome emotional and spiritual barriers. They could talk for hours without ever running out of things to say. They think in the same way, they’re on the same energy wavelength, they often finish each other’s sentences, and enjoy doing things as a pair.

When we meet our twin flame, we’ll feel a sense of oneness. Twin Flames usually aren’t in a romantic relationship. They are usually forever. Many Twin Flames feel as though each other is their other half. Often, words aren’t required to communicate, as they often know what each other will say or what they’re thinking.

 

soulmates

 

A soul mate brings lessons for us to learn. Some soul mates may disappear from our lives once they’ve delivered the lesson and, quite possibly, show up again at other times. Some other soul mates will remain in our lives if we are lucky enough to find one. Other soul mates recognize their soul mate instantly by experiencing a feeling of familiarity upon first meeting. The energy attracts. We recognize a soul mate when we feel we can bear our souls openly without judgements and be completely free with that person about who we are, inside and out. This is a mutual understanding between both souls. Again, a soul mate can definitely become our spouse, but friends can also be soul mates. There are romantic and platonic soul mates.

Some people think a soul mate is automatically our chosen relationship mate, but there are different types of soul mates. And not every couple marries their soul mate. Generally speaking, a soul mate is someone we mesh beautifully with in thinking, values, likes, etc. But for many, a soul mate is much more. For instance, if we have a close bond with someone, we often can feel or ‘know’ what they’re thinking, and sometimes even what they are up to without speaking, and commonly, easily finish each other’s sentences.

 

soul spirit

 

A soul connection with someone feels as though we connected on a same soul level. A soul mate is someone we feel a deep, natural affinity for, someone our soul recognizes and resonates with. There is typically a common bond bringing the two souls together. This can be in friendships or relationships of the heart. When we find this person, we just know. A special bond forms that leave us feeling we’ve known that person in another life, or that some common incident brought us both together. Sometimes soul mates come into our lives because we’ve made a pre-destined pact in a past life to be together in this life, in various capacities.

 

Does everyone have a Soul Mate?

 

There potentially are soul mates for everyone, but that doesn’t mean we will all get that gifted opportunity to meet a soul mate. . . continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord

 

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – August 2021 – Soul Mates | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye2021

 

D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – May 2021 – The #Grief Process | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Well it’s been a very long year for me, and my thanks to Sally Cronin for keeping my spirit alive while I’ve been living the very recent loss of my husband. Sally has been generous with her resharing of past articles while I’ve been mostly absent from blogland and not fulfilling my monthly contributions to her Smorgasbord Blog Magazine. So in staying with the current theme of my life this year, my recent article is about Grief and touching on what one can expect on this journey, through my experience.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – May 2021 – The #Grief Process

Hello to my wonderful Smorgasbord family.

I’d like to first say thank you to the so many of you who’ve been sending light, love and condolences with messages, emails, cards, and even some unexpected gifts. And a huge thank you to Sally for keeping my spirit alive here and beyond. Undoubtedly, I have a lifetime of stories to write about, and I’m not here today to write specifically about the 180 my life took not even two whole months ago, when my husband seemed to be getting sicker by the day and a palliative doctor came into the hospital room to talk to me about his ongoing care, before we’d even had confirmed results back from an oncologist. This was the beginning of the end.

 

Grief

 

But today’s article isn’t about all that what went down with my husband’s end of his life, but more geared toward the topic about what this series represents – Realms of Relationships, not just about relationships, but also about situations and emotions that we endure and or encounter in life in relationships, and how they affect us and how we deal with them.

So, for today, I’d like to share a bit about what I’m learning about how this grief process works, and since I’m currently living the nightmare, who better than me to share with you my experiences, straight from this proverbial horse’s mouth. And always remember, everybody’s own grief is unique, but one thing is for certain, there are definitely the same steps and stages involved in the grief process, and possibly a bit overly cliché sounding, but it is the old standard – the five stages of grief – Denial · Anger · Bargaining · Depression · Acceptance, which are, and will be components of the journey, no matter how one grieves. Yup, they’re real. There are variations for sure, which I’ll get into later. But suffice it to say, there are no shortcuts with grief.

 

despair

 

Books on grief are typically not our first ‘go to’ genre. Let’s face it, how many people want to read about end of life? But ahh, how many who’ve lived through a heart wrenching loss wish they had someone to help them understand the inner torment grief brings to the table, wishing they knew more about what to expect?

As I grew myself up by reading self-help books about growing self-esteem, reading true stories and situations about people and how they handled their hardships, it paid off helping me to learn what I needed to better myself. In the same circumstance, wanting to reach out and look for some way of relief from the grieving process, books and gatherings with people who’ve walked in the shoes, really can help too.

Now I’m not saying reading books about grieving will help us get out of our grief, but they can do several other things such as, allow us to feel with another who has walked in the same devastating shoes of unbearable grief; it’s almost like a feeling of camaraderie, like when we shake our heads as we read something that resonates, as if to affirm every single emotion and stage we’re going through as we read. It’s a natural instinct for us to want to connect with others who are familiar with all the new emotions we will go through.

Truly, I believe that only someone who has lived the journey can write these kinds of books, and you can be sure, somewhere down the road, I’ll be writing one of my own – one day, when the stinging rawness of my unacceptance at willing to face all the music I keep locked up in a compartment in my head so that at present, I can function and get on with the grueling things that demand attending to during my hours of grief, like, arranging funerals, Covid restrictions, two religions dilemma, and fulfilling my husband’s wishes, all in the same moments while my very own hell in my heart resides within. I will write a book.

I’ve read books all my life to try to better myself and learn, so naturally, and despite the fact that I haven’t been able to read for pleasure at present, a single page of any book since my husband began deteriorating, Only after he passed I had a hunger to devour books that could make me feel I wasn’t alone. I felt compelled to read a few books about grieving. I needed to know how people got through it all. I needed to learn about all the other goodies (sarcasm) I had to look forward to.

 

 

I was immediately drawn to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s work as a psychologist and her own experience with grief, and her work with people who’ve had near death experiences and came back to tell, which I’ve recently read – On Life After Death. . . .Please continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord.

 

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – May 2021 – The #Grief Process | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – Forming Healthy Relationships – Rewind – What’s Inside the Box?

A big shout out to Sally Cronin at the Smorgasbord Invitation (my second home), for keeping my online spirit alive during this difficult time for me. She has kindly been resharing my Relationship Columns I’ve written for my series at her Blog Magazie. Today I’m sharing the recent replay here of Forming Healthy Relationships, as I prepare to publish my next article in the next week or so.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – Forming Healthy Relationships – Rewind – What’s Inside the Box?

 

As many of you already know that D.G. Kaye’s husband passed away on April 7th and our thoughts are with her during this sad time.

Debby is working on her next Realm of Relationship Column  but rather than have the pressure of a deadline, we thought we might share the first posts of the series which began in January 2020 every Monday to bring new readers to the blog up to speed.

D.G. Kaye on Relationships

 

Forming Healthy Relationships – What’s Inside the Box?

Welcome back to this month’s edition of Realms of Relationships. In this segment, I’m delving into how we judge and are judged by others – First impressions and Body language and discovering what’s underneath the wrapping.

As humans, we are often judged by our outward appearances first. But if we never gave someone a chance to approach us to potentially form a friendship or relationship just because we couldn’t see beyond appearance, our circles would be pretty limited.

People come wrapped in all assortments. Who and what we attract or gravitate to stems from the vibe we give off – this vibe consists of a combination of traits we emit with our words, body language, and our physical appearance. All these elements comprised will help to determine who chooses to approach us.

Our demeanors and physical appearance send signals to others leading them to form a perception of what we’re all about. But without learning what’s on the inside, and perhaps what’s perceived as a first impression, we may not always adequately represent who we really are. Depending on how we choose to present ourselves on a given day, we’ll undoubtedly be judged by our actions as first impressions, so it’s a good idea not to misrepresent ourselves. Sadly, society does label people based on appearance, and as much as appearances do play a part in determining who we approach and how we’re accepted, appearance alone is not a great indicator of what’s inside our box.

Now we all know the old saying – don’t judge a book by its cover, but sadly, it’s human nature that people are judged by their covers. Yes, it’s unfair, but there are shallow thinking people among us. And pity for those who judge because they may just be missing out on opportunity for a satisfying relationship or friendship because they couldn’t see beyond difference.

What do we want most from a relationship? Acceptance, love compassion, trust, understanding, communication and reciprocation. These are the most important qualities a relationship should offer, and the qualities that will sustain a solid relationship. These aren’t qualities you can necessarily decipher based on looking at an individual. Yes, it’s easy to make judgement, but until we learn about what’s behind the cover, we aren’t able to make a complete assessment.

We are hard-wired for judgement. We all have our own version of what’s acceptable to us and peeves we hold in our mental lists of what we seek out of a relationship. But maybe we need to look beyond those physical peeves and explore personality and values.

Please continue reading at Sally’s blog

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – Forming Healthy Relationships – Rewind – What’s Inside the Box? | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -2020- Pot Luck – #WritingHabits by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

I found this in my archives, not even sure I reblogged it? But It’s always interesting to look back on plans, then a year later, look where things went – south? Looking at plans, did they come to fruition? And then of course, the dreaded burnout. And then eagle-eye Sally Cronin found it in my archives and shared it at her Smorgasbord Blogs from the Archives Series.

 

Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -2020- Pot Luck – #WritingHabits by D.G. Kaye

 

 

Welcome to the current series of Posts from Your Archives… and I will be picking two posts from the blogs of those participating from the first six months of 2020. If you don’t mind me rifling through your archives… just let me know in the comments or you can find out the full scope: Posts from Your Archives – Pot Luck – 2020

This is the first post by D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies and she shares her observations about her writing habits and how the have changed over the course of her previous six books. I am sure something we can all relate to. This was first posted in January 2020 and just before Debby took a book break.

 

Change in Writing Habits, Book Break the New Book

 

Today I’m talking about how I notice some of my writing habits have changed through the years. When I wrote my first 6 books, I was disciplined differently. I did my writing first thing in the morning right after breakfast – or the day would surely distract me. But as the order of life sometimes changes, so has my writing.

I could write a rough draft in 2-3 months of writing 5 days a week with anywhere from 100 to 2000 words in a session, depending on the inspiration – sometimes the well is empty. After writing time, I’d move to the computer. Writing all my drafts in longhand comes in handy when wanting to stay off the computer to avoid distraction. After checking out blog comments, posts and social media, and although writing for the day was done, I then spent time in between the daily grind of life, reading articles on learning the trade of self- publishing and homing in on the craft of writing.

It’s now well over a year since I put out a new book. Oh sure, I was working on one, but somehow my enthusiasm wasn’t there, and I stopped enjoying the writing. Then life happened – a lot, then came winter vacation escape, and finally, I realized that I just needed a year off from the disciplined mandate of writing a book.

In that time of not writing a book I was still writing. I write 2 monthly columns, blog articles, book reviews, run guest interviews and have been featured as a guest myself on many blogs, and have even ventured into writing poetry more seriously. There’s no shortage of writing in my life, I just wasn’t feeling inspired to write another book without a timeout from the burnout of publishing 6 books in 5 years. Each of those books took up a good 6-8 months of my life, and I realized how swiftly life is passing by, and decided I need to be living a bit more before committing to a new project. So, I learned to accept my welcomed book writing break and learned it was okay to not be writing a book for a while. The only pressure I had was self-imposed, so I finally admitted I don’t have to write a book every day for the rest of my life, and if I’ve lost the interest for a particular project, it’s okay to abandon it. Now that doesn’t mean that all the work I’d put in would go to the delete bin. All it meant that the started manuscript would live in rest in a folder until such time I may get inspired to go back to it.

In that time away from book writing, without the rules of my self-imposed discipline hanging over me, instructing myself to write first thing in the morning, I didn’t always only write in the morning anymore. And I noticed I was developing new writing habits – writing spontaneously as compared to writing by schedule.

In my old writing habits, if the morning had passed and I was into my daily activities, I was done writing till the next morning. If an idea sprouted to mind, I’d simply jot down a sentence with the idea in a notebook to keep for fodder for a future a topic to write about. But now, throughout this past year plus that I haven’t put out a new book, I have found that random ideas have taken up more of my immediate attention—going with the inspiration when it hits. Instead of just making a notation, which would have certainly had a different interpretation than the one I originally had in mind from the magic of the moment, instead of just jotting the thought down and left to meld into the many other fleeting ideas, I’ll immediately pick up a notebook and write what comes to mind about that topic, while it’s fresh in my mind, dropping whatever I’m doing in that moment to take advantage of the moment. Please head over to Sally’s to continue reading.

 

*Note, I think I originally wrote this post in early 2020. Intentions were good, but 2020 happened big time in my life, and still continues. The book was finished and self-edited then left aside again. As soon as I get some semblance of a publishing mojo, the book will be released. Stay tuned!

 

Source: Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -2020- Pot Luck – #WritingHabits by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye2021

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