Updates on health
D.G. Kaye,  Health and wellness,  Observations,  That's Life,  THOUGHTS,  Updates

Updates – This Extrovert is in Hibernation Mode #Health and Wellness

The last cliffhanger I left you with for my first 2021 post, my husband’s illness, my nonfunctioning leg, and our shower ceiling caving in, have been keeping me quite busy lately. The onslaught at everything coming at me has put me in introvert mode. I am 99 percent an extrovert and one percent introvert. When I get in introvert mode, it’s an introspective thing where I need to close myself in – not quite at the part where I’m digesting things and trying to find my way around what seems my new life.

When I get quiet, my mind is very busy. And until I can come to resolutions and/or acceptance I need to go within myself, not ready to share with others what I haven’t yet digested myself. So for those good friends of mine who check in with me daily and silently know that when I’m ready I’ll spill, thank you.

I feel right now my life is at a crossroads of many things – some I can’t peg, yet, I know are brewing, and some I’m having a difficult time facing. I don’t know if this past year was a catalyst for or if because of the isolating life we’ve been living alone together 24/7, it has allowed me to watch and be part of as my husband’s health issues persist. In a flash I seemed to have gone from wife to caregiver.

As I long for the days of Covid to pass so I can resume living, I’m just as anxious about when the time for living does come back. Because the living I’ve known for over 20 years now, is not and will not be the same. Since just before the new year, my husband has been accumulating fluid daily. This happened five years ago when he was first diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the liver. He was drained and put on two types of heavy-duty diuretics. One in particular was specific to pulling fluid from the liver area. The combo finally got properly dosed and worked well for the past five years. Then late last fall, a side effect of one of the pills, retaining too much potassium, was raising hub’s levels and had to be cut down. Thus the fluid buildup came back – except it’s not going away anymore so he’s now that guy who Dr. B told me about five years ago when I asked him if this fluid retention would come back. He’d told me he had patients who had to have a paracentesis every month, but maybe my hub would be luckier, I’d hoped. We had a good ride for five years, but now my husband has been going every two weeks for draining (Paracentesis). They can only get out approximately four of the ten litres he carries (we know by weight). Four days later he gains it all back. Last week I spoke with Dr. B and he’s moved the procedure up to once a week. We have to sign consent papers every time he has this done because of course the danger of inserting the long needle in his side with a drain tube, guided by ultra sound, done by a radiologist, has its risks. Today is drainage day again, thankfully.

My life has changed so much, considering there’s been no real living going on. Last February we were in Mexico, we came home mid March and the next day was lock down. My husband fell ill the day before travel home day, and life has been unwell ever since. Just like that, snap, our lives changed, during lockdown. My husband will not be going back to work of course, so I never got to experience that transition time from when he went to work a few days a week and loved to run errands, giving me my personal time. He always needed to be busy. So he got involved, voluntarily with some household jobs – emptying dishwasher and the many garbage cans. Then he’d take some garbage down the end of the hall to the chute, and the rest to the recycle bins in the parking level. It gave him something to do and he enjoyed it. I don’t enjoy it quite so much, but I’ve relieved him from his duties. The days before draining days he walks on a walker because his legs are like lead.

Current prognosis on past events:

So it took three weeks and various shades of yellows, greens blues and purples, but as of four days ago, I can walk proper without limping. I’m pretty sure I tore my calf muscle. It was painful and only a few days later the bruising was down my whole calf, ankle, and foot. I was using hub’s walker for over a week. So I guess there wasn’t enough excitement when I stubbed a toe bang on, precisely to the corner of the TV stand. I don’t remember feeling that kind of pain in many years. After sitting down and holding my foot for ten minutes til the initial throb wore down, I hobbled to the freezer door, below the fridge doors. I opened it and put my foot right among the frozen vegetable bags and stood there with the door opened for a good five minutes. It helped a lot. The pain was gone. The next day however, 3 toes and half my foot up were purple and I couldn’t move two toes. But, as of this writing, I have movement back. I am definitely blaming this shyte on Mercury Retrograde. Our shower was fixed and retiled almost two weeks ago, and we’re awaiting the new shower door. Until then, I’m grateful for the clear, shower curtain and temporary bar they put up for the meantime.

Two nights ago I had to call 911 as my husband slid to floor trying to get out of bed at 130am to go to washroom. I could not lift him for all the tea in China and was forced to admit my defeat and call for help. I realized my superhuman powers are limited after watching two EMS guys struggle to finally get him up. They were very kind and gave me some helpful tips  to help ‘seniorize’ things at home. They are also going to set up some help to come in a few days a week to help with hubby, so I’m looking forward to that part.

So yes, as you can see, there’s a lot I’m swallowing right now as my first priority is my husband, but in my head and as I witness my husband’s health decline, it’s all still so raw and very tough for me to witness and accept, as I’m having to learn to accept that things will never again be the way they were.

So that’s my update. I felt since I’d posted about the mayhem going on in my life, my readers at least deserved a follow up.


Never take life for granted for it can be snatched in the blink of an eye.



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D.G. Kaye is a nonfiction/memoir writer, who writes from her own life experiences and self-medicates with a daily dose of humor.


  • Darlene Foster

    How quickly things can change. I feel for you and I know this is a tough time but I also know you are one strong woman and you´ve got this! Sending love and hugs your way my friend.

  • Jasveena R Prabhagaran

    I just read the history of your husband’s sickness and boy, that was a rollercoaster ride! I AM wishing you and your family well, and it’s definitely saddening to go through this situation. My mom was recently hospitalised for a minor health issue and with my only brother being away at another country for work, I had a hard time handling it with the Covid making things worse.

    • dgkaye

      Hi Jas, thanks so much for dropping by and leaving your kind words. Obviously you know then how much more difficult illness is in Covid times. I keep plugging away, as I’ve mentioned to you on your blog. Just keep doing and not allowing myself to go to the dark side which is almost too easy for many of us to. <3 Hugs xxx

    • dgkaye

      Thanks so much Sue. Oh how you know. Sadly, there are a few of us around blogtown been down this road. And the good lord knows you’ve had more than your share. I appreciate you <3 <3

  • John Maberry

    Somehow, “like” doesn’t seem to apply to posts like this one. I’m not the empath you are, but I can feel your pain and sympathize. Keep fighting for him and yourself. I’ll be in touch.

    • dgkaye

      Thanks so much John. I know. I so appreciate all my friends here. There isn’t a lot one can say, I just felt I put out a post with what was happening and shouldn’t leave people hanging. So that’s where we’re at. 🙂

  • Sherri Matthews

    Oh Deb, I did leave a comment on your other post, I hope it came through. So sorry for all you and hubby are continuing to go through. Tough to say the least, contemplating a major crossroad in your life. On a good note, glad your shower is almost finished, Hope you’re leg is feeling better. I wish I knew .what else to say. I get totally the need to hibernate and process…. big hugs, my friend. keep well <3 xoxo

    • dgkaye

      Thanks so much Sher as always. How many years have you and I been friends, sharing each other’s hardships and milestones? Thank you my friend. I know you know. <3 <3 xxx

      • Sherri Matthews

        A long time, my friend, a long time. And I hope I can encourage you in the same way you help me through the rough patches, to say the least, ha. I do know…you know…we know it! Lots of love and more big hugs winding their way to you, Deb. Hang tight, stay strong, stay well. But if you need to take time to sort it out, we’re all here anyway 🙂 <3 xoxo

  • Jan Sikes

    Oh, Debby, my heart is with you. As I lived through my husband’s health decline, we had many moments much like you described. One morning, after we’d gotten a hospital bed set up at home and bedside toilet, he fell moving from the toilet to the bed. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t lift him. We lived in a very small town in West Texas. I called two of our closest friends and they came and lifted him back onto the bed. I know it humiliated him beyond words, but he toughed it out and kept a positive attitude. I am sending you strength, light, and love. Hang in there and try to smile every chance you get! Hugs!

    • dgkaye

      Jan, thanks so much for your words of encouragement. Yes, I know your story somewhat, and know of a few others of us who have had their share of a spouses declining health. The hardest part is not being the caregiver, but watching the scene unfold before me daily. Thank you for your light and love. <3

  • Marian Beaman

    Oh, Debby, my heart is full as I read this, my eyes tearing.

    If it were safe to fly, I get to Toronto mighty fast and open the door, mask on of course, to HELP! You are burdened with a staggering amount and I know your readers CARE. Still you have a sense of humor and practicality: “I hobbled to the freezer door, below the fridge doors. I opened it and put my foot right among the frozen vegetable bags and stood there with the door opened for a good five minutes.” Also, you have gratitude for the progress on the shower.

    I will put you on my prayer card and remember you and Gordon often. Cliff and I have discussed what I would do if he falls down. He’s a big lug too, so I’d have to call 911 as well. Don’t obsess about commenting on my blog. I understand that you have to use your energy in other ways.

    Most importantly, take care of yourself as best you can. HUGE HUGS! ((( )))

    • dgkaye

      Oh Marian, thank you so much for your kindness and keeping G in your prayers. This new world is all so foreign to me as I learn to navigate and swallow. Thank you my friend. <3

  • Pete Springer

    You really have your hands full, Debby. It’s hard enough watching our own health decline and not doing as many things as we used to. In some ways, I think it is probably easier to process than the decline of a loved one. When it just involves ourselves, we can tough our way through a lot or laugh it off. When it involves our loved ones, especially if they are in pain or unable to live a normal life, it becomes more demanding.

    I saw a similar scenario play out with my father-in-law. He remarried a younger woman. Managing his care became more problematic as he aged. At some point, his second wife became his full-time caregiver. Golf was his only hobby, so when his health declined enough to make that impossible, he never left the house. It put a strain on things. I wish you both well moving forward. I’m not sure if you have the financial means, but perhaps just having someone come into the house for a few hours a week might provide you with a much-needed respite. It’s quite likely your guy might resist this at first (my widowed mom did), but being a 100% full-time caregiver is no bargain, even when you love the person.

    • dgkaye

      Thanks so much Pete for sharing some of your own experience here. You hit the nail on the head, we can take it a lot easier when it’s us. The feeling helpless part is the hardest as I’m someone who always has a solution and I’m fresh out. But I’m thrilled my diligence with doctors pays off and I get my husband the necessary attention when he needs it. No small feat, but I keep plugging away. And yes, EMS already had Health services contact me and they’ll be calling to set up a visitation next week. Hubby’s daughter always asks if I need a day off she’ll come over because she works from home among many others now. But like I said to her – “Where am I going?” Lol, there is nowhere to go with Covid lockdown here, so I’m saving up my credits for that proverbial day that we’re all vaccinated. 🙂

  • sally cronin

    It has been such a crazy year Debby and through it all you have remained one of the most supportive people in our community. I wish like Marian that I was around the corner but I hope you get a helping hand as you have to look after your own health to be there for G.. love you lots ♥♥

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much again Sal. I know this of you. And you know plenty of my travails and tribulations. Thanks for being part of my support system. Love you lots more. <3 <3

  • Annika Perry

    Debby, there should be the option to turn that like to one giant hug button! Sending you lots across the ocean. I feel for you and your husband so much. I remember your Mexico posts so well, whilst we were starting to see the Covid cases here in UK and stopped going out totally. What a terribly tough time for you and a shock to happen so quickly. Through blogging and your books your strength, positive spirit and ability to move forwards shines through and I know you will with all this in your life. It’s good you are getting some help in and I hope this allows you some much needed TLC time for just you. Take care, don’t forget the you and enjoy that fixed shower! Some good news! hugs xx

    • dgkaye

      Aw, thanks so much Annika. Yes, I’m always grateful for tender mercies. The fixed walkin shower has taken a lot of stress off my back for sure. And thank you for the giant hug. You know if there was a hug button I’d find it! LOL. One day at a time is how I’m learning to live. <3 xx

  • Joy Lennick

    Hola dear Debs, Oh, poor you…So sorry to hear of your husband’s illness and consequent problems, and – of course – the stress you must be going through with your added injury. I know you’re a tough cookie, but you are only human, so take good care. Thinking of you. Hugs and love Joy xx

  • Wendy Janes

    My heart goes out to you, Debby. My mum is currently going through a similiar situation – including having to make that 1.30am call (although in her case it was 5.30am and to 999 in the UK). Like you, she’s finding reserves of strength and learning how to advocate with health and care teams. Sending positive thoughts and hugs your way.

    • dgkaye

      Thanks so much Wendy! I’m sorry about your mother’s situation. You know what they say – getting older is not for sissies. Quite scary though when you are 2 decades younger and watching it all unfold before my eyes. <3

  • Daniel Kemp

    I’m so sorry to hear of your worries and the stress you must be feeling. I’m also sorry I cannot find stronger words to use in expressing just how sad I am. Your closing sentiment of– Never take life for granted for it can be snatched in the blink of an eye– is so, so correct. Keep going with that smile of yours permanently fixed on your face.

    • dgkaye

      Aw, thanks so much Danny for your kindness. I know you’ve had a bunch of your own to contend with. Yes, remember small gratitudes, the kindness of others, and always wear a smile. Hugs <3

  • judith barrow

    It seemed so wrong to ‘like’ this, Debby. My heart goes out to you. keep a count of those credits with your daughter-in-law, you will need – and will deserve them. You can sleep in the knowledge you have done, and are doing all you can for the man you love. But, don’t forget, a little self-care, as well. Love and cwtch ( hug). x

    • dgkaye

      Thank you my lovely Judith. I do try and sneak in some me time, but considering it’s Covid and lockdown, I can’t believe how busy I am. Hugs back <3 xx

  • Marje

    I really feel for you Debby. What a time of it you’ve been having. Sending you love and hugs. Hope you get some help and you deserve it you do do much for everyone. Marje x

  • Diane McGyver

    My heart goes out to you. Life is not supposed to be like this. It’s supposed to be enjoyable even if things are challenging. There’s suppose to be more sweet moments than sour ones, and peace at the end of each day.

    As you’ve mentioned, things can transpire quickly. We never know when life will change on a dime, so we have to live each day like it’s our last.

    I wish you the best, good days and many laughs to carry you through.

  • Carol

    Debs so very sorry to hear this both for George and yourself… Now we have What’s app.. sigh.. what a saga that was.. I am always a friendly ear.. Pleased to hezr your leg is much better and I have felt for you with your toe having done that a few times myself… Ouch… Take care… Hugs xx

  • Toni Pike

    Oh, my poor dear Debby, you have been in the most terrible wars. I’m so sorry things have been so tough, and on top of everything else your celing problems and then to hurt yourself so badly. I do hope things start to improve just a bit soon. Toni x

    • dgkaye

      Thanks so much Toni. When it rains it pours around here, but we’re taking everything one day at a time. Can’t manage more than that right now. <3 xx

  • Stevie Turner

    So sorry to read about all you’re going through, Debby. I think as we age we all have to accept the limitations of our bodies. It’s really tough, but acceptance is the key here. I used to rage against what cancer treatment did to me, but at the end of the day it didn’t get me anywhere.

    When my mum used to fall over and Sam wasn’t around, then I’d always call the paramedics. She had carers coming in 4 times a day, and when that wasn’t enough she agreed to move into very sheltered housing where carers were on hand 24/7. With each deterioration in a loved one’s health we have to adapt. The hardest part was putting on a cheerful face.

    I send my best wishes and hope that you soon come to terms with what’s going on in your life. xx

  • Hugh W. Roberts

    I couldn’t bring myself to click the ‘like’ button on this post, Debby. When somebody writes about bad news, pressing the ‘like’ button doesn’t seem right to me. But that’s me.

    All I can add is that life deals us a horrible hand from time to time. When this happens, I think it’s testing us. Being cooped up all day at home isn’t good for our minds or bodies. But I don’t need to tell you that. I think life at the moment is a lot tougher for extroverts. As humans, we’re sociable people, and lack of interaction takes its toll. Thank goodness then, for the online world. And thank goodness for books, and Netflix for us dyslexics. We’re all wishing you and your husband well, and it goes without saying that there is lots of support here for you. As I said to another writer and blogger who I hadn’t seen online since before Christmas (and whom I was concerned for), don’t be afraid to reach out and talk.

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much Hugh for your kind words and offer. Yes, you hit the nail on the head, I think this lockdown is extra hard on extroverts. Even though writing is a secluded sport, we’re not always writing and look forward to getting out and socializing. Thank goodness for my online world of friends is all I can say. Maybe when I get a handle on everything spinning in new directions I can talk about things more. Thanks for reaching out my friend. <3 xx

  • Diana Peach

    Oh, Debby, I feel for you. You’re so loving and kind, and I know it must break your heart to see your husband suffering and know that life has entered a new phase. Accept all the help you’re offered and take good care of yourself while you take good care of your husband. Sending huge hugs. <3

  • Hilary Melton-Butcher

    Hi Debby – I certainly feel for you … so much uncertainty and finding you’re the one making and taking all the necessary decisions – it sounds tough at the moment … I’m thinking of you. I hope the leg and the feet heal up properly. It sounds like the 911 were really helpful … and you’ll be getting some good contacts for future help.

    All the best to you and hubby … stay safe, take care … and hugs – Hilary

  • Christy B

    Sweet friend, I’ve been thinking about you since that first health update you gave us about your husband’s deteriorating health. I think of him accumulating fluid and the difficulty of it for the two of you. As you say it’s life in lockdown but there’s not much living. I am so glad you had the Mexico trip, and hope that you are able to enjoy some time doing something you love again very soon. Sending much love! Knowing that you will have help coming a few times a week must feel like such a relief xx

    • dgkaye

      Thank you so much my sweet Christy girl, for your thoughts and good cheer. It means a lot to know that even far away, I have such wonderful supportive friends. Hugs for you <3 xxx

  • Amy M Reade

    Debby, reading this I’m reminded of how quickly life can change. You’ve had so much to deal with over the past year. But I know your strength and I know you will get through this. Thank goodness your husband has you to advocate for him. Be sure to take time for yourself when you need it, because you can’t help anyone if your own well has run dry. Even if it’s just to take a shower (in a new shower!), take those few minutes to take a deep breath and focus on your own mental and physical well-being.

    So glad your leg is healing and your foot seems to be feeling a bit better. I’ve experienced both those injuries and I know how painful they are.

    Hugs to you, my friend. xoxo

  • Jim Borden

    Wow. I am so sorry to hear about what you and your husband are going through. And to then injure your foot in the midst of all of this…

    I wish you and your husband the best moving forward; you will be in my thoughts…

  • Pamela

    Oh, Debby. Sometimes life just gives us the lemons, and it takes a loooonnnnggg time to get any lemonade out of it. Thank you for the update on your husband and on you. The stress you’re under now is so large; going into introvert mode is a good way to cope, I think. Your love is your strength in helping your husband. But of course, you need to take care of yourself as well. THAT’S SO IMPORTANT! And yes, keep lots of frozen vegetables in the freezer. That’s always my go-to when I hurt myself. Please, take care and keep us posted (so to speak). xo

    • dgkaye

      Thanks so much Pam for your kind words and caring. It’s encouraging to know I’m not alone, when often I am. I’m so grateful to have such a wonderful community who is not only caring, but keeps me busy reading! <3

  • Mary Smith

    I’m so sorry you have all this going on right now, Debby. I know it sounds trite but we just never know what’s coming round the corner to wallop us. Sending massive hugs and positive vibes to you both.

  • Olga Núñez Miret

    Dear Debby: I saw my mother struggle with my father’s illness, although he wasn’t ill for too long (unfortunately, his illness was diagnosed when it was quite advanced already and he didn’t respond to treatment too well). It did take its toll even if I tried to help, I hope the help offered can give you a bit of a breather, but do remember you need to take care of yourself as well. I’m sorry I’m too far away to be able to provide any practical help, but I’m not surprised you need time to regroup and try to get some rest. Sending you positive energy and love and regards for your husband and you, of course.

  • Erica/Erika

    I appreciate your candid description, extrovert/introvert, where you are at the moment with all of your challenges. There is a reason for the saying “…the straw that broke the camel’s back…” I am very, very sorry about your husband. I cannot imagine the stress and the worries. I realize your post is from last week, and I hope your body is continuing to improve. I have no real words for you, Debbie. I hope you feel the infinite hugs coming your way.xx

    • dgkaye

      Thanks so much for your well wishes dear Erica. Currently, my husband is in hospital now. The hits keep coming. I will update later in the week. Thanks for your kind words <3

  • Ellie Marrandette

    Debbie, how you must feel like Job right now. One thing after another falling on your shoulders,( yeah and in more ways than one from what I read.) Praise God you are a strong woman and know this too shall eventually pass – (which sure doesn’t help right now, though.) I hope you have a good comedy you can watch and a funny book to read for laughter is the best medicine right now. If nothing else, journal all these frustrating feelings for they’ll make a wonderful novel some day. Love and blessings for strength to endure <3

  • Liesbet

    Oh Debby! I’m so sorry to read about the continued decline of your husband’s health. It’s so tough to watch older family members struggle more and more with things they could do easily before. It’s even tougher when that family member is your husband. I can totally imagine that you want your pre-Covid life back for more reasons than one. The feeling to know that won’t happen is awful. But, the human race is resilient and we adjust and adapt. Or we try…

    I learned at a relative young age that you shouldn’t take things for granted. Like you write, things can change in a split second. Since you read my book, you know what I’m talking about. After Mark got sick, nothing would ever be the same anymore. Mentally and physically, and almost every day, there are still struggles and consequences because of that episode. Having beloved people die suddenly also instills that feeling that life can change in a snap. You better enjoy it while you can…

    Sending you and hubby hugs and strength across borders.

    • dgkaye

      You’re such a sweetie. Thanks Liesbet. I know exactly what you mean about Mark’s illness, you know my husband had the same thing 11 years ago, There are always side-effects after those treatments. But like we always say together when we talk about the good old days and for a moment hubby will mention a regret and I remind him that at least he’s alive, then he confirms that and we laugh. It is no doubt there would be some emotional hurdles you will experience. If you want to ask me anything, you know my email. <3 xx

  • Deborah Jay

    Oh Deb, I’d really like it if there was an ‘unlike’ button 🙁
    I’m so sorry to read about your situation – I know it’s a bit different because he’s your hub, but the things you are dealing with are what I dealt with for the last ten years of caring for my parents. I had to call the paramedics on more than one occassion to lift him, he was far too heavy for one person alone, let alone little old me. And I also feel for you with that realisation that things can never go back to the way they were – that’s one of the hardest pills to swallow, and I, for one, resent it.
    Lockdown has drastically changed life for so many people, we are going to be in entirely different circumstances when we do, eventually, come out of it. My sh** time doesn’t come anywhere near yours – if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to vent to, I’m always here, even an ocean away.
    Take care of yourself, and no more beating your body up, please.

    • dgkaye

      Deb, thanks for your kind words and concern. Things are getting worse. I’ve been documenting the week-long journey of discoveries while Hub has been in hospital for 8 days now in Covid times, making everything extra difficult. There will be no happy ending at the end of this nightmare I’m living. Funny you know, I think every grief is taken differently for each individual. The grief I felt losing my father, or a best friend years ago is immeaurable to the that of a spouse or child. I’m in and out and pushing my limits with Covid rampant, but I perservere. And thanks for the shoulder. Something tells me that by the end of next week I may take you up on it. Hugs for caring <3

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