Words We Carry
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 12 January 2021
Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2021
Words We Carry by D. G. Kaye
D. G. Kaye shares the true story of her growth from a child with poor self-esteem into a confident woman who changed her thinking, took responsibility for her relationships, and discovered happiness. Though she shares her personal experiences, many of her observations are common to other women, and there are lessons to be gleaned from her advice.
The book is divided into two sections: Appearance and Relationships. The focus of the appearance section is on boosting self-esteem by paying attention to physical appearance. It isn’t about being beautiful, but about feeling beautiful and investing energy into clothes, shoes, hair, and makeup that enhance a woman’s strengths and make her feel attractive. Chronic lazy dressers like me may not relate to Kaye’s love of shoes and big hair, but there’s a lot of humor in this section that kept me smiling.
Section Two, Relationships, was the most meaningful to me as it opened a discussion of the deeper issues that contribute to low self-esteem, as well as the vicious cycles that can lead to isolation, depression, and abuse. The author maintains that healthy self-esteem is essential to healthy relationships of all kinds. She provides strategies for evaluating relationships honestly, changing patterns, and taking control of choices.
Words We Carry is part memoir/part self-help. Recommended for women who are struggling with feelings of low self-esteem and want to make a positive change in their relationships and lives.
It is my belief that every woman on the planet should read this non-fiction inspirational story that reveals the negative self-esteem experiences that many if not all women encounter during various incidents throughout their lives, and the consequences of those experiences often begin in early childhood.
D.G. Kaye writes with empathy, compassion, and a plethora of knowledge using her own experiences to help other women understand the importance of realizing their sense of self that is intimately associated with our self-worth. Self-worth is not a vanity and it not excessive pride. It is how we access our own sense of being, of who we are.
The author, D.G. Kaye, writes with a warmhearted conversational style that beautifully eliminates dogma and in effect the judging of us, by us, and others for what we may perceive as a failure to have fallen victim to ridicule, to embarrassment, and instead we begin to believe in our personalities and our value in the world.
Our society often appears to judge women by our appearance: a cultural sense of what beauty is, a person’s station in life, and least but not last – money. If as a child we experienced being bullied, laughed at, ignored, and ridiculed, our self-worth without a positive, loving alternative from your parents, grandparents, and siblings—is damaged and our chances of feeling unlovable, inadequate, and homely take root in our psyche. A psyche that is damaged presents difficulties in our self-expression, our personalities, and our ability to thrive in the world without a sense of inadequacy. This sense of inadequacy leaves us open to being further damaged by others.
D.G. Kaye, the author, encourages us, helps us to understand, and presents a rationale that can and does present a newer, healthier view of ourselves as well as to develop healthier relationships. Once we rid ourselves of negativity, jealousy, envy, and that awful feeling of inadequacy; our inner personalities, our joy of life, and a sense of inner happiness will begin to shine.
D.G. Kaye’s inspirational non-fiction for women is the best of its kind that I have ever read, and a must read for all women. I give this book a 5-star rating.
Reviewed in the United States on January 10, 2020
I wish I’d read this insightful narrative many years ago. Anyone who’ll read D.G. Kaye’s story, I believe, would find something about herself. The kind and “talking with a friend” narrative—not lecturing but a friendly conversation heart-to-heart with us, her readers—prompted me to reflect on myself and admit that there is still a lot of work to do on the way to a happy, self-esteemed person.
Though not a joyous subject, the author tactfully leads the reader to ruminate about herself from the positive point of view. What a wonderful way to learn how not to judge and not to deprecate yourself!
What inspired me—and I trust every single word of the author—is that she tells her own story. Surviving the difficult, denigrating experiences of her childhood and young adult years, she had found a way to restore herself for a happy life. Even more, making it a mission to help her friends and us who got lucky to come across this amazing book.
Would I have a daughter, this book would be my present for her 14th birthday.
I can’t recommend Words We Carry highly enough.
Reviewed in the United States on January 24, 2020
Books like this can easily descend into either the mawkish/self-obsessed or become hectoring. Ms. Kaye – writing in a charming and engaging style – walks the tightrope between these extremes well. Many folks, especially ladies, will find this an invaluable addition to their library.
“Take ownership of yourself and your feelings.”
I purchased this book months ago, and for whatever reason, let it languish in the dusty corners of my Kindle. What a mistake! My eyes have been opened…
D. G. Kaye bares her soul by sharing some of the experiences she endured as a child and onward into her adult years, at the hands of a narcissistic mother. It’s all there, in excruciating detail, the shaming and the harmful words used to inflict pain resulting in the author’s low self-esteem.
“Many factors contribute to the complexities we experience throughout our lives, all of which aid in shaping our self-perception. We tend to carry baggage from our wounded egos—from the slights, injustices, and teasing of our pasts—which, when harbored internally, can fester into a damaged soul.”
Needless to say, I can relate to her experiences from my own upbringing. I immediately felt an empathetic connection to the author as a person, and that is where this author excels in her writing. By sharing her experiences, she appears to have found the formula for how to deal with her own issues head on!
Words We Carry is jam-packed full of sound “girlfriend” advice for those of us who are ready to change our perceptions. In fact, D. G. Kaye suggests that we learn to “become uplifted and inspired by positive people instead of clinging to negative people who will suck us dry of energy and, in the process, take us down with them.”
Real change is brought about when we learn to deal with ridicule and rejection. The author stresses an attitude of “self-love,” something we all need a healthy dose of at least once a day.
I didn’t feel like this was a “self-help” book, instead, I found this book to be more inspirational in nature. It gave me hope that I can learn to let go of the hurt from my own past.
This is the third book I’ve read by D. G. Kaye. The author touches a chord in me every time. ❤
Character Believability: 5
Flow and Pace: 5
Reader Engagement: 5
Reader Enrichment: 5
Reader Enjoyment: 5
Overall Rate: 5 out of 5 STARS
Words We Carry: Essays of Obsession and Self-Esteem
Once in a while you come across a book that really speaks to you. Reading ‘Words We Carry’ by D. G. Kaye was like having friends over for coffee and revealing our innermost secrets or speaking to your mentor about life and how to make it better. The author, who has natural psychology opened my eyes and made me ponder why I react the way I do to certain things or certain people. I enjoyed author, D.G. Kaye’s writing style––so friendly and warm. This book is well written and is easily one that can change someone’s life.
I recommend this book to anyone who ever felt insecure, self-conscious or inadequate. An easy 5 star read.
This would make a wonderful women’s book club read! There is so much material in “Words We Carry” that women will relate to, and want to weigh-in on. Physical beauty vs. inner beauty, self acceptance, fashion, make up, relationships and how they all converge to create a positive self image and overall lifestyle.
D. G. Kaye shares her childhood and early adult experiences that shaped her self esteem. She also shares many ways to improve self esteem for anyone who has gone through a tough childhood or devastating relationships. She courageously bares all to help the reader understand that confidence and self esteem are within our own control. I give this a solid 5 stars and highly recommend for women young or old.
Top customer reviews
March 7, 2018
A combination of self-reflection and growth with useful tips for those with and without issues of self-esteem. As a man, I felt as though I were entering the inner sanctum of women’s lives. A revealing adventure into a world unknown to me–despite decades of marriage. While I can’t fully appreciate the problems and perspectives D.G. Kaye addresses, I have had glimpses from other of her works, as well as those of others. Not to mention those relationships I’ve had. But this takes me much further into another world of mystery.
All that said, it’s a good book for men to read to better understand the women in their lives and what they go through. For women, I expect that they will readily identify with the feelings and challenges Kaye has encountered and conquered. Take a test drive, looking inside the book and you’ll probably agree.
As a writer, I have immense respect for fellow writers who share their personal journeys and challenges with the sole intent to help ease the burdens of others. In Words We Carry: Essays of Obsession and Self-Esteem, Author D.G. Kaye not only shares her very personal journey to self-worth, she does so with an enlightened, grateful heart. Personally, I loved Kaye’s candid, engaging, and often times humourous writing style. This is an incredibly personal read and one that offers guided hope and encourages self-reflection.
Our lives are shaped by our experiences; every encounter, every moment holds the capacity to build us or break us. Our resiliency to endure and overcome, in large part, correlates with how we see ourselves, how we value our self-worth. Kaye doesn’t profess to be an expert on this topic; the value of this book lies in the authentic approach in which she shares her personal journey. Our self-esteem and personal acceptance are intrinsic to a life of fulfillment, a life of joy. Our ability to celebrate our unique qualities and embrace our imperfections is not a simple endeavour, but it is possible. Amazing things transpire from this inner peace, and this memoir is a testament to that truth. Daye brilliantly shares her journey to self-love, her tenacious spirit shines bright, her words are an offering of hope for those who may be struggling to chart their own course. Her approach is genuine, her encouragement sincere. She is in your corner! A highly recommended high-star read!
This book was gifted to me by the author without any expectation or recompense for reviewing. The views are entirely my own.
Words We Carry is packed with the accumulated knowledge, wisdom, survival tips and strategies from someone who went through difficult and unhappy childhood and teen years.
I think it is fair to say that most of us are less than confident about our body shape, and that is particularly tough when you can no longer use the excuse of puppy fat, and your friends are heading out in slinky black dresses and high-heeled shoes.
Unfortunately, not all mothers are born with the nurturing gene and as soon as you become competition, there is an opportunity to reinforce your lack of self-esteem with carefully chosen and cutting words. I would like to think that the experiences that D.G. Kaye describes were rare, but I am afraid that after counselling women on their health and weight for twenty years, the story is very familiar.
Those harmful words from those who are supposed to love us, are the ones we carry throughout our lifetime, unless we can find a way to dilute their power and replace them with affirmations of a much more positive nature.
D.G. Kaye describes her strategies to claim her own identity, build her self-esteem and evolve from the ugly duckling that she had been made to feel she was, into a swan. This involved a makeover in a number of departments, including wearing high heels at all times and over every terrain, and standing out from the crowd with her now signature titian hair colour. She also developed a healthy, outgoing personality and independence that led her to discover groups of people who accepted and embraced her as a friend.
In the second section of the book Kaye looks at the impact this early negative conditioning had on her relationships, including romances with older men whose different approach to dating and expectations provided a more secure environment. Unfortunately, having entered one serious and long-term relationship, echoes of the verbal abuse that she received as a child and teenager, threatened to undo all the hard work that she had accomplished. Thankfully she went on to find happiness and empowerment with someone who appreciates all that she has become.
Kaye looks at issues such as the difference between Alone vs. Lonely, Negativity and Self-Worth, Forming Healthier Relationships, and importantly Exposing our Personality Through the Internet. All the chapters provide commonsense strategies to overcome a lack of self-confidence, and I do think that women and men in their 50s and 60s, will definitely be able to draw parallels to Kaye’s own experiences.
Whilst I recommend this memoir/self-help book to men and women of my age, I also think that it should be read by all mothers whose daughters are heading into their teens and beyond. It might just remind them of how fragile their child is when about to face the outside world, and that there are enough external challenges to be overcome, without encountering them in the place they should feel safe.
It is also a book for young women who are struggling with weight issues and those who feel that they are not as attractive as their friends, or who feel that they are somehow going through something never experienced before.
There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. By reading this they might take strength in knowing that this is an age old problem, and that they can change the narrative and write their own story.
The dysfunctional childhood suffered by author D.G Kaye has left her with great insight into the human condition, which she writes about with much accumulated wisdom in her inspirational non-fiction book ‘Words We Carry’. We read how parents, teachers, and events in our childhood shape the adults that we become. I suffered quite a few similar events in my own childhood that the author did, and found the whole book excellent and eerily uncanny to my own life experiences.
Ms Kaye believes, just as I do, that we should put on a smile, think positive thoughts, and dress to please ourselves and not others. It doesn’t matter if we are not blessed with outward beauty, a happy and friendly demeanour will shine through and attract new friends. Beauty is as beauty does; nobody gets pleasure from being around a miserable complainer, even though they may be the best looking person for miles around.
By the time the reader reaches the last page, they would have the recipe in their hands to give their self-esteem a huge boost. Over the years I have learned to feel comfortable in my own skin, just like the author had to, and to ignore or walk away from people whose only aim in life was to make disparaging comments in order to make me feel bad about myself.
I received this book in a free promotion, but I will definitely read it again. Thoroughly recommended!
‘Words We Carry’ by D.G. Kaye is a brilliant memoir about building self-worth, learning to love yourself, understanding your inner voice and coming to terms with whatever life offers. We have to face negative experiences at various stages of life, some in the form of negative people we meet and others in the form of words that at hurled at us by bullies. Those words keep hurting even when we grow up unless we address them to put them in their perspective. Kaye shares her own struggle with those words and how she rooted them out of her psyche.
Insecurities and fears are an imperative part of growing up. Often we try to deny them, brush them under the carpet and put up a brave front. Hidden fears manifest themselves by eating into our self-esteem. Kaye talks about them candidly and shares how she confronted them to drop the unnecessary baggage that was saddled on her by her own mother, whose beauty intimidated her as a child and a teenager. Self-analysis and determination to shake off her inadequacies, developing a positive attitude and learning to appreciate her capabilities strengthened her resolve to reach a benchmark that she had set for herself.
It was her best friend Zan, who pulled her out of the emotional traumas and acquainted her with her real beauty, her benevolence and her confidence. This book would never lose its relevance and is appropriate even for adolescents who encounter all those issues that Kaye discusses in a conversational style. The section on relationships is extremely enlightening. Citing her personal examples, D.G. discusses how certain people could be toxic and why they should be shunned. Her insights are inspiring, her obsession with shoes hilarious and her resilience worth emulating.
Some of you will find this book comforting, and a few of you will find it just what the doctor ordered. But it is not for everyone.
You probably won’t be able to relate if you are one of the lucky few whose parents supported your every endeavor, who were never bullied or at the receiving end of a few catty comments that echo still, who began living the life of your dreams and tripped over the perfect relationship the moment you left your parent’s house, or who always found yourself in the center of “the IN crowd.”
FOR EVERYONE ELSE, this is an uplifting, positively focused quick read that is more like a conversation with a supportive big sister. The “girlfriend” conversational tone is one of the book’s charms. Using “open-faced sandwich” examples from her own life in a series of shorter essays organized in sections, the author shares her own insecurities and how she overcame them, disclosing many of her own challenges with the process of developing self-esteem herself. Many with her history might not have been able to do so, struggling still.
‘Words’ would be helpful to anyone of any age with a similar background (and most females still struggling to make peace with their real or imagined “flaws”), but I especially want to encourage younger women to give it a read. It is likely to save you a few years of “relationship mistakes” and second-guessing as you work through the many issues common to most of us. Perhaps it will help you avoid some of the heartache that accompanies those years when we SO much want to be “popular” and think we would be if we were taller/shorter/thinner/blonder – whatever-er!!
Follow the author’s journey as she takes us through what it took for her to work through her own “flaws” and negative emotions and come out the other side, whole, happily married to a wonderful man for many years now, and extremely productive.
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
ADD/EFD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
“It takes a village to transform a world!”
Madelyn Griffith -Haynie – ADD Coach http://www.addandsomuchmore.com
“Words . . .” is a quick read, thanks to your conversational style — I finished it the same evening I finally figured out how to download it to my Kindle. In my opinion, your “girlfriend” tone is one of the book’s greatest strengths.
It would be helpful to anyone of any age with a similar background (and most females still struggling to make peace with their real or imagined “flaws”), but I especially want to encourage younger women to give it a read. Perhaps it will help them avoid some of the heartache that accompanies those years when we SO much want to be “popular” and think we would be if we were taller/shorter/thinner/blonder – whatever-er!!”
by D.G. Kaye (Goodreads Author)
Luna Saint Claire‘s review
Top customer reviews
This is the second book (but certainly not the last) that I have read by Debby Kaye. In “Conflicted Hearts,” the first of her books that I read, I was amazed at the transparency in which she opened her life to readers. That approach proved effective in helping me to connect with her. I took away much from that reading experience, as I did with this one, “Words We Carry.” In WWC, Debby does it again – bares her life. Using excerpts from her childhood, teenage and young adult years, Debby shares some of the hurtful, shaming and neglectful events, words, and situations that led to her early attachment to low self-esteem. She goes a step further in this book by showing how she divorced low self-esteem by pursuing healthy, authentic relationships and by being intentional with her thoughts and actions. This led her to self-worth, self-acceptance and self-love.
Although I do not share Debby’s exact life experiences, I could relate to so many of the circumstances and harmful words she described. Indeed, I would go so far as to say that many women will relate as so many of our (female) issues stem from our physical appearance. Or rather, our “lack of” as compared to super models or in Debby’s case, her outrageously gorgeous mother. Later In life, Debby learned to counter the mother’s impossible beauty standards. How? She states, “Determination and an inquisitive mind are necessary to rid oneself of anxieties and faulty self-perceptions.” This is just one of the gems she shares with readers. There are others such as this one dealing with ridicule and rejection: “Love thyself.” Simple as a statement but powerful when applied to one’s life.
This is a short read but so full of wisdom, encouragement and self-correction that one read is not enough. Be warned, you may find yourself turning to this book time and time again.
I encourage you to take this walk with Debby as she journeys to self-awareness and confidence. I promise you’ll be rewarded as well.
The author candidly shares her feelings over issues of self-esteem and Inadequacy that stemmed from her family life. She opens her heart and pours out the pain and suffering that she had to endure before she found her true self.
She relates her experience with ill-fitted relationships and how she saved herself from being dragged down by their harmful psychological and mental abuse. Everyone at one time can feel the angst that she describes from jealous friends, possessive mates or just selfish and self-centered people that come into one’s life.
She put her best foot forward and overcame depression and rose to the top with a positive attitude, a smile on her face, and a jaunt in her step and self-esteem. Debbie Gies is an inspiration to anyone who feels trapped in their life.
Words We Carry was an inspiring look into the life of this lovely, caring, and resilient woman told through her heart-felt words and sense of humor in the worst of times. I look forward to more insightful books by this talented author.
Writing about her mother who was intimidating and cold, attraction to the wrong guys, attraction to older men and many other themes, D.G.Kaye never fails to hit a nerve and turn her bad experiences into sound advice. I want every young girl to read this and understand the lessons Kaye has learned. Wouldn’t life be much simpler.
I felt often emotional reading this book, identifying with the author and agreeing with so many of her lines. A book very well worth your time.
Ever had that feeling of ‘not being quite good enough’,of ‘never fitting in’, of ‘always being on the outside’? Then please read this book.Words We Carry carries (excuse the pun) words that can hit home with a sudden realisation of why we may sometimes feel that way. I’m not saying that everyone does. And if you don’t then you’re very lucky. But, as far as I’m concerned I shall be grateful to this author forever. D.G.Kaye lays her soul bare and, by doing so, allows the reader to sit back and think; to understand that if anyone’s opinion touches a nerve, however well meant, however innocently said, there could be a reason from the past.
Reading this book gave me a reinforcement of the self-knowledge I knew was in me but… is…was my habit to dismiss because, long ago, that confidence was diminished. I’ll say no more on that. I just wanted to stress how invaluable reading Words We Carry was, for me.
The author’s honesty about her own earlier life; her own feelings of being inadequate, of struggling with self-esteem, allows the reader to do the same. Her empathy and compassion shine throughout the text.
There is no magic wand to wave away past hurts but D.G. Kaye shows how she came to terms with herself and how she moved forward. Her journey helped me to re-evaluate my own life. If the first sentence of my review made you stop and think then I urge you to consider finding a copy of Words We Carry. I thoroughly recommend it.
How to Boost Your Self-Esteem? Read this Book. December 8, 2014
Anyone who has read her previous books knows that you can count on D.G. Kaye to be open and candid and in her own words, “baring my raw self to the world.” Her honesty and transparency makes for a book that allows the reader to relate with the yearnings in all of our hearts and souls to be our true selves.
This is a book that ought to be on parents’ and educators’ to read and re-read list: “…words linger much longer than physical wounds. The damage done to our delicate egos, especially when we’re small, stays with us through the rest of our lives.”
What is comforting is that D.G. offers sound advice on how to repair our damaged egos and take care of our sense of self. She provides concrete examples of her own life and how she conquered her fears. “If we don’t take responsibly for our own choices, we can become ruled by someone else’s power. This results in us giving up pieces of our own identities to satisfy the whims of someone else, leaving us with little self-esteem…Everyone has something beautiful to offer.”
This time around, D.G.Kaye has this beautiful book to offer.
Mourning Has Broken Getting to Mr. Right Missi’s Dating Adventures Mourning Has Broken
A great gift for young girls just moving away or someone … November 30, 2014
It is a journey through this author’s life, describing the effect that words have had on her. And it really makes you think twice. It helps you kind of re-evaluate your own life and agree with a lot of the points she brings up and has you feeling not so alone in your own journey.
D.G. Kaye makes you feel as if you are sitting at her kitchen table, just having a friendly conversation about “life” and experiences we have as women. I wish I’d read “Words We Carry” in my twenties! She makes you think that other people think and feel and have had the same experiences as you. She talks about abuse and red flags, jealousy and lonliness. It is empowering and real and was timely for me, since I just quit a job of ten years and am beginning a new one next week! A great gift for young girls just moving away or someone like me who has already lived a half a century, and am starting a new job! Thumbs up on this one!I am becoming an avid fan of D.G. Kaye books!Can’t wait for the next one.
Another great book by D.G. Kaye….I’m a fan! November 1, 2014