Twenty Years: After “I Do” – Reviews

Reviews:

 

 

Editorial:

“Twenty Years: After “I Do” shows not only newly married couples but also those in the middle of their lives how to navigate companionship challenges and show love and kindness to their partners, handling life together gracefully and in harmony.

Multibook self-help author D.G. Kaye demonstrates, using examples from her own marriage, how to really commit to a relationship – till death do us part.”

 – Doris-Maria Heilmann, 111 Publishing

 

 

Colleen M. Chesebro

August 16, 2018

Format: Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Canadian author, D. G. Kaye has written a heartwarming memoir in “Twenty Years After I Do,” detailing the ups and downs of marriage to an older man. I was eager to read this book because I am married to a man who is older than me by a decade. I wasn’t sure what I’d find, but having read other books by this author, I knew I was in for a treat.

Kaye shares how she met her husband, Gordon, chronicling how he swept her off her feet with his captivating personality, and how he made her laugh. With a sense of intimacy, the writing draws you in, as if you are listening to a good friend. Their connection, a true love story, (so rare these days) was a joy to experience through her words.

This book is a memoir in the real sense of the word, where the author details her relationship with her husband based on her knowledge of his battle with prostate cancer. As time trudges along, and more health issues crop up, this couple finds themselves confronting their mortality head-on. Most people would crumble under the stress of these burdens, but not Kaye. Because of the love that she and Gordon share they discover that they can overcome whatever life throws at them.

What I enjoyed was Kaye’s willingness to share the innermost details of her life experiences so others could learn from her example. There was no glossing over here, and she does tell it like it is. Ultimately, she leads the reader to the conclusion that love and humor conquer all. I’ve taken many of her insights and tucked them away for future reference.

A quick read, “Twenty Years After I Do,” will touch you with warmth and sincerity, as the phrase “…till death do us part…” takes on new meaning.

MY RATING:
Character Believability: 5
Flow and Pace: 5
Reader Engagement: 5
Reader Enrichment: 5
Reader Enjoyment: 5
Overall Rate: 5 out of 5 Stars

 

 

Michelle Clements James

August 8, 2018

Format: Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
on May 20, 2018

Twenty Years: After “I Do” by D.G. Kaye highlights the fact that love can conquer all…only if you understand what is real love. Love is not just passion for each other, laughing or going out together. It is also listening intently, it is being emotionally present in those conversations, it is cleaning the mess of your partner who may get sick just after you marry her. Kaye has shared her personal story of marrying Gordon, who is twenty years older than her but age didn’t deter her from her decision of marrying a man whom she loved. Despite the challenges, love strengthened their relationship in the face of storms of life, taking care of each other in all situations.

This book may be based on the personal experiences of Kaye but it makes an in-depth analysis of marriage, which is not just a commitment that brings blissful joy in the lives of a couple while they are healthy and energetic but also demands care, unconditional love, respect and trust that the partner has to give spontaneously.
In a successful marriage, romantic love morphs into a loving and eternal relationship if we understand that forbearance and patience are as essential as passion and sex. A spouse who can’t pick up your luggage from the carousel or who needs a wheel chair at the airport to board a flight just after 20 years of marriage just needs your smile and support.

Conflicts are natural in a marriage but Kaye illustrates with real situations how she copes with them, giving a message that one has to devise one’s own ways to resolve them. Any married person can feel the connect with the thoughts of D.G. but if you are at the threshold of this new phase of life, you could collect some pearls of wisdom from the experiences that she shares in this book. The last two chapters of the book are heart-wrenching and left me wondering how could mortality be discussed in so many words. Kudos to Kaye for her bravery!

 

on March 26, 2018
D.G. Kaye has given us a very personal account of twenty years of marriage with an older man – the highs and the lows, the joys and the concerns. What I read between the lines is the strength of this couple’s love and commitment to each other, their determination to find the positive in every situation and the joy in every moment. Kaye opens her heart for us all to see and through her process shares wisdom that can be of value to any couple of any age. True love knows no barriers. Thanks for sharing your journey and wisdom, D.G. Kaye.
on January 21, 2018
“Twenty Years After I Do” is a love story, all the more compelling because it is true. Kaye shines a light under the table, exposing those things many of us prefer to keep out of sight. For all of the unpleasant topics in the book, this is not a depressing journey. She doesn’t say that love concours all, but she shows us, through her own life, that it so often does. More accurately, she explains that love will help us face whatever outcome life gives us.
The author is one of the decreasing number of people who understand that marriage is “ti deathl do us part.” Staying together is not optional, it’s not a choice to be made. That choice was made with the speaking of the words, “I Do.” She shows us that love and humor are tools we can use to overcome obstacles we would have thought unsurmountable.
This is a good read. Reading it has made me feel like I’ve made a friend.
on January 3, 2018
Debby Kaye, author, has gotten a well-deserved reputation as a courageous, tell-it-like-it is author who opens her own veins for others to learn and grow through her experiences. Twenty Years After I Do follows her authentic writing path to write the truth about a marriage long after the newness of love and lust and joy have faded. In the author’s experience, marriage can mature into a much deeper experience of love, laughter, longing, and intense devotion if a couple don’t expect or want a ‘young love,’ but instead, work on a marriage that expects longevity and a deep contentment despite what comes with a long marriage: aging, illness, loss (of hearing, agility, libido, etc.). Debby shows how love with a spouse who is much older is worth the challenges. After all, love is ageless.
on January 1, 2018

As I closed the last chapter in D. G. Kaye’s latest book, I felt as though I had just had a conversation with a friend about aging and marriage. In Twenty Years After I Do, Debby reflects on love and changes through the aging process, as her subtitle suggests.

My own husband is slightly younger than I, but I could relate to the author’s personal experience in dealing with her mate’s hearing loss, illness and the challenges of retirement. The author does not sugar coat problems, but readers can expect down-to-earth solutions in this combination memoir/self-help book. Indeed, she affirms, marriage is a like a plant that needs feeding, nurturing, and caring so it will “thrive and continue to bloom.”

Writer Debby advises from a place of deep affection. It is obvious she has married her best friend, one who dubs her variously as Cubby, Cub, and Deb, depending on the circumstances. And yes, couples will fight, she admits, but the partners must learn to fight fair. Her magnanimous nature comes through in this startling statement: “Just because I’m not talking to him doesn’t mean I won’t cook him dinner.” (81)

The author’s early years with a narcissistic mother have left an imprint on all her relationships, including the supreme one with her beloved husband Gordon, twenty years her senior. Yet, in this 108-page book she has translated life lessons from her potentially crippling childhood into the wisdom of happily married life.

Her secret? This author/marriage partner has made a study of her husband, not as a scientific specimen, but as the man she loves body, soul, and spirit.

on December 22, 2017
D.G Kaye bares her innermost thoughts and feelings after 20 years of marriage to her soul mate Gordon, a man 20 years her senior.  Gordon is suffering the effects of ageing and the aftermath of prostate cancer treatment.
The author writes with some candour in this short but informative self-help/memoir of several mindfulness strategies she employs to keep her marriage as fresh as the day she said “I do”.  These strategies can be used by any couple regardless of their ages, and indeed I aim to take a leaf out of this book to aid my own 37 year marriage!
It is a treat to read of the author’s successful marriage, despite her initial doubts (due to Gordon’s age) at the start of the relationship plus many hardships and health scares of both parties along the way.  D.G Kaye and her husband laugh a lot, look after each other, and take heed of their marriage vows.  Many younger couples could learn from this recommended 5 star read.
on December 21, 2017

Are you thinking about getting married? Worried about the future? What happens twenty years later? Most women marry older men when they are younger. Twenty Years: After “I Do explains what you might expect twenty, thirty or forty years later.

Debby G. Kaye writes what I would label as memoirs. Her editor calls this one a self-help book. Deb has a story so compelling that her memoirs work their way into being helpful. She inspires me, not to write my memoirs because I’m not as brave and forthright as she is. However, as an educational consultant, my gut reaction is that her book needs a study guide, and I’m just the person to write it.

Are you married or thinking about getting married to an older man? Maybe not, but if you are married for very long, you will be married to an older man whether you set out to do that or not. D.G. Kaye points out some authentic problems in Twenty Years: After “I Do that you are going to encounter when your husband reaches his 60s or 70s. Probably if you thought about all of them in your 20s, it would paralyze you, and you would never get married. However, as she points out, you think you are invincible when you are that age, and you just jump in. Yet, many people jump into marriages in their later years. They will face these problems without as many years of understanding of their partner.

If you read this book, you will learn how Debby managed to “navigate companionship challenges and show love and kindness to her partner, handling life together gracefully and in harmony.” Some of the hard challenges she shares must have been excruciating to write. What happens when or if wee willy wimps? How do you talk about death, burial, wills? Does your partner have grown children? They certainly play more of a part in your relationship than you might expect since they are out of the home.

This is the perfect gift for the holidays. It’s an easy read with lots of good advice.
Twenty Years: After “I Do”: Reflections on Love and Changes Through AgingTwenty Years: After “I Do”: Reflections on Love and Changes Through AgingTwenty Years: After “I Do”: Reflections on Love and Changes Through Aging

on December 13, 2017
This book is very accurately described in the long title: It is a reflection on one specific relationship that lasted over 20 years with many challenges, which mostly stem from an age gap and health issues. This book touched me especially since I recently got married and – like the author – live with a long -term partner with many health issues.
What Kaye does with bravour is opening up about the problems encountered and how she and her partner have mastered them. Sensitive, humorous and with plenty of heart-felt love for her partner the book addresses important issues and I think many of us can learn from Debby, admire her choices and identify with the moments where she admittedly struggled.
Above this, the book is a wonderful homage to her husband, a love story, triumph of love over obstacles and a lovely anniversary gift to her husband.
Having read many of Kaye’s other books I’m pleased I found this memoir that uncovered some unknown or lesser known aspects of her life as writer and wife.
I’m sure this will find a large audience as the relationship advice given is relevant for other couples, too.
Thanks for sharing these wonderful reflections and insights.
on December 9, 2017
Although Twenty Years: After I Do focuses on growing old with a partner who is much older than herself, D.G. Kaye’s message is ageless as she tackles the issues of health, finance, mortality and children with clarity, authenticity and her usual grace.
D.G. Kaye is known for her ability to tell it like it is. There’s no sugar coating here although there is a lot of tenderness, affection, kind heartedness and insight drawn from her life experiences.
The book is an easy and enjoyable read. But make no mistake; it is by no means frivolous or meaningless. The book is filled with insights regarding the author’s reflections on keeping the flames of a relationship alive.
Sure, it’s not always easy, as she points out. Her and her husband do have disagreements, as all couples do, but their commitment to each other in sickness and in health, till death do us part and even after is a model for anyone to follow.
Carol Balawyder

My review for Twenty Years After “I Do”

The emphasis on partnership is present throughout D.G. Kaye’s story of her 20 year marriage to Gordon. Whilst it is clear, that theirs was a wonderful love affair from the beginning, she does not flinch from describing the various aspects of their relationship in a very forthright and honest way.

Their relationship is a May/September love affair that was put to the test from very shortly after their marriage. Despite the nearly 20 years age difference, it was Kaye who suffered a near fatal medical emergency, which brought home the fact, it is not necessarily the older partner, who will be the first to suffer ill health.

The book does highlight that in a relationship where there is a significant age difference, issues arise that might not for a couple the same age. Having children for example, or the dynamics in a relationship after retirement  and natural aging; reversing the traditional roles, as one becomes more dependent on the other.

D.G. Kaye allows us an intimate view into her marriage, encouraging us to look at our own relationships, appreciate how they have triumphed over challenges over the years, and to celebrate the love that endures.

I certainly recommend the book for those who are about to embark on a relationship, whatever the age difference. In this modern day and age, when the pressures on couples and families are ever present, it is very useful to be offered the experience and guidance from someone who has successfully navigated their way through those same obstacles.

 

Guy Wheatley

January 21, 2018

Format: Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Marian Beaman

January 1, 2018

Format: Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

As I closed the last chapter in D. G. Kaye’s latest book, I felt as though I had just had a conversation with a friend about aging and marriage. In Twenty Years After I Do, Debby reflects on love and changes through the aging process, as her subtitle suggests.

My own husband is slightly younger than I, but I could relate to the author’s personal experience in dealing with her mate’s hearing loss, illness and the challenges of retirement. The author does not sugar coat problems, but readers can expect down-to-earth solutions in this combination memoir/self-help book. Indeed, she affirms, marriage is a like a plant that needs feeding, nurturing, and caring so it will “thrive and continue to bloom.”

Writer Debby advises from a place of deep affection. It is obvious she has married her best friend, one who dubs her variously as Cubby, Cub, and Deb, depending on the circumstances. And yes, couples will fight, she admits, but the partners must learn to fight fair. Her magnanimous nature comes through in this startling statement: “Just because I’m not talking to him doesn’t mean I won’t cook him dinner.” (81)

The author’s early years with a narcissistic mother have left an imprint on all her relationships, including the supreme one with her beloved husband Gordon, twenty years her senior. Yet, in this 108-page book she has translated life lessons from her potentially crippling childhood into the wisdom of happily married life.

Her secret? This author/marriage partner has made a study of her husband, not as a scientific specimen, but as the man she loves body, soul, and spirit.

P. Wight

January 3, 2018

Format: Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

Top customer reviews

Marsha Ingrao

December 21, 2017

Format: Kindle Edition

Are you thinking about getting married? Worried about the future? What happens twenty years later? Most women marry older men when they are younger. Twenty Years: After “I Do explains what you might expect twenty, thirty or forty years later.

Debby G. Kaye writes what I would label as memoirs. Her editor calls this one a self-help book. Deb has a story so compelling that her memoirs work their way into being helpful. She inspires me, not to write my memoirs because I’m not as brave and forthright as she is. However, as an educational consultant, my gut reaction is that her book needs a study guide, and I’m just the person to write it.

Are you married or thinking about getting married to an older man? Maybe not, but if you are married for very long, you will be married to an older man whether you set out to do that or not. D.G. Kaye points out some authentic problems in Twenty Years: After “I Do that you are going to encounter when your husband reaches his 60s or 70s. Probably if you thought about all of them in your 20s, it would paralyze you, and you would never get married. However, as she points out, you think you are invincible when you are that age, and you just jump in. Yet, many people jump into marriages in their later years. They will face these problems without as many years of understanding of their partner.

If you read this book, you will learn how Debby managed to “navigate companionship challenges and show love and kindness to her partner, handling life together gracefully and in harmony.” Some of the hard challenges she shares must have been excruciating to write. What happens when or if wee willy wimps? How do you talk about death, burial, wills? Does your partner have grown children? They certainly play more of a part in your relationship than you might expect since they are out of the home.

This is the perfect gift for the holidays. It’s an easy read with lots of good advice.
Twenty Years: After “I Do”: Reflections on Love and Changes Through AgingTwenty Years: After “I Do”: Reflections on Love and Changes Through AgingTwenty Years: After “I Do”: Reflections on Love and Changes Through Aging

Carol Balawyder

December 8, 2017

Format: Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

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