“Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation” – Kahlil Gibran
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This week’s post is an acknowledgment to the third anniversary of my husband’s passing this past Sunday April 7th. That day wasn’t any easier than any past years, in fact, because I keep my husband close in my heart and talk to him daily, I still feel his presence around me daily just as though he is still here with me. Because he is.
I talk to him all the time. He hears me, this I know. I’m not crazy, I’m spiritual and I feel spirit. I’ve long since given up second-guessing myself, asking myself if every sign and moment I sense spirit is just wishful thinking, accepting what I feel as real and not imagined.
A medium I went to see last summer told me how she saw my husband, and relayed messages from him to me. Messages that may have made no sense to her, but I understood the language, personal things that only he and I would share with each other and understand.
I talk to my husband all the time, especially when I have a dilemma – large or small. He was always my best sounding board, and still from the other realm where he now resides, he always sends help. My magical husband seems to beckon to my call when I can’t perform a simple task, or when looking for something I’ve misplaced. Somehow it always works out, just as it always did when I relied on him here. There have been so many of those moments to even speak of, but with each time he is there in my time of confusion or need, problems are magically solved. Too many times to believe otherwise. All I have to do when I’m at my wit’s end of solving, finding or fixing something is look up and say, “Hun, please intervene here and give me a hand or a clue” and miraculously, dilemma solved.
Now, I don’t expect everyone to understand or even believe this continuing connection I have with my husband, and I do believe there are a host of elements attached to these uncanny gifts I receive from him, elements that many aren’t privileged to receive, but I have the gift of being clairsentient, being able to feel when spirit is around, and being able to identify who that spirit is. Also there’s the fact that my husband and I were twin flames together on earth. We were velcroed at the hip spiritually and often physically together whether physically together at a moment or not. We knew each other’s thoughts without speaking. We were each other’s biggest cheerleaders and both of us would have gone to the ends of the earth to make one another happy. We were beyond the realm of the physical on earth, so it is no surprise to me why our connection continues. And I am very grateful for that because it helps me get by daily knowing my husband is still with me in spirit. I’m not sure I could function otherwise.
Energy never dies, hence the soul never dies, which makes it clear to me how my husband remains in my orbit even from another dimension. He has proven it to me so many times over. We were a true love story and love never ends, hence, never will grief. The more we loved, the more we will grieve. I can attest to this. Grief is just pent up love with nowhere to go.
One of my favorite mediums I listen to is Matt Fraser, as he talks about the connections we on earth still share with lost loved ones on the other side. I find comfort in listening to someone who understands much of what I experience. Truthfully, I feel that if it weren’t for this continued connection I am gifted to still have with my husband, I don’t know how I could continue living if I were to believe my husband’s death was the final end of us. I know in my heart it is definitely him pulling me along this journey, guiding me to where I need to be along the way to where my next path leads. He remains my guide while he knows I’m still in limbo going through the motions of life, not yet knowing where I’m going, walking in baby steps with many pauses along the way. Just as I know that as much as he will never leave my side, one day he will know when I’m strong enough for him to let go of my hand when I find the new path my life is supposed to take and once again learn to walk steadily on my own. And still, he will remain by my side. I take comfort in knowing this.
I brought some new ornaments to his grave (shrine maybe?). Doing these things makes me feel better.
The Bite – I Love You to the Moon
I love you to the depths of my soul.
When you asked me to marry you, my heart held all the joy in the world.
Yet, the fear of the future and concern about how I’d deal if I were to lose you because of our age difference, frightened me to my core.
I weighed the odds and decided that another love like ours could never be.
I hugged you in true laughter, and said yes, but I made you promise me at least twenty years.
What a fool I was, short-changing myself and not asking for thirty or more.
Your promise gave me twenty-two,
That fateful fear that’d haunted the corners of my mind, came back to bite.
No number of years would have ever been enough to have to let you go.
I love you now, still, and forever.
I love you forever into the beyond.
God gifted me you, but only on loan. Because he wanted you back.
I had to give back the most precious part of life, honoring the bargain.
You were my lesson on love.
I tasted true unconditional love,
A gift that many have been denied the privilege.
You’re a gift that will blanket my heart for the rest of my days.
I love you.
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And from the wise words of one of my favorite compassionate poets, Donna Ashworth, whose poetry speaks always of one who wears the badge of loss, and seems to sum up that unexplicable connection that remains long after loss, from her book, Loss:
“Maybe people don’t want to stop grieving…
Maybe they are terrified, that the grief they feel is the last thing they have left of their person.
That if they move on from this grief, they will lose the final connection, the only tie.
Maybe people feel united with their loved one,
in the realm just outside our reality.
United in pain and loss.
Banished to a parallel universe where they can both exist together, still together.
Maybe that’s just too precious to move on from . . .”
Donna Ashworth
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©DGKaye2024
DGKayewriter.com 