In my Life Lessons 101 series at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine this week, I’m sharing my article here on – Dating Now and Then.
Welcome back to my Life 101 series. You can find the first post in the series Kindness Matters
Dating Now and Then
Today I’m talking about the potentially scary world of digital dating compared to the pre-digital era. Maybe it’s because I spend much of my waking life online, so I know how intimidated I would feel to ever think of dating someone I only know through online. Not to say that I am at all interested in dating anyone at this time – or as far as my inner eye can see, but the conversation is still quite worthy of having.
Dating isn’t as easy as it was when I was younger, the days when we got dressed proper and went out with friends, be it clubbing or disco-ing, out for a gathering, a friendly sports competition or just for an ice-cream or coffee. So much of that lifestyle has dissipated into Netflix, takeout food or delivery, gaming, and in my case, nowhere to really go to meet anyone with my same interests.
Life was more personal back when – no cell phones or texts or emails – just face-to-face conversations and phone numbers exchanged. People went out and met other people in person. Working from home wasn’t yet a thing. And quite frankly, much of my own dating life was very busy interacting with colleagues at jobs I worked at, places we all spent much of our waking hours with together. Alas, not everyone met a romantic interest at their jobs, but it just seemed back in the era, pre cell phones and computers, life was just simpler in many ways, and social interaction, face-to-face was a huge part of the way we met people and invited them into our lives.
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If we physically went on a date with someone, we could see who they actually were, in the flesh. We could learn from their conversations – or lack of them, or if we either admired or disliked qualities in that person. Their body language also reveals things about them. One cannot get any of that by meeting someone online, primarily because sadly, often in the scammy world we live in, how are we to trust a total stranger who could type anything they want or put up any photo and say it is them, and not leave us skeptical about who we are really talking to?
Nowadays, how easy is it to meet someone? Many of the men I dated when younger, I met at my jobs. That’s how many people meet. Or met. Now, with so many working from home, is it even harder to meet someone? Not to mention the many who are at jobs and in their ‘free’ moments seem to be appendaged to their phones. And dating, or getting to know someone, by text, isn’t enough to give me any sense of trust of the person’s personality, mood, or quite frankly, their intelligence. For me, eye contact is a big teller of much about a person. I’m a staunch believer in ‘the eyes are the windows of the soul’. Personally speaking, I don’t enjoy texting at all. I find its value in quick messaging as in – meet up times, appointment reminders, but certainly not in deep conversations or for getting to know somebody.
I spend too much time online and have a huge mistrust for even thinking of joining a dating site (which is furthest from my mind), but just sayin’, what if I was? So where can people go to meet other people without feeling as though they’re being set up or potentially scammed? I’ve thought of this question many times, especially when speaking with my single friends. And the only thing that makes sense to me as a good alternative is to join a club or hobby doing something we like to do and there we will meet like-minded souls who enjoy same things. Where better to go than where we can share an interest with someone else?
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What is it we enjoy doing – outside of the home in social surroundings? Hobby? Singing in a choir, volunteering for an organization that we support? Joining a gym? Join groups that may be online but offer in person trips and/or get togethers? As long as we are joining a group of like-minded people in the flesh, better than virtually, we will be among others who share our same passions. . . please read read the conclusion at Sally’s Smorgasbord.
©DGKaye2024
DGKayewriter.com 
I certainly sense your hesitation about the dating game nowadays. As you mention, it seems scary and fraught with unknowns. Your conclusion registers with me: “. . . the only thing that makes sense to me as a good alternative is to join a club or hobby doing something we like to do and there we will meet like-minded souls who enjoy same things.”
Brava for tackling this topic, Debby! :-D
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Thanks so much Marian. There are and were many avenues to connect pre and after the digital world took over. 🙂
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Thanks for boosting the post Debby…certainly had people adding their thoughts on the modern dating scene…seems not many are keen to join in! ♥
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Thanks Sal. Seems I’m talking to the right crowd here. 🙂 ❤
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A great post, Debby. I think many of us feel the same about this, and nothing beats personal contact, no matter how much we enjoy our online friends (especially fellow bloggers)! Enjoy the rest of the week!
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Thanks so much Olga. There’s nothing like the real thing! 🙂 Happy rest of the week my friend. ❤
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Your points are all on point. My grandkids have the manners and social skills of a fire hydrant. Nice kids, but jeez. My guess about how and where arranged “dates” take place is like how wise Craig’s List transaction go off – a meet in broad daylight, in the police sub-station parking lot or a well lit public place. From what I can glean teens rarely go out on one-on-one dates, they go out in clusters and do “meet ups.” Strange world…
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You said it Phil, It’s a strange world. We’re entering the Jetson era. 🙂
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A great article, Debby – I’m hopping over to Sally’s now
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Thanks so much for hopping over Toni xx
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I’m just glad not to be in the world of dating these days, Debbie🌹🙏🏼
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You’re not kidding Cindy! Aren’t you on vacay? 🙂 ❤
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Rumor has it GenZ-ers don’t even want to meet dates in person because there’s no way to delete a comment, or backspace and correct what they said. Their words are out there! What a world.
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OMG, did you just make that up, or did you really hear this? Because that is so very sad. 😦
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No–absolutely heard it. There’s sense to it, but I do confess, I don’t hang around too many of them.
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That is both sad and scary. 😦
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I think your idea of joining a club or group of people who share the same interests as you do is the best, Debby. I’ve known a few people who found ‘their person’ online, but I’d feel hesitant, too. I like your words in the comment above that I couldn’t help but see, “We’re entering the Jetson era.” I remember The Jetson’s! So true, and I feel old sometimes when I reminisce about past decades, a simpler way of living, even though I love my laptop and phone. I could live without them if I had to. Great post. xo
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Hi Lauren. Thanks so much. And I had to chuckle that you got my ‘Jetsons’ intent, lol. And yes, some people do connect online, but I suppose my post is more geared to ours and the last generation. The younger generation are in their own world. ❤
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❤️🌺
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I can’t imagine digital dating and not being able to see their eyes and understand them. Not that I can imagine dating again, but you have good suggestions to get back out there, Debby. Xo
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Thanks Denise. I have no intentions to date. But I know if I did, it certainly wouldn’t be online. ❤
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Thanks for an interesting post, girls. Oh, how different it was way back when…Being a regular dancer (ballroom and jazz-jiving you should have seen me move then… (maybe not!), I met lots of ‘young men.’ My Youth Club put on dances and there were Jazz clubs around in the late 40s/50s and the music from the States was fabulous. Most of my dates were spent either dancing, seeing a film, walking (who had cars then?!) or frequenting cafes for coffee and snacks. Apart from one or two ‘fast’ boys…most were more polite then, except one boss (twice as old as me) who tried to do unspeakable things to me in the broom cupboard. I left his employ. Luckily, my special beau – met at a jazz session – was polite, funny and good-looking. He spared my feet, and we celebrated our 71st wedding anniversary in February this year. I have watched too many US detective, scam/murder programmes to have ever been tempted to chance on-line dating!
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Hello lovely Joy. Thank you so much for popping by and sharing your wonderful social stories with us from a time when human interaction was everything. No doubts you were a fire cracker – because you still are! And God bless you and Eric on your 71 years of wedded bliss and humor. ❤ xox
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Great post as it reflects what I think very well. In the wake of my husband’s death, and it’s been one year and eight months, I find myself more isolated than ever. Many of my married friends walked away, maybe they fear I’m going to try to steal their husbands or my presence reminds them of what’s waiting for them right in the corner? I find it extremely hard to meet and make new friends. Going out is great but I work and my free time also needs to accommodate chores and self-care. I dread online attempts at meeting people and have watched my share of documentaries about online scams involving romance and also friendship. It’s a tough world out there for those of us, widowed.
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Hi Alessandra. Thanks for dropping by and adding your thoughts here. I’m sorry for your loss. I lost the love of my life 3 years and 1 month ago, and it still feels like yesterday. I too feel isolated, and surprisingly from what I gather in online grief groups, we are not alone being abandoned by long time friends – and for me family. I’ve heardthat reasoning from some – the husband snatchers, as though that’s exactly what’s on our minds. Crazy! I do think that could be a thing, but more so I feel it’s because many don’t know how to deal with grievers. They are lost for words, while others don’t want a third wheel around, and those who just don’t know how to be with someone who has lost their spouse. I’ve talked about some of these things in my podcasts, which I have to get back to doing. It is a tough world, and not a good world right now. I talk to my husband all the time and tell him he left me alone in an uncertain world. ❤
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Yes I also got the sense from grief groups online that a social rearrangement happens to most, after a significant loss. A lady in a YouTube video who lost her child said “ I feel like I’ve been transported to the moon, all alone”. That sums it up. However, a few people who used to be in the outskirts of my life have stepped in and I’m so grateful for their friendship.
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I understand that feeling about living alone on the moon. And tender mercies for those who stick around us. Those are our tribes. 🙂
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You’re so right, the world is different in many ways. It’s funny, though, I met my husband through our workplace over 40 years ago, as did my daughter with her husband about a dozen years ago. My son who is 28 works from home half the week and spends time online with friends. I expect that he’ll meet someone through work or a dating app, but we’ll see. Aside from dating apps, there seems to be fewer options for young people these days. His buddy met his future wife through a dating app, and so far it’s working out for them. Even hobbies are carried out online. Such a different world.
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It is such a different world Debra. And no matter what, there’s nothing like face-to-face interaction. Most of us met our significant others at work or from someone we knew from work or introduced us. 🙂
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I enjoyed this feature, Debby and I’m looking forward to whatever comes next. Hugs. ❤
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Thank you so much Diana. So glad you’re enjoying ❤
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I enjoyed this when you first posted at Sally’s. Such good food for thought.
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Thanks again so much Jan. ❤
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I’m lovin’ this new series, Debby!
So, I went to Sally’s, finished reading and commented there.
Due to losing my baby Jeep cat of 16 years last week, I am more behind than usual.
Grieving for her is a real thing.
Anyway, I’m back to working on my book review.
You use humour, so I’m hoping you are okay with me using humour
Ya know, think I’ll send you a mail in the next couple days with my idea I’m at the AGO all day tomorrow, so Wednesday!
xoxo💖🫶🌹
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Hi Res. Lol, you are so funny. You don’t have to ask me how to write your review because you already have your own flair for writing.
Thanks for hopping over to Sally’s blog, and so glad you’re enjoying the series. And so sorry about the loss of your furry loved one. ❤ Hugs xoxo
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❤ Hugs xoxo (thank you!)
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❤ ❤
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Yes the worst thing about working from home is the unfairness to young people. Happily married with dogs, children and a comfy home, great working from home all or part of the time, but if you are just starting out in life you need real people.
I have no intention of looking for ‘someone’ now I’m widowed. Being single now is totally different from when you are young with no idea what the future holds but hoping ( desperately ) it includes Mr Right.
For any age choose a job where there will be goos numbers of the opposite sex, or which ever orientation you want to meet. Go to places and take up interests you enjoy and meet people without focusing on dating.
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Hi Janet. Thanks for adding your thoughts here. You are so right. The kids growing up in the digital age are the ones who need to learn about human interaction instead of sitting behind digital screens. It’s not healthy on so many fronts. 🙂
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Dating is difficult in our world today for all the reasons you named and more. My sister lost her husband six years ago and she has no interest in trying to forge another relationship but I hope someday she will find someone who will be a companion for her and a loving relationship. We all need to be loved. Great post and you make a lot of good points, especially how hard it is to meet someone when we all work from home. Great series. Hugs, C
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Thanks so much Cheryl. I’m glad you’re enjoying the series. And I know well how it is, like your sister. Honestly, who can say how marriages are going to work in the next 20 – 50 years with kids growing up in anti social digital age. Crazy times! Hugs xx
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