Sunday Book Review -Love Letters from Montmartre: A Novel by Nicolas Barreau

My Sunday Book Review is for a beautiful and heartfelt book – Love Letters from Montmartre by Nicolas Barreau.

For fans of Nina George, Elena Ferrante, and Valentina Cebeni, a charming, uplifting novel about a man who sets out to fulfil his dead wife’s last wish.
 
Julien Azouly, the famous French writer of beautiful romance novels, has stopped believing in love. When his beloved wife, Hélène, dies at the age of thirty-three, leaving him alone to raise their young son, Arthur, he is so devastated that he loses faith in the happier side of life—and along with that his ability to write.
 
But Hélène was clever. Before her death, she made her husband promise to write her thirty-three letters, one for each year of her life. Six months after the funeral, Julien finds himself standing in the most famous cemetery in Paris, the painful first letter in his hand. Little does he know that something strange—and wonderful—is about to happen.
 
An ode to love, Paris, and joie de vivre, Love Letters from Montmartre brings the reader down narrow streets, past the cozy red bistro on Rue Gabrielle, and all the way to Montmartre cemetery with its beautiful stone angels, where we will discover the truth we all hope to find: that love is real, that miracles can happen and that—most of all—it’s never too late to rediscover your dreams. Empathetic and wise, this is the deeply profound yet very human story of a man who finds love just when he thinks all is lost.

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We are introduced to Julien Azoulay in Montmartre, France as he stands visiting his young wife’s grave with their little boy Arthur. Julian speaks in first person point of view as he tells his story; and the author uses epistolary writing style for Julien’s communication in the thirty-three letters to his wife Helene who had requested he write to her after she dies- one letter for every year of her life.

But it’s been six months now and he can’t bring himself to write anything because he is so broken, but he also has promised a book delivery date for his publisher, which is now already one year late. Julien’s dilemma about writing to his wife – “How do you write to a person you loved more than everything, but who no longer exists?” And with his grief-stricken writer’s block he has nothing in him to write a comedy novel for his publisher.

Julien is drowning in grief and doesn’t see the point of writing letters to his beloved that she will never get to read. But she promised him she will be able to read them, and after he writes them all, something wonderful will happen in his life.

Julien finally asserts himself to write that first letter of heartfelt sadness, filling Helene in on their little boy’s life and how much better his son is adjusting, better than himself, as Arthur is okay knowing his mom is now an angel, despite the many dreams he has of her. Julien feels like the love of his life was ripped from him, and that everything else now in his life feels like pretend. I felt that.

One day while visiting Helene’s grave, Julien meets Sophie who is a sculptor who fixes damaged gravestones. Julien learns a lot about life and death from their coincidental meetings. Julien’s friendship with his wife’s best friend, Catherine, develops too. Catherine has been kind enough to help out with little Arthur, but steeped in her own grief over the loss of her best friend, the two avoid each other until one day when they fall apart with each other and their loneliness catches up with them. In the aftermath, the guilt Julien feels as though he betrayed his wife, leads him into visiting her grave and asking for a sign of forgiveness. Meanwhile, Catherine is harboring secret attraction to Julien.

Julien has been hiding his letters to his wife in a secret opening in her gravestone. One day he visits and goes to add another letter to the secret spot, and finds they’re all gone. Julien becomes consumed with how this could be. In this moment he becomes a believer. “The fact that someone dies doesn’t mean they aren’t here.”

The mystery of the missing letters has Julien wondering who could be taking, reading the letters, and leaving objects of poetry, songs, and love quotes in their place for him to find. Julien keeps busy with his son, his letters and visiting Helene’s grave often. All the while he, and us the readers, are wondering who is taking his letters. Julien doesn’t figure this out until the end of the book.

Through the gifts left to him and some surprising other incidents that occurred in Julien’s life, in between letters, he is learning that he does hunger for love more than he wants to remain a depressed and broken person. And through his time of writing those letters, he met new people, which Helene knew would ultimately bring her Julien happiness once again.

Julien had once seen a beautiful inscription in a slab of stone inscribed with “We will have each other again, like once in May. But until then, I will live and love.” He remembered that epitaph from time to time, and eventually learns how to find peace in that statement.

This quote hit home with me:

Quote: “It feels strange to go everywhere on my own now. And mainly, to leave alone.”

©DGKaye2023

Sunday Book Review – Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen – Grief, Loss and a Path to Healing

Welcome to my Sunday book review. Today I’m reviewing one of the most important books I’ve read yet on grief and loss and a path to healing by Christina Rasmussen – Second Firsts. She received her masters in bereavement in 1998, and as she claims, when she had to live in her own words in 2006 when she lost her own husband at age 35, nothing she learned had prepared her for such loss. She knew her husband’s fate, yet when she lay with him in his final moments of life listening to his last heartbeats, she felt like she had died with him. This is my life! She explains how she came to write this book, questioning herself how she could tell people their hearts would someday mend when she felt her own would never. “Grief takes us into the Waiting Room but our Survivor fear of losing it all again is what keeps us there.” Below, I’d like to share her message to the reader in the beginning of this book:

“I have lived in the shadow of loss-the kind of loss that can paralyze you forever.

I have grieved like a professional mourner-in every waking moment, draining every ounce of my life force.

I died-without leaving my body.

But I came back, and now it’s your turn.

I have learned to remember my past-without living in it.

I am strong, electric, and alive, because I chose to dance, to laugh, to love, and to live again.

I have learned that you can’t re-create the life you once had – you have to reinvent a life for yourself.

And that reinvention is a gift, not a curse.

I believe your future self is a work of art and that science can help you create it.

If you’re lost . . . if you’re gone . . . if you can barely absorb the words on this page . . . I want you to hold this truth in your heart: when it’s your time to go, you won’t wish you had spent more time grieving; you’ll wish you had spent more time living.

That’s why I’m here. And why you are, too. Let’s live like our lives depend on it.”

Blurb:

A widow and therapist explores grief, loss, and our innate resilience in this updated guide, drawing on neuroscience and personal experience to lead the bereaved through the five stages of healing

After studying to become a therapist and crisis intervention counselor—even doing her master’s thesis on the stages of bereavement—Christina Rasmussen thought she understood grief. But it wasn’t until losing her husband to cancer in her early 30s that she truly grasped the depths of sorrow and pain that accompany loss. Using the knowledge she gained while wading through her own grief and reading hundreds of neuroscience books, Rasmussen began to look at experiences in a new way. She realized that grief plunges you into a gap between worlds—the world before loss and the world after loss. She also realized how easy it is to become lost in this gap.

In Second Firsts, Rasmussen walks you through her Life Reentry process to help you break grief’s spiral of pain, so you can stop simply surviving and begin to live again. She shows you that loss can actually be a powerful catalyst to creating a life that is in alignment with your true passions and values. The resilience, strength, and determination that have gotten you through this difficult time are the same characteristics that will help you craft your wonderful new life. Her method, which she has used successfully with thousands of clients, is based on the science of neuroplasticity and focuses on consciously releasing pain in ways that both honor suffering and rewire the brain to change your perception of the world and yourself.

Using practical exercises and stories drawn from her own life and those of her clients, Rasmussen guides you through five stages of healing that help you open up to new possibilities. From acknowledging your fear, to recognizing where you stand now, to taking active steps toward a new life, Rasmussen helps you move past the pain and shows that it’s never too late to step out of the gap and experience life again—as if for the first time.

My 5 Star Review:

This book should be on every griever’s reading list. A raw, compassionate telling begins this book of Rasmussen’s own experience with a great loss precedes the premise of this book, a path to healing through her 5 Stages ‘Reentry Model’ – how to enter back into the world of the living from an abyss of grief and loss and a feeling of loss of our own identity. The author will tell us about ‘the Waiting Room’, a space where us sufferers are stuck between the inseparable past and the unfathomable future, and our ‘invisible losses’. As she states in the beginning of her book, she got her masters degree on bereavement in 1998 and had to live her own words in 2006 when her own husband died, claiming, nothing she’d been taught prepared her for her own grief and loss.

The author tells us that grief makes us question our reality, our safety, and our abilities. “You are more than your loss; you are a whole human being waiting to come back to life.” Rasmussen explains she wrote this book to help us see the light and build a bridge from our past to where we are now. When our identities have been ripped from us through grief and uncertainty and despite our wanting to move forward, we get stuck, and this book will reignite parts of us that have been shattered by loss.

This book is about the five stages of self-guided discovery and reentry process. It teaches us how to use the brain’s ability to rewire itself to help move past fear and sadness that looms over us. “You can live as you grieve.” Teaching us that we can meld our two worlds of grief and living. “Starting over isn’t only about the life you leave behind. It’s about the life that lies ahead of you.”

She speaks at first of the three stages to recover from loss by creating new habits to rewire our brains instead of staying stuck in grief and making it our default mode. Focus on new things to move forward. Loss forces us to leave behind the life we knew and we can’t just push out the old life, so we’re stuck in a gap between two lives – the ‘waiting room’, where we reside while afraid to take steps forward in our new present life because we’re safe in that grief. “It’s not the grief that stops us from starting life over, but fear of losing that life all over again.” Fear keeps us stuck in grief. She teaches us to create a ‘launchpad’, not staying in survival mode for distraction, but to move forward. “Loss can be a launchpad into a new dimension of living.”

Five stages of Reentry 1. Get real – losses are real, grieve and acknowledge and validate your loss and feelings to begin getting real about our new life. Explore and confront our grief, write out our invisible losses. The more we understand our invisible losses (loss of security, support, identity, etc.), the better we leave ‘the waiting room’. Instead of reflecting on our futures, the grieving brain stays locked in the past – the ‘infinite loop of loss’. 2. Plug in – learn to replace fear induced procrastination with action. Reconnecting with life in small steps, ie: going out, making plans, inviting life back into grief. And letting go of what no longer serves us – including relationships. 3. Shift – “When the dream that was, no longer can be, you have to dream a different dream.” She explains how switching ‘Survivor’ thoughts back to the living by getting ready to join back into life, using positive thoughts to overcome the voice of loss. “The goal is to end the habit of repeating thoughts of loss by instead repeating thoughts of life.” How to face the fears that block our happiness. How to shift our thoughts using affirmation and visualization because “Grief creates habits and beliefs in our minds that don’t serve us.” She demonstrates methods to learn to love ourselves again by focusing on people who lift us and our positive attributes and offers us to take ten minutes to visualize us in a brighter future. “Evolution does not take place when our hearts break but when they mend.” Advising us to create a new relationship with ourselves and find a supportive tribe. 4. Discover – she reminds that our ‘Survivor’ self needs to get out of the ‘Waiting Room’ with our false sense of feeling wanting to remain comfortable there and get back into a mindset of connecting with the ‘Thriver’ self that remains within us buried. Relearn how we overcame and triumphed over losses of the past to create a happy future. 5. Reenter Life – Finding your new life, dreaming big, and setting goals. The author instructs us to write out goals we want from our new life, and affirm those aspirations daily, as we get what we focus on. She speaks about the certainty that we will have moments of guilt and betrayal as we venture on to a new life, and possibly a new relationship, reminding that ‘Survivor’ mode will occasionally surface – “Because of your sadness, you have more depths in you to feel joy.” And adds, we also gain the compassion to help mend other’s broken hearts. We are told to create a separate place for the grief and guilt that will occasionally push through and to envision a separate housing unit for those feelings to dwell in. It’s okay to visit there when we need, but we know the way back, and not to stay there. Once we’ve processed our grief, “Reentry doesn’t mean we forget those we once loved or forget our pain. It means we remember how to live.”

Rasmussen concludes by saying some pieces of our old life are now scattered in the universe, never needing to be found again, but tells us our hearts will give birth to new pieces. The new ‘me’ is born from loss, every cell changed in us when our hearts broke.

This book is a most helpful guide to help grievers learn to separate grief from getting on with living, in stages.

Poignant Quotes:

“The heart remembers the past by loving in the present.”

“There are no words to describe the experience of losing someone you love more than life itself. You cannot know the feeling unless you have experienced it.”

“Loss is not something that keeps happening to you; it’s an event.”

“In the midst of his death, I lost my life too…we were both in a place between two worlds.”

“He died on July 21, 2006 at 2:00am. I died with him at 2:01 am.”

“The silence of grief attacks your body.”

“Everything about me changed, and everything about the world around me was altered forever.”

“Why hadn’t the world prepared me for this agony?”

“Mending is the ability to reenter life with a broken heart, while it’s getting fixed.”

©DGKaye2022

#Writing in #Memoir

 

writing memoir

Writing in memoir can be a painful experience. I know how many times I’ve heard this from fellow memoir writers, and I can certainly attest to this.

 

As writers, we all go through the cycle of self-doubt, writers block, frustration, jubilation, and of course, all of our emotions are touched while bringing our characters to life when using some of our own experiences in our stories. There’s no difference in whether our books are factual or fiction because there is much truth in fiction too.

 

Memoir writing brings its own special kind of pain – the pain of having to relive unhappy moments over and over again, not just while we write and conjure up these painful memories, but again in re-writes, revisions, and edits, while we polish our stories. The process becomes similar to going to a therapy session where we bear our raw selves and hurts to a specialist until we can reach some resolution while remembering emotional pain.

 

I know that my writing in memoir takes me back to some dark places in time, and quite often I have to put the pen down, or walk away from the computer for an emotional time out to distance myself from the past abyss of emotional pain.

 

Writing in memoir is writing raw. Not only do we have to relive unpleasant memories to be able to convey our stories, but we’re baring and sharing our souls to the world once published. It takes a lot of guts to write in memoir – to face our demons and share them publicly. So what’s in it for me despite the pain?

 

  • My aim is to help others who can not only relate to my stories, but to offer hope for those who share similar struggles in their own lives and hoping they can take in some encouragement from my own lessons learned and my own resolutions.
  • By the time I’ve finished writing and re-writing, I discover the catharsis in my own revelations. The process becomes similar to one of those long sessions I might have otherwise have had with a therapist who helped me to discover resolution and peace to my inner conflicts.

I came across an interesting quote regarding the pain of writing in memoir.

tell your stories

 

#Women’s #Health Week – Saving your own Life

thank-you-907818_1280

Sally Cronin from www.smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com is doing a wonderful series on Women’s Health and has graciously asked me to contribute one of my health issue stories to her series. Please take note that what happened to me certainly can apply to anyone, not just women.

“Welcome to the second post in the feature today and I am so pleased that author D.G. Kaye accepted my invitation to guest post. She shares her story about a health issue that could have gone unnoticed at great risk to her life.”

 

Connecting the Dots by D.G. Kaye.

It was the tiniest of dots; not much bigger than the size of a pinhead. Most people wouldn’t even have paid it any mind. But I am not most people.

As a girl who has experienced her fair share of health concerns, I made a pact with myself to practice a healthier lifestyle and to become more in-tuned with my body. I wouldn’t categorize myself as a hypochondriac, but because I have been challenged with cervical cancer, glaucoma, and a near fatal diagnosis of Crohn’s disease at the age of forty, my instincts instruct me to pay close attention to any suspicious “red flags” that capture my attention. . . READ MORE by clicking on the link below:

 

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